Parent with a terminal illness = Bad time to go to Med School?

[Ellie Arroway]

Hey all,

Some quick background - I'm 27 now, and I just wrapped pre-reqs for nursing school & was waitlisted for an accelerated program at a pretty high-ranked school (OHSU). I was eventually interested in primary care as a family nurse practitioner, but lately I've been asking myself "Wait, if I want to be a general practitioner, why aren't I going to med school?" I have a handful of factors I'm weighing, and I'll be shadowing both professions this summer to help me decide, but I want to throw one particular question out here:

A year ago, my mom was diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or Lou Gherig's Disease). She could potentially die while I'm in med school. My father died when I was 16 and I know what my grief process looks like, and I know I could pull myself through that. However, I really want to spend a decent amount of time with her during her last years, and I need to be within a reasonable driving distance to do that. That means that if I go to another 2 years of prerequisites and apply to med schools, I can only apply to the two schools in my region of the country (OHSU and UW, both extremely competitive schools). Is banking on two applications totally insane?

I feel that I can be competitive, but I worry that I'm potentially setting myself up for failure if I don't get into one of those two schools. If I can't get in, I worry that I won't be able to get more undergrad loans for nursing school after going through med school pre-reqs.

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[QofQuimica]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom.

If it were me, I'd spend the time with my mom now, while it's still possible. If it means that you have to wait an extra year or two to apply to med school, so be it. You can go to med school five years or even ten years from now, but you will never get back this precious time that you and your mom have left to spend together. I would also argue that you may not be in the best head space to go to medical school right now anyway, especially as your mom's health continues to decline.

Best of luck to you.

 

[EdLongshanks]

Hey all,

Some quick background - I'm 27 now, and I just wrapped pre-reqs for nursing school & was waitlisted for an accelerated program at a pretty high-ranked school (OHSU). I was eventually interested in primary care as a family nurse practitioner, but lately I've been asking myself "Wait, if I want to be a general practitioner, why aren't I going to med school?" I have a handful of factors I'm weighing, and I'll be shadowing both professions this summer to help me decide, but I want to throw one particular question out here:

A year ago, my mom was diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or Lou Gherig's Disease). She could potentially die while I'm in med school. My father died when I was 16 and I know what my grief process looks like, and I know I could pull myself through that. However, I really want to spend a decent amount of time with her during her last years, and I need to be within a reasonable driving distance to do that. That means that if I go to another 2 years of prerequisites and apply to med schools, I can only apply to the two schools in my region of the country (OHSU and UW, both extremely competitive schools). Is banking on two applications totally insane?

I feel that I can be competitive, but I worry that I'm potentially setting myself up for failure if I don't get into one of those two schools. If I can't get in, I worry that I won't be able to get more undergrad loans for nursing school after going through med school pre-reqs.

My mother died when I was young. You sound as if you are looking at this process scientifically and that is good, in its way. I was also very objective about my mother's cancer - for about 5 years after her death, and every since then I have greatly sorrowed.

Do not underestimate the importance of this time with your mother. If you short it in any way you will eventually greatly regret it.

I've got 20 years on you and can still get into medical school. You don't have to rush through it like you are escaping a fire.

 

[TriagePreMed]

I'm sorry to hear about your mother.

Unfortunately, none of us can tell you what to do. All I can tell you is what I would do: family comes first. At the end of the day, dream job or not, we'll die. There is no shame in becoming a Nurse Practitioner, Physician Assistant, or waiting until it is the right time.

Best of luck.

 

[glamqueen]

I would absolutely wait. Nothing is worth missing this time with your mom. I live two hours from my adorable late eighties grandparents who I adore, and I've seen them so little it makes me sad. Medical school doesn't allow for personal crisis or tragedy, nor does it allow for personal time and family visits. Please understand this when I say this. If you want to have a personal life and enjoy time with your mom, do not enter medical school. I will repeat this - medical school doesn't allow for personal tragedy either. My classmate's mother died, and I think he had to take a makeup block test about a week late. DOES NOT ALLOW FOR PERSONAL TRAGEDY OR CRISIS. Chances are, if you entered, something would happen that would make you want to take a gap year or withdraw and return later, which then begs the question - why enter at all right now when your heart wants to be with your mom (and rightly so).

Jobs aren't worth missing out on family for. They just aren't. And at the end of hte day, medical school is training you to be a job. This isn't anything more regal than that. You can always go later, but time with your mom won't wait til later.

