ok, Im reaching out

[MorganTanaka]

i just wanted to check if there is something wrong with me. i feel like i'm going crazy slowly. i sit for hours and hours...days and days and not do anything at all. nothing as in absolutely nothing. i can't even study no matter how hard i try. i feel like a blank wall...like i have no life inside of me. also, when i'm thinking it gets kind of weird. i think about conversations in a transcript form. and then it gets into the really off part. i form a question in my head that someone else would be asking me. (this person is ususally someone i know and have spoken with recently, or will speak with sometime soon.) and then i answer the question that i formed. this all happens inside of my head. but it's not like hearing voices or imagining things. i myself am forming the questions they would ask me. and then in this way somewhat of an imagined conversation is carried out. i am imagining what the other would say, and what i would say back. this doesn't happen all the time...but on average i would say once a day. also, i jog regularly to release built up motions cuz i internalize everything. i had a really bad childhood and wondering if it has caused some type of mental disorder. i'm really worried. i don't want to end up in a psych ward. maybe i should visit a psychiatrist before things get too serious? or am i normal?

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[Ron Mexico]

my bio 101 teacher was a tanaka...i hated that bitch

 

[MorganTanaka]

That was helpful. btw Tanaka is like Smith in Japan.

 

[coco]

i form a question in my head that someone else would be asking me. (this person is ususally someone i know and have spoken with recently, or will speak with sometime soon.) and then i answer the question that i formed. this all happens inside of my head. but it's not like hearing voices or imagining things. i myself am forming the questions they would ask me. and then in this way somewhat of an imagined conversation is carried out. i am imagining what the other would say, and what i would say back. this doesn't happen all the time...

I do that all the time, I always thought it was normal hehe. I've talked to other people who do that too so I don't think it's anything weird! I always have conversations in my head, and they respond, i answer back, they answer again. That's just part of my thinking process...i wouldn't be worried too much.

 

[ShyRem]

Try talking to your doc. You sound depressed.

 

[radioh3ad]

how much bomb do you hit from the roor everyday?

 

[frostynorthwind]

hey, morgantanaka. without knowing you personally or having an extensive background dealing with this type of thing it might be a good idea to talk to a counselor about what you have been going through. most universities and colleges offer some sort of free counseling services for students. it couldn't hurt, especially if it's free!

i sometimes mentally run through different scenarios or conversations as well, but oftentimes, i notice that i feel drained and lifeless after it. something that always helps me is to do something active like going for a run or going to the gym. lately, i've been going out with friends a lot to this tea house that serves awesome bubble tea... which probably isn't the healthiest course of action, but it certainly is tasty! anyway, i suppose what i'm trying to say is that spending time with friends can really help a lot too!

pm if you ever want to talk! otherwise, good luck with everything and i hope things improve!

 

[humuhumu]

I agree with ShyRem -- you sound like you're on the verge of depression. Counseling is a good idea. Don't wait for things to get worse.

Incidentally, what's up with the rather off-putting avatar?

 

[jintonic5]

i just wanted to check if there is something wrong with me. i feel like i'm going crazy slowly. i sit for hours and hours...days and days and not do anything at all. nothing as in absolutely nothing. i can't even study no matter how hard i try. i feel like a blank wall...like i have no life inside of me. also, when i'm thinking it gets kind of weird. i think about conversations in a transcript form. and then it gets into the really off part. i form a question in my head that someone else would be asking me. (this person is ususally someone i know and have spoken with recently, or will speak with sometime soon.) and then i answer the question that i formed. this all happens inside of my head. but it's not like hearing voices or imagining things. i myself am forming the questions they would ask me. and then in this way somewhat of an imagined conversation is carried out. i am imagining what the other would say, and what i would say back. this doesn't happen all the time...but on average i would say once a day. also, i jog regularly to release built up motions cuz i internalize everything. i had a really bad childhood and wondering if it has caused some type of mental disorder. i'm really worried. i don't want to end up in a psych ward. maybe i should visit a psychiatrist before things get too serious? or am i normal?

I'm a huge advocate of taking the time to talk to someone if you feel like things just aren't right. i agree with the previous posters. I know firsthand that there are a lot of stigmas, especially within east asian cultures and societies, against seeking psychiatric help, but there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH IT.

 

[LJDHC05]

My advice...lay off the studying and SDN this weekend and go to the beach or do something fun. Personally when I would get like that, a drinking night with my friends was usually enough to clear out any thing from my mind and kill a few braincells in the process. If jogging doesnt help, head over to the local track and run a long sprint workout...usually that gets anything that's bothering me off of my mind, mostly because i'm on the verge of blacking out. If it's pre-med or MCAT or AMCAS that are getting to you, seriously just put the books down for a bit tonight or tomorrow and remember that med school is not worth the price of your mental health! If you want some help feel free to PM me, I've been through just about every emotion in the book and I can tell you how I deal as a place for you to start.

 

[Will Ferrell]

jogging is good. You should also find a hobby. Fishing? Reading? Something to get your mind off things.

