Parents in the Decision Process

[kiwie07]

so i searched and couldn't find anything...but i'm sure there are threads out there...please direct me if there are.

SO i was wondering how you guys are dealing with this?

On the one hand, I feel like this is my decision, i am the one who is going to go to this medical school...this is my life...i need to take control.

BUT, my parents are the main people who are funding me...oh $$...

So what if you're choosing between two schools, and your parents TOLD YOU you are going to one, but your gut feeling is to go to another?

ahh..i feel like i'm in middle school.

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[biendesalud]

I know that you don't want to offend your parents or get disowned (yikes), but you can take out student loans and go to the school of you choice. You are not going to 'hurt yourself' (if that is their concern) by going to any one medical school over the other. If it is prestige they are concerned about they tell them that they can say, "My kid got into (school they like), but decided to go to (school you like)" Thus, you were successful enough to get into the school they want to brag about, but independent enough to make your own decision.

 

[kc123]

This is your life and a HUGE decision! I don't know about others, but I think it is important to go with your gutt feeling, even if that means potentially funding school yourself. What schools are you deciding between? Are they in different locations (closer/farther away from home)?

 

[AStudent]

I'd go anywhere my parents would pay for! Look at it as either being down $100k in the hole with an MD degree, or $0 in the hole with an MD degree.

Since you get paid in residency, you'd have the world's most perfect clean slate.

 

[kiwie07]

haha yea, it's not a matter of prestige...i'm actually not sure about the rankings but i think they flip if you're more interested in primary care vs. research.

it's more a matter of state school, being close to home, lower cost (davis) vs. farther from home, higher tuition, snow (uchicago).

and i'd have to say, i absolutely loved both of them when i went there and visited. the thing is that i want to go into academic medicine, and i feel it'd be better if i go to uchicago b/c of the research opportunities/funding there.

oh yea, and for paying, i'm going to end up paying most of my loans later on b/c we (as a family) don't have enough money to even pay for 1 year of tuition anywhere. that's kind of worrying me too....

THANK YOU THOUGH for your thoughts.

 

[Fusion]

haha yea, it's not a matter of prestige...i'm actually not sure about the rankings but i think they flip if you're more interested in primary care vs. research.

it's more a matter of state school, being close to home, lower cost (davis) vs. farther from home, higher tuition, snow (uchicago).

and i'd have to say, i absolutely loved both of them when i went there and visited. the thing is that i want to go into academic medicine, and i feel it'd be better if i go to uchicago b/c of the research opportunities/funding there.

oh yea, and for paying, i'm going to end up paying most of my loans later on b/c we (as a family) don't have enough money to even pay for 1 year of tuition anywhere. that's kind of worrying me too....

THANK YOU THOUGH for your thoughts.

Sooooo.... are your parents going to put you through medical school or not? You say in your first post that your parents are "funding" you, but later say that your family can't afford to pay for any tuition....

 

[QofQuimica]

OP, no matter how old you get, your parents will still think of you as their little girl or boy. I'm going to be 30, and my parents are equally as gung ho as yours about helping me decide on where I should apply, how many schools, etc., even though they likely won't be contributing much financially. Remember as you go through this process that life is always a series of compromises between next best options. People will tell you to do what you want with your life even if it makes your parents upset, but unless you want to end up living lonely and isolated, you will have to learn to make decisions that your family can also stomach, be it your parents now or your spouse and children in the future. So I hope you will consider trying to take a concilliatory and understanding tack with your parents rather than just telling them how it's going to be. Life is too short to waste it fighting with the people who love you and whom you love.

My suggestion to you is to handle your parents' involvement with aplomb, and view it as a sign of how much they love you and care about you. Suggest to your parents that you and they sit down and make a pro and con list for every school that has accepted you. On your paper, write down every factor that matters to you or them, such as cost, location, friendliness, prestige, special programs, financial aid, etc., and rank each school for each category with your parents. By the end of the process, there should be a couple of clear frontrunners, and you can have second looks at them as you decide between these last two or three schools. Ask your parents to come see the schools with you if they can. Hopefully the three of you can come to an agreement on the final school, but if not, all three of you should be able to live with you going to any of your final choices, since you all ranked them all highly. Even if you and they have different first choices, I hope you will find that your parents will be much more amenable to compromising with you if they feel that you have seriously considered their priorities, and that you are going to a "good" school (however all of you define that), even if it's not their first choice.

Good luck with your decision, and with medical school.

 

[45408]

heh, my parents don't know USCF from USF. They could really care less where I go or what I do, and they aren't even funding me now, let alone when I get to med school.

 

[fun8stuff]

i wish my parents would fund me, heh. On a side note, I think my girlfriend's parents seem to care more where I go than my own parents. What's worse is that they don't seem to understand how admissions to medical school is any different than being admitted to a community college. Her mom was like, "It was easy for me to get into X community college, why is it taking you so long to hear from certain schools?" or "So-and-So already heard that they are into X undergrad, why havent u heard from X medical school?".....

Blah! At least my parents never went to college, so they have no idea how things are.

