Overbearing Parents & Finances

[907350]

Hello everyone,

I have been accepted to medical school and will be living at home.

After having obtained my first loan/Line of Credit, my parents seem to have developed a daily fear that I will end up relying on it so much that it will become a habit of excessive spending and debt before actually becoming a doctor. They have even offered to pay me monthly expenses just so I do not have to dip into the line of credit but that comes with relying on someone else financially which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

It is getting to the point where I am sick and tired of having to explain WHY I need to buy x, y, z which can extend from decently priced professional clothes to an enjoyable, relaxing cup of coffee from the local cafe. I don't want to explain myself every time I buy something for the next 4 years.

How does one deal with this beyond the "None of your business, I am X age, I can do whatever I want" type of discussion which I have all ready done with them.

Any advise, support, similar experiences to get through this?

Edit: Thank you everyone for your responses! I will definitely be keeping everything in mind as I deal with this issue.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[HomeSkool]

How does one deal with this beyond the "None of your business, I am X age, I can do whatever I want" type of discussion which I have all ready done with them.

By moving out.

They've made it clear how your relationship will be as long as you remain under their roof. You're free to accept or reject that. Continuing to live with one foot in and one foot out is probably untenable.

 

[sharkbyte]

Any way you can move out? Get your own apartment and you can still go home on weekends or whenever you want.

You're 26 and in medical school now, you shouldn't have to be answering to your parents for every single purchase you make. Ideally this should have stopped a long time ago.

 

[solitarius]

lol @ the generic American-themed responses to a South Asian cultural issue.

 

[Goro]

lol @ the generic American-themed responses to a South Asian cultural issue.

This is the USA. OP is an American now. She's also old enough to vote, drink, drive, smoke, work, pay taxes, run for office and fight and die for her country. She's old enough to grow a spine and deal with her parents.

But if she's on their dime, I expect the grief will continue.

 

[Perrotfish]

Hello everyone,

I have been accepted to my local medical school and will be living with my Indian parents as a 26, Female.

After having obtained my first loan/Line of Credit, my parents seem to have developed a daily fear that I will end up relying on it so much that it will become a habit of excessive spending and debt before actually becoming a doctor. They have even offered to pay me monthly expenses just so I do not have to dip into the line of credit but that comes with relying on someone else financially which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

It is getting to the point where I am sick and tired of having to explain WHY I need to buy x, y, z which can extend from decently priced professional clothes to an enjoyable, relaxing cup of coffee from the local cafe. I don't want to explain myself every time I buy something for the next 4 years.

How does one deal with this beyond the "None of your business, I am X age, I can do whatever I want" type of discussion which I have all ready done with them.

Any advise, support, similar experiences to get through this?

Are they paying for medical school?

If no, I agree that its time to move out. This kind of stress is not worth it just to save the rent money.

If yes, that's more complicated. I would probably just give in and get rid of the line of credit.

 

[Gorne]

lol @ the generic American-themed responses to a South Asian cultural issue.

Lol @ your inability to recognize that op is in America, at an american medical school, with an american credit line, asking for advice on an american forum.

Overbearing parents is not unique to south Asian culture.

 

[CherryRedDracul]

I'm South Asian, too. My parents offered to pay for my tuition. I accepted their offer and I also got a side hustle to make some extra money for other expenses.

In the end, I'm out of med school debt free and pushing a ton of my residency income into investments with plenty left over for other things. YMMV

 

[907350]

Any way you can move out? Get your own apartment and you can still go home on weekends or whenever you want.

You're 26 and in medical school now, you shouldn't have to be answering to your parents for every single purchase you make. Ideally this should have stopped a long time ago.

Unfortunately I cannot move out due to logistics (small locality, dreaded expenses, etc.) and my parents have a traditional mindset that has not changed for 25+ years. I think the parental emotional cords need to be cut eventually and they may as well now. Thanks...

 

[907350]

Are they paying for medical school?

If no, I agree that its time to move out. This kind of stress is not worth it just to save the rent money.

If yes, that's more complicated. I would probably just give in and get rid of the line of credit.

