Poll: Do you plan on starting a family (kids AND significant other)

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Once you get past three and move to zone coverage instead of man-to-man, four or even five doesn't seem like a lot. That two to three transition is tough though.

Whatever you need to tell yourself. I’m happy on this side of sanity.

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[Doc 1 Day]

Applying to med school right now with a baby on the way. It will be busy, but I am excited to for the future!

 

[TheRealCookieMonster]

Pretty big oversimplification. If that was the case then no liberals would be getting married. No liberals would want to get a job and earn a living. etc.

No. Ironically your statement is the one that's oversimplified... liberal people still have conservative values. Your example doesn't mean traditional =/= conservative. It simply illustrates that people labeled as "liberals" are also conservative/traditional in many ways.

 

[wb100]

I'm in my mid 20's and my fiancee just hit 30. We're both very liberal and never wanted kids/marriage until we met each other. Things can change as time progresses, but I still don't want kids until my mid 30's. Right now our careers, hobbies, and travel interests are our priority. With all the advancements in fertility etc I'm not too worried about having kids late(ish).

 

[dr_kateb]

No. Ironically your statement is the one that's oversimplified... liberal people still have conservative values. Your example doesn't mean traditional =/= conservative. It simply illustrates that people labeled as "liberals" are also conservative/traditional in many ways.

You're the one that asked for clarification so I simplified it for you.

 

[TheRealCookieMonster]

You're the one that asked for clarification so I simplified it for you.

Thank you for playing. Better luck next time.

 

[dr_kateb]

Thank you for playing. Better luck next time.

lol coming from the guy that just repeated what I just said in my first post without realizing it.

 

[militaryPHYS]

Let's stay on topic and avoid the political stuff. OP is just asking if people are planning on starting a family after medical school.

A lot of PREMEDs or Med Studs may have preconceived thoughts that it isn't possible to have a family or that having a family will make you a worse doctor. Both are not true, but you do have to make sacrifices one way or another (either at home or at work). Most people find their balance so if you want to have kids, don't let medicine stop you or delay your life plans. It is just like any other job.

 

[NYCVillain]

I want a lil me so yea

 

[deleted895369]

I think my family and background fits the bill for what OP is alluding to with the whole "traditional values". Basically, I was told by my very conservative mother that I am sinning and that I am a disappointment for not wanting a family. According to her, I am being selfish for wanting a career over family, especially because I don't want to be a stay a home mom.
And in response to the poll, I'm a female and I do not want to start a family, even though I've been pressured to.

 

[TheRealCookieMonster]

selfish for wanting a career over family

I love this one. Here it all the time from people who decided family instead of career. lol your decision has to be morally wrong, not just different.

 

[NicMouse64]

I love this one. Here it all the time from people who decided family instead of career. lol your decision has to be morally wrong, not just different.

In liberal land where many of my friends are super hardcore feminists any women who choose to stay at home are either stupid or oppressed.

 

[wb100]

In liberal land where many of my friends are super hardcore feminists any women who choose to stay at home are either stupid or oppressed.

That’s not feminism.

 

[puahate]

Kids are gross and there's no guarantee they will be successful.

 

[ExcitatorySynapse]

In liberal land where many of my friends are super hardcore feminists any women who choose to stay at home are either stupid or oppressed.

It's a choice. Not all choices need to be pro or anti feminist, i.e. relating positively or negatively to the advancement of women.
My own mom stayed at home because it was considered the cultural norm (to the objections of my dad), and she was totally miserable. It may have helped me in some ways, but I'm not really sure. She went back to school and ended up getting a masters and a PhD in the basic sciences and I'm quite proud of her for it

Anyway in my developmental biology class, I think I learned that egg viability is actually maximal in the early 20s and steadily declines after, but there's a *huge* drop off after 41, which really surprised me, but seems to be in line with other biological phenomena. I think I would like to have 1, with a maximum of 2 children. Honestly, just based on my personality, I don't think I could really stand being the clear 'provider' in a relationship, but I also see that success in my career path requires a very large time commitment, so I'm not sure how it will all shake out. My mentor told me how, during his postdoc after his residency, he spent so much time in the lab that he wheeled himself from bench to bench, but ultimately published 15 papers and was offered positions at several institutions. His wife is a FM who works part time, and they have 3 kids.

OTOH, I am kind of used to getting ghosted and blown off by my busy friends, so maybe a similar partner won't be that much of a change. *makes plans a few days in advance*, *15 min after agreed upon time* "Coming!", *3 hours later* "Sorry I had some RA duties, omw now!", *finally shows up 30 min later*

 

[NicMouse64]

That’s not feminism.

I hear that argument a lot. Maybe it's not. But those who are loudest in support of feminism are also the ones spouting out this bs.

 

[militaryPHYS]

I think my family and background fits the bill for what OP is alluding to with the whole "traditional values". Basically, I was told by my very conservative mother that I am sinning and that I am a disappointment for not wanting a family. According to her, I am being selfish for wanting a career over family, especially because I don't want to be a stay a home mom.
And in response to the poll, I'm a female and I do not want to start a family, even though I've been pressured to.

Easy for me to say....but try not to let anyone pressure you one way or the other. Start a family if you meet someone and want to, don't if you don't want to. Also don't let medicine pressure you one way or another. I think the decision to have a family or not is a personal decision and can be made without medicine in mind.

 

[militaryPHYS]

Second call for avoiding the politics and us going down a rabbit hole to nowhere. There are forums available to discuss politics...Premedical - MD is not one of them

 

[Hirro]

Anyway in my developmental biology class, I think I learned that egg viability is actually maximal in the early 20s and steadily declines after, but there's a *huge* drop off after 41, which really surprised me, but seems to be in line with other biological phenomena.

