Parents making this stage of the process worse?

mave

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Don't get me wrong... I love my parents and they've been very supportive of my academic goals, but I'm just awfully tired of my parents taking every thread of no news as bad news. No news is no news, right?

I understand that it's not the worst thing in the world to have to work for a while, or pursue graduate options. But when they apologize every time you tell them that, no, you have not in fact heard anything from a school, it starts to get really disheartening. No news isn't rejection. It's just no news.
 

pennybridge

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they apologize

why are they apologizing? you're the one who is the disappointment.












just kidding. just let them stress out a little, parents are generally bored and need some anxiety in their lives, just be glad they're not also trying to go to med school, nothing more annoying than premed parents.
 
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I have the exact opposite problem.. When you stress about getting in somewhere they reassure me constantly that I am going to get in because I am.. I guess it bothers me (even though I know they are trying to help and be supportive) because they have no idea about the process, the competition of so many applicants and so few seats, and the randomness about who gets in and who doesn't..

Just my thoughts..
 

Disinence2

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I feel ya. I just told my parents up front that i will tell them the second i hear anything, and if they start asking me about it i will simply stop talking to them.
 

mave

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I have the exact opposite problem.. When you stress about getting in somewhere they reassure me constantly that I am going to get in because I am.. I guess it bothers me (even though I know they are trying to help and be supportive) because they have no idea about the process, the competition of so many applicants and so few seats, and the randomness about who gets in and who doesn't..

Trust me, I had that problem with my parents for a long time, too. It's only just recently that the reality is kind of setting in for them (and even then, apparently not all that well).

I guess I should clarify a little better. Mizzou started sending out acceptance emails and I stupidly called my dad to tell him, and also that I hadn't heard *yet*. He started apologizing and telling me that going to grad school wouldn't be the worst thing, blah blah blah, he knows how hard I've worked blah blah blah, and maybe the next cycle would be better, blah blah blah. The cycle isn't over yet, Dad! Let's wait until I've been rejected everywhere before you start telling me that you're sorry it didn't work out!

I've had two interviews, and I have a third (rescheduled because of weather) on Friday morning. The first two went reasonably well, I think, but you never really know. It's just not worth panicking over if you know that you'll find out soon. And they can't really empathize, since they really don't understand the process.
 

Disinence2

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I totally agree. I have a distance relative who is an older physician who my parents constantly discuss my application with. Of course he thinks im extreamly overqualified because he applied in like the 70's and lives in the middle of nowhere somewhere in the midwest. This only makes my parents more confused when i don't hear back from schools. Keep in mind even after you get an acceptance it doesn't stop. Now i get the... well in the "worst case senario you can just go to albany", Like thats the "worst case" for me. grrr...
 

imamom

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I have the exact opposite problem.. When you stress about getting in somewhere they reassure me constantly that I am going to get in because I am.. I guess it bothers me (even though I know they are trying to help and be supportive) because they have no idea about the process, the competition of so many applicants and so few seats, and the randomness about who gets in and who doesn't..

Just my thoughts..

If your parents are clueless about the process, clue them in! I've gone every step of the way with my pre-med applicant & I know how grueling and capricious this process is. LOL--the questions you're getting are nothing compared to marrying into an uber-fertile family when you're infertile & they're wandering when you're going to reproduce! My pre-med is the result, so the wait was worth it. That's life!
 

momtwo

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If your parents are clueless about the process, clue them in!

It's nice as a parent to be clued in but also as a parent I realized just how busy my girls were in that application period so I didn't expect much info from them. In my case I just followed the SDN threads and read the medical school websites(admissions process part). There were times in my daughter's application processes that I wish I didn't have a clue what was going on but I think if nothing else it was good that at least I knew the right questions to ask them - and when to at least attempt to shut up!
:rolleyes:
 

karmega5

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If your parents are clueless about the process, clue them in! I've gone every step of the way with my pre-med applicant & I know how grueling and capricious this process is. LOL--the questions you're getting are nothing compared to marrying into an uber-fertile family when you're infertile & they're wandering when you're going to reproduce! My pre-med is the result, so the wait was worth it. That's life!

