hey,
i'm going to paste what my advisor told me...he used to be on an adcom. and he's a great guy!
"The personal statement, by its very name, gives it a dimension that makes
criticism a difficult undertaking. What you need to ask yourself is
whether or not you have covered all the bases. I think that the personal
statement should address the following areas, either directly or by
inference: why you want to be a physician; what has motivated/inspired you
along the way---people, events, circumstances, activities, et al.; that you
perform well and are enriched by team/collaborative experiences; that you
have a lifelong commitment to care for the ill and to continually advance
your knowledge of science; that you recognize the challenges of this
profession and, while confident that you will be able to fulfill the
expectations, are duly humbled by the magnitude of the
undertaking. Obviously, there is no prescriptive formula for success with
the personal statement, and when it comes down to it, the important thing
is that the essay feels right to you. Sometimes, in trying to "cover all
of the bases," content-wise the spirit/essence of your intentions gets
muted or altered. Try to find a comfortable ground that carries out your
objectives, as well as what you may think the medical schools are
seeking. Also, keep in mind that the AMCAS personal statement is only one
piece of the admissions puzzle---you will have other writing opportunities
in the individual school applications. And one last matter... as you
suggested, in terms of including your extracurricular experiences, you do
not want to dwell on these matters in the essay because that information is
available in other parts of the AMCAS application, and space is limited for
the essay."
hope this helps.