 

[radioh3ad]

to be serious and all...

i went through that stage too. i didnt have a traumatic childhood but had trauma in the family during college years. tried to set it aside when i had time to focus on school. it didnt work for me. you have to get help because no normal person should deal with trauma on their own. most the heros we hear about who toiled through and survived (lance armstrong for example) did it with lots of help.

i would sit in front of my books or computer and daydream for hours. not because i didnt want to study, but because my mind just would not focus on what was the here and now. i would run situations and possible outcomes in my head. dwell on the past and it would just get stuck in an endless loop.

if you find a lack of friends who support you, well there is also professional help (which you should seek out regardless). you can see if your school provides free counseling.

physical activity and other things that distract you from whatever you're dealing with are fine for short term, but eventually you're going to have to deal with those problems in a healing and constructive manner. that might take a lot of time but its better to start now rather than tomorrow. this is from experience.

 

[Ron Mexico]

That was helpful. btw Tanaka is like Smith in Japan.

lady was white tho...married to a white dude too

 

[Mr. Adventure]

i just wanted to check if there is something wrong with me. i feel like i'm going crazy slowly. i sit for hours and hours...days and days and not do anything at all. nothing as in absolutely nothing. i can't even study no matter how hard i try. i feel like a blank wall...like i have no life inside of me. also, when i'm thinking it gets kind of weird. i think about conversations in a transcript form. and then it gets into the really off part. i form a question in my head that someone else would be asking me. (this person is ususally someone i know and have spoken with recently, or will speak with sometime soon.) and then i answer the question that i formed. this all happens inside of my head. but it's not like hearing voices or imagining things. i myself am forming the questions they would ask me. and then in this way somewhat of an imagined conversation is carried out. i am imagining what the other would say, and what i would say back. this doesn't happen all the time...but on average i would say once a day. also, i jog regularly to release built up motions cuz i internalize everything. i had a really bad childhood and wondering if it has caused some type of mental disorder. i'm really worried. i don't want to end up in a psych ward. maybe i should visit a psychiatrist before things get too serious? or am i normal?

First, check the bowl for a red clay looking substance. If you find that it's present, rest assured, the slow lapse in time will pass. Next check for crystals, if present, rest assured, it's the good stuff and this is perfectly normal. Now pass it to me...

Komban Wa

 

[lil pook]

my orders:

1) drink heavily this weekend and/or every night for the next week

2) try to have sex (protected of course!) with the first hot, available woman you see

3) do not, I repeat DO NOT think about anything even remotely academically related for one week

4) think back to when you were young and CAREFREE and be that person again as much as humanly and with as much responsibility as possible (if you get my drift )

5) pretend that you have only one day left to live and do the one thing that you would love most!!!!

 

[lil pook]

to be serious and all...

i went through that stage too. i didnt have a traumatic childhood but had trauma in the family during college years. tried to set it aside when i had time to focus on school. it didnt work for me. you have to get help because no normal person should deal with trauma on their own. most the heros we hear about who toiled through and survived (lance armstrong for example) did it with lots of help.

i would sit in front of my books or computer and daydream for hours. not because i didnt want to study, but because my mind just would not focus on what was the here and now. i would run situations and possible outcomes in my head. dwell on the past and it would just get stuck in an endless loop.

if you find a lack of friends who support you, well there is also professional help (which you should seek out regardless). you can see if your school provides free counseling.

physical activity and other things that distract you from whatever you're dealing with are fine for short term, but eventually you're going to have to deal with those problems in a healing and constructive manner. that might take a lot of time but its better to start now rather than tomorrow. this is from experience.

sound partly like ADHD to me. see a doc and get on some meds.

 

[MorganTanaka]

Thank you all for your responses.

Someone Pm'd me and asked:When you say "nothing as in absolutely nothing" my mind calls up images of shell-shocked soldiers from WWI. Do you really do nothing?"

Yes, I really mean nothing. Nothing as in just sitting around and thinking. But I don't plan to do nothing the whole day. It just happens. And I get mad at myself for wasting so much time, but then the next day I do nothing again. Even if I have tons of things to do. But if there is some impending deadline for anything...like work or school due within the next twelve hours then I don't waste any time. Then I work non-stop until I get whatever done. But that's only max. 12 hours. Then back to doing nothing. So maybe I'm just really lazy? I didn't think I was depressed because I laugh a lot. My friends tell me that I laugh way too easily over pretty much nothing. But that's only if I'm around them. Otherwise, I feel so blah most of the time. Is laughing a good indicator of how depressed you are? Do depressed people still laugh?

"I do that all the time, I always thought it was normal hehe. I've talked to other people who do that too so I don't think it's anything weird! I always have conversations in my head, and they respond, i answer back, they answer again. That's just part of my thinking process...i wouldn't be worried too much"



COCO,You have no idea how much better that made me feel. I seriously thought that only people with problems do that. Like I don't think people would actually admit to dissociating in real life. If someone asked me, I'd probably say no.

