Performance anxiety

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biomom

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I am working online running groups with a team of people. This is a manualized program I am unfamiliar with but am working on learning. I’m also struggling with the technology and connecting with heads in little boxes. These are all things I know I would become comfortable with over time. The Problem is my boss. We team up together. She constantly interrupts me, corrects me etc in front of clients. The last time this happened, I asked for feedback. She told me that she is a control freak and wants things done her way. I was given no feedback on my performance or what she would like to see from me. I was told that not everyone will be asked to continue with this job. This has led to me having terrible performance anxiety. I have no idea what I’m doing wrong. There is no direction. I feel like I’m going to lose this job. Can anyone offer me some direction or encouragement?

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Fine the anger. Assume this jerk cannot be better than you. Back that posture up. They have an opinion? You ask them to reconcile that with the following 20 articles.

There is almost no way to lose at this. You either learn or win.

and a limbic response means you won.
 
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Fine the anger. Assume this jerk cannot be better than you. Back that posture up. They have an opinion? You ask them to reconcile that with the following 20 articles.

There is almost no way to lose at this. You either learn or win.

and a limbic response means you won.
Thanks for this. I’ve been thinking about your advice for a couple of days. I think I need to stop doubting myself and just keep focusing on learning and doing the best job I can. I’ve learned hard things before. I’ve successfully worked with difficult people. I can do this now. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. I can only do my best. If my boss won’t give me feedback and insists on doing things herself, it is a reflection on her, not me.
 
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She told me that she is a control freak and wants things done her way.
Some people are terrible to facilitate group with and it sounds like your boss, in her own way, is perhaps acknowledging that.
She constantly interrupts me, corrects me etc in front of clients.
Are the roles clearly defined for this group and intervention? Is there a genuine need for the group to be co-led? I've also found that it's way more difficult to co-led online due to tech lag and not being able to read body language/cues.

Perhaps getting on the same page about group process this might be more fruitful than asking for feedback on how you are doing since it sounds like your boss wants things to be perfect and has some very clear thoughts on what that would look like.
If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. I can only do my best. If my boss won’t give me feedback and insists on doing things herself, it is a reflection on her, not me.
+1 and good luck!
 
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Some people are terrible to facilitate group with and it sounds like your boss, in her own way, is perhaps acknowledging that.

Are the roles clearly defined for this group and intervention? Is there a genuine need for the group to be co-led? I've also found that it's way more difficult to co-led online due to tech lag and not being able to read body language/cues.

Perhaps getting on the same page about group process this might be more fruitful than asking for feedback on how you are doing since it sounds like your boss wants things to be perfect and has some very clear thoughts on what that would look like.

+1 and good luck!
Thanks for your response. I honestly don’t believe there is a need for the group I’m leading to be co-led, although the roles are clearly defined. I can appreciate that my boss is a control freak because it’s her business. At the same time, she called me a perfectionist and said perfectionism has its roots in white supremacy, so …. I think asking about process is a good idea. This is definitely a challenge for me, but I’m giving it my best effort. It is a learning experience for sure.
 
At the same time, she called me a perfectionist and said perfectionism has its roots in white supremacy, so ….
Sounds like your boss has a bit of a touch of a personality disorder...

Anyway, when I was learning my first group manualized treatment (Incredible Years), we gave that intervention with two facilitators. The roles were kinda divided into that (A) content person and (B) process person.

The content person's job was to deliver information, more or less. The process persons job that night was to pull back, pick up themes, act as metacognition, link things together, write on the whiteboard, etc.

Anyway, it's a skill to learn how to work with difficult people and people who are over you. Sometimes that means learning to tolerate them. Especially if you are working under their license. Treat this as a learning experience. If your boss decides you shouldn't continue in this role DO NOT GENERALIZE THAT TO YOURSELF AS A WHOLE.

