Oh the sacrifices we make...just another lonely S/O thread

KyussRocks

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Well frankly I'm heart broken, lonely, empty and feeling as low as I've ever felt. This is a venting/whining thread so feel free people; heres my story:

Small town kid(me) raised on the east coast moves to California and meets the most beautiful woman he's ever met(playboy model). After 2 1/2 years of an intense, rather successful, progressive but rocky at some points relationship(not unlike most relationships) we decide that her moving back to the east coast with me for medical school isn't the best for the both of us. We make this decision based on the small off chance of maybe a future. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. Thus we are forced to circumstantially break up, once you put an expiration date on the relationship it adds stress. So it ends with me moving out(we were living together) and attempting to ween ourselves off of one another.

So begins the back and forth and the emotional roller-coaster. In the matter of a day she went from wanting to be in a long distance relationship and having a whirlwind of intense emotions for me to seeing some other guy.

Yes, this was the first serious relationship I've been burned. But straight from her mouth various times she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me...and I can't help not hanging on to these loving words.

So I'm left depressed. I'm seeking some sort of solace or something I haven't heard. Someone tell me something
 

ChubbyChaser

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Where is the playboy mansion??? It would make sense for you to go to school near the playboy mansion while she chills in the pool with that old pervert guy.
 

ChubbyChaser

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On a serious note, she wasnt that great to begin with. Think about it
 
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KyussRocks

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On a serious note, she wasnt that great to begin with. Think about it

Haha thanks, you made me laugh a little...she was great and she always gave me a lot of love and thats the tough part of all this, I no longer get that.

She definitely had issues though...some of them serious alcohol and drug issues which she uses as comfort/coping mechanisms that always caused trouble
 

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Haha thanks, you made me laugh a little...she was great and she always gave me a lot of love and thats the tough part of all this, I no longer get that.

She definitely had issues though...some of them serious alcohol and drug issues which she uses as comfort/coping mechanisms that always caused trouble

was she drawing her arrow pushings correctly though? :)
 

amph119

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ok either you didn't get the joke or I didn't get your response.

sorry that's the kind of mentality I'm in right now, orgo exam tomorrow.
 

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Well frankly I'm heart broken, lonely, empty and feeling as low as I've ever felt. This is a venting/whining thread so feel free people; heres my story:

Small town kid(me) raised on the east coast moves to California and meets the most beautiful woman he's ever met(playboy model). After 2 1/2 years of an intense, rather successful, progressive but rocky at some points relationship(not unlike most relationships) we decide that her moving back to the east coast with me for medical school isn't the best for the both of us. We make this decision based on the small off chance of maybe a future. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. Thus we are forced to circumstantially break up, once you put an expiration date on the relationship it adds stress. So it ends with me moving out(we were living together) and attempting to ween ourselves off of one another.

So begins the back and forth and the emotional roller-coaster. In the matter of a day she went from wanting to be in a long distance relationship and having a whirlwind of intense emotions for me to seeing some other guy.

Yes, this was the first serious relationship I've been burned. But straight from her mouth various times she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me...and I can't help not hanging on to these loving words.

So I'm left depressed. I'm seeking some sort of solace or something I haven't heard. Someone tell me something

if she's already dating someone else then I would say swallow your tears for a few nights and move on.
 

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Perhaps she's dating someone else as part of the "coping mechanism" and not necessarily due to her own "moving on"... Perhaps sitting in a room together for a couple of hours (until the solution is reached) is a way to solve the problem.

All I can say is that if the relationship must end, its best that there be no ambiguity in the terms of how it ends. I mean that its best to stick with the mentality of when its done its done. Based on personal experience, it can be extremely devastating emotionally to hold onto a hope that you'll get back together in the future. Somewhat case-specific, but I just want to put it out there.
 
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KyussRocks

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So in the interest and respect of her and myself I'm not going to post pictures or names.

I guess having no hope whatsoever is a good thing, but for some reason there is still some lingering hope. I want to rid myself of it, but I'm in emotional lala land at the moment.
 

KyussRocks

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Perhaps she's dating someone else as part of the "coping mechanism" and not necessarily due to her own "moving on"... Perhaps sitting in a room together for a couple of hours (until the solution is reached) is a way to solve the problem.

