I am experiencing some sort of post-mcat depression here. It's so discouraging to know that you studied for that test the whole summer and yet on the actual one, you didn't do as well as you liked. I am actually starting to have nightmares about mcat every single night.
Last night i dreamt i got a 24 and that woke me up. Now I fall asleep in class everyday. =(
You certainly aren't alone; I deeply appreciate your position. From what I gather, many people are likely having similar experiences as you. I know I am. I certainly don't think I did as well as I did on my practice tests (that would be significantly less well! I also have fear thoughts about getting around a 24). But then again, if I could have done better, I would have. In other words, I did as well as I did. At least that provides me with some level of comfort. I think rather than beating yourself up, or focusing on the negative aspects of the situation, both of which are natural tendencies after such a huge transitional event, now's the time to open up to loving yourself and the exact test experience that you created this August as much as possible. After all, we can't very well change anything that already took place. If you feel the need to get critical, focus instead on what you can learn from your experience with curiosity.
Non-clinical depression, in my very humble and nonprofessional opinion, is often an experience marked with keeping feelings down and in. Do whatever you need to do to move all of it through to completion. It takes significant life energy to keep everything down. If all energy flows through the same hose, depression is like putting a crimp in the energetic hose, so to speak. What I have found useful in that past is to concentrate on fun, creative forms of expressing your inner experiences as you feel them right now. I sometimes like dancing wildly to music alone, letting everything go. Uncrimp your hose.
Besides, even though I don't know you, I know that you are bigger than your test score. Don't let it stop you from getting what you want, or from pursuing your passion.
Best of luck!