BTW - I didn't get picked up for my postdoc, but another postdoc did. I felt hurt about this. Rejection is never fun. But, I ended up landing a job making 40k more than her, in a role that was needed, gives me a ton of value, etc. As my old nurse practitioner said "the Goddess is looking out for you (she used to pretend she was getting messages from the "Goddess" in a joking way, as her way of making process comments). She retired recently and miss her so much. But, I wouldn't be doing such important work if my p-doc supervisor picked me up.

Also, my pdoc supe did say something like (massively paraphrased) "Why would I hire you? You're a dude and just gonna start your own practice in a few years. I prefer to hire women because they want kids and are less likely to start their own thing." That told me a lot about him. No matter how much of a "fross" he was... (portmanteau friendly + boss).
 
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Sounds like your boss has a bit of a touch of a personality disorder...

Anyway, when I was learning my first group manualized treatment (Incredible Years), we gave that intervention with two facilitators. The roles were kinda divided into that (A) content person and (B) process person.

The content person's job was to deliver information, more or less. The process persons job that night was to pull back, pick up themes, act as metacognition, link things together, write on the whiteboard, etc.

Anyway, it's a skill to learn how to work with difficult people and people who are over you. Sometimes that means learning to tolerate them. Especially if you are working under their license. Treat this as a learning experience. If your boss decides you shouldn't continue in this role DO NOT GENERALIZE THAT TO YOURSELF AS A WHOLE.

BTW - I didn't picked up for my postdoc, but another postdoc did. I felt hurt about this. Rejection is never fun. But, I ended up landing a job making 40k more than her, in a role that was needed, gives me a ton of value, etc. As my old nurse practitioner said "the Goddess is looking out for you (she used to pretend she was getting messages from the "Goddess" in a joking way, as her way of making process comments). She retired recently and miss her so much. But, I wouldn't be doing such important work if my p-doc supervisor picked me up.

Also, my pdoc supe did say something like (massively paraphrased) "Why would I hire you? You're a dude and just gonna start your own practice in a few years. I prefer to hire women because they want kids and are less likely to start their own thing." That told me a lot about him. No matter how much of a "fross" he was... (portmanteau friendly + boss).
Thank you for your thoughtful response. This is a learning experience for sure. I’m starting to think I don’t care if she wants to keep me. I don’t necessarily want to stay. This is not my problem.
 
This is not acceptable. She need to get a hold on her freakiness because obviously her supervision is failing.
I’m supposed to present the didactic portion of the group tomorrow night. Her slides don’t match up and she added extra slides not in the manual. Many of the video links don’t work. These are her slides. I contacted her about this but never heard back. I feel set up to fail. There’s not much I can do.
 
I’m supposed to present the didactic portion of the group tomorrow night. Her slides don’t match up and she added extra slides not in the manual. Many of the video links don’t work. These are her slides. I contacted her about this but never heard back. I feel set up to fail. There’s not much I can do.
If you read this in time, prepare a shadow talk with your own voice alongside her talk, preface your talk with the fact that these slides where "graciously prepared by _______." Please don't let this individual's issues compromise your efforts.

I had a similar situation (my mentor borrowed my talk notes to make a copy bc she forgot hers, and returned a wrong copy at the last minute). I bombed. What I regret is that I did not bring two hardcopies, or haven't been well-versed enough yet to do talks from memory, but most importantly, I won't let someone else sabotage me (willing or unwillingly again). So chiming in with a heads-up to prepare for yourself, don't rely on anyone who you think may (even slightly) set you up to fail. Good luck! Speak from your experience, and you'll do great. And...last pep talk mantra...it's a dress rehearsal. :luck:
 
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If you read this in time, prepare a shadow talk with your own voice alongside her talk, preface your talk with the fact that these slides where "graciously prepared by _______." Please don't let this individual's issues compromise your efforts.