Laughed so hard when I read this. I assume you mean wondering, but I'm picturing copulation attempts in closets with relatives roaming about the house trying to find you.
:laugh:
 

karmega5

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But yes, parents are funny. I'm not optomistic about applying this cycle, so I've tried to only tell close friends and family that I'm applying, so I won't have to explain any rejections to people who have no business asking, but the parents are, of course, certain I'll get in, so they tell EVERYONE they know when I get a call for an interview. :mad:
 

ssquared

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For what it's worth, my dad keeps asking when I'll be getting into medical school. Given that I haven't applied yet, it's hard for me to give him an answer. :rolleyes:

This is the same man who badgered me endlessly about not applying last summer. I hadn't taken the MCAT yet, so it was really kinda pointless (well, not just that, a multitude of reasons). I told him that there are better uses for a couple thousand dollars than just giving it away.
 

Stolenspatulas

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parents are crazy and annoying. i cant think of any premed that actually likes parental involvement in this process. If they do, then I honestly have to question if they've grown up at all. Time to let the kids loose moms (& dads?), its time for your little boy or girl to grow up. NO MORE BLANKET SUPPORT!

btw, my mom and dad love me and ask me every time i call home whether i've gotten in anywhere new (even though i've told them when exactly i'm expecting to hear from the schools im waiting on)
 
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beenthere2

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I totally agree. I have a distance relative who is an older physician who my parents constantly discuss my application with. Of course he thinks im extreamly overqualified because he applied in like the 70's and lives in the middle of nowhere somewhere in the midwest. This only makes my parents more confused when i don't hear back from schools. Keep in mind even after you get an acceptance it doesn't stop. Now i get the... well in the "worst case senario you can just go to albany", Like thats the "worst case" for me. grrr...

Maybe it was different if you lived "in the middle of nowhere"....but med school acceptance was very competitive in the 1970's.
 

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Maybe it was different if you lived "in the middle of nowhere"....but med school acceptance was very competitive in the 1970's.


It was, but they like to equate what they had to have to what you have to have now which I think is a little far fetched.. One Dr. told me that he wondered why I was trying to get all this job shadowing/clinical work when my stats should be good enough by themselves. Maybe it just depends on the doctor.
 

Bernie3144

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My parents have had no choice but to be supportive of no news/bad news... Why?

They moved from NY to PA and I lost my NY residency and now have to struggle with PA residency. Think about how much more difficult they made the application situation (OOS % and tuition rates). So, I am in the opposite position. :smuggrin: :smuggrin:

Just be happy that they care!! Or that they did not throw away precious percentage points that we all obsess about!
 

beenthere2

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It was, but they like to equate what they had to have to what you have to have now which I think is a little far fetched.. One Dr. told me that he wondered why I was trying to get all this job shadowing/clinical work when my stats should be good enough by themselves. Maybe it just depends on the doctor.

Actually....trudat.:)
 
L

LeftCommonCarot

If your parents are clueless about the process, clue them in! I've gone every step of the way with my pre-med applicant & I know how grueling and capricious this process is. LOL--the questions you're getting are nothing compared to marrying into an uber-fertile family when you're infertile & they're wandering when you're going to reproduce! My pre-med is the result, so the wait was worth it. That's life!


the # of posts you have, along with the use of "LOL" make me somewhat suspicious :)
 

TheRealMD

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This is a time period where you really need to start standing on your own as a person otherwise your parents will start picking your specialty a few years from now if you're not careful. That's the LAST thing you would ever want.
 

medguy83

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Don't get me wrong... I love my parents and they've been very supportive of my academic goals, but I'm just awfully tired of my parents taking every thread of no news as bad news. No news is no news, right?

I understand that it's not the worst thing in the world to have to work for a while, or pursue graduate options. But when they apologize every time you tell them that, no, you have not in fact heard anything from a school, it starts to get really disheartening. No news isn't rejection. It's just no news.

