Pregnancy and medicine compatible? When?

[Museless]

I'm an M2. My husband and I have been going in mental circles with these issues for a couple weeks now and I/d appreciate advice and opinions.

We've been trying to decide when we could have a baby that would be least disruptive to my career path. We've considering the pros and cons of different times and I would love any insight you could offer.

Option 1: give birth about 4 months into fourth year.
Adv: this is the least demanding year I'll have for a while. Baby would be older when I start internship.
Disadv: Money (we won't have very much). The possibility of doing poorly, or being evaluated poorly, or getting bad rec letters in my sub-I, if there is any bias toward women who are clearly pregnant. Should there be complications, taking time off earlier than 3-4 months into fourth year would be difficult for me.

Option 2: give birth at the end of the fourth year.
Adv: is easiest to arrange time off. Money is better because I'd start getting paid soon.
Disadv: match day will be late in pregnancy, and if we end up moving and my husband can't find a new job right away, he might have to stay behind and work, and what would we do with our baby then? Hard to do an internship with a young baby at home. Window to conceive at this time is small. Most concerning to me: trying to time it so I won't be noticeably pregnant while on residency interviews.

Option 3: give birth during residency, possibly at the end of PGYII year.
This is impossible for me to think of pros/cons because I don't know what specialty I'd like to practice yet. Ideas I've had: anesthesiology and PM+R (seem divergent, but both involve pain management which really interests me) as well as FP and peds because I know they'd be rewarding, and I've heard they're more permissive of Dr. Moms.

Option 4: wait until residency is complete.
Adv: easiest in terms of both money and maternity leave, and timing of being obviously pregnant (and thus open to judgment from colleagues about being on the 'mommy track')
Disadv: concerns about fertility and, thinking about choosing this option makes me sad and a little angry, that we both would have to set aside starting a family when we want to so that I can pursue my career.

I honestly don't know much about other options that might be out there: delaying graduation, an internship with a non-traditional start date, etc. Please share any thoughts you might have on what constitutes good timing in the long run. Thank you!

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[MSV MD 2B]

HI! there is a great website called www.mommd.com that deals with issues like this. YOu'll meet women dealing with the same thinsg you are. It is a great site. I highly recomend it.

 

[Museless]

Thanks for the recommendation - I confess that I already posted this exact same thing there! However this board is a lot more active than mom.md. Thanks again though.

 

[kcrd]

Museless,
Be careful with MomMD - I used to read that all of the time, but had to quit "cold turkey", because there are a lot of very unhappy MomMD's posting on it, and it became ovewhelming. I mean, really unhappy, giving med students advice like "this career sucks the life out of you - quit while you can!!

However, there are a lot of discussions on there about exactly what you posted, and usually the consensus is just have the baby when you feel it is right, because there is no perfect time. I've struggled with this issue, too, and my plan is your #3, if I find a residency program with good maternity leave and low call. If not, #4. (And I'm older than the average student, so I know all about the fertility fears.)
Good luck!
Katie

 

[MSV MD 2B]

HI! Kate is right there are many unhappy moms on mommd and they tend to be more vocal but i have also found those happy moms and have found women that have been in almost any situation that i can think up so i can get some persepctive. i hate to say it but i ignore those unhappy moms. a) they seemed to be all in primary care; b) there are people unhappy in all careers and people who are unhappy no matter what they do.
so anyway just to help you out i have friends in different situations.
Friend #1. got married summer after first year. had the first baby july after second year. did the mph degree 3rd year. this worked out really well for her. just had her second baby the week before match day in 4th year and is finished wiqth 4th year. i am not sure how she did it but her 4thy ear obligations finsihed in february. 4th year seems like a great time to have a baby.

freind #2. got pregnant june or july of 3rd year. had a really difficult time and was bed ridden maybe in september or october. had twins early in december (they were due february). at this point she took a leave from school. still on leave she had another baby a year later this past january and will go back to school this summer and pick up in third year.

friend #3. is a M1. she got pregnant on purpose in september and is due early june. she will have until august home with her baby.

I am on the waitlist to start med shcool in the fall and this is what i am thinking of doing:
1. doing what friend #3 did. the only thing is this will be my second child and i am concerned about having 2 small children in medical school. however i am 30.
2. having a child in 3rd year.
3. having a child 4th year.
I only plan on doing one of these not all!
i want to have another one before i turn 35 and then if we want a third child then we can try that after first year of residency.
how old are you? how many chidlren do you want? you may have heard that there is never a perfect time to have a child but there are easier times. but then think of my friend with 3 children under 1.5 yeard old who will go back to 3rd year in the summer. i know that she will graduate and yes she will be stressed and tired but she'll make it. you discussed money. it must not be a factor if people can have multiple children in medical school.
hope this helps!

 

[LaCirujana]

Just a caveat--I have never had a child, this post is completely based on classmate/co-resident experience...

Both of my med school roommates elected to take a year off (not go through the match) and had babies during what amounted to a 5th year of med school. They only did a couple of rotations and mostly worked, doing H&P's for a local outpt. surgical center. I think they both noticed some (minimal) prejudice during their interviews this year, being noticeably pregnant, but figured that any program that was biased against them for this reason was one they didn't want to be at anyway. They both matched in anesthesia, BTW. Both of these women were older, somewhat non-trad. med students, incidentally, and had concerns about delaying conception for fertility reasons. Other classmates had babies during 2nd year or took the year between 2nd and 3rd year off. I would never recommend trying to have a baby during 3rd year--way too stressful without the addition of pregnancy.

