Post Step 1 Blues

[deleted865881]

Hello everyone. Just wondering if anyone in here feels like or has ever felt like I have been the past few months. Ever since I got a horrible score on step 1 (sub 210), I’ve been feeling horrible about myself. I used to be a confident person, but now I take any criticism in a hyper sensitive way. I gained so much weight studying for step and I feel extremely ugly. I feel like I will never reach the potential I thought I had. I am a US med student at a new DO school in the south. I was interested in a competitive specialty, but now those dreams have been crushed. I even did research in the specialty in the summer after M1. I did my FM rotation and hated it, however I loved my IM rotation. I hate how my academic performance is tied into my self worth and how it has been all throughout my life. Now that I have underperformed massively compared to my practice test scores that were in the 250’s, I feel so horrible... can anyone give any advice? I know that there will be immense pressure on step 2 and I hope I can do well so I can match. I’ve never felt so dumb and inadequate in my life and it has destroyed my self confidence. I constantly feel insecure about my academic abilities, looks, and overall potential. I used to have such high standards for myself and I feel like I’ll never reach them. I don’t or ever had any suicidal thoughts but just feel hopeless at times, and take criticism from preceptors in a bad way. Has anyone ever felt like this? If so, how did you build confidence back up and succeed on step 2/matching?

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[MedDoc305]

Hello everyone. Just wondering if anyone in here feels like or has ever felt like I have been the past few months. Ever since I got a horrible score on step 1 (sub 210), I’ve been feeling horrible about myself. I used to be a confident person, but now I take any criticism in a hyper sensitive way. I gained so much weight studying for step and I feel extremely ugly. I feel like I will never reach the potential I thought I had. I am a US med student at a new DO school in the south. I was interested in a competitive specialty, but now those dreams have been crushed. I even did research in the specialty in the summer after M1. I did my FM rotation and hated it, however I loved my IM rotation. I hate how my academic performance is tied into my self worth and how it has been all throughout my life. Now that I have underperformed massively compared to my practice test scores that were in the 250’s, I feel so horrible... can anyone give any advice? I know that there will be immense pressure on step 2 and I hope I can do well so I can match. I’ve never felt so dumb and inadequate in my life and it has destroyed my self confidence. I constantly feel insecure about my academic abilities, looks, and overall potential. I used to have such high standards for myself and I feel like I’ll never reach them. I don’t or ever had any suicidal thoughts but just feel hopeless at times, and take criticism from preceptors in a bad way. Has anyone ever felt like this? If so, how did you build confidence back up and succeed on step 2/matching?

M1 here so take this with a grain of salt though I feel it is relatively accurate. As long as you haven't had any class/rotation failures you should match IM without difficulty if you apply broadly. Killing Step 2 will open up a lot more opportunities in both IM and other specialties, but even if you scored average you should be able to match IM, especially given you have research experience.

 

[DokterMom]

Ouch. I know it hurts, but don't let one bad test score define who you are. While your career options will have narrowed, you are still the bright, capable young doctor-to-be who scored in the 250's on practice tests. Some lucky IM program (which you loved, remember?) -- Some lucky IM program is going to get a much brighter student than they might expect, so hold your head high and be that student again. You will be able to match into IM, and from there, into any number of specialties if that's what you choose to do.

You had one bad day. But as your practice scores demonstrate, you're not that person. Take some nice long walks where you can clear your head and paint some nice future-pictures of you in an IM world. The fresh air and exercise will help in any number of ways, and once you secure that residency (which you will - really) that one test score will cease to matter for the rest of your life.

 

[Roxas]

Hello everyone. Just wondering if anyone in here feels like or has ever felt like I have been the past few months. Ever since I got a horrible score on step 1 (sub 210), I’ve been feeling horrible about myself. I used to be a confident person, but now I take any criticism in a hyper sensitive way. I gained so much weight studying for step and I feel extremely ugly. I feel like I will never reach the potential I thought I had. I am a US med student at a new DO school in the south. I was interested in a competitive specialty, but now those dreams have been crushed. I even did research in the specialty in the summer after M1. I did my FM rotation and hated it, however I loved my IM rotation. I hate how my academic performance is tied into my self worth and how it has been all throughout my life. Now that I have underperformed massively compared to my practice test scores that were in the 250’s, I feel so horrible... can anyone give any advice? I know that there will be immense pressure on step 2 and I hope I can do well so I can match. I’ve never felt so dumb and inadequate in my life and it has destroyed my self confidence. I constantly feel insecure about my academic abilities, looks, and overall potential. I used to have such high standards for myself and I feel like I’ll never reach them. I don’t or ever had any suicidal thoughts but just feel hopeless at times, and take criticism from preceptors in a bad way. Has anyone ever felt like this? If so, how did you build confidence back up and succeed on step 2/matching?

Chin up, my friend. Some of us were already fat, ugly, and unhappy before med school even started.

 

[Neopolymath]

You are not defined by your score.

On a lighter note, tiki taka is the worst style of soccer to watch

 

[hungrydoc710]

You are not defined by your score.

On a lighter note, tiki taka is the worst style of soccer to watch

Probably a Barca fan yuck

 

[hungrydoc710]

Get a 240+ on Step 2 and you still will be able to go for academic IM.
Keep grinding.

 

[Alkaidius]

Several things:

1) You have to take a step back and re-examine what it is that you like about medicine, because there is so much overlap in different specialties. For example, maybe you can’t do general surgery, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be THE GUY that everyone goes to for central lines or thoracenteses.