All I can say is that if the relationship must end, its best that there be no ambiguity in the terms of how it ends. I mean that its best to stick with the mentality of when its done its done. Based on personal experience, it can be extremely devastating emotionally to hold onto a hope that you'll get back together in the future. Somewhat case-specific, but I just want to put it out there.

So I think when you really love someone its hard to let go and actually enact this
 

Virgil

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I'm sure this is not the most popular opinion but this is why I believe in dating for marriage. If you give a piece of your heart to every "significant other" you meet (which I tend to do), they'll probably run off with it. By the time you're ready for marriage, you'll have nothing left to give. My $00.02.
 

KyussRocks

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I'm sure this is not the most popular opinion but this is why I believe in dating for marriage. If you give a piece of your heart to every "significant other" you meet (which I tend to do), they'll probably run off with it. By the time you're ready for marriage, you'll have nothing left to give. My $00.02.

You know you really put things into perspective for me with your two cents. I've never really realized it but I do date for marriage... I was dating her for marriage and I think thats what makes this whole thing so difficult. I poured my blood,sweat and too many tears into this whole thing. To have just fizzle away is difficult.

Thanks...I've never really thought I dated for marriage but looking back, I do.

Thanks for these replies guys, its helping
 

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So in the interest and respect of her and myself I'm not going to post pictures or names.

Respect of her? She dropped you like a bowling ball...even worse, a bowling ball with hooker piss....and you have respect for her?

:thumbdown:
 

ChubbyChaser

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Love means jack squat....


According to my very opinionated psych professor, you dont need to love your spouse, you just need to enjoy spending time with them.
 
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searun

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God, I am embarrassed for you. I hate this stuff. Have some pride and get on with your life. This is rediculous. Guys that grovel make me puke.
 

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God, I am embarrassed for you. I hate this stuff. Have some pride and get on with your life. This is rediculous. Guys that grovel make me puke.

Thanks for your input, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired too...if it were that easy I'd move on, but its not
 

ChubbyChaser

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10_tori+praver.jpg

I think this is the only girl that I would grovel over.

If your EX doesnt look atleast this good, then you need to move on.

IF she is this hot, then DAMN BOY
 

searun

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I think this is the only girl that I would grovel over.

If your EX doesnt look atleast this good, then you need to move on.

IF she is this hot, then DAMN BOY

No, it is like crack cocaine, don't do it, or you have lost your soul.
 

Virgil

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You know you really put things into perspective for me with your two cents. I've never really realized it but I do date for marriage... I was dating her for marriage and I think thats what makes this whole thing so difficult. I poured my blood,sweat and too many tears into this whole thing. To have just fizzle away is difficult.

Thanks...I've never really thought I dated for marriage but looking back, I do.

Thanks for these replies guys, its helping
Yeah, but the problem usually arises when she's not dating for marriage. I feel for ya, though. I think the best thing you can do is try to forget about her and move on, and the best way to do that is 1) get rid of everything which reminds you of her and, 2) immerse yourself in other activities. You'll look back and laugh at this before you know it. :)
 

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Yes, but was she dating for marriage?

She was but this is where things get complicated and drawn out:

She didn't want to sacrifice her identity to move across the country with me and eventually end up regretting not pursuing what she wanted in life. What she plans on pursuing isn't offered where i'm going. She said i was the guy she wanted to marry and if we were older, we would be engaged. But we agreed we're far to young (22). She is also very needy and needs attention, something we're afraid i can't offer while pursuing medical school. Especially when i'm being immersed into a whole new community and shes not. She would be moving somewhere, where she didn't know anyone.
 
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KyussRocks

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Ok, then you get a little leeway.


Can I ask you to pm me pics?? haha

sorry, you'll have to take my word for it...i don't really want it to affect either of our personal or professional lives...I promise i'm not trolling or bull****ting
 

Virgil

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She was but this is where things get complicated and drawn out:

She didn't want to sacrifice her identity to move across the country with me and eventually end up regretting not pursuing what she wanted in life. What she plans on pursuing isn't offered where i'm going. She said i was the guy she wanted to marry and if we were older, we would be engaged. But we agreed we're far to young (22). She is also very needy and needs attention, something we're afraid i can't offer while pursuing medical school. Especially when i'm being immersed into a whole new community and shes not. She would be moving somewhere, where she didn't know anyone.
Hey Kyuss, I edited the post you quoted right after you quoted it so feel free to take a look at the edited version.

