We who were always overachievers. Who missed the dusk of our adolescence solving multiple-choice questions. If you did that, you studied way too hard, and are going to burn out. Sorry.
We who began our adult lives spending alternate days with corpses. You didn't spend every day in anatomy lab? What a scrub. Who carry bones in our bags and books that break our backs. Ipads, bro, ipads. Also, who the hell carries bones? Gross. Who spend the prime of our youth in the grime of wards. Who have already witnessed a lifetime's share of deaths. Who learn about depression but fail to recognise it in ourselves. Oh, we recognize it. We just bury it real, real deep.
We who have no definite college hours. Until you get to internship with the 80 hour limit... I recommend keeping a tally of every time an older resident or attending bitches about how easy you have it. It'll help pass the time. Who don white coats even in the heat of May. Only because I'm required to wear it and I'm not paying $40,000/year to get yelled at by the Dean who kind of looks like my dad. My dad yells at me for free all the time. Who are accustomed to the deadweight of stethoscopes around our necks. [B]Dead weight of a stethoscope? Try moving a patient under general anesthesia. Bro, do you even lift?[/B] Who will pursue likely teachers for a lesson even into the night. No, we avoid them, because they're trying to get us to do more work when we just want a minute of sleep.
We who also study law, sociology, psychology, entomology, nutrition, sanitation and statistics. Nah, the hospital pays people to know those things. Who are always between exams. Who neglect the pursuit of our other passions. These are true. Who sometimes cancel our own vacations. Who covet amphetamines. Anybody who's worked one shift in the ED will certainly say that nobody in their right mind covets amphetamines.
We who touch people slathered with stools, slime and psoriasis. Stools- only on the psych ward. Slime- what does that even mean? Psoriasis- how can you be slathered in psoriasis? Who have been sprayed by every infective fluid. Wear your eye protection, yo. Who are protected from a life with HIV by the flimsy rubber of gloves. Gloves are latex, dood. Who tempt its prolonged death every time we draw blood. Who laugh off our chances of contracting tuberculosis. Who know batchmates who have. My friend just seroconverted, she's not laughing.
We who study for four-and-a-half years but intern as peons. Who graduate after our peers have finished postgraduation. Who are the last to earn first salaries. Whose parents must support us well into our twenties. Whose futures are thwarted by the government every step of the way. A little off on the timing, but this is mostly true. Although, I'd add a part about always having the Plan B of going into radiology and counting fat stacks while you read films from your yacht.
We who sacrifice weekends to classes that propel us towards specialisation. Who must compete with each other for expertise you desperately need. I generally like my classmates... Who will slog for years to earn the letters you look for suffixing our names.
We whose friends have designated us perpetually busy. Whose presence at family functions is always greeted with surprise. Who are sick of the question, ‘what are you going to specialise in?' Solid points here.
We who have befriended no non-medical person since our course began. Who are no longer with our loves from before it did. Who date each other and discuss medicine. Gross. Who will advise you to procreate before thirty but who marry after it. This was clever, I'll allow it... except advance maternal age is 35! Trust me, the ladies in my class all have their 35th birthday marked on their calendars already.
We who trawl PlayStore for medical apps. Who have spent more on medical manuals than meals and movies combined. Who believe that the real problem is unregulated fertility. This is kinda a messed up thing to say. Who associate the first rains with malaria. Who are disillusioned by the fact that there is no health without wealth. Insert Affordable Care Act irreverent comment here. This post is long and I'm getting lazy.
We who are hunted and haunted by questions that have no answers. If that's the case, then it's Halloween all day every day. Who feel guilty when we know less than we should. Who fear that we will never be good enough. I don't fear it, I've just come to accept it.
We who cannot round off numbers. Unless it's a sodium level. Who are forbidden shortcuts. Who are not allowed to be judgemental. Who must help even the dregs of society.
We who cannot ever abandon logic. Who are rational but must allow for prejudices. Who have no choice but to listen. I'd make a strong argument that going to med school in the first place is irrational and illogical. The person who wrote this sure sounds like a premed.
We who will never tell you any of this. Except you just did. And now I just told you. [mic drop]