They are not paying for the medical school but did financially support me during undergrad, MCAT materials, expenses which is why it makes it emotionally harder for me (as a guilty but appreciative child) to make sudden changes. Thank you for the insight!

 

[You shall know the Truth]

I think you honor your parents, they have helped and will continue. If you move for clerkships in 3rd year you can cut ties then, but for now work hard in school. It nice to have them assist you as you transition in to medicine.

Are they waiting for you to marry?

 

[Perrotfish]

They are not paying for the medical school but did financially support me during undergrad, MCAT materials, expenses which is why it makes it emotionally harder for me (as a guilty but appreciative child) to make sudden changes. Thank you for the insight!

Having a screaming fight with your parents, cutting all ties, and moving across the country is a sudden change. Moving out after college, with several months of notice, to an apartment that's close enough for weekly visits isn't sudden at all. Its a gradual and appropriate transition.

You know your parents, just how crazy are they? If you move to an apartment down the street are they going to stop speaking to you and cut you out of the will? Will the call you and harass you every day? Or will they just mope/whine a bit and then calm down when they see you're still come to Sunday dinner? You've made it clear they'll be upset, but upset covers a wide range of responses.

 

[Raney Schauer]

lol @ the generic American-themed responses to a South Asian cultural issue.

Well the OP didn't include a "Hindi-only responses please" clause.

 

[907350]

I think you honor your parents, they have helped and will continue. If you move for clerkships in 3rd year you can cut ties then, but for now work hard in school. It nice to have them assist you as you transition in to medicine.

Are they waiting for you to marry?

Marriage; not at all. That is one thing they are not pressuring me for but are respectful of how long the medicine journey and have left it up to me.

 

[907350]

Having a screaming fight with your parents, cutting all ties, and moving across the country is a sudden change. Moving out after college, with several months of notice, to an apartment that's close enough for weekly visits isn't sudden at all. Its a gradual and appropriate transition.

You know your parents, just how crazy are they? If you move to an apartment down the street are they going to stop speaking to you and cut you out of the will? Will the call you and harass you every day? Or will they just mope/whine a bit and then calm down when they see you're still come to Sunday dinner? You've made it clear they'll be upset, but upset covers a wide range of responses.

It is basically an all or none. Tears, emotional guilt, ignoring/arguments, and a general sense of bitterness in the air over the next several years, possibly life. Right now, I cant tell which is more emotionally draining; to go through all that or listen to financial talks that are meant for my good. I understand what you are saying though and change will come about by doing somethingg instead of nothing. Thanks!

 

[atomi]

Time to cut the cord!

 

[IMreshopeful]

I lived with my parents for a portion of my residency due to convenience. I moved out recently and am now moving across the country for further training (also married). I’m also south Asian so I completely understand where you are coming from. I was able to pay off a good chunk of loan debt by living at home and don’t regret it at all. I also was partly financially dependent but I moonlight a bunch and have good relations with my parents - I’m going to end up taking care of them in their old age anyway.

Long story short - consider moving out if you can but do it in an amicable way. That being said there is something powerful about having less debt. Gotta balance everything.

 

[IMreshopeful]

Hello everyone,

I have been accepted to my local medical school and will be living with my Indian parents as a 26, Female.

After having obtained my first loan/Line of Credit, my parents seem to have developed a daily fear that I will end up relying on it so much that it will become a habit of excessive spending and debt before actually becoming a doctor. They have even offered to pay me monthly expenses just so I do not have to dip into the line of credit but that comes with relying on someone else financially which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

It is getting to the point where I am sick and tired of having to explain WHY I need to buy x, y, z which can extend from decently priced professional clothes to an enjoyable, relaxing cup of coffee from the local cafe. I don't want to explain myself every time I buy something for the next 4 years.

How does one deal with this beyond the "None of your business, I am X age, I can do whatever I want" type of discussion which I have all ready done with them.

Any advise, support, similar experiences to get through this?

OP for what it’s worth I had the same awkwardness and guilt about explaining expenses for a while. Then they recognized that as an adult I can do whatever I damn please and trusted me enough to stop caring. I’m also a male though - and while I’ve personally toed a pretty close line between traditional and modern I think that has helped me to some degree. Some South Asian parents are tougher on girls.

