Pregnancy advise

[doctorpurp]

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My spouse and I plan to apply to medical school this year but we are also wanting to have a baby this year before interviews. I have heard bad experiences with women interviewing pregnant. I have read that it is best to have a baby during the first and fourth year of medical school. Is there anyone out there who can share similar experiences? Are you and your spouse both medical students with a newborn? How did you balance school and family? I have family who is willing to help. Any helpful/non negative advise is appreciated.

 

[Stardoom16]

My spouse and I plan to apply to medical school this year but we are also wanting to have a baby this year before interviews. I have heard bad experiences with women interviewing pregnant. I have read that it is best to have a baby during the first and fourth year of medical school. Is there anyone out there who can share similar experiences? Are you and your spouse both medical students with a newborn? How did you balance school and family? I have family who is willing to help. Any helpful/non negative advise is appreciated.

Hi! I personally haven’t had any experience with this but there’s a great blog I think may be helpful! Here’s the link Blogger: User Profile: Laura @ A Little Bit of Lacquer

 

[PreMedMissteps]

My spouse and I plan to apply to medical school this year but we are also wanting to have a baby this year before interviews. I have heard bad experiences with women interviewing pregnant. I have read that it is best to have a baby during the first and fourth year of medical school. Is there anyone out there who can share similar experiences? Are you and your spouse both medical students with a newborn? How did you balance school and family? I have family who is willing to help. Any helpful/non negative advise is appreciated.

You mention that you have family willing to help. Will they be relocating to whatever city your med school will be? What if you and your spouse aren’t accepted to the same med school?

At my daughter’s Match Day, we noticed many MS4s with new babies or very pregnant. Seemed like MS4 was a popular year to have a baby. We did notice that the female students who had babies in med school seemed to have family who lived in the same city as the med school.

 

[RTC19]

Something to think about with having the baby during first year is prenatal formalin exposure during anatomy lab. Link to article on PubMed: Formaldehyde exposure and its effects during pregnancy: Recommendations for laboratory attendance based on available data. - PubMed - NCBI

I have heard that too.... that MS4 is generally regarded to be the best time to have a baby. I was told to aim for as early on in fourth year as possible.

That is awesome that you have family able to help. I remember even when I was pregnant with my daughter, I couldn't imagine leaving this precious little newborn with anyone except for my own mother!

We have many female physicians around here who have had babies in medical school who should be here to give you some better answers shortly. 🙂

 

[raiderette]

I am actually taking a research year rather than rush through 4th year and pregnancy. It has been a blessing in disguise. Different departments are reaching out to me with research opportunities.

 

[PreMedMissteps]

I am actually taking a research year rather than rush through 4th year and pregnancy. It has been a blessing in disguise. Different departments are reaching out to me with research opportunities.

That’s an idea.

If the OP wants to do something like, her spouse may want to do that, too. That way, they can go through couples matching for residency and end up at the same place or near each other.

 

[RTC19]

I am actually taking a research year rather than rush through 4th year and pregnancy. It has been a blessing in disguise. Different departments are reaching out to me with research opportunities.

Did you guys TTC during second year? If so, how did you handle morning sickness during step 1 studying?

 

[PreMedMissteps]

@doctorpurp can you please send me a private message? Thanks

 

[deleted944111]

I applied this cycle after my daughter was born in June--which was very intentional; I didn't want to interview while I was pregnant. That said, I talked about my baby at all three of my interviews and I was accepted at all three schools, so if it hurt me it was not a deal breaker.

Now as far as being a medical student with a young child...well, we'll see...

 

[Tenk]

You cannot be a great parent for a newborn/infant and be in medical school. There are just not enough hours in the day to do both. The only mothers who raise a child successfully have tremendous support from their spouse and extended family. Given that your spouse is also going to be in medical school, this is a 100% terrible idea.

Also, why are you in such a rush to have a child if you will be able to spend so little time with it during its infancy as a family. Genuinely curious because I honestly don’t understand this.

 

[atomi]

You cannot be a great parent for a newborn/infant and be in medical school. There are just not enough hours in the day to do both. The only mothers who raise a child successfully have tremendous support from their spouse and extended family. Given that your spouse is also going to be in medical school, this is a 100% terrible idea.

Also, why are you in such a rush to have a child if you will be able to spend so little time with it during its infancy as a family. Genuinely curious because I honestly don’t understand this.

Careful, the narrative is that you can have children, dump them in daycare, work 80 hours a week with your physician spouse, and have your cake and eat it too being both an excellent full time physician and full time parent. Not wise to question this as that would be misogynistic.

 

[nimbus]

One of my coresidents had a husband who was also a resident in a different department and 2 toddlers. During residency, their kids were raised by her parents in another city and they would see them mostly on weekends.