I'm right there with you. I got interviewed at one school back in early Oct. They were supposed to call today (like you can take their schedule as set in stone). Alas, no one called; which to my parents = rejection. Why you might ask? I have no earthly idea. Their asking if it's too late to apply to more schools. I haven't even got the news back yet (probably tomorrow morning) and already they assume it's bad.
 
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Ugh, well, I would much rather have pessimistic parents than optimistic parents in this process...my parents are SO supportive but absolutely CANNOT understand why I would not be accepted to every school I applied to...just the other day my dad was asking about interview offers and I was clearly a little bit frustrated, and he said, "mark my words, by the end of this, you will have interviewed at 9 or 10 schools..." It just made me want to cry because there is NO WAY I will live up to that expectation!
 

imamom

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the # of posts you have, along with the use of "LOL" make me somewhat suspicious :)

Suspicious of what? Yeah, I'm a mom and pre-med is now a 1st year. It IS a very capricious process. I don't sign on much anymore except when I want to see how the year is going for current crop & if I can offer some WOW (words of wisdom). You will see from past posts that I have nothing but admiration & respect for all of you--wish more people could see how inspiring you are.
 

momtwo

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Ugh, well, I would much rather have pessimistic parents than optimistic parents in this process...my parents are SO supportive but absolutely CANNOT understand why I would not be accepted to every school I applied to...just the other day my dad was asking about interview offers and I was clearly a little bit frustrated, and he said, "mark my words, by the end of this, you will have interviewed at 9 or 10 schools..." It just made me want to cry because there is NO WAY I will live up to that expectation!

Have your parents follow SDN a bit, and encourage them to read about the medical school process in general. Make sure they know your stats and what reality is in this process. Each med school's own site tells a bit about the profile of the class etc - and what that made me realize is this whole application cycle is no longer a place to be assuring someone they'll get a bunch of interviews or "surely get in" etc - that is not the case! I'm glad I followed things when my daughter was applying so as not to put undue pressure on her because of my own ignorance. Honestly there's no way I'd truly believe the application process is as difficult as it is if I hadn't followed this forum etc. It was worth me knowing - nice to be informed. This way I knew how to be supportive and also knew how big a goal she was trying to reach.
 

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I tend to stress out a lot, so I told my folks early on that I will tell them when I am ready and not a moment before. I am the first person in my family to go the non-math/physics route and since they don't really understand the process, they just let me be. That way I don't have to put up with a lot of questions that would just worry me for no reason. Tell them that you don't know when the results are coming and make sure you get your mail before they have a chance to see it and start wondering:)
 

wutwinb

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every time i get an interview or acceptance, my parents always ask "What number is that school ranked?" it's getting frustrating. i'm just happy having a chance at a school, i don't want to worry about rankings at this point.
 

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During my senior year of high school, I pretty much cut my parents out of any decision/process that affects my future. I keep them in the loop, but usually tell them after the fact. It's funny though . . .my dad is a hard ass, stepmom is chill, and my mom and stepdad think I won't have problems getting in anywhere.

I'm thinking about applying early decision in June 2008. If I do, I won't tell them. If I get an interview, I might not tell them I'm back in the country. If I get in, I will tell them.
 

Maxprime

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Have parents ever legitimately helped anything when you weren't at rock bottom?
 

Maxprime

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During my senior year of high school, I pretty much cut my parents out of any decision/process that affects my future. I keep them in the loop, but usually tell them after the fact.

Same here. People somehow forget that we survived in the wild running away from death in Africa a lot earlier than age 22.
 

vmarwin

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If I hear "Stop worrying, you'll get in somewhere" one more time...

Person X who knows very little about the process:
"You'll be fine, you're definitley going to get in somewhere..."

TRANSLATION:
I like you and I think you're smart
 

mmmapricots

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After several conversations that left me crying tears of frustration, I finally trained my family to back off a little.

(They liked to offer up things like:
- "Are you in yet? Have you gotten any scholarships yet?",
- "Oh, City/State X? You don't want to go THERE!", and
- "Well, of course you'll get in to Uber-Elite School X... After all, you graduated from there!"
on a daily basis.)