 

[nofliesonme]

OP for what it’s worth I had the same awkwardness and guilt about explaining expenses for a while. Then they recognized that as an adult I can do whatever I damn please and trusted me enough to stop caring. I’m also a male though - and while I’ve personally toed a pretty close line between traditional and modern I think that has helped me to some degree. Some South Asian parents are tougher on girls.

 

[nofliesonme]

how did they find out about your line of credit? how do they find out about you having coffee in a nice cafe? how do they find out about you buying x,y or Z?

 

[sharkbyte]

lol @ the generic American-themed responses to a South Asian cultural issue.

Lol. I'm Indian myself and I'm from the Bay Area. I can't even begin to count the number of friends from back home who have parents like this. Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions.

OP, I think the advice given by @Perrotfish is probably the best. I can still understand the appeal of living at home though, so you're going to have to find some way to explain to them that it's time for financial independence for your daily expenses. Also, now that you're in medical school, how much will you even be at home anyway? I knew a decent number of people from my school and from other schools who lived at home for medical school and most said that they were basically at home just to eat dinner and sleep. If you spend most of your time at school, your parents will (hopefully) slowly get used to you being around less and be less strict about it.

 

[907350]

how did they find out about your line of credit? how do they find out about you having coffee in a nice cafe? how do they find out about you buying x,y or Z?

Well, let me give a mild example: I would casually say "Oh, I am just going out for coffee" as I am stepping out the door and my dad would kind of reel me in, give a disapproving look, pinched lips, subtle suggestion of "oh, theirs coffee at home right here, no need to waste money", then financial talk begins about income, loans, debit, credits all ending in me loosing my pallet for my one coffee.

I dont want to come across as bratty and neither do I have needless, excessive spending habits but we all have quirks that sometimes we just NEED to get by whether that is a specific drink, a type of gym membership, etc.

 

[nofliesonme]

my apology for not being more clear.....why do you need to give your parents information that will cause problems for you?
Why can't you say "I am going to the library to study", and then go to the cafe for coffee?

 

[907350]

my apology for not being more clear.....why do you need to give your parents information that will cause problems for you?
Why can't you say "I am going to the library to study", and then go to the cafe for coffee?

Oh, I see. It's because I don't want to make it a habit of lying to them all the time (a lot of the time it's definitely needed). It doesn't address the underlying problem, makes me paranoid and look over my shoulder, and that's not how I want to live my life- Paranoid and Lying- over small things like a cup of coffee.

I get what you are saying though and more often that not, it is easier to do it the way you have suggested but at other times, it is too much which is why here I am venting. Thanks for listening and responding!

 

[DexterMorganSK]

Meds school is hard as it is...you do not need this extra stress...save it for those last minute cramming for anatomy exams.
Get an apt/dorm close by your home and school and be independent.

 

[deleted480308]

Well, let me give a mild example: I would casually say "Oh, I am just going out for coffee" as I am stepping out the door and my dad would kind of reel me in, give a disapproving look, pinched lips, subtle suggestion of "oh, theirs coffee at home right here, no need to waste money", then financial talk begins about income, loans, debit, credits all ending in me loosing my pallet for my one coffee.

I dont want to come across as bratty and neither do I have needless, excessive spending habits but we all have quirks that sometimes we just NEED to get by whether that is a specific drink, a type of gym membership, etc.

Words have meanings, you don’t need any of those things

It’s america and you don’t have to defend wanting them, but don’t lie to yourself about needing it

 

[Crayola227]

It is basically an all or none. Tears, emotional guilt, ignoring/arguments, and a general sense of bitterness in the air over the next several years, possibly life. Right now, I cant tell which is more emotionally draining; to go through all that or listen to financial talks that are meant for my good. I understand what you are saying though and change will come about by doing somethingg instead of nothing. Thanks!

I clearly don't understand the culture and I won't pretend I do. I come from a Jewish family, so there's the elements of controlling-ness, push for success, guilting, money concerns, etc. I think that's true of a number of minority/immigrant cultures. (and really in all families, but I think there are different patterns that prevail within any given family or other demographics)

This was something that never occurred to me that a psychiatrist once suggested in dealing with some of this stuff with family. That is saying, "I don't wish to discuss this." It's worrisome if you're not used to drawing boundaries like this, and if your family isn't used to you doing this.

