Patients asking for prayers

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Pwstcla

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In the South, patients sometimes ask me to pray with them. As an athiest, the words that bring me existential comfort are different than what these patients are looking for. A discussion about religion and medicine can take place elsewhere, but I'm wondering if anyone has some basic, standard prayers that could be offered if a patient asks me to say a prayer for them. While I may not share the beliefs, I would still like to have the option to offer this kind of comfort should the situation be appropriate.
Thanks

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In the South, patients sometimes ask me to pray with them. As an athiest, the words that bring me existential comfort are different than what these patients are looking for. A discussion about religion and medicine can take place elsewhere, but I'm wondering if anyone has some basic, standard prayers that could be offered if a patient asks me to say a prayer for them. While I may not share the beliefs, I would still like to have the option to offer this kind of comfort should the situation be appropriate.
Thanks

I was in a patient encounter with an attending who was asked to lead a prayer. He stated that perhaps the patient should lead the prayer and we all bowed our heads in respect as they prayed aloud. It was uncomfortable but it was a quick moment and the patient seemed satisfied. I don’t think you need to lead the prayer/have prayers ready to say, but instead perhaps be prepared to navigate these conversations and make space for the patient’s comfort, while appreciating your own.
 
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I would not feel Iike you need some prayers in your back pocket if that’s not what you believe. If someone asks for that, I would encourage them or someone else with them to pray, and you can spend that moment with them.

It could get a little uncomfortable if they ask you why don’t you want to pray, and you can tell them that’s not something you do, but you’d be happy to spend that moment with them. Religious folks don’t tend to look for making non-religious folks pray. It’s weird for everybody.
 
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"I'd be happy to sit with you while you pray."
 
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"I didn't know what to do b/c I'm not the best with your prayer, so I brought a friend to help me help you and so that I can learn from you both"

*walks in with chaplain*
 
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"I'd be happy to sit with you while you pray."

This is perfectly acceptable if it’s an “in the moment” kind of thing, and a chaplain isn’t available. It’s more important that you respect your patient’s faith than that you share it.
 
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Lots of great advice here, but doesn’t look like anyone actually answered your question. I agree with above that you should politely create a situation where someone else prays and you support. That being said, you asked for a prayer to say: anything you wish for the patient, you can simply ask for from God (for Christianity, I can’t speak for other religions). If you wish the patients procedure is safe, just switch it up to “God, please watch over the procedure and keep the patient safe”. Etc
 
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In the South, patients sometimes ask me to pray with them. As an athiest, the words that bring me existential comfort are different than what these patients are looking for. A discussion about religion and medicine can take place elsewhere, but I'm wondering if anyone has some basic, standard prayers that could be offered if a patient asks me to say a prayer for them. While I may not share the beliefs, I would still like to have the option to offer this kind of comfort should the situation be appropriate.
Thanks
Ask them to lead the prayer
 
If they're christian the "our father" is a universally christian prayer and short and sweet
 
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I hold their hand and say something like, "May you find comfort in this time, recovery from your ailments, the blessings of loved ones."
I generally don't say who I am directing it at, and I don't day Amen, though my patients do. That way, I am putting those positive vibes out there, my words reflect how I feel and the patient can take it as a kindness.
 
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"Ma'am, I will keep you in my thoughts and abide with you, but I reckon I should not lead a prayer for you. I'm just a med student and not even the nurses listen to me, much less answer my requests. Why don't you wait for your medicine doctor to come round and ask him? Surely, the neurosurgeon will listen to him."
 
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"May we pray for the return of our Lord below..."
 
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As a fellow atheist, I feel ya.

I usually go with something like "I pray that [patient name] receives strength during this time of uncertainty/recovery/illness, and that the love of their friends and family brings them comfort and support as they weather this storm in their life." Etc. If they're super nervous and/or want them to continue, pass that baton right along: "I pray that [patient name]'s fears are comforted, and their hopes are elevated. May [patient name]'s thoughts, hopes, and fears in this moment be heard" --> stare at patient until they express thoughts/hopes/fears.