Btw, I'm 19. So maybe it is the hormones. Hopefully.

 

[silas2642]

i just wanted to check if there is something wrong with me. i feel like i'm going crazy slowly. i sit for hours and hours...days and days and not do anything at all. nothing as in absolutely nothing. i can't even study no matter how hard i try. i feel like a blank wall...like i have no life inside of me. also, when i'm thinking it gets kind of weird. i think about conversations in a transcript form. and then it gets into the really off part. i form a question in my head that someone else would be asking me. (this person is ususally someone i know and have spoken with recently, or will speak with sometime soon.) and then i answer the question that i formed. this all happens inside of my head. but it's not like hearing voices or imagining things. i myself am forming the questions they would ask me. and then in this way somewhat of an imagined conversation is carried out. i am imagining what the other would say, and what i would say back. this doesn't happen all the time...but on average i would say once a day. also, i jog regularly to release built up motions cuz i internalize everything. i had a really bad childhood and wondering if it has caused some type of mental disorder. i'm really worried. i don't want to end up in a psych ward. maybe i should visit a psychiatrist before things get too serious? or am i normal?

Look man, I've suffered some pretty severe depression and if there's one thing I've learned it's that it's really treatable. It really sounds like you have it, so talk to your pcp or a psychiatrist if you can... it could make all the difference in the world.

 

[MorganTanaka]

Look man, I've suffered some pretty severe depression and if there's one thing I've learned it's that it's really treatable. It really sounds like you have it, so talk to your pcp or a psychiatrist if you can... it could make all the difference in the world.

Thanks for the advice. I'm really stressing out about this, and because I'm stressing out so much I can't study at all. It's a really bad cycle. I don't have to write this year. I'm not feeling ready. I'm taking organic chemistry this summer in addition to working and that takes up a lot of time. And orgo finishes completely at the end of next week so I'll have to be studying for the final exam all of next week because there's so much info to go through, which means I won't be able to study for the MCAT this week at all. Starting Sunday, August 8th is when I'll be done that course completely and free of volunteer commitments. So that's when I'll have the most time study for the MCAT, but that really doesn't give me a lot of time. And I realized that if I retake the Kaplan course, it has to be for the April MCAT (next test date). But that's worrying me because of the six courses/part-time job/EC's. But if I started this summer somewhat, then I figured by April it should be fine if I start putting in decent hours each week at the end of this month and during school in September. I"m kind of leaning towards not writing it this summer. Does that sound like an okay plan? I really don't know if I'm making the right choice or not.

 

[ShyRem]

If I were you:

1. Make an appointment with your doctor regarding some antidepressants.
2. Actually GO to the doctor's appointment (this can be a toughie).
3. Keep studying for ochem (with a study group if possible).
4. DO NOT take the MCAT in August. Take it in April. You can study over winter break.
5. Call your school's counselor for some time to talk about stuff.

If you are prescribed antidepressants, remember antidepressants can take up to 6 weeks to take effect. Don't freak if you aren't feeling better in two days. They're not like antibiotics.

You can't possibly think about taking care of other people until you take care of yourself. You also deserve to give the MCATs and med school application process your very best effort, and it doesn't sound possible at this point. Start with #1-5 above, then reevaluate in 2-3 months.

 

[63768]

go have fun. relax. no internet. no emails. no cell phone. just go chill somewhere. we all need some rest and relaxation sometimes.

 

[prana_md]

I PM'd you with more serious stuff, but here's some stuff you could do this very instant to feel just a little better ...
http://www.yogajournal.com/newtoyoga/864_1.cfm#5
yoga has rocked my world ever since my severe depression a year ago.

 

[crazy_cavalier]

Perhaps you are in "wait" mode. "Wait" mode will deactivate once fall semester begins and you can commence "occupied" mode. Application notifications and incoming interview transmissions will also engage you for some time, if you are currently applying.

Ironically, the emptiness you speak of is the ultimate goal of millions of buddhists who seek the meditation you seem to naturally sink into.

hope everything goes well morgan. best wishes

 

[MorganTanaka]

Anishmy pm option doesn't seem to be working)
Yes, I really am 19. I'm going into my third year in September, so that is why I'm writing the MCAT this August. So really, it's not that early. I might postpone it to next April/August though because I really haven't been able to study much this summer. I got back my second full length and went up a bit to 7-7-9 S but that's only a 23. But I guess the improvement is decent for putting in very little effort so far. Maybe I am too stressed and overwhelmed. I'm a little pressured by family though. The biggest stress though is that I won't get accepted into med school. I personally don't mind doing a master's and applying until I do get in, but I don't think they'd be okay with that. Everything is go-go-go...don't waste time...etc. They'd be really disappointed. So yeah, that's stressing me out majorly. I wish I could just forget about that and just do whatever I want whenever. There is this one master's program that I really want to do but even some of my friends are saying that there's no point if my ultimate goal is medicine. So I don't know. And also, there are some serious family problems to deal with which doesn't help things either. So yeah, stress is an issue.