Hope my opinion helps. Sorry to be a little direct, but I would hate to see someone romanticize medical school too much with a big decision like yours to make.

 

[Dave_D]

Hey all,

Some quick background - I'm 27 now, and I just wrapped pre-reqs for nursing school & was waitlisted for an accelerated program at a pretty high-ranked school (OHSU). I was eventually interested in primary care as a family nurse practitioner, but lately I've been asking myself "Wait, if I want to be a general practitioner, why aren't I going to med school?" I have a handful of factors I'm weighing, and I'll be shadowing both professions this summer to help me decide, but I want to throw one particular question out here:

A year ago, my mom was diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or Lou Gherig's Disease). She could potentially die while I'm in med school. My father died when I was 16 and I know what my grief process looks like, and I know I could pull myself through that. However, I really want to spend a decent amount of time with her during her last years, and I need to be within a reasonable driving distance to do that. That means that if I go to another 2 years of prerequisites and apply to med schools, I can only apply to the two schools in my region of the country (OHSU and UW, both extremely competitive schools). Is banking on two applications totally insane?

I feel that I can be competitive, but I worry that I'm potentially setting myself up for failure if I don't get into one of those two schools. If I can't get in, I worry that I won't be able to get more undergrad loans for nursing school after going through med school pre-reqs.

Well I guess I should chime in since I recently lost my mom to ALS as well. Honestly I'd spend time with her. It's a really rough disease and all you can really do for her is be there for her. To be blunt you really don't know how much time she really has at this point and it would be too easy to miss what little time she has left. (My mom only lasted a little over 4 months after being diagnosed for what it's worth.) Sorry, ALS is a whole different level of suck.

 

[Ellie Arroway]

I think this may have been my first post on SDN, and I felt like making an update: I'm an MS2 now and my mom is sliding into the terminal phase of this thing - she's had a relatively slow course and I expect that she will pass by the end of the year if not the end of the month.

Every time I've thought of deferring for a year, I realized this could go on much longer than that - so I just kept on with my life and visited when I could. Otherwise I would have taken 4 years away from school, would have had to find a new career to support myself, and my dysfunctional relationship with my stepdad (her primary caregiver) would have torn me to shreds.

This has been a rough year but I feel pretty good about my choices over the last 4 years. At the end of her life she got to see one of her kids succeeding when she has a ton of anxiety about my brother getting into drugs, dropping out of school, etc. I'm glad I was able to give her that and still spend some time with her.

 

[Gurby]

Thanks for the update OP. Some really difficult choices and situations for you and your family - I'm glad you feel like you played your cards well.

 

[jl lin]

I like when people come back and give updates. What a tough thing to have to go through.

I had to put a lot of my school stuff on hold for some serious, personal--family reasons, one of which included a father with AML--that whole year was uber stressful--and I also had to deal with a dysfunctional stepmom--and other severe stresses just kept piling on to me. If I had had to deal with school, the levee would have broken--kids were small, my own mother had serious major surgery. I mean there was so much continually going on, it just would have been humanly impossible to handle school--there would have been no time to attend, much less study. I had to accept that reality. I was with my dad through it all--my mom and others that really needed me as well, and with everything else, the whole package, well, it tested me to the limits.

Life can be so very hard. It can beat you up, even when you try to do everything right.
It's awesome that you are busy in school and can still be with your mom.

I hate leukemia. I hate ALS. I hate brain tumors--was just in a run for BT research not too long ago. I hate what these and other diseases do to people and families.
But I love the fact that you kept moving forward while being there for you mom.

Hoping the best for you.

 

[Goro]

I am very saddened to hear of this news about your mom, but always remember, as you point out, how proud she must be about you, and how good you have been to her.

You have extraordinary coping skills, and this is a blessing!

Good luck!

I think this may have been my first post on SDN, and I felt like making an update: I'm an MS2 now and my mom is sliding into the terminal phase of this thing - she's had a relatively slow course and I expect that she will pass by the end of the year if not the end of the month.

Every time I've thought of deferring for a year, I realized this could go on much longer than that - so I just kept on with my life and visited when I could. Otherwise I would have taken 4 years away from school, would have had to find a new career to support myself, and my dysfunctional relationship with my stepdad (her primary caregiver) would have torn me to shreds.

This has been a rough year but I feel pretty good about my choices over the last 4 years. At the end of her life she got to see one of her kids succeeding when she has a ton of anxiety about my brother getting into drugs, dropping out of school, etc. I'm glad I was able to give her that and still spend some time with her.