In my current residency program, (general surgery--admittedly, not particularly conducive to reproduction), people tend to have their children during their research years, although one chief had a baby this February. Other residents covered for her with pretty minimal disruption (but remember, she was a chief, not an intern or junior-level resident.) Other residencies are possibly more flexible in this regard. If research years are in your residency plans, that really is the least disruptive to everyone else, plus your responsibilities are minimal, so you are free to be with your child (and you can likely moonlight=extra $).

There probably will never be a "perfect" time to have a baby as a woman in medicine. Talk to your dean about options for taking time off, or going on a slower track, if you think that might be an acceptable choice. Personally, I think med school is probably better than residency as far as timing goes, but again, I don't have kids and am basing all of this on the experience of others.

 

[Cameron]

This has been an interesting thread to read! One thing that hasn't been said that probably deserves a quick mention is that "planning" when you'll have a baby isn't always as easy as it sounds. I'm sure that's not news to any of you, but should be considered nonetheless. My friend and his wife decided they would try to have a baby between 1st and 2nd year -- they had a lot of difficulty getting pregnant. They finally had their 1st during his 4th year (probably turned out to be a better time anyway!).

My $.02

 

[MSV MD 2B]

You know what cameron, you're right. it took me 2 years to conceive my first son so it is audacious of me to think that i will get pregnant in one month which is what it would take for me to have a baby at the very beginning for my summer break next year. i think that the key for me would be to recognize this and not get upset if it doesn't happen that one month like i did before. i am beginning to realize mroe and mroe now that the summer after 1st might not be the best time.

 

[soon2bdoc2003]

A little story..

When I was an MS3 I met an FP resident who became pregnant about halfway through her pgy1 year. She planned to work until about her 8th month and then take a month off before having the baby. At roughly 21 or 22 weeks she started getting very sick and eventually started having pre-term contractions. She had to take a leave that amounted to a total of 7 months for the duration of her pregnancy, maternity leave, and additional time off as she was diagnosed with post partum depression and was unable to return to work. Her program is a small one and her class really took a hit covering for her during her absence. Due to the fact that she was sufferring a life threatening illness followed by her maternity leave her program was forced to hold her spot and she eventually returned to finish up her intern year. During this time her marriage fell apart and after being apart from her child for 3 months, she is now a single mother trying to balance residency and an infant and she is basically doing it all alone. Her program director is unable to fire her since she has technically not violated her contract, so he has taken to basically making her life hell so she quits the program on her own. In addition she has lost the support of her co-residents who spent 7 months taking extra calls and getting their rotations changed around to cover for her.

Whatever choice you make, from one physician to another, please make sure you plan things out as you may look back and realize that you have harmed both your career and your family trying to be the proverbial 'superwoman'. I read alot of the posts on mommd and I truly hope that my friend fares better then some of the doctors on that site.

 

[MSV MD 2B]

It's always itneresting to me how people remember the negative mroe than anything. I am very active with mommd and I have met many women who have gone through med school and gotten pregnant, are physician mothers, etc. and done fine. it was just a part of life. the ones with the negative experiences do seem to be more vocal though. i take it upon myself to talk personannly with the ones who have doen well though. i guess since they are doing well and are happy they dont' feel the need to vent on mommd.
mainly the lesson i have taken from it all is just to go with what you feel is best. sometimes you just have to make an informed decison and go with it and deal witht he consequences. like my friend with the 3 chidlren. i aksed her how she copes and she says that she just does what she has to. and she is making it.
Just a thought.

 

[Weil-Felix]

I would like to preface this by saying that I am only a 3rd year, and do not have children yet, so take this opinion for a grain of salt:

I think that, like so many other things in life, it really depends on the individual situation. Each person has so many variables in their life...and so many of these variables play a different role in affecting whether someone is "ready" to have children. Coping skills, family and spousal support, a supportive work/school environment, (among many other things) play into this complex picture. What would be good timing for one person would be terrible timing for another person, based on the variables in their lives.

With that said, there are many "family friendly" fields of medicine (including anesthesia, which you mentioned you were interested in. Also path, rads, derm to name a few more). Not to say that it's impossible to have a family in some of the more time consuming fields, but from my understanding, people tend to struggle a little more to find a balance in fields like IM and surgery.

In my opinion, the fact that you and your husband are consciensious enough to discuss the timing of your family planning in such detail is a good sign that you are both commited to finding a healthy balance for family and career. Good luck to you both!

 

[Hope 2 B A MD]

I am a MS3 and I am also pregnant. So far I really haven't run into very many problems with being in medical school while I am pregnant. I was lucky, however, and did not have morning sickness during my first trimester. My school has been great, and allowed me to change my schedule so I would have some of my harder clerkships during my second trimester when I have more energy. I am due in August at the begining of my 4th year and therefore I will be able to take time off without it delaying my graduation. I think that as long as you go to a medical school that cares for its students then you shouldn't have a problem. I was very lucky with the timing of my pregnancy, but I know that doesn't happen with very many people. There is never a good time to get pregnant.