So she broke up with you for these reasons:

1. Inability to pursue dreams where you're going
2. Too young (the both of yas)
3. You don't have what she needs (time to give her attention)
4. Anxiety in a new place

Break-up reasons 1, 3, and 4 (3 out of 4 reasons) suddenly arose when you suggested she move out of state with you. That leaves number 2: you both agreed that you are too young. Well, if both of you were truly dating for marriage (in other words, you were both ready to settle down and were in search of a spouse, then found each other), age wouldn't be a problem. If it was truly a concern, you both would have waited until you were much older to date.
 

Virgil

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Just to illustrate:

I can easily make the connection that she didn't want to move with you because she was already seeing another guy before she broke up with you. Now think about this for a second...

• "She would be moving somewhere, where she didn't know anyone."

By moving with you, she'd have to leave this other guy she's been seeing. When she realized she can have only one or the other (stay in Cali or leave with you), she chose the former and thus broke up with you.

• "She said i was the guy she wanted to marry and if we were older, we would be engaged."

Sure, you're the guy she would marry but, by her own admission, she's too young for marriage. Right now, she's not looking for a "nice" guy as you seem to be. She's looking for something else. When girls are looking to marry, they look for the nice guys, just like you, who actually have the word "love" as part of their lexicon. Otherwise, they're looking for the stereotypical "tough" guys. There's a huge difference between the guys girls want to marry and the guys they'd like to be with.

I wrote all that out to illustrate that you'll never really know why she broke up with you, if she was "the one," if she really loved you like she said, or why she started dating a guy right after you broke up. The fact is it's not worth your time or stress. If she can rebound like that, she's not worth your time or stress. I'll tell you though, I don't buy the whole coping mechanism thing. If she truly loved you and was utterly devastated by the break-up, the last thing she'd do to cope is date another guy. But what do I know? Maybe she did, maybe she was. I wasn't there. But the point is there's no use lamenting over esoteric things you can't change--you must do your best to move on with your life.
 

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and since she has drug issues, moving cross country can be extra scary - no connections. If she's got issues w/alcohol & drugs, those things can wind up being more important than any relationship, even if she doesn't realize it consciously.

Here. Here's some help getting over her. Just paste this over every pic you have of her. Remember her looking like this. The 'urge' for her will disappear soon enough.
uglygirl.jpg


Now that you're a free man, the opportunities on the East Coast are wide open!
 

al112987

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Well frankly I'm heart broken, lonely, empty and feeling as low as I've ever felt. This is a venting/whining thread so feel free people; heres my story:

Small town kid(me) raised on the east coast moves to California and meets the most beautiful woman he's ever met(playboy model). After 2 1/2 years of an intense, rather successful, progressive but rocky at some points relationship(not unlike most relationships) we decide that her moving back to the east coast with me for medical school isn't the best for the both of us. We make this decision based on the small off chance of maybe a future. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. Thus we are forced to circumstantially break up, once you put an expiration date on the relationship it adds stress. So it ends with me moving out(we were living together) and attempting to ween ourselves off of one another.

So begins the back and forth and the emotional roller-coaster. In the matter of a day she went from wanting to be in a long distance relationship and having a whirlwind of intense emotions for me to seeing some other guy.

Yes, this was the first serious relationship I've been burned. But straight from her mouth various times she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me...and I can't help not hanging on to these loving words.


So I'm left depressed. I'm seeking some sort of solace or something I haven't heard. Someone tell me something

You DO realize that the second you put an "expiration date" on it, its pretty much over.
 

ChubbyChaser

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I feel sorry for you, but if the girl has Drug and Alcohol problems, you shouldnt have stayed with her to begin with. How can you be in a meaningful relationship if she cant even take care of herself?
 

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You know you really put things into perspective for me with your two cents. I've never really realized it but I do date for marriage... I was dating her for marriage and I think thats what makes this whole thing so difficult. I poured my blood,sweat and too many tears into this whole thing. To have just fizzle away is difficult.

Thanks...I've never really thought I dated for marriage but looking back, I do.

