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Only one II so far, feeling depressed, envious, and down...

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by aspiring20, Sep 4, 2014.

  1. aspiring20

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    I applied to 25+ MD schools (complete everywhere by the end of July), but so far, I've only had one interview invite to a private OOS school. I am grateful for this opportunity, but every time I think about my peers with their 10+ interviews at top 20s and multiple acceptances at places such as UCSF, I feel depressed, and a bit bitter and envious.

    In fact, I am having difficulty sleeping at night, and I frequently wake up in cold sweat after nightmares. My interview is in October, but preparing for it has been very difficult.

    How should I adjust my attitude?
     
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  3. bear2roo

    bear2roo Dr. Kenzō Tenma
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    one is better than none my friend. And jeez it's only September 4rth...

    I also have only one II and I applied to 40 schools
     
  4. Goro

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    Rule #1) Patience is a virtue
    #2) You need a thick skin in this game. Get used to rejection
    #3) The only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself.
    #4) Go seek out your school's counseling center STAT. Talk to your family doctor if needed. Depression is poorly managed on anonymous internet message boards.

     
  5. Person0715

    Person0715 Socially awkward
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    Stop reading SDN! It only makes it worse.
     
  6. aspiring20

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    I am not depressed at all. It is just that...okay, here goes:

    I went to a highly ranked LAC in the northeast, and a lot of my peers every year get into schools such as UCSF, among other top places. The thing is, UCSF is a public CA school that is supposed to support in-state applicants. But most of my peers who have gotten in are OOS applicants! I live in CA, so I am a bit upset about this.

    Also, I live around the SF Bay area (where UCSF is located), and that seems to add insult to injury.
     
  7. JPA178

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    Try having no IIs yet! I'm so jealous that you have even ONE. Every day I compulsively look at my email and nothing. I occasionally struggle with anxiety, too, and honestly - this site only makes it worse.
     
    #6 JPA178, Sep 4, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2014
  8. Heplayer92

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    Sorry to break it to you OP, but there will ALWAYS be people more successful and better than you. There will ALWAYS be people more successful and better than every person on SDN and each and every one of your peers. I understand that comparing yourself to the best can serve as motivation and drive you to success, but you can't let it consume your life (from you having difficulty sleeping and whatnot). Comparing yourself to others will never end. Say you have great success this cycle...and feel good. You will soon find yourself in competition with your medical school classmates for class rank, exam/board scores, and residency positions. IT WILL NEVER END.

    You've obviously had success in your undergraduate years. To even be in the position of apply to medical school AND already having an interview invite in September is a great privilege. Keep your head up. You will become a physician and do great things, just try and enjoy the journey. Good luck!
     
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  9. Alfie99

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    In your first post you said "I feel depressed." Now you're not depressed at all? Which is it? You also said you wake up in cold sweats with nightmares. If this is actually true, than you should talk to someone. Applying for medical school should not make you this depressed and anxious. I promise you it is not the end of the world if you don't get in this year.

    You're not entitled to an acceptance to UCSF because you live near the SF Bay area.
     
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  10. LAtoDavis

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    People "like you" (small LAC, bay area, cough cough) probably wouldn't practice in physician shortage areas here.

    I didn't even get secondaries from my undergrad alma mater (UCLA) or where I'm currently doing a masters (UCD). Meh.
     
    #9 LAtoDavis, Sep 4, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2014
  11. Theseus

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    No interviews for me. Applied to 20 USMD schools. Haven't been punched in the face with a rejection fist either. Once you submit those secondaries, it's not up to you. Grab some beer and just chill out dawg - unless what you say about you being depressed, in which case I don't recommend drinking while feeling depressed.
     
  12. ridethecliche

    ridethecliche Meep Meep Meep
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    Go out and do other fun stuff. It's hard not to get caught up in waiting, but your time is better spent doing other things.

    I work with med students, residents, and fellows. Med students freak about boards and residency, residents freak about fellowship, fellows freak about jobs.

    It never ends. This is what you're signing up for. Figure out how to manage it now, I can't imagine you don't have other things to do.

    Go work out, read, pick up a hobby. Seriously, you're allowed to invest in your sanity.
     
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  13. Bovary

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    No one this cycle has any acceptances so you can't tell me you're looking at peers who do.
     
  14. 10Acious

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    Honestly, I can relate to your feeling. I have had my own circumstances as well. It's hard not to feel down when you let the application season reflect your self worth.

    The best thing you can do is to start practicing gratitude for the things you already have-- family, friends, privileges... and in this case, an interview invite! I've always been grateful for the many opportunities that I have been given but not truly deeply, reflectively grateful. Only recently I have started practicing this in a deep manner for even the small things that bring joy into my life. The key is to not hold out your gratitude for only big things-- like an interview invite or whatnot.