I think more needs to be said than that for it to work, but once everyone has said their piece, saying "We've all said our piece. I'm asking you to trust me how I'm managing my finances. I appreciate your help. If you don't wish to help me if I continue to go my own way, I will understand. If you would rather I move out rather than agree to disagree, then I am willing to do that as well. Those aren't my first choices for resolving this conflict between us. What I will not compromise on, is that I am no longer willing to discuss this. I can see why that might be very upsetting to you. However, that is going to be the line I am going to draw as an adult who has the right to discuss or not discuss things that upset me in turn. I want to reassure you that I have considered carefully what has been said so far and respect your opinion. I know you want what is best for me, but we don't seem to agree, and I want to manage this conflict. I don't mean disrespect and I love you. I hope that you will respect that I do not wish to discuss this further and that we can still have a positive relationship."

This is one way to send the boundary drawing message. You are giving them the control of making a choice for how they want to deal with this (withdraw support or have you move out) but that you will not be the one to cut off anything about the relationship besides discussing this topic. They may not like their choices or their consequences, but it's there, which I do think makes a difference. You're not making a unilateral decision about the relationship besides not discussing this issue. That can ease the tension especially since you are not making an ultimatum.

Some families this sort of thing will never fly. However, it does tend to eventually smooth over and work in most.

 

[Crayola227]

Oh, I see. It's because I don't want to make it a habit of lying to them all the time (a lot of the time it's definitely needed). It doesn't address the underlying problem, makes me paranoid and look over my shoulder, and that's not how I want to live my life- Paranoid and Lying- over small things like a cup of coffee.

I get what you are saying though and more often that not, it is easier to do it the way you have suggested but at other times, it is too much which is why here I am venting. Thanks for listening and responding!

You don't need to lie. Not giving every detail is not lying. Say you are going for a walk if you walk to the cafe. No lie. Hell, if you have to start incorporating other things into what you are doing so you're not lying. It wouldn't be the end of the word to say you are going to the library for a bit to read or getting some air or walking by a nice park and then actually doing so in pursuit of an honest coffee.

If you develop more confidence and include things like that, maybe it will help you to not have guilt that while you are going for your walk, breath of air, or whatever I assume they might approve of, while you go to get your coffee, that you are doing something that there is no way they should object to.

Maybe that's just how I compartmentalize truth.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

I come from a culture similar to this. I moved out of the house when I was 18. and I still have issues with controlling parents even if they live hundreds of miles away. I’m an attending surgeon now, and yet when I come home, they still get mad if I’m not asleep by a certain time. It will never stop. You just have to accept it and work around it. The sooner you make a step, any step, toward independence, the better. Moving out would be the number one solution.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[seekere]

move out. this seems like a concoction which will end with you failing school, developing a psychopathology, or both.

 

[LutGholein]

This is the USA. OP is an American now. She's also old enough to vote, drink, drive, smoke, work, pay taxes, run for office and fight and die for her country. She's old enough to grow a spine and deal with her parents.

But if she's on their dime, I expect the grief will continue.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

 

[Raney Schauer]

Well, let me give a mild example: I would casually say "Oh, I am just going out for coffee" as I am stepping out the door and my dad would kind of reel me in, give a disapproving look, pinched lips, subtle suggestion of "oh, theirs coffee at home right here, no need to waste money", then financial talk begins about income, loans, debit, credits all ending in me loosing my pallet for my one coffee.

I dont want to come across as bratty and neither do I have needless, excessive spending habits but we all have quirks that sometimes we just NEED to get by whether that is a specific drink, a type of gym membership, etc.

You can be tactfully honest: "I'm going to meet my friends for coffee". If that doesn't work, a gentle: "I'm just getting out of the house for a while, love you see you for dinner". Here's the trick: Don't wait for a response. Don't allow a window for arguments, just smile and go. Act independent. You can create some space for yourself while you build an understanding in their heads that you've actually grown up to be your own independent person. It's not easy. All of that is them resisting the fact that you're all growns up. They'll always see you as 10 years old. That never stops. I'm nearly 44 and my 73 year old father has become more of a 73 year old granny than I would like. We're Sicilian so we can scream at each other and it's OK. You probably don't have that option, but you can still gently tease away at their overt protective stance. It's still gonna be there in their heads, but you can't let yourself live like you're perpetually 10 years old in their presence.