Thanks for these replies guys, its helping

If you don't get over her soon, your grades will start hurting. I've seen stuff like this happen to a lot of people, and those who don't try to help themselves end up dropping out and whatnot. I don't see how people can manage relationships, study, and have free time for oneself to keep sane. I mean something has to be suffering from the latter. One thing that will definately help your mental health is exercise. I went from having panic attacks once or twice a week to not having them at all anymore, just because i work out at the gym 4-5 days a week and I eat less "fatty" foods.
 

umz

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Just to illustrate:

I can easily make the connection that she didn't want to move with you because she was already seeing another guy before she broke up with you. Now think about this for a second...

• "She would be moving somewhere, where she didn't know anyone."

By moving with you, she'd have to leave this other guy she's been seeing. When she realized she can have only one or the other (stay in Cali or leave with you), she chose the former and thus broke up with you.

• "She said i was the guy she wanted to marry and if we were older, we would be engaged."

Sure, you're the guy she would marry but, by her own admission, she's too young for marriage. Right now, she's not looking for a "nice" guy as you seem to be. She's looking for something else. When girls are looking to marry, they look for the nice guys, just like you, who actually have the word "love" as part of their lexicon. Otherwise, they're looking for the stereotypical "tough" guys. There's a huge difference between the guys girls want to marry and the guys they'd like to be with.

I wrote all that out to illustrate that you'll never really know why she broke up with you, if she was "the one," if she really loved you like she said, or why she started dating a guy right after you broke up. The fact is it's not worth your time or stress. If she can rebound like that, she's not worth your time or stress. I'll tell you though, I don't buy the whole coping mechanism thing. If she truly loved you and was utterly devastated by the break-up, the last thing she'd do to cope is date another guy. But what do I know? Maybe she did, maybe she was. I wasn't there. But the point is there's no use lamenting over esoteric things you can't change--you must do your best to move on with your life.


You guys are horrible. Just because she doesn't want to COMPLETELY CHANGE HER LIFE and give up all of her own dreams to follow you across the country, does NOT mean she's cheating on you.

And to everyone saying that you shouldn't be dating for marriage if you aren't ready to get married...are you serious? I think that it's very responsible to take your time when deciding to marry someone. 22 is still very young and I think it's good that the OPs girlfriend doesnt want to rush into it. I know personally I have been dating the same person for a few years and I am not sure if we should get married yet. There are several reasons for this. One is that I have my own personal relationship issues that I want to work on more before getting married, for mine AND his sake. It sounds like OPs girlfriend may have some issues that need a little work as well.
 

Virgil

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You guys are horrible. Just because she doesn't want to COMPLETELY CHANGE HER LIFE and give up all of her own dreams to follow you across the country, does NOT mean she's cheating on you.

And to everyone saying that you shouldn't be dating for marriage if you aren't ready to get married...are you serious? I think that it's very responsible to take your time when deciding to marry someone. 22 is still very young and I think it's good that the OPs girlfriend doesnt want to rush into it. I know personally I have been dating the same person for a few years and I am not sure if we should get married yet. There are several reasons for this. One is that I have my own personal relationship issues that I want to work on more before getting married, for mine AND his sake. It sounds like OPs girlfriend may have some issues that need a little work as well.
That's not what I'm saying at all. I posted all that speculation in order to demonstrate that there are probably a million different, plausible scenarios as to why she broke up with him, and as such there is no use worrying over it. He should just focus on moving on with his life as best he can.

We probably have very different, clashing views on marriage and dating but that's ok...it's good to understand and respect varying opinions. When talking about "dating for marriage," I think the confusion arises from different interpretations. By "dating for marriage," I mean that you're settled in your career/emotionally ready or whatever and are finally ready to "take the plunge," so you start looking for a significant other with a clear intention to marry. I think your definition of "dating for marriage" is that you meet someone by chance and date him or her until you decide you love them or not, and if so you decide to hold on to that person until you are both ready to get married. If not, you dump them. When you start dating that person marriage is probably the last thing on your mind...after all, you're 20something years old and you can worry about that at least 5+ years down the road...but wouldn't it be great if that person turned out to be "the one" and you guys got married? Actually, I wouldn't consider that scenario dating for marriage but rather "dating with hope of marriage." As you can see, they are two very different things (different approaches to dating and marriage) and I'm clearly a fan of the former.