    I know it is difficult because I have struggled with this myself. But we have to try an be grateful for the small things also. Then you start feeling happier and exude more positive energy. Positive energy given out attracts positive people, circumstance, and outcomes into your life. It's like a catch 22, but to feel happy you need to be happy. The way you accomplish this is by being consciously grateful for the things you already have. Then more good things will come! For me, this has already started working it's magic in the way I feel about everyday life and the positive things that have already come into my life. I hope it will help you too.
     
  15. TheLionheart

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    Just remember that something like 50,000 (ish) students are applying nationwide. Do you think all 50,000 are reporting their every secondary, II, rejection, and acceptance here on SDN? No. Not even remotely close. What you see here is a very small sample size relative to the larger pool, and so you're under the impression that tons of people are swimming in IIs. This is not the case, the distribution is just skewed here. I have a lot of friends who are applying this cycle, people I consider quality applicants, and they haven't received their first interview yet. As other people have said, it's the first week of September, absolutely no reason to panic yet.
     
  16. hoihaie

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    I feel ya, 40+ schools with only 1 II so far
     
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  17. 10Acious

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    How did you complete 40 secondaries?!
     
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  18. hoihaie

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    painfully, my dear... painfully.
     
  19. ridethecliche

    ridethecliche Meep Meep Meep
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    I thought I was the only one doing those many. I applied to 45.
     
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  20. Zelda840

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    Along the lines of the poster upthread who mentioned being grateful, the best advice I can give is to go out and be productive and help people. Organize a food drive, go stock some shelves at a habitat for humanity store, serve food at the open door mission.....anything. The more I volunteer, the more I realize that it isn't really the work proving that you're altruistic. If you're not completely devoid of any compassion, it WILL change your perspective. I'm a reapplicant this cycle, and last cycle was devastating for me. I came back a little bitter. I'm pretty poor and I was jealous of everyone who had the money for books and mcat prep and tutors, etc. I felt cheated that I had to do it all on my own, etc. But then I go and I serve food to people who literally have nothing and there is no other option but to get over yourself. I totally understand that this is a place to vent and I'm not trying to give you a lecture about how you shouldn't feel any certain way. I'm telling you that you will genuinely feel better if you go help someone in need.
     
  21. aspiring20

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    Thanks everyone for your kind words.

    It has been a while since I graduated from college, and I've sat through multiple cycles seeing my classmates get in and starting their medical careers. Now that it's my turn, I am frustrated that I've only had a lukewarm start so far.
     
  22. BeancheBlanco

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    If you get into one school, it doesn't matter if you interviewed at 50 others. All you can do right now is make sure you get into that school you are interviewing at. Plus, there's still PLENTY of time left.
     
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  23. bjb305

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    Stay positive! I got one interview my first 2 times applying and didn't get in. Then I did a masters program, finally got in and matched at my number one radiology residency at a top institution. I am thankful for not initially getting in because it taught me a lot about myself and gave me time to experience the real world. Everything will work out in the end even if it doesn't seem so right now. I wish you the best of luck and I still remember how stressful the process was for me 8 years ago
     
  24. ThisCouldBeYou

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    It's not just the numbers of applicants, but that each applicant is applying to so. many. schools. Of the 5 who shared here, they sent out over 170 applications! Crazy system. That's why this process takes so very long. The schools may cull down some, but the juggling doesn't stop until some time next year.
     
  25. Big_Burd

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    The career we are all willingly choosing gets more competitive at each level. If you do not know how to manage your stress and anxiety at this stage, you need to have some serious reflection and work on it ASAP, and ask yourself the question that many of us never take the time to ask -- is it worth it?

    @Heplayer92 must be an extremely well-rounded individual who will become an incredible physician one day.
     
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  26. ftp902

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    I would like to hear how people think about my perspective about this cycle.

    We all know that this year has been a year of early completion and many schools (including BU) specifically mentioned that they have received many applications very early in the cycle. In addition, I see that many schools are extending interviews for December and even January right now. Then, can I still say that it is still early in the cycle? I feel like September this year is comparable to October or even November from the past cycles.
     
    #25 ftp902, Sep 4, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2014
  27. bluemachine

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    pleaseee. there are so many people (including me) that would kill to have an II right now. i know that it sucks that there are others who are doing better (but there will always be). this could be a tough pill to swallow, but if you continue to live and judge your happiness and self-worth by comparing yourself to others, life is gonna be one rough difficult road to travel on
     
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  28. mehc012

    mehc012 Big Damn Hero
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    Hey now - that's not necessary. You don't know OP's background at all.

    I went to a small LAC in NE and currently live in the Bay area, and yet the only reason I was able to do so was because those are exactly the schools which offer generous enough scholarships to make higher education possible for those who would otherwise be unable to pay. I get what you were trying to say, but...be careful with generalizations, especially on minimal evidence.
     
