Pre-Med Relationship Advice

[spectre]

Hi,

I have noticed how important it is for people to share their experiences throughout the med school application process in order to vent their anxiety and feelings to a system so unpredictable, that it prevents decent and well-educated people from becoming doctors. From what I've heard, it is intense and most of all, a frustrating experience. I'm not pre-med, although now I wish I would have in order to understand this situation, but my question is, has anyone been in a relationship with someone who is pre-med or in med school? How do you feel about your relationship? I am trying to understand one because my relationship ended abruptly when I thought things were getting better (ex-girlfriend is pre-med, recently got accepted). Dont get me wrong, I'm extremely happy for her and I know she will be one of the best. But I had hoped that once she got accepted into med school, our relationship would go back to the way they were... I was wrong. She continued to accomodate the med schools, striving to be the best in her class, leaving little room for us. With such a tight schedule (school, volunteering, proposals, papers, and STUDYING) it's hard to plan events and special occasions when someone is so busy. Eventually, our relationship became dull because we had slowly stopped spending quality time together .

After reading what everyone is going through through the application process, how do you feel about having a relationship such as this one? Is yours just as difficult? Am I being selfish? Should I move on? The hardest part was the pain it left me, as in any relationship...what does one do in a situation like this? And how do you do it?

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[Doctora Foxy]

Hi spectre, welcome to SDN

I have had a boyfriend for 3 years and he too gets very frustrated that I focus so much attention on getting into med school and paying less attention to him. In fact, he really hates SDN and gets very jealous that I forget to call him sometimes b/c I'm too busy reading all of these threads.

However, I'm really lucky that he has been very supportive of me in the process and so far says he has no problem with a long distance relatinship if I have to be in Chicago with him in Boston. I think our type of relationship is good---I'll be the stressed med student and he'll be the calm working man from 9-5. He'll have time for being a family man later on while I'm in residency and will be able to help out with things if i don't have enough time. So, my point is, that oftentimes a couple with one med student can be the best mix-like you complement each other (versus two med students).

I have no idea if my relationship will last, but it's nice to know that my boyfriend continues to support my decisions. I'm sorry your girlfriend got so wrapped up in this process--it's kind of hard not to. Maybe she'll wind down and realize that you guys are a good match.

 

[Taty]

My relationship crushed because of that. When I decided to go to Medical School, I started to pay attention to how to get in Medical School. I was expecting him to support me...but he found other girl because I had not spent much time with him ( he knows i tried to save a relationship)...So, we broke up. Now, he wants to get things back as they were, but I don't want. I will apply to Med School for Fall 2004...next April...I will have no time for it, and truly after this crap I don't want him to be with me anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

 

[colieg318]

•••quote:•••She continued to accomodate the med schools, striving to be the best in her class, leaving little room for us. With such a tight schedule (school, volunteering, proposals, papers, and STUDYING) it's hard to plan events and special occasions when someone is so busy. Eventually, our relationship became dull because we had slowly stopped spending quality time together .

After reading what everyone is going through through the application process, how do you feel about having a relationship such as this one? Is yours just as difficult? Am I being selfish? Should I move on? The hardest part was the pain it left me, as in any relationship...what does one do in a situation like this? And how do you do it?[/QB]••••i'm pre-med with a pretty serious bf, and i'm going through a similar situation... i bet she just feel pressured. IMO, it is very important to be supportive of a pre-med sig other. she may have felt like you were trying to compete for her time, which just adds to the whole high-stress factor. maybe do something nice for her, just for the sake of doing something nice.... bring her ben & jerry's while she's studying... go over to her place one morning and make her breakfast before an exam... or call her to tell her a quick good luck. you might be surprised at her reaction...
hope this helps!!! good luck!!

 

[spectre]

Thanks for everyones' responses. I think now I will have to give her space and time in order for her to figure things out between us. Dra. Foxy, I believe in your response. I will trust it and I will let it ride out and see what happens... It hurts so bad... having your heart rip in two after such a long period of time. I just hope she'll understand that I'm trying to save the relationship. I'm somewhat envious of you that you could manage both a med student AND tackle a long distance relationship at the same time. But I'm glad someone out there has been in a situation like this before...and I'm glad that I'm not the only one. Taty, I'm sorry about what happened to your relationship and I hope you will find someone that will support you in the future. Colieg318, I'll take your advice too; I can see how someone can get wrapped up in something they've wanted to do their whole life... I guess I just couldn't see past her studying and applying..

Thanks everyone,

-spectre

 

[lady in red]

you poor thing, i can totally identify. My marriage fell apart in part because of the 'pre-med' thing. My husband was GREAT--patient, supportive, but he eventually got sick of it (he had his own HUGE problems, but thats a separate story). And I was just like an express train: I just did not where and how to stop and draw a line to find a balance between marriage and a grueling school schedule. It is not healthy, and I am currently working on it. I don't know what to tell you except that if you really love her, try to work things out. If she is not responsive to that--FORGET IT, just move on, you won't regret it later.

 

[Winged Scapula]

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