In the context of this thread, I don't think the OP was "dating for marriage" but was rather "dating with hope of marriage." In an earlier post, I gave my controversial $0.02 and said that his whole dilemma is a big reason why I personally decided to only "date for marriage" (my interpretation) and NOT "date with hope of marriage" (your interpretation). At any rate, to each his own and I wish you the best of luck in your relationship!! :)
 

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Well frankly I'm heart broken, lonely, empty and feeling as low as I've ever felt. This is a venting/whining thread so feel free people; heres my story:

Small town kid(me) raised on the east coast moves to California and meets the most beautiful woman he's ever met(playboy model). After 2 1/2 years of an intense, rather successful, progressive but rocky at some points relationship(not unlike most relationships) we decide that her moving back to the east coast with me for medical school isn't the best for the both of us. We make this decision based on the small off chance of maybe a future. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. Thus we are forced to circumstantially break up, once you put an expiration date on the relationship it adds stress. So it ends with me moving out(we were living together) and attempting to ween ourselves off of one another.

So begins the back and forth and the emotional roller-coaster. In the matter of a day she went from wanting to be in a long distance relationship and having a whirlwind of intense emotions for me to seeing some other guy.

Yes, this was the first serious relationship I've been burned. But straight from her mouth various times she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me...and I can't help not hanging on to these loving words.

So I'm left depressed. I'm seeking some sort of solace or something I haven't heard. Someone tell me something


I'm sorry that this had to happen and it sucks to affected that much by a break up. I think we can all relate to a time when we got burned or lost our first love. This is me speaking from experience. You will probably go through this back and forth emotional roller coaster for a while 6months, a year, who knows.The distance will help in the process, but this will last as long as you hold on to that hope that there is this future between you two. It's miserable, but you really can't move on until you are ready to, no matter what your friends tell you. (And hopefully she's not so manipulative to give you a reason to hang on, i.e. continue to tell you she wants to marry you.) Once you are completely ready to move on, you'll realize that it's for the better. You gotta go live your life and she's gotta live hers. Don't let her stop you from achieving your goals.
 

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People change, feelings change, everything changes. You'll get over this. Stick two people together long enough ofcoures they will develop feelings and you might think because of this that she is the one for you. But in reality, love is just a game of probability and psychological reinforcement. That's life. I'm not saying you can't love someone forever, but I AM saying you are way too early to make that kind of commitment. You are just starting med school afterall! Think like this and the whole business won't touch you.
 

umz

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That's not what I'm saying at all. I posted all that speculation in order to demonstrate that there are probably a million different, plausible scenarios as to why she broke up with him, and as such there is no use worrying over it. He should just focus on moving on with his life as best he can.

We probably have very different, clashing views on marriage and dating but that's ok...it's good to understand and respect varying opinions. When talking about "dating for marriage," I think the confusion arises from different interpretations. By "dating for marriage," I mean that you're settled in your career/emotionally ready or whatever and are finally ready to "take the plunge," so you start looking for a significant other with a clear intention to marry. I think your definition of "dating for marriage" is that you meet someone by chance and date him or her until you decide you love them or not, and if so you decide to hold on to that person until you are both ready to get married. If not, you dump them. When you start dating that person marriage is probably the last thing on your mind...after all, you're 20something years old and you can worry about that at least 5+ years down the road...but wouldn't it be great if that person turned out to be "the one" and you guys got married? Actually, I wouldn't consider that scenario dating for marriage but rather "dating with hope of marriage." As you can see, they are two very different things (different approaches to dating and marriage) and I'm clearly a fan of the former.

In the context of this thread, I don't think the OP was "dating for marriage" but was rather "dating with hope of marriage." In an earlier post, I gave my controversial $0.02 and said that his whole dilemma is a big reason why I personally decided to only "date for marriage" (my interpretation) and NOT "date with hope of marriage" (your interpretation). At any rate, to each his own and I wish you the best of luck in your relationship!! :)

agreed agreed
 

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why would you want to be with a girl who does not know what she wants to do with her life anyway? You are a doctor (well, you will be), start acting like one!!
 
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