Act independent and they'll eventually see you that way. They won't change on their own. You have to create it, no matter how painful the experience might be. Welcome to dealing with your parents as an adult.

To the others: This has nothing to do with being South Asian or whatever. Parents are parents. That's part of the universality of the human experience that makes us all alike.

 

[evilbooyaa]

Let your parents know that by being as strict as they are towards you, they are alienating you significantly and that you are seriously considering moving out from home. Sometimes parents need to hear that what they are doing is a problem that is going to lead to significantly more pain for them if they don't change their behavior.

 

[mentirita]

I have been accepted to my local medical school and will be living with my Indian parents as a 26, Female.

26?

dahyum!

 

[solitarius]

I would love to see some of you guys in action at a high-density immigrant health clinic. I guess if we move our families to the Netherlands, we should expect our entire family to transform into Dutchmen.

How much useful value can non-immigrant Americans provide to the OP?
How much value can other immigrant Americans provide to the OP?
How much value can other south Asians provide to the OP?
How much of this does OP have to sort for herself?

 

[sunshinefl]

I would love to see some of you guys in action at a high-density immigrant health clinic. I guess if we move our families to the Netherlands, we should expect our entire family to transform into Dutchmen.

How much useful value can non-immigrant Americans provide to the OP?
How much value can other immigrant Americans provide to the OP?
How much value can other south Asians provide to the OP?
How much of this does OP have to sort for herself?

Okay....but she asked. It wasn’t unsolicited so... what is your point?

 

[Raney Schauer]

I would love to see some of you guys in action at a high-density immigrant health clinic. I guess if we move our families to the Netherlands, we should expect our entire family to transform into Dutchmen.

How much useful value can non-immigrant Americans provide to the OP?
How much value can other immigrant Americans provide to the OP?
How much value can other south Asians provide to the OP?
How much of this does OP have to sort for herself?

Unless Native American or recent arrivals, if we were born here, we are ALL the kids (or descendants) of immigrants in this country.

That whole "It's different because we came from XYZ" doesn't hold water. It's the same if you're Mexican, Italian, Irish, German, Turkish, Chinese, Korean.

You're totally missing the point on so many levels.

I guess if we move our families to the Netherlands, we should expect our entire family to transform into Dutchmen.

This is why we have that whole _________-American thing. We acknowledge that culturally we come from somewhere, but we are all Americans.

THAT'S LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS COUNTRY.

 

[precisiongraphic]

You don't need to lie. Not giving every detail is not lying. Say you are going for a walk if you walk to the cafe. No lie. Hell, if you have to start incorporating other things into what you are doing so you're not lying. It wouldn't be the end of the word to say you are going to the library for a bit to read or getting some air or walking by a nice park and then actually doing so in pursuit of an honest coffee.

If you develop more confidence and include things like that, maybe it will help you to not have guilt that while you are going for your walk, breath of air, or whatever I assume they might approve of, while you go to get your coffee, that you are doing something that there is no way they should object to.

Maybe that's just how I compartmentalize truth.

All crayola advice is great but I think you have to also set expectations of the life of a med student. Have a conversation and say, yes I’m living with you and will honor you but my time as a med student will not be my own. I may study until late at library/lab, study with classmates, only come home for dinner or go back after dinner. You’ll have to trust me to do my work and achieve success as a medical student. I can’t have you second guessing me every step of the way. I was dedicated and knowledgeable enough to get into medical school and it’s my goal to do my best until I finish medical school.

And I agree that lying is tiring but saying “I’m going to study” isn’t lying. It’s better than saying “I’m going to study at a coffee shop” and gives you authority and authenticity.

 

[solitarius]

Okay....but she asked. It wasn’t unsolicited so... what is your point?

I realize this is a message board, and it's all ****s and giggles. This is the cultural competency aspect of medical education that's talking.