And now that I've gotten my first acceptance, one that I'm thrilled about, they don't understand that it actually is worth making a big deal over. They were over the moon when I got into my undergrad school, and it's hurtful that they haven't really even reacted this time around - even though I've probably trained them not to.

Has anyone else had this experience?
 
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cbrons

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Don't get me wrong... I love my parents and they've been very supportive of my academic goals, but I'm just awfully tired of my parents taking every thread of no news as bad news. No news is no news, right?

I understand that it's not the worst thing in the world to have to work for a while, or pursue graduate options. But when they apologize every time you tell them that, no, you have not in fact heard anything from a school, it starts to get really disheartening. No news isn't rejection. It's just no news.

Exactly , no news is indeed no news. That's correct. You ought to just give your parents the phrase that is currently situated in your "custom title" spot.
 

MDee

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Don't let your family influence you so much. My family doesn't even know I'm in med school--saves all of this stress.

:confused: Your family doesn't know you are in med school?

lol..should make for an interesting surprise when you reveal yourself as a licensed physician in a few years.
 

jr doctor in sd

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At least alot of you here are getting some kind of positive sugar-coated-support (even if it is making you crazy :beat:)

All my parents ever say is that they don't think I have what it takes to be a doctor and that if my grades aren't straight As i better start looking somewhere else :barf:
but forget them, ignore them, and do your own thing - it's what I'm doing :thumbup:
 

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understand the decision making from the school's side. However, my curiousity and my wanting the best for my child (MS-4 now) will never go away. I have spent many hours here trying to understand the "process" and still only have some understanding of the "process".

It is hard for any parent, especially premeds parents, to believe the smart, talented person that is their child will face rejection anywhere. The pride that the parent has in that child makes some parents feel a sense of accomplishment that is borrowed from the child's efforts and skills. The lives of the parents is all rolle

Many of us get a kick out of others always asking us what our child is doing now and responding that she will be a doctor in May. It is what causes many of us to ask our premed, med student, doctor child how the process works and to stand by to help if necessary.

BTW, my daughter just called and she is in rental car that broke down on I 95on her way to an interview dinner with VCU for residency position. I guess parents are a necessary evil in an emergency.

It is nice to be needed.
 

lisichka

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Nope--they don't need to know either. They've never been interested in my career decisions, and they'd rather see more grandchildren than another diploma on my wall (really just a metaphor because I don't display any diplomas nor will I in the future).

wait, do you go to med school in Rome, San Lorenzo? the beautiful Rome :love: i envy you so much. are you planning on coming back to the US? please share as much as you can. how is medicine there? wow:)
 

lisichka

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understand the decision making from the school's side. However, my curiousity and my wanting the best for my child (MS-4 now) will never go away. I have spent many hours here trying to understand the "process" and still only have some understanding of the "process".

It is hard for any parent, especially premeds parents, to believe the smart, talented person that is their child will face rejection anywhere. The pride that the parent has in that child makes some parents feel a sense of accomplishment that is borrowed from the child's efforts and skills. The lives of the parents is all rolle

Many of us get a kick out of others always asking us what our child is doing now and responding that she will be a doctor in May. It is what causes many of us to ask our premed, med student, doctor child how the process works and to stand by to help if necessary.

BTW, my daughter just called and she is in rental car that broke down on I 95on her way to an interview dinner with VCU for residency position. I guess parents are a necessary evil in an emergency.

It is nice to be needed.


it is interesting that you mention your daughter's profession to everyone. my mom is very superstitious, and she intentionally cut herself off from her extended family because she is afraid they will "curse" my plans:laugh: so she basically is isolated now, praying for me to get in.
 

spawn

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It's hard on us whether to ask or not ask- are we showing too much interest, or too little? We think our kids are brilliant, talented and accomplished people and deserve to be accepted. Having gone through this 2x, I see how miserable this process really is and emotionally draining for all you guys and for us.
Let your parents help as much as they can and try to include them. They will
feel better and you will too.
 

pakbabydoll

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Hey at leasts they constantly don't tell you that you can't do and so why bother even trying.
 
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