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Oh, and for God?s sake?

Discussion in 'Emergency Medicine' started by docB, Jan 6, 2003.

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  1. docB

    docB Chronically painful Moderator Emeritus Lifetime Donor 10+ Year Member

    Things I would like to scream at my patients but don?t (usually):

    Don?t tell both your wife and your girlfriend that you?re going to the ER. When they show up at the same time and meet it?s bad for all of us but especially for you.

    Don?t present me with your REAL chief complaint after I?ve signed you out and am leaving the room. If you have genital discharge let me know in your first two sentences.

    Know your meds. Don?t get snippy and tell me to look it up in your chart. IF you?ve ever been to my hospital and IF your chart is on campus and IF the med record people can find it I will not see it for at least 4-6 hours. You are welcome to chill out and wait.

    Don?t tell me that you achieved that rectal foreign body by hanging a lamp naked and you fell off a ladder. If I look stupid enough to believe that do you really want me doing procedures on you?

    Don?t ask me if I can call you with all of your test results and let you know if there is anything to worry about. You came to the EMERGENCY ROOM because you thought you were having an EMERGENCY remember? If you wanted an outpatient workup you should have seen your primary doc.

    Don?t yell at me because the highway patrol took your driver?s license. You can?t imagine how much I have nothing to do with that.
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  3. DrMom

    DrMom Official Mom of SDN Moderator Emeritus 10+ Year Member

    ROFLMAO!!! :laugh: :laugh:

    Did you just get off a bad shift?
  4. edinOH

    edinOH Can I get a work excuse? 7+ Year Member

    Nov 13, 2002
    This is one I learned in the military...

    Don't come into the ED 5 months pregnant WITH YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW when your husband has been deployed for 10 months.

    True story, I was there.
  5. Dr JPH

    Dr JPH Banned Banned 10+ Year Member

    Feb 4, 2000
    What's wrong with this? The wife brings the change of clothes and the insurance card and the girlfriend brings the car around so she can take you home and pamper you.

  6. blackcat

    blackcat Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Nov 25, 2002
    this one i learned in the military
    don't bring your child to the ED with a slight fever and expect me to send a Red Cross Message to your husband's command to bring him home from his 3 mo deployment in Okinawa!!!
    I have lots of those!
  7. edinOH

    edinOH Can I get a work excuse? 7+ Year Member

    Nov 13, 2002

    I saw a few of those as well! One of my favorites was the family of six that pulled up to the ED late one Friday afternoon. Once they were all checked in they told us that they were leaving town for the weekend and wanted to make sure that they weren't all coming down with something. Apparently one of the family members had had a runny nose for a couple of days!

    This is one of the side effects of completely free medical care.
  8. Annette

    Annette gainfully employed Lifetime Donor 10+ Year Member

    Aug 24, 1999
    The Land of Lincoln
    I had a family come into the ED with 6 children for MOSQUITO BITES!!!!! And get this, Mom and Dad named all the children after themselves, so we had Theresa II, III, IV, and V, and Jack II, and III.

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