  29. Dohnut

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    Change your mentality. It's you trying to get in so why envy and give a crap what other people are doing?


    I got a feeling you're a traditional applicant.
     
  30. Mad Jack

    Mad Jack Critically Caring
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    That entitlement, omg...
     
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  31. LAtoDavis

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    My comment wasn't mean spirited. It was implying that public California schools are trying to address physician shortages, and that people "like you" typically don't help the state's problems. We have too many specialists in the Bay Area, LA, etc, and coddled Brandeis grads from Menlo Park, Hillsborough, and so on aren't forming a line out of the door for primary care in the Central Valley or the Inland Empire.

    Also, I know the son of the Dean of UCSF's SOM, people that have gone there for graduate and professional degrees in nursing, etc, and I even got into a biomed master's there and was planning to go until I visited. To put it mildly: the tone at that school can be pretentious, and they're not going to be blown away by the OP's undergrad prestige factor, lol. That's a joke.

    I don't want to seem like a jerk or anything, but seriously. All I'll say is that entitled attitudes don't translate to relating with people that work at Walmart, are on federal/state assistance, and so on. We're not better than other people because we've pursued medical educations. Worse, maybe. But not better, and certainly not entitled.
     
    #30 LAtoDavis, Sep 5, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2014
  32. mehc012

    mehc012 Big Damn Hero
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    My point was that you don't know enough about OP (or myself) to discuss what anyone 'like them' would do.
     
  33. LAtoDavis

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    I know people that would kill to have an allopathic II, a diploma from an expensive East Coast school, and an SF address... but the OP is whining about not getting an II from UCSF of all places :sour: Uhh... no, there's no truth in what you're trying to disprove, here.
     
    #32 LAtoDavis, Sep 5, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2014
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  34. dedicated1989

    dedicated1989 officially gonna be a doctor!!!!
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    there are a few people I work with who have interviews at our only in state school. I have not heard anything yet….

    patience is a virtue, GO OUTSIDE!
     
  35. hoihaie

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    alas, most importantly, be a penguin
     
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  36. mehc012

    mehc012 Big Damn Hero
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    First of all, OP recognized that there were some issues with their attitude and was asking how to adjust it.

    Second, having one II is very different from one acceptance...it is not a guarantee, there is still a very real chance of OP not succeeding this cycle. That may change as more IIs come in or an acceptance finally does, but it's not ridiculous to not be all 'I am a lucky butterfly because I have this II' because an II by itself is not success.

    Third, OP is upset at not having any IS advantage at their IS school. That's not an uncommon complaint of CA students, not by a long shot. The fact that their IS happens to be UCSF is part of the problem. They didn't pick it because of the notoriety, they picked it as an example because they live there.

    Finally, most of those expensive east coast schools, while difficult to get into, have great financial aid and are actually better for a low-income student to go to than even a public IS school. When I chose my undergrad, it was BY FAR more financially responsible to go to the LAC in NE with a $55k+ annual tuition than it was for me to stay where I was, live with my parents for free room and board, and go to the public IS school with both need-based and a large merit-based scholarship. Wasn't even a close contest. And yeah, SF is desirable to many people (for what reason I cannot fathom, after living here 2yrs, but that's beside the point)...but that also makes it a very expensive place to live. None of the things you cited in any way proves that OP is particularly well off or advantaged. Making a list of random nice things OP has going for them is meaningless and no, doesn't prove that they're more entitled than the usual. I'm sure there are many people in the world who would kill for the advantages you've had in life, yet you're whining about an internet forum post. Does that make you insanely entitled?
     
  37. VictorAlpha

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    it's way easier to say than to do but think longer term. If you really want it, you'll get there. I don't know if this is your first time applying but it is not unusual for people to apply more than once. Hopefully you get more interviews or get in at the school that already granted you one, but keep perspective. There are a lot of variables to an application and A LOT of people apply; if you keep the mindset that you will just keep hammering away at this, believe me you have nothing at all to worry about...you'll get there. It'd be nice to breeze in but that may not be your journey (if it is, then you have some luck on your side and be grateful). Take any energy you have and direct it toward bolstering your application. make that your focus until you are holding an acceptance letter.
     
  38. CCxTeam

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  39. LAtoDavis

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    I hear you on the second and third points. Trust me on that. I also dislike UCSF's admissions policies for the same reasons as the OP. But here's the thing: the taxpayers aren't at a loss. It's other states that are, believe it or not. A lot of medical students educated at public schools in states like Oregon, Arizona, Vermont, etc come here for residency and practice along with tons of IMGs. What this does is give schools like UCSF a lot of leverage. The other UCs try to compensate for vacant practice spots in places like rural Northern CA, the Central Valley, etc with URM admissions, PRIME programs, etc etc; that's why I said what I did to the OP, above.