I had a similar situation (my mentor borrowed my talk notes to make a copy bc she forgot hers, and returned a wrong copy at the last minute). I bombed. What I regret is that I did not bring two hardcopies, or haven't been well-versed enough yet to do talks from memory, but most importantly, I won't let someone else sabotage me (willing or unwillingly again). So chiming in with a heads-up to prepare for yourself, don't rely on anyone who you think may (even slightly) set you up to fail. Good luck! Speak from your experience, and you'll do great. And...last pep talk mantra...it's a dress rehearsal. :cool:
After working on my part for days, she announced 30 min before that I was doing a different part. I tried my best and it seemed to be going well. Then she interrupted me and took over. She ended up crashing and burning. It was painful to watch. In our break, she called me on the phone. The class was over Zoom. I had my mic and video off and she was also dark. She started ranting about how badly she was doing and was commenting on me. She started talking about the parents in the group. That’s when I realized I could hear her through the computer and my phone. I froze. I tried to interrupt her but she kept going and then it was over. I feel terrible but at the same time she should have checked her mic. I hate that I feel responsible for this.
 
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Personally, I'd be looking for a new place to work, stat. This boss sounds like a disaster who's now found someone new to whom to vent and on whom to displace her insufficiencies.
I agree. I spent last night wondering why so many mh professionals let their freak flags fly. I have my issues for sure, but I try to hide them. LOL.
 
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After working on my part for days, she announced 30 min before that I was doing a different part. I tried my best and it seemed to be going well. Then she interrupted me and took over. She ended up crashing and burning. It was painful to watch. In our break, she called me on the phone. The class was over Zoom. I had my mic and video off and she was also dark. She started ranting about how badly she was doing and was commenting on me. She started talking about the parents in the group. That’s when I realized I could hear her through the computer and my phone. I froze. I tried to interrupt her but she kept going and then it was over. I feel terrible but at the same time she should have checked her mic. I hate that I feel responsible for this.
What a train wreck.
 
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After working on my part for days, she announced 30 min before that I was doing a different part. I tried my best and it seemed to be going well. Then she interrupted me and took over. She ended up crashing and burning. It was painful to watch. In our break, she called me on the phone. The class was over Zoom. I had my mic and video off and she was also dark. She started ranting about how badly she was doing and was commenting on me. She started talking about the parents in the group. That’s when I realized I could hear her through the computer and my phone. I froze. I tried to interrupt her but she kept going and then it was over. I feel terrible but at the same time she should have checked her mic. I hate that I feel responsible for this.
How completely nuts that you predicted this?!? I agree with above...can you find a new gig? I can PM you (when I get a moment...to commiserate) about how I handled a testy Supervisor upon exit interview. I taught her a lesson in psychodynamic theory in vivo, if I may say so myself. :cool: We left on semi-good terms because I saw her frequently during postdoc, and we remain cool, superficial colleagues. So there's that.

You deserve some healthy, positive self-care. Treat yourself. No one deserves to be undermined when they are learning, especially by those teaching, unless it is mutually-beneficial & productive undermining, which this doesn't seem like & I don't know what looks like - but you get my drift).

Edit: Back here to say about the mic being on...Remember (like with clients/patients): If this is happening with you (her sabotaging, and you getting the sense it would happen, and >BAM<, it happens), you know it's likely her pattern that most experience with her. Like that movie, 'GET OUT'...migrate quickly, professionally, and joyfully away from her toxic orbit. And pat yourself on the back, because you're developing your own skills, in spite of her. ❤️
 
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I haven’t quit because we’re part way through a 15 week session. I don’t want to be disruptive to the group members. Last Night I was to do the didactic section and I prepared well. During group, she told me to do the homework. I explained I would do the didactic. She finished the homework but instead of setting me up with the 25 slides that go with the script, she put up a single list with all topics and expected me to speak from memory. It was a disaster. I held my own and remembered most things, but she criticized me publicly for not being perfect. Once my humiliation was over, she jumped to the slides and finished things. I couldn’t believe it.
 
As un update, I got over my performance anxiety. My boss had a meltdown on week 7 of 16 because she ran out of money. She blamed the group participants for not working hard enough and abruptly ended the group. She started sending out ugly emails when people asked for partial refunds. Why can’t I find a mentally healthy boss?
 
