Pre-Med with a long distance boyfriend in vet school... help!

[LDRBoy33]

Hi everyone,

I thought writing this post in the "Spouses and Partner" forum seemed like a good fit. I apologize if this is meant to be posted elsewhere.

Anyway, as the title states, I am currently pre-med and live in the state of Washington. I have been in a loving, long distance relationship with my boyfriend of about 1.5 years. He attends a rather highly ranked veterinary school in the Boston area and is currently in his second year. We met in undergrad, and he was already going to be attending veterinary school when we started dating (we basically instantly fell in love and are crazy for each other... the circumstances are just pretty poor), so he left to live over there with the idea that we would stay together. The distance has been TOUGH, but thankfully we've made it work!
I am applying to medical schools, and the hope was to attend a school within a 3-hour radius of him which seemed reasonable, so I applied to 98% east coast schools. Fortunately, I was accepted to a DO program within three hours of his school, and I really like the program as well as the DO philosophy. I already paid my rather expensive deposit to reserve my seat before the deadline this week. However, I also applied to the University of Washington, and just found out this morning I was accepted, which is a big deal in my opinion. I also currently live about 3 miles from the school, and the transition would be a lot easier. So, I am having a reaaaaally hard time deciding what to do. The idea of going to medical school ACROSS the country from my boyfriend, who is currently in vet school, sounds absolutely awful. I want to be as close to him as possible, but the UW is an amazing program that sounds rather difficult to pass up. So, I am presented with three choices, unless someone else has something better.

-Attend a likeable and credible D.O. program, live closer to my SO, and pass up an education at the University of Washington.
-Attend the University of Washington, don't live closer to my SO, possibly put our relationship at risk for break up, and pass up on the D.O. education.
-Attend the University of Washington, and not be in the relationship any longer.

***The third option is not really an option for me because I know my SO is the one I will end up with, but I put it up there because it is POSSIBLE for that to happen. Very, very unlikely, but still possible.

Please poll and comment! This is a really big deal for me, and outside opinions are greatly appreciated. Please also be kind. Thank you for your help!

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[SpartanWolverine]

That is a really tough choice. I get it. A couple thoughts...

Assuming UNE is the DO school (and that he's at Tufts), it's a good one that can give you the resources to do well. But nowhere near UW. I would personally regret not going to UW, but that's something you'll have to weigh.

I'd go for UW and try to make the relationship work out. If not, too bad, but you're investing the most you can in yourself. However, I tend to be an independent person who doesn't need a whole lot of social support -- maybe you're someone who would thrive and ultimately do better with the support of your boyfriend. Again, another personal choice to weigh. Veterinary school doesn't last forever and you'll be plenty busy with med school during the remaining time you'd be apart. As long as your relationship is stable without either of you being too needy it can work. But, heck, consider that Maine to Massachusetts itself is not an inconsiderable distance.

 

[LDRBoy33]

That is a really tough choice. I get it. A couple thoughts...

Assuming UNE is the DO school (and that he's at Tufts), it's a good one that can give you the resources to do well. But nowhere near UW. I would personally regret not going to UW, but that's something you'll have to weigh.

I'd go for UW and try to make the relationship work out. If not, too bad, but you're investing the most you can in yourself. However, I tend to be an independent person who doesn't need a whole lot of social support -- maybe you're someone who would thrive and ultimately do better with the support of your boyfriend. Again, another personal choice to weigh. Veterinary school doesn't last forever and you'll be plenty busy with med school during the remaining time you'd be apart. As long as your relationship is stable without either of you being too needy it can work. But, heck, consider that Maine to Massachusetts itself is not an inconsiderable distance.

Thanks for weighing in. I really appreciate the input. The long distance is going to happen anyway, so being at UW is an incredible opportunity and things wouldn't really change from how they are now.

Also, you were ALMOST right about everything. The DO school I applied and submitted my deposit to is NYIT. Not sure if that changes things regarding quality of education, but the distance is a little bit further than to UNE.

 

[SpartanWolverine]

Naw, doesn't change my thoughts though it does bruise my geography ego. Lived in Boston for several years and certainly didn't realize NYIT was only 3 hours away! Hopefully you'll get a few more people giving their input. This isn't a part of the forums with awfully high traffic though you may get more genuine responses than in premed.

 

[Smurfette]

1. You have to put yourself first IMO. UW is the superior school. He should be able to understand this. If you move across the country and find out he's been cheating, or you break up for whatever reason, you will wish you had gone to UW and be stuck there instead.
2. Living 3 hours apart is better than cross-country, but in reality, you still won't be seeing each other all that often. It's sort of a long distance relationship either way until he's done with vet school.

 

[Podstar]

No brainer take the UW acceptance. Remain in the relationship if it works!

 

[SocialStigma]

Go for UW. Put your career first. If he loves you, wants to be with you, and is "the one", he will not only understand but wholeheartedly support your decision.

I was interestingly in the reverse situation..I was going into my 2nd year of vet school when I met my boyfriend. I'm now a 2nd year surgical resident, and he's a 1st year med student. We've been together for 5 years, 3 of those have been long distance (and the past 1.5 years have been in different countries). When he was going through med school applications, I told him not to worry about putting more distance between us, and to apply to all of his dream schools regardless of geographic location. He did end up moving further away than we were previously but I'd rather him do that than miss out on an amazing opportunity and regret not going for it.