    And I will apologize for coming off as rude. But, try rolling on over to UC Berkeley with your Swarthmore shirt and private school sheen sometime. For every one person that looks like you, there are 20 hungry, nerdy looking science majors with 33+ 3.6+ scores/grades ready to rob you blind for volunteer and research spots. It's not Colgate college here, bro.
     
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  40. mehc012

    mehc012 Big Damn Hero
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    What the hell are you even talking about anymore?
    I do roll over to UC Berkeley, I take classes there occasionally during my postbacc. I have no idea what you're talking about with my 'sheen' and the whole 'looks like you' bit...my point is that you have NO IDEA how I look, or what I do, or what my background is, even from what I've told you on these boards. Hell, you don't even know what gender I am, unless you typically call chicks 'bro'...not that I care, really, but it does demonstrate how much of the image you are constructing for me and for OP is based on assumption. And you have no idea about OP either, except that they are frustrated at CAs lack of IS options, went to a small LAC in NE, and live near SF.

    This isn't about the merits of UCSF's admissions policies, taxpayers, or anything of the sort. It's about the fact that you are making some massive generalizations based on almost zero evidence.
     
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  41. LAtoDavis

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    Almost 4000 posts on a premedical forum and you're doing the uc Berkeley postbac? I rest my case.

    I tried to tell you.
     
  42. mehc012

    mehc012 Big Damn Hero
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    And since I went down that road, @LAtoDavis , I have been on welfare, free school lunch, worked in fast food, and worked while in school. And yet OP's initial description (went to a small LAC in NE, lives in the Bay area currently) happens to fit me.
    So, no, I haven't worked at Walmart specifically, as you reference, but 'people like me' certainly do and have. Furthermore, ironically, growing up poor has made me far less likely to choose a primary care specialty, because as far as I was concerned growing up, doctors are for emergencies only and primary care visits were a waste of money we didn't have. I cannot imagine going into that practice myself because I have never personally seen the benefits.

    Jeez, all I was saying was don't generalize. Your statement
    was not based on OP's attitude, the specific views expressed in this thread, or anything of the sort, so let's not pretend you were responding to the whole 'why did UCSF not invite me yet' bit. You very specifically cited their school and their geographic location as the reasons for your judgement of their personality and background, and all I was trying to say was that this was not enough basis for the generalizations you made. Your implication was far closer to 'all people who go to LACs are rich snobs' than 'UCSF is not trying to meet the state needs' in the original statement, and THAT implication was the one I was responding to.
     
  43. mehc012

    mehc012 Big Damn Hero
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    I'm not doing the UC Berkeley postbacc. I am doing a DIY postbacc which occasionally takes me up to Berkeley. And I have no idea what relevance that has to anything discussed here.
     
  44. LAtoDavis

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    It means you need to lighten up. Give me a hug, snoochy boochy?
     
    #43 LAtoDavis, Sep 5, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2014
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  45. mehc012

    mehc012 Big Damn Hero
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    Eww, no.
    Good job on the whole 'not generalizing' thing, though...I talk too much and I'm doing a postbacc, so I proved your point? :confused:
    Maybe that would make more sense to me if I had ever actually understood your point. Instead I'm just confused. All I asked was to be careful with generalizations and somehow we got into CA taxpayers, my post history, Walmart, and my 'sheen' at UC Berkeley. Yet somehow I'm the one being overly serious :rolleyes:

    I give up. Another one for the 'Ignore' list.
     
  46. LAtoDavis

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    I tried to give you a brief schooling on what's going on in the UC system. This state is changing, and you're living on another planet if you think you're owed an II from ucsf or any other uc, for that matter.
     
  47. mehc012

    mehc012 Big Damn Hero
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    I didn't ask for a brief schooling on what was going on the UC system. I don't care what's going on in the UC system. I just pointed out that you were making a huge generalization based solely on OP's location and alma mater.
    What is or isn't happening in the UC system is irrelevant.
    If you want to talk about OP's seeming sense of being owed an II from UCD, talk about that...don't talk about 'people like OP'(small LAC, lives in SF cough cough). You'll note that I didn't say jack to anyone else who was having a fit about OP's words, because they actually focused on what was wrong with OP's words, rather than which school they attended.
     
  48. LAtoDavis

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    Like I said, you need to chill. Marinate, maybe. Chillinate?
     
  49. mehc012

    mehc012 Big Damn Hero
    5+ Year Member

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    Thanks for your advice on my personality and emotions. I will of course accord them the utmost priority and completely overhaul all future actions and interactions to better suit your fancies.

    If, in return, you would consider maybe not presuming that you know everything about somebody by where they went to school, that would be awesome. Thanks.
     
    Aerus likes this.
  50. LAtoDavis

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    But of course. I'll keep our little talk in mind.
     

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