They don't have to know you're praying to the squirrel on the tree outside the window. ;)
 
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My attending has been praying with a bunch of his patients in front of us. He personalizes it to the patient‘s diagnosis. He usually says something along the lines of “lord god, please look after your child/servant (name) during this trying time in his life. He is weak and his (lungs, whatever) are sick. Guide the hands of the staff taking care of him so he can return to the level of function that you intend for him, so he can enjoy his life and activities. Please heal him as you are the ultimate physician. We ask this in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.”

He goes on much longer than that but I’ve forgotten most of it.

I agree with the person who said that most religious people will not knowingly make a non-religious person pray, but it has also been my experience that many (not all) deeply religious people are uncomfortable with healthcare providers who are also not religious, so telling them you don’t pray may destroy your relationship with the patient. I’ve had people straight up say that they don’t want a godless person touching them because if god is not guiding their hands, they are worried that they will have a bad outcome or die on the operating table if the atheist is a surgeon. Welcome to the South!

It’s much easier to just pray so you can get your job done without offending the patient. I agree to an extent that we should honor the wishes of a patient who doesn’t want an atheist touching them, but IMO this is easier to navigate as a hospital employee than a med student. Since many hospitals have a policy that you can’t or shouldn’t talk about religion with patients, you could get dinged in your eval for being inappropriate if you have to explain why the patient doesn’t want you taking care of them, as the patient should never find out what your beliefs are.
 
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My attending has been praying with a bunch of his patients in front of us. He personalizes it to the patient‘s diagnosis. He usually says something along the lines of “lord god, please look after your child/servant (name) during this trying time in his life. He is weak and his (lungs, whatever) are sick. Guide the hands of the staff taking care of him so he can return to the level of function that you intend for him, so he can enjoy his life and activities. Please heal him as you are the ultimate physician. We ask this in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.”

He goes on much longer than that but I’ve forgotten most of it.

I agree with the person who said that most religious people will not knowingly make a non-religious person pray, but it has also been my experience that many (not all) deeply religious people are uncomfortable with healthcare providers who are also not religious, so telling them you don’t pray may destroy your relationship with the patient. I’ve had people straight up say that they don’t want a godless person touching them because if god is not guiding their hands, they are worried that they will have a bad outcome or die on the operating table if the atheist is a surgeon. Welcome to the South!

It’s much easier to just pray so you can get your job done without offending the patient. I agree to an extent that we should honor the wishes of a patient who doesn’t want an atheist touching them, but IMO this is easier to navigate as a hospital employee than a med student. Since many hospitals have a policy that you can’t or shouldn’t talk about religion with patients, you could get dinged in your eval for being inappropriate if you have to explain why the patient doesn’t want you taking care of them, as the patient should never find out what your beliefs are.

Honestly, i don't think i'll ever consider practicing in the south if this is a pervasive sentiment among patients even during current times.

Also how much of this is actually religious vs a specific religion (say Christianity)? Because i'd rather have the relationship destroyed if i'm getting discriminated for not being a Christian (as an example)
 
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Honestly, i don't think i'll ever consider practicing in the south if this is a pervasive sentiment among patients even during current times.
From my experience, it definitely happens but isn't super common. In over three years of working in a MICU and SICU in Texas, I only had a single patient encounter where it came up and I even worked in a faith-based hospital system at that time. But that one encounter did take much longer than it would have if I had decided to play along and pretend we had the same beliefs instead of politely refusing.
 
Honestly, i don't think i'll ever consider practicing in the south if this is a pervasive sentiment among patients even during current times.