 

[bkz]

Hi everyone,

I thought writing this post in the "Spouses and Partner" forum seemed like a good fit. I apologize if this is meant to be posted elsewhere.

Anyway, as the title states, I am currently pre-med and live in the state of Washington. I have been in a loving, long distance relationship with my boyfriend of about 1.5 years. He attends a rather highly ranked veterinary school in the Boston area and is currently in his second year. We met in undergrad, and he was already going to be attending veterinary school when we started dating (we basically instantly fell in love and are crazy for each other... the circumstances are just pretty poor), so he left to live over there with the idea that we would stay together. The distance has been TOUGH, but thankfully we've made it work!
I am applying to medical schools, and the hope was to attend a school within a 3-hour radius of him which seemed reasonable, so I applied to 98% east coast schools. Fortunately, I was accepted to a DO program within three hours of his school, and I really like the program as well as the DO philosophy. I already paid my rather expensive deposit to reserve my seat before the deadline this week. However, I also applied to the University of Washington, and just found out this morning I was accepted, which is a big deal in my opinion. I also currently live about 3 miles from the school, and the transition would be a lot easier. So, I am having a reaaaaally hard time deciding what to do. The idea of going to medical school ACROSS the country from my boyfriend, who is currently in vet school, sounds absolutely awful. I want to be as close to him as possible, but the UW is an amazing program that sounds rather difficult to pass up. So, I am presented with three choices, unless someone else has something better.

-Attend a likeable and credible D.O. program, live closer to my SO, and pass up an education at the University of Washington.
-Attend the University of Washington, don't live closer to my SO, possibly put our relationship at risk for break up, and pass up on the D.O. education.
-Attend the University of Washington, and not be in the relationship any longer.

***The third option is not really an option for me because I know my SO is the one I will end up with, but I put it up there because it is POSSIBLE for that to happen. Very, very unlikely, but still possible.

Please poll and comment! This is a really big deal for me, and outside opinions are greatly appreciated. Please also be kind. Thank you for your help!

Lol Julie Wolinski

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[bkz]

Naw, doesn't change my thoughts though it does bruise my geography ego. Lived in Boston for several years and certainly didn't realize NYIT was only 3 hours away! Hopefully you'll get a few more people giving their input. This isn't a part of the forums with awfully high traffic though you may get more genuine responses than in premed.

Lol Brian/brain

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[dpmd]

Even if you got to the DO school to be with him you are likely going to need to move again for residency meanwhile he will probably want to find a nice job while you are 2 years into med school. Then you will have to figure out if he is going to change jobs to move with you or if you will be long distance again. I also assume the school costs are going to be different. Vets don't make a ton so you guys will be in a better position financially of you have less debt should you guys get married or otherwise join your accounts. Something to consider as well.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Even if you got to the DO school to be with him you are likely going to need to move again for residency meanwhile he will probably want to find a nice job while you are 2 years into med school. Then you will have to figure out if he is going to change jobs to move with you or if you will be long distance again. I also assume the school costs are going to be different. Vets don't make a ton so you guys will be in a better position financially of you have less debt should you guys get married or otherwise join your accounts. Something to consider as well.

Or if he wants to do an internship and/or residency also, which would most likely involve moving.

I would not base my career around a guy I have dated long distance for a year or so for starters, long distance is completely different than in person. How can you be sure you want to be with said person if you've never spent long periods of time together? It sounds like you barely spent any time together truly dating before he left. In my mind, making a big career decision like that is like marrying someone without ever having lived with them - that's a big commitment for someone you aren't even sure you could live with. I know some people do it, but that's risky as hell to me. I mean...how can you really know the person if the vast, vast majority of your interaction with them has been so indirect?

And no, you don't know for sure your SO is the One or any of that bull****. No one ever does. The relationship likely seems perfect because you really haven't had to really get into each other's day to day ****. It sounds like a honeymoon period that is simply in a state of blissfully ignorant stasis due to the distance - which is why making a big career decision over it might not be the best idea, at least not at this point in its development.

 

[dpmd]

Or if he wants to do an internship and/or residency also, which would most likely involve moving.

I would not base my career around a guy I have dated long distance for a year or so for starters, long distance is completely different than in person. How can you be sure you want to be with said person if you've never spent long periods of time together? It sounds like you barely spent any time together truly dating before he left. In my mind, making a big career decision like that is like marrying someone without ever having lived with them - that's a big commitment for someone you aren't even sure you could live with. I know some people do it, but that's risky as hell to me. I mean...how can you really know the person if your only interaction has been so indirect? .

And no, you don't know for sure your SO is the One or any of that bull****. No one ever does. The relationship likely seems perfect because you really haven't had to really get into each other's day to day ****.

Yeah, true. Maybe he leaves dirty dishes in the sink, maybe you leave your dirty clothes on the floor. Any number of little things that are small and you only pick up from being each other a hell of a lot (even if you don't actually live together but are at least in the same zip code). Being long distance alters how that stuff gets processed (because normally you discover things slowly as you are figuring out your compatibility, but now you feel super compatible but when you finally live together you get to find it all out at once and it may seem like you got cheated or something and may not be as surmountable as you would hope.

 

[Stroganoff]

....Or dirty clothes in the sink and dirty dishes on the floor.