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As un update, I got over my performance anxiety. My boss had a meltdown on week 7 of 16 because she ran out of money. She blamed the group participants for not working hard enough and abruptly ended the group. She started sending out ugly emails when people asked for partial refunds. Why can’t I find a mentally healthy boss?
What do you mean she ran out of money?

This sounds incredibly toxic for the patients. I’d consider making a formal complaint to APA about this person.
 
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As un update, I got over my performance anxiety. My boss had a meltdown on week 7 of 16 because she ran out of money. She blamed the group participants for not working hard enough and abruptly ended the group. She started sending out ugly emails when people asked for partial refunds. Why can’t I find a mentally healthy boss?
I didn't scroll up to familiarize myself with all this. So...that said. If this is really true:

Yea. I don't know what this means? If your supervisor is working on a grant or something, financial management of said grant monies is her concern/responsibility, no one else's. This should not be news to them if they have made it this far. This is not your problem. All this is of course the same if she is purely clinical staff, and her performance based on RVUs or something. Patients are patients, and have their own problems and needs, obviously. Its the whole roll with the resistance thing, right? Not your problem. And her financial concerns are not her patient's problems, either, of course.

If your boss is psychiatrically impaired/compromised in some way that you truly know, I would consider reporting her to the state board...with LOTS of supporting evidence. I don't think the APA has adjudicated complaints for many years now?

PS: I just now read your initial post, and the first response after that.

While I hypothesize @PsyDr may have had one too many martinis at that point to make it crystal clear...I think he is saying your boss may actually belong in a smelly home for the clinically goofy, and thus by challenging them with empirical studies...you "win" whether they throw a subsequent tantrum or not???
 
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I didn't scroll up to familiarize myself with all this. So...that said. If this is really true:

Yea. I don't know what this means? If your supervisor is working on a grant or something, financial management of said grant monies is her concern/responsibility, no one else's. This should not be news to them if they have made it this far. This is not your problem. All this is of course the same if she is purely clinical staff, and her performance based on RVUs or something. Patients are patients, and have their own problems and needs, obviously. Its the whole roll with the resistance thing, right? Not your problem. And her financial concerns are not her patient's problems, either, of course.

If your boss is psychiatrically impaired/compromised in some way that you truly know, I would consider reporting her to the state board...with LOTS of supporting evidence. I don't think the APA has adjudicated complaints for many years now?

PS: I just now read your initial post, and the first response after that.

While I hypothesize @PsyDr may have had one too many martinis at that point to make it crystal clear...I think he is saying your boss may actually belong in a smelly home for the clinically goofy, and thus by challenging them with empirical studies...you "win" whether they throw a subsequent tantrum or not???


1) I haven’t had a martini in forever.

2) If someone is entering into a logical debate, the best preparation is to understand the form of the debate, and have a superior knowledge base. If your opponent actually wants to debate the merits of different riders, they will show you the merits of your position. If they just want to win, they’ll have an emotional response when confronted with superior knowledge. If you prepare accordingly, you benefit from learning in preparation. If they freak out, you benefit from knowing they just want to be correct.
 
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What do you mean she ran out of money?

This sounds incredibly toxic for the patients. I’d consider making a formal complaint to APA about this person.
This is her business. She offered half price to clients and then couldn’t pay her therapists etc. Poor management. This was on her.
 
What do you mean she ran out of money?

This sounds incredibly toxic for the patients. I’d consider making a formal complaint to APA about this person.

The worst that APA can do is kick you out of APA. If you had a well documented and verifiable ethical or statute violation, you'd go to the state board. We're also assuming this boss is a licensed psychologist, rather than another degree/license type. I don't think that it has been specified yet.
 
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The worst that APA can do is kick you out of APA. If you had a well documented and verifiable ethical or statute violation, you'd go to the state board. We're also assuming this boss is a licensed psychologist, rather than another degree/license type. I don't think that it has been specified yet.
That’s what I meant! 🥴
 
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