Now that I’m further along in my career, I have many colleagues, both male and female, who have delayed childbearing until they have completed training. Fertility issues are real. Sometimes it seems like a majority of babies being born to attendings are through assisted reproductive technology. So there is a trade off.

 

[PreMedMissteps]

Given that your spouse is also going to be in medical school, this is a 100% terrible idea.

It does seem risky because at this point, they don’t know if both spouses will get accepted to the same med school. What if they’re each only accepted to med schools that are far away from each other?

And I agree that it would be hard with both in med school at the same time.

 

[PeleHonuaMea]

My spouse and I plan to apply to medical school this year but we are also wanting to have a baby this year before interviews. I have heard bad experiences with women interviewing pregnant. I have read that it is best to have a baby during the first and fourth year of medical school. Is there anyone out there who can share similar experiences? Are you and your spouse both medical students with a newborn? How did you balance school and family? I have family who is willing to help. Any helpful/non negative advise is appreciated.

IF it's truly important for you to have a baby now, are you willing to wait a few years so your husband can go through 4 years of med school while you raise your child? (Or vice versa)

Then maybe apply after 4 years?... your baby should then be a mini person (ha! they tend to think they're self sufficient adults at that age!) and he/she will be able to attend Kindergarten at 5yo. ‍ Kindergarten in a public school = free tuition.

At that age: No more diapers, no breast feeding, no bottles, they can brush their own teeth, potty trained (hopefully), feed, read, write, dress themselves, and able to verbalize their concerns (which they will have no problem doing! Lol)... an infant/toddler wont be able to tell you exactly what happened to them when they were in day care or whoever's care.

Trust me, you'll have your baby, blink, and next thing you know they're 5years old. Those formative years are special and fleeting. Medical schools can wait, your child growing up cannot. It would be a disadvantage if both of you are not available for your child.

Remember, "Med schools aren't going anywhere" - Goro

Best of luck to you!

 

[PreMedMissteps]

One of my coresidents had a husband who was also a resident in a different department and 2 toddlers. During residency, their kids were raised by her parents in another city and they would see them mostly on weekends.

If these pregnancies were accidents that would be one thing, but if they intentionally had these kids only to have them raised elsewhere by grandparents and only seeing them on weekends, that’s just cruel.

Did these two learn nothing about young babies?

 

[stayathomemom]

I was planning on going to medical school and somehow start a family at the same time. I decided I couldn't in good conscious do both well, so I chose one over the other. I picked family. And I've waited until the youngest is in school. Have I waited a long time and given up many potentially productive career years? You bet. But I picked what was more important to me, and I cannot overstate this but I have ZERO regrets. Now the road before me is much more difficult; instead of having to climb Mt. Shasta I have to climb Mt. Everest, but I still wouldn't change anything.

 

[Robin-jay]

There are people who can't do medical school when that's all they do.

 

[yazmataz]

Check out the Instagram account @lauralacquer . She is an MD who had kids while in medical school and her partner was also in medical school. She will give you a real picture. I would wait until both you and your partner have achieved acceptance before making any decisions.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I'm not going to tell you not to do it, I'm just going to tell you it will be hard. We hard our kids when I was working 80+ hours per week, and my wife was working 40. It was very hard, and my wife was fortunate to get 4 months of maternity leave. I got 10 days of paternity leave, and with both our kids got called back a day early to go underway. I was working 30 hour shifts every 4-6 days depending on the time of year. Sound familiar?

It's extremely difficult, and I missed A LOT. Now, some of that was because I was out to sea or on deployment, which you won't have to deal with. But you still will miss a lot. It helps when the spouse doesn't work or works a normal job. When you both will be working 80 hours per week, it will be really, really hard unless you have close family that can really help.

Personally, I think if you're going to do it, you should either do it very early fourth year or--even better--take a research year like @raiderette. That will give you two full years (the research year plus fourth year) with your kid with decent hours. That's plenty of time before you have to really go to work, but you will need support once you do.

 

[Campana]

Not sure your age....but the comments about fertility are real. I feel a bit lucky that I don't have to worry about that anymore. Lots of women in my post-bacc were researching egg storage.

That said...I'd be wary of interviews while pregnant if you don't have to - unconscious bias is real and good people can be unaware of the impressions they have.

As others have pointed out, 4th year or research year seems to be a good option; if I had to do it again as a med student, that's what I'd go for. I have some cousins-in-law who had three kids through med school and residency, both doctors, and they are a well adjusted happy family who loves each other. As for the "right time", there's never a right time. You'll always miss something in your kids life whether they are 3 weeks old or 13 years - there are plenty of parents who choose not to work so they can "be there" but still end up with mal-adjusted kids. As long as you are ready for it, and conscious of the choices you're making and how you're going to make it work, I think you can be as good a parent as a med student as you would a 9-5 bank teller.