Unless Native American or recent arrivals, if we were born here, we are ALL the kids (or descendants) of immigrants in this country.

That whole "It's different because we came from XYZ" doesn't hold water. It's the same if you're Mexican, Italian, Irish, German, Turkish, Chinese, Korean.

You're totally missing the point on so many levels.



This is why we have that whole _________-American thing. We acknowledge that culturally we come from somewhere, but we are all Americans.

THAT'S LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS COUNTRY.

It is the same? It's the same in that they all deal with the cultural adaptation challenges that come with being an immigrant. However, their origin sets up a different cultural frame, which will dictate a different experience.

That we are all immigrants does not hold water. Someone who has been five generations is very assimilated through and through. Someone who is first generation will still have to contend with family / friend issues who are not assimilated, and that person is probably only partly assimilated.

 

[deleted480308]

All crayola advice is great but I think you have to also set expectations of the life of a med student. Have a conversation and say, yes I’m living with you and will honor you but my time as a med student will not be my own. I may study until late at library/lab, study with classmates, only come home for dinner or go back after dinner. You’ll have to trust me to do my work and achieve success as a medical student. I can’t have you second guessing me every step of the way. I was dedicated and knowledgeable enough to get into medical school and it’s my goal to do my best until I finish medical school.

And I agree that lying is tiring but saying “I’m going to study” isn’t lying. It’s better than saying “I’m going to study at a coffee shop” and gives you authority and authenticity.

Moving out and paying your own bills gives you authority

 

[RNthenDoc]

I would love to see some of you guys in action at a high-density immigrant health clinic. I guess if we move our families to the Netherlands, we should expect our entire family to transform into Dutchmen.

How much useful value can non-immigrant Americans provide to the OP?
How much value can other immigrant Americans provide to the OP?
How much value can other south Asians provide to the OP?
How much of this does OP have to sort for herself?

Turns out you don’t always have to be in a situation to have a valid opinion about it.

Do you give advice to diabetics?
How much value could a diabetic talking about diabetes give?!

 

[solitarius]

Turns out you don’t always have to be in a situation to have a valid opinion about it.

Do you give advice to diabetics?
How much value could a diabetic talking about diabetes give?!

So the difference here is that we underwent formal training to understand diabetes and treatments. We keep up with the literature.

Are you formally trained in the same way to deal with cultural issues? If you were, then yeah, I'd say your point is valid. On the flipside, would we trust someone who knows some diabetics and read up on WebMD to treat diabetics? I'd say that's where many people are on understanding cultural issues.

I think many people, but especially white people, would benefit from being more aware of these issues and their limits on these issues in the increasingly difficult times like we are now.

 

[DokterMom]

I haven't read all of the posts but will put in my two cents anyway...

You understand that they are coming from a place of love and that they're trying to be sure you are financially responsible and that you won't be buried in unnecessary debt due to frivolous spending habits. Also recognize that typical American spending habits may look pretty frivolous to immigrant parents who may have faced financial hardships such that you have never experienced.

My suggestion is that you have a conversation with them where you acknowledge that. (Flatter their wisdom and praise their good advice.) Let them know that you hear them and will take their concerns seriously, then show them that you do. (To the extent that you are financially irresponsible, cut it out!) But I think it's also OK (and necessary) for you to tell them that they have raised you well and taught you well, and that it's time for them to trust your judgement a little bit more. Tell them also that you care about their opinions, and being micro-managed and judged for every little expense is very stressful for you and damaging your performance in school. Offer to draw up a budget that you will then stick to and that they will feel OK with - one that permits you your coffee but doesn't put you in a position where you feel you have to either lie or face judgement.

 

[deleted480308]

So the difference here is that we underwent formal training to understand diabetes and treatments. We keep up with the literature.

Are you formally trained in the same way to deal with cultural issues? If you were, then yeah, I'd say your point is valid. On the flipside, would we trust someone who knows some diabetics and read up on WebMD to treat diabetics? I'd say that's where many people are on understanding cultural issues.

I think many people, but especially white people, would benefit from being more aware of these issues and their limits on these issues in the increasingly difficult times like we are now.