While female development is now somewhat known, there are also studies and evidence suggesting males' age play a factor, mainly those older than 35-40. Higher risk/rate of defects/illness in newborns is a real concern in this regard.

 

[DokterMom]

Ladies -- (speaking directly to the women here who want to have children and are contemplating when)

I am, as you may have guessed from my avatar and screen name, rather older than most of you, and have seen a thing or two along my journey. And knowing what I now know, if there were only one piece of advice I could give to my teen daughter, it would be this: Secure your own financial future before having a child. Specifically, do what you need to do to safeguard your own individual earning potential so you will have the power to make your own personal life decisions independent of your hypothetical future spouse. Don't ever forfeit your choice.

So ladies, I would absolutely advise not having children before medical school unless you somehow have the financial resources (prior earnings, parents?) and support system to complete your education and also pay for needed childcare in the event of a divorce. I'd even argue against 4th year or PG1 because you would still face great hardships to obtaining full licensure as a single parent. After you're fully credentialed and can support yourself as a physician -- then you have options.

Divorce happens, and sometimes it's for the best and sometimes it's an unavoidable disaster. But it happens, and the last thing you want to do is have to choose between staying in a bad marriage to support your children and abandoning your education and career prospects to pay the bills now because your responsibilities as a parent force your hand.

Having children geometrically increases the number and variety of potential complications in your life, and most of those problems can be solved with an infusion of money. Wait until you have the money to have the baby.

 

[Mad Jack]

Hahahahaha. 74% never married and only 8% have kids by end of medical school. Seems about right based off how my classmates are

Most people settle down in residency. Half of my coresidents are married by second year of residency, and all but one is in a serious relationship

 

[TheRealCookieMonster]

Secure your own financial future

most of those problems can be solved with an infusion of money

Words to live by before committing to anything in life... The power of financial independence/security cannot be overstated.

 

[stayathomemom]

Ladies -- (speaking directly to the women here who want to have children and are contemplating when)

I am, as you may have guessed from my avatar and screen name, rather older than most of you, and have seen a thing or two along my journey. And knowing what I now know, if there were only one piece of advice I could give to my teen daughter, it would be this: Secure your own financial future before having a child. Specifically, do what you need to do to safeguard your own individual earning potential so you will have the power to make your own personal life decisions independent of your hypothetical future spouse. Don't ever forfeit your choice.

So ladies, I would absolutely advise not having children before medical school unless you somehow have the financial resources (prior earnings, parents?) and support system to complete your education and also pay for needed childcare in the event of a divorce. I'd even argue against 4th year or PG1 because you would still face great hardships to obtaining full licensure as a single parent. After you're fully credentialed and can support yourself as a physician -- then you have options.

Divorce happens, and sometimes it's for the best and sometimes it's an unavoidable disaster. But it happens, and the last thing you want to do is have to choose between staying in a bad marriage to support your children and abandoning your education and career prospects to pay the bills now because your responsibilities as a parent force your hand.

Having children geometrically increases the number and variety of potential complications in your life, and most of those problems can be solved with an infusion of money. Wait until you have the money to have the baby.

All of what you have mentioned is great advice. But as with all advice, it needs to not be taken blindly, but integrated into the circumstances in which you find yourself. I chose to do the exact opposite of your advice, and I do not regret it. But please note that I am still premed and have yet to go through the trials of med school and residency as a parent. My children will be older and fairly independent by that point (they already are). My marriage could have ended horribly, if my husband had a change of character once the rings were on or if he cheated and left, which would have been disastrous for me. But we're doing this as a team and I feel wonderfully supported. All of this to say, integrate DokterMom's advice into your decision making, but know that success is possible (if perhaps a little more fragile) if you don't follow it.

 

[DokterMom]

All of what you have mentioned is great advice. But as with all advice, it needs to not be taken blindly, but integrated into the circumstances in which you find yourself. I chose to do the exact opposite of your advice, and I do not regret it. But please note that I am still premed and have yet to go through the trials of med school and residency as a parent. My children will be older and fairly independent by that point (they already are). My marriage could have ended horribly, if my husband had a change of character once the rings were on or if he cheated and left, which would have been disastrous for me. But we're doing this as a team and I feel wonderfully supported. All of this to say, integrate DokterMom's advice into your decision making, but know that success is possible (if perhaps a little more fragile) if you don't follow it.

For some folks, this strategy works out wonderfully, and I sincerely hope your family will be among them. Your statement about your husband's character leads me to expect the best for you. Life is messy and circumstances change -- but character counts and ages well.

Me? I like my safety net

(In case anyone's wondering, this post was triggered by a female relative's new up-creek-sans-paddle situation. She and her two beautiful young children now face a rock vs. hard place future.)

 

[TheRealCookieMonster]

All of what you have mentioned is great advice. But as with all advice, it needs to not be taken blindly, but integrated into the circumstances in which you find yourself. I chose to do the exact opposite of your advice, and I do not regret it. But please note that I am still premed and have yet to go through the trials of med school and residency as a parent. My children will be older and fairly independent by that point (they already are). My marriage could have ended horribly, if my husband had a change of character once the rings were on or if he cheated and left, which would have been disastrous for me. But we're doing this as a team and I feel wonderfully supported. All of this to say, integrate DokterMom's advice into your decision making, but know that success is possible (if perhaps a little more fragile) if you don't follow it.

You can still get through med school married @stayathomemom , we don't hope anything less for you. But I would still encourage anyone to take DokterMom's advice blindly, assuming it applied to them. Because her advice no longer applies to you I would encourage you (your hubby) to take the advice of another great woman:

"The Quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail, to the ruin of all.
Yet hope remains while the Company is true." - Galadriel, Lady of Lórien