 

[gbiz]

Im in a similiar parental boat... mine want me to just get into wayne state and go there, still live at home till im 23+4=27 and have absolutely no life and no preferences of my own.

Shh, dont tell them, Ive been accepted to WSU... but Im waiting on my waitlists...

Whats this, youd actually like to go to a school youd like? You like a different school!!!! What??? ARGHHHHHHHHHH.

So, my way of dealing with it, they dont know ive been accepted there. They think Ive been waitlisted.

 

[fun8stuff]

Im in a similiar parental boat... mine want me to just get into wayne state and go there, still live at home till im 23+4=27 and have absolutely no life and no preferences of my own.

Shh, dont tell them, Ive been accepted to WSU... but Im waiting on my waitlists...

Whats this, youd actually like to go to a school youd like? You like a different school!!!! What??? ARGHHHHHHHHHH.

So, my way of dealing with it, they dont know ive been accepted there. They think Ive been waitlisted.

oh my, that's hilarious.

 

[Sabrinne]

so i searched and couldn't find anything...but i'm sure there are threads out there...please direct me if there are.

SO i was wondering how you guys are dealing with this?

On the one hand, I feel like this is my decision, i am the one who is going to go to this medical school...this is my life...i need to take control.

BUT, my parents are the main people who are funding me...oh $$...

So what if you're choosing between two schools, and your parents TOLD YOU you are going to one, but your gut feeling is to go to another?

ahh..i feel like i'm in middle school.

Go with your gut, its your life, and your parents should understand that. Have a nice chat with them and see how the funding goes, maybe they will fund you for the same amount as they would if you went to Davis and you cover whats left of your UChicago tuition with loans.

 

[kiwie07]

thanks for all the suggestions.

fusion: it was a difference of whether or not i will be able to get a car to drive to hospitals; get a computer or use the libraries etc etc. we're all pretty tight and working together towards funding, but it's just a matter of how much my parents can/will be able to contribute.

 

[ads99]

Reading this thread has helped me destress and put my parents input in perspective. My Dad wants me to go to Loyola because that's where he went. My Mom wants me to go to UIC and is REALLY vocal about it but it's because she doesn't want me to languish in debt forever. I want to go to UChicago or University of Pittsburgh. Fortunately my parents have both stopped short of declaring that I MUST attend a particular school and are just encouraging me to consider all factors. My Mom has even helped me put together an excel spreadsheet with formulas to calculate cost of med school, assets to put towards school, and a debt repayment plan. Thanks for helping me keep everything in perspective. I think the poster who said that working with your family to come to a decision everyone can live with is absolutely corrrect. Words of wisdom I'll try to follow.

 

[45408]

Shh, dont tell them, Ive been accepted to WSU... but Im waiting on my waitlists.... They think Ive been waitlisted.

 

[twicetenturns]

Reading this thread has helped me destress and put my parents input in perspective. My Dad wants me to go to Loyola because that's where he went. My Mom wants me to go to UIC and is REALLY vocal about it but it's because she doesn't want me to languish in debt forever. I want to go to UChicago or University of Pittsburgh. Fortunately my parents have both stopped short of declaring that I MUST attend a particular school and are just encouraging me to consider all factors. My Mom has even helped me put together an excel spreadsheet with formulas to calculate cost of med school, assets to put towards school, and a debt repayment plan. Thanks for helping me keep everything in perspective. I think the poster who said that working with your family to come to a decision everyone can live with is absolutely corrrect. Words of wisdom I'll try to follow.

Hey ads99, could you put me in touch with your mom. Both my parents are artists and not as investment savvy as some others love them to death, but well .. you know.

 

[wild0ne]

Hmm...this is a tough situation. But, instead of looking at it as your parents telling you something that you must consider ... try to dig for their reasons for their choice. If they want you to choose X school over Y for reasons that are not in line with your values, goals, interests, etc. , don't do it.

Don't feel guilty about going against their wishes, despite their financial backing. Your parents likely want whats best for you, and if you can rationally explain it to them, they might come around.

Your parents want what's best for you; but, that doesn't necessarily mean they know what it is.

 

[ads99]

Hey ads99, could you put me in touch with your mom. Both my parents are artists and not as investment savvy as some others love them to death, but well .. you know.

Heh heh heh. I'm laughing because I don't know if you know who I am...or not. But my husband and I think you're the coolest. Check your PM.

 

[PTPoeny]

I had this problem for undergrad and it looks like I am going to have the same problem again now. What I did was sit down with both my parents and first I had them explain their reasons for wanting me to go somewhere and what their concerns were for me going to the other school (or two). Then I sat down and talked with them and explained why I wanted to go to a different school and explained both the reasons I wanted to go there and the reasons that I didn't want to go there. At that point my parents accepted that I was making a reasonable choice based on real reasons and they continued to give me information, but they let me make the decision on my own.

For medical school I am making appointments for my parents to meet with a financial aid officer and some other people at the school I want to go to so they feel better about my decision. ( my parents are closer to the school I want to go to than me)

Hope this helps