On being braindead! ;)

[commymommy]

I am so surprised that your rather benign comments were taken to be offensive! As a mother of three, I can testify that I don't even confess to other moms to be a pre-med or have aspirations of medical school for similar reasons.

I grew up believing that as a woman we could do/be anything we set our minds to if we studied/worked hard enough. In a million years I could have never imagined the reaction by other moms for choosing to take a college class. There is definately a divide among women and many are uncomfortable addressing it. But here it is:

If you are a full-time working mom in any profession, you are "bad"...you know the drill..you are neglecting your family, selfishly putting your needs above those of your children..yada yada yada! Never mind the fact that all of these stay-at-home moms with daughters probably are putting money into their daughter's college funds hoping that their own daughters might break out and go to med school :wink:

If you are a part-time working mom, you aren't "serious enough" about either mothering or your profession and are really in limbo land until you "decide" what your priority is.

If you are a full-time SAHM, you can consider that many will think that you didn't choose to stay home...it chose you because you just aren't bright enough to do anything else...Don't believe this? Just try giving up your career to stay at home for awhile....That being said, I have to admit that I'm so overwhelmed with the day to day getting by that I currently try and challenge myself to do small things like...find my keys! I think that choosing to stay at home means that you devote yourself to talking about diapers, children, etc and I know that I even avoid going to mommy and me groups because I don't want to just talk about the color of poop...I want to talk about world politics, etc...at the same time, I'm so exhausted that if there was a great talk about politics, I'd probably just sit and nod! Stay at home moms aren't braindead, they're exhausted...but, quaileggs and others, I still agree with you and your right to feel that way! I understand where that opinion comes from...and I'be been a working mom, part-time working mom and stay-at-home mom. All I can say is that you can find braindead working moms too....

At the end of the day, it isn't worth the confrontation to me....I just choose to stay in the closet!

Kris

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[quaileggs]

I KNEW you'd understand, momofthree. I wish we lived next door to eachother.
Lots of love

 

[Ripley]

Momofthree-

I have been accused(by mothers)of being selfish to my children for pursuing my dream. But the funny thing is...I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY!!! I haven't even gotten married yet for crying out loud. I just don't get some people.

 

[faerichilde]

Quaileggs,
On one hand, I can't say I know where you are coming from...I'm 21 years old and don't plan to have children until I finish my residency, but I can't understand why so many people were offended by your post. From what I read, it seemed like the woman in the store was belittling your dreams, which really bothers me. I don't care if you want to be a doctor or a professional basket weaver, it's no one else's business to assume you aren't serious about it, that it's just a midlife crisis. Maybe it was generalizing to say that your whole community is like that, but no one on this list can pretend to know what your community is like. I did not get the sense at all that you were saying that it isn't as good to be a lifeguard as a doctor and that you were being superior to everyone else.

I have a hard time understanding how many people on this list are so hypersensitive to respecting people who are not on this list, but there are many insulting remarks made to people who are, and they are justified by the fact that the person is just joking or that's just how someone is, but you are a lot more likely to hurt someone who is reading the list then the random person who gets mentioned in a way that's not 100% PC.

Sorry for ranting,
faerichilde

 

[SMW]

I too have found this whole episode astounding. My mom is a SAHM and would totally relate to what Quaileggs and momofthree are saying!!

 

[quake]

Since this is what you guys want I will give it to you:
You gals are awesome and amazing. The world is a better place because of your opinions. I am so happy to belong to a discussion board that is graced by your presence. What would my life be without you? And infact I like your world. In this world you should always defend your friends even if they are wrong. I'm so happy I can rely on you guys to stick by me, should I ever gain the prestige of becoming one of you. Cheers

 

[vixen]

quake, you took the words right outta my mouth. My mom's a single-mom-pediatrician, so don't start bitching to me about how I wouldn't understand. If you guys are proud of what you're doing, then who cares about what other people say...I know, easier said than done, but it seems like most of you know you're doing a good job of being a (mom/premed/medstudent-person)so stop complaining about how others perceive you...just do your thing

 

[quake]

thanks vixen.

 

[racergirl]

Momofthree, that was a fantastic post. Thoughtful, but made me laugh out loud. Talking about the color of poop...Too funny, and too true!

 

[commymommy]

Thanks....

You know, it really IS a tough thing to be a mom and consider med school. Though quake says that you "know you're doing a good job" that really isn't always the case. There are so many pressures on mothers...and we put these pressures on ourselves....sometimes I feel like I'm a failure as a mom if I'm not sewing my children's clothing by hand (after I go out and sheer the sheep and knit the fabric myself! ), etc.

In order to be accepted as a SAHM here (because that is currently what I'm doing), I have to truly pretend that I have no other aspirations or I'm seen as sort of a ...traitor....as if I don't love my children as much or I'm not committed to their well-being.

It's hard believing in yourself when there are so many outside influences telling you that you might not be doing the right thing for your family. I guess a comparison would be if all of your professors kept telling you that you didn't belong in medicine..that you should change majors...you'd start doubting yourself after awhile. When women fail to support each other this same kind of chipping away at the self-esteem happens.

My neighbor is a SAHM who volunteers constantly and leaves her youngest with a sitter to do so. She is one of the most popular, trendsetter moms here...the "Ultimate" stay-at-home mom...but if I leave my children with a sitter to take a class or something, I'm the ultimate bad mom....It is truly confusing!!!

Well, let me go and get some cheese to eat with my whine! :wink: I figured I'd just beat some guy to the punch!



Kris

 

[vixen]

different strokes for different folks. I know you KNOW that not everyone thinks of you as a bad mother for pursuing your dreams...and some would respect you more. Personally,I have more respect for the mom can be a good mom and pursue their goal. There will always be people doubting you, but you have to think for yourself and not worry about what others say

 

[analu]

momofthree, you go girl. Keep your chin up and your dreams alive...if other people have a problem with that, well it's on them, not you.

aloha

p.s. my wife wants to be a SAHM, but not while I'm a SISD!