“Increasingly difficult”? Compared to history life is awesome

 

[Raney Schauer]

So the difference here is that we underwent formal training to understand diabetes and treatments. We keep up with the literature.

Are you formally trained in the same way to deal with cultural issues? If you were, then yeah, I'd say your point is valid. On the flipside, would we trust someone who knows some diabetics and read up on WebMD to treat diabetics? I'd say that's where many people are on understanding cultural issues.

I think many people, but especially white people, would benefit from being more aware of these issues and their limits on these issues in the increasingly difficult times like we are now.

Hey awesome racial generalization you made there. Really top shelf stuff. The finest kind, really. Bravo.

 

[QueenJames]

Ahh..

the perils of being a brown chick/desi girl.

Welcome to the club homie.

Sweetheart...

I'm sorry to say it...

but until you get married with another brown dude (who's most likely gonna be another doctor, lawyer, insert-other-professional-degree-holder here)... and leave the house...

Your parents will be on your behind every single day. No matter what.

Is it fair?

From a brown dude's perspective...

hell no.

It is what it is though.

Get used to it.

BUT... if they give you crap... just know it comes from a place of concern.

They ARE your parents after all.

Sit down and have a grown woman convo with them about why you are spending money and for what and that's it... discuss budgeting and all that.

You're a big girl now... deal with this and use your voice and be respectful at the same time.

Our culture is different from the traditional American youth where people seem to believe the whole "18 and you're out of here" is the right way to do things.

I'm not saying it's wrong or right... but it's just different.

I plan on taking care of my parents til the day they die because that's simply the LEAST I can do for all of their sacrifices and I believe that having a big family and exposing my future children to their morals and teachings will help them mature and learn the language of the homeland, the customs, and the religion, and everything else that will give them a well-rounded view of both cultures.

The LEAST I CAN DO is abide by their wishes but respectfully honor them while letting me grow into a good person and a responsible person.

Different strokes for different folks though.

TldR.

- You're a brown girl who's gonna be a doctor soon. BE respectful and tell them you have been responsible thus far and don't plan on screwing that anytime soon. They are your parents after all.
- You don't gotta move out to get this point across lol
- Put your big girl pants on.
- Shop at Costco for all your clothing and coffee needs like every other brown person... lol

 

[Raney Schauer]

- Shop at Costco for all your clothing and coffee needs like every other brown person... lol

Plenty of white folk get their coffee at Costco, too...

 

[QueenJames]

Plenty of white folk get their coffee at Costco, too...

I'm sure they do.

It's more of an inside joke because literally EVERYTHING in the stereotypical brown household is from Costco/Sam's club.

Many of parents are first-gen immigrants and have seen the struggle and have very very strict spending habits and are known for making their dollar stretch and so they buy everything in bulk.... hence why Costco/Sam's club is a favorite one-stop shop for everything in a brown household.

No need to get your panties in a bunch.

lol

 

[HomeSkool]

This is the cultural competency aspect of medical education that's talking.

I think many people, but especially white people, would benefit from being more aware of these issues and their limits on these issues in the increasingly difficult times like we are now.

lol @ the person who gets self-righteous about "cultural competency" and then makes racist generalizations in the very next post. Do you actually read what you write before posting or do you just barf all over the keyboard and hope for the best?

 

[Goro]

So the difference here is that we underwent formal training to understand diabetes and treatments. We keep up with the literature.

Are you formally trained in the same way to deal with cultural issues? If you were, then yeah, I'd say your point is valid. On the flipside, would we trust someone who knows some diabetics and read up on WebMD to treat diabetics? I'd say that's where many people are on understanding cultural issues.

I think many people, but especially white people, would benefit from being more aware of these issues and their limits on these issues in the increasingly difficult times like we are now.

We're talking about the responsibilities of adults, not children, and perhaps you haven't noticed, but the OPs situation has nothing to do with the practice of Medicine. in that regard, her ancestry and cultural mores ended with her birth as an American citizen. If she wants the freedoms of an adult American, she needs to start acting like one.

And check your racism at the door please.

OP, as soon as you make some friends with your fellow med students, move out. And talk to a financial consultant about your worries about your live of credit.