Also how much of this is actually religious vs a specific religion (say Christianity)? Because i'd rather have the relationship destroyed if i'm getting discriminated for not being a Christian (as an example)

I lived and worked in the OR in the South for years and literally never had a patient ask anyone their faith or even ask for prayer. I’ve had a patient ask if they could pray, but that’s it. And this was at a hospital named Saint Marks. I was not Christian at the time and no one ever asked.
 
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Honestly, i don't think i'll ever consider practicing in the south if this is a pervasive sentiment among patients even during current times.

Also how much of this is actually religious vs a specific religion (say Christianity)? Because i'd rather have the relationship destroyed if i'm getting discriminated for not being a Christian (as an example)
What do you mean "even during current times?"

Having done med school and residency in the south, I agree with @Matthew9Thirtyfive that patients asking for prayer is the exception rather than the norm and I can remember only one time where my patient's religious views significantly affected our relationship. I've been in the mid-Atlantic region for about the last 5 years and can similarly recall one time where it was relevant--meaning, you'll encounter these kinds of sentiments at some point during your career, regardless of where you practice, and you should consider how you will choose to respond. There are plenty of good suggestions in this thread for how to handle these uncommon situations when they arise without needing to destroy the relationship or compromise your own values.
 
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From my experience, it definitely happens but isn't super common. In over three years of working in a MICU and SICU in Texas, I only had a single patient encounter where it came up and I even worked in a faith-based hospital system at that time. But that one encounter did take much longer than it would have if I had decided to play along and pretend we had the same beliefs instead of politely refusing.

I lived and worked in the OR in the South for years and literally never had a patient ask anyone their faith or even ask for prayer. I’ve had a patient ask if they could pray, but that’s it. And this was at a hospital named Saint Marks. I was not Christian at the time and no one ever asked.

What do you mean "even during current times?"

Having done med school and residency in the south, I agree with @Matthew9Thirtyfive that patients asking for prayer is the exception rather than the norm and I can remember only one time where my patient's religious views significantly affected our relationship. I've been in the mid-Atlantic region for about the last 5 years and can similarly recall one time where it was relevant--meaning, you'll encounter these kinds of sentiments at some point during your career, regardless of where you practice, and you should consider how you will choose to respond. There are plenty of good suggestions in this thread for how to handle these uncommon situations when they arise without needing to destroy the relationship or compromise your own values.
Thanks that's a lot more reassuring
 
Honestly, i don't think i'll ever consider practicing in the south if this is a pervasive sentiment among patients even during current times.

Also how much of this is actually religious vs a specific religion (say Christianity)? Because i'd rather have the relationship destroyed if i'm getting discriminated for not being a Christian (as an example)
It’s a deep South thing. There’s South, and there’s deep South, and it’s a completely different population of people. It’s entirely Christianity, and they assume you’re Christian, too. And it doesn’t even really matter what state it’s in, it has more to do with size of the area you’re in.

I’ve worked in more urban Georgia - rarely did something like that happen. Urban/suburban Florida - never. Urban North Carolina - rarely. Rural Florida - often. Rural GA - often. Rural MS - the most LOL. I can say you can probably stratify it by the size of the community. Stay out of towns with less than 50,000 people or so if you don’t want to deal with this kind of behavior.

The urban South and the rural towns 30 miles outside of the cities might as well be on different planets tbh.
 
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The urban South and the rural towns 30 miles outside of the cities might as well be on different planets tbh.

The place I was talking about was very rural. 1,600 people in town. It wasn’t the Deep South though. Definitely very rural though.
 
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I’m from the very rural, very Deep South, and grew up in a town with 2,500 people. While we might assume that everyone is religious to some degree (there’s a church on every corner, it’s a relatively safe assumption), I’ve never asked anyone about their faith, never been asked about my faith in a clinical setting (and I worked hospice), or seen anyone ask about the faith of a doctor or comment that they wouldn’t want a doctor of a faith differing from theirs. I’ve had my own doctors and nurses ask if they can pray with me though.

You’re more likely to catch some flack for not pulling for the “right” college football team than religion.
 
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