2) Remember, your friends will still like you. Your family will still love you. Nobody worth having in your life thinks you’re a loser for underperforming on arguably the most difficult test in academia.

3) You still have every opportunity to be happy. Keep your eyes open as you continue through 3rd year. Don’t obsess over what you might not be able to achieve. Just pay attention and keep an open mind for what else you might like.

4) Step 2 is still huge and for some PDs even MORE important. There are a group of people who would look at a massive jump in score and think “hold up something doesn’t match up here, I want to know what happened”. ie, hope is not lost.

5) Continue to work hard and stay hungry. Impress people and get damn good letters. They count more than you think!

Keep grinding and good luck!

 

[AiRBagel]

Several things:

1) You have to take a step back and re-examine what it is that you like about medicine, because there is so much overlap in different specialties. For example, maybe you can’t do general surgery, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be THE GUY that everyone goes to for central lines or thoracenteses.

2) Remember, your friends will still like you. Your family will still love you. Nobody worth having in your life thinks you’re a loser for underperforming on arguably the most difficult test in academia.

3) You still have every opportunity to be happy. Keep your eyes open as you continue through 3rd year. Don’t obsess over what you might not be able to achieve. Just pay attention and keep an open mind for what else you might like.

4) Step 2 is still huge and for some PDs even MORE important. There are a group of people who would look at a massive jump in score and think “hold up something doesn’t match up here, I want to know what happened”. ie, hope is not lost.

5) Continue to work hard and stay hungry. Impress people and get damn good letters. They count more than you think!

Keep grinding and good luck!

Completely agree with that. I am a M4 on the same boat with OP. Got 20xon Step 1 and 49x on level 1. Had a lot of pressure after getting the scores back. It took me 3 months to overcome that sentiment. Study more and did Uworld 2x. Got 24x on Step 2. Glad it worked out well. I applied broadly 117 IM programs and had 16 invites. Mostly community hospitals. Just 2 academic programs. So far I have been to 12 of them. More then half of the PDs/APDs asked about my jump in steps. IMO, that is actually something good to talk about to show your coachability and how to deal with pressure. OP you are still good for IM. Just crush step 2 and you will match IM. Good luck

 

[Redpancreas]

Hello everyone. Just wondering if anyone in here feels like or has ever felt like I have been the past few months. Ever since I got a horrible score on step 1 (sub 210), I’ve been feeling horrible about myself. I used to be a confident person, but now I take any criticism in a hyper sensitive way. I gained so much weight studying for step and I feel extremely ugly. I feel like I will never reach the potential I thought I had. I am a US med student at a new DO school in the south. I was interested in a competitive specialty, but now those dreams have been crushed. I even did research in the specialty in the summer after M1. I did my FM rotation and hated it, however I loved my IM rotation. I hate how my academic performance is tied into my self worth and how it has been all throughout my life. Now that I have underperformed massively compared to my practice test scores that were in the 250’s, I feel so horrible... can anyone give any advice? I know that there will be immense pressure on step 2 and I hope I can do well so I can match. I’ve never felt so dumb and inadequate in my life and it has destroyed my self confidence. I constantly feel insecure about my academic abilities, looks, and overall potential. I used to have such high standards for myself and I feel like I’ll never reach them. I don’t or ever had any suicidal thoughts but just feel hopeless at times, and take criticism from preceptors in a bad way. Has anyone ever felt like this? If so, how did you build confidence back up and succeed on step 2/matching?

Many people will have set backs in the medical field whether its in the pre-med process or all the way when they're an attending. The first thing is to remember that Step 1 is a snapshot of your basic biology knowledge based of 3-12 months of preparation. It is not your ceiling/potential in clinical medicine. Do a thought experiment where you were transported to an island where the population's sole goal was to prepare you for Step 1. You were fed, conditioned, and tutored all for the purposes of acing step 1. If that were the case, you'd be sitting on a higher Step 1 score right now...but would that ultimately make you a better physician? No.

I acknowledge the medicine is unforgiving and the reality is that in many regards and a poor performance early on effectively closes doors to entire career fields. The harsh reality is that there are enough people with those scores to the point where your applications/strengths won't be showcased. In terms of what to do now, he's what I suggest.

1.) Take some time to relax and introspect about what you want from life. Be kind to yourself, relax, don't worry about that excess weight you have put on...you can address that when you're feeling better. What are your strengths, where can you contribute? Notice that I'm not asking you to abandon your dream in whatever field you wanted. I'm just saying take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Often times when we're in the thick of things we lose sight of it. Slowly allow yourself to recover.

2.) Realize that your cake is still not fully baked. Clinical grades/Step 2 CK are 2 major variables still on the table. Watch out though...an easy trap to fall into is to turn the pressure cooker back on for Step 2 and hang all your aspirations on a killer CK score to redeem your Step 1. Its a fools errand. I'm not saying you can't kill Step 2 but putting unnecessary pressure on yourself just makes it harder. 210ish is not a good score, but its not a red flag score and with even something average like a 240 on Step 2 will reassure people that your medical knowledge is not the issue. I would avoid trying to push yourself to 260+. You can try but it may backfire.

3.) While this may not apply to some of the uber competitive surgical subspecialties, I believe with persistence you can overcome lower board scores and match many competitive fields and with maybe even more persistence, luck, and connections can match into something very competitive. They key though is if you're willing to take the time (years) to do that? That's why you need some time to introspect and understand what you really want.

I'm sure you'll do very well.