proposal that we all post less rude responses and more kind ones

[Desdemona]

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This website is really great! It's been supportive and helpful for many people. Thanks to all the people who have offered advice, information, congratulations, or sympathy! But at the same time, the more threads I read, the more sarcastic, unpleasant, and rude they are getting. Threads about people negatively stereotyping non-trad and traditional students, people criticizing other people's lower scores and telling them they should not be doctors, people getting upset when people with higher scores ask for advice, people accusing others of being arrogant, etc. The truth is that you can't see someone's facial expression or hear their tone of voice when you read these posts, so they are easily misinterpreted. And people write quickly, often when they are feeling particularly happy or frustrated. No matter how careful you are about what you write, someone will focus on a tiny phrase of your post and attack you for it. I think we should all remember that this is a really stressful time for everyone, whether or not you've been accepted. Most of us do not know exactly what will happen next year, whether we will be in medical school at all, and if so, where at, and as the season goes on, people have more reasons to worry if they haven't gotten any good news. I propose that everyone be a little bit more kind. We should all try to be less conceited and more sensitive to others, but we should also all try to not overreact or be super-sensitive to what other people write. We are going to need to be compassionate and empathetic to our patients if we are going to be doctors, so we should be compassionate and empathetic to our peers. We are all in this together, and we could all benefit from some positive support and encouragement.

 

[14931]

and u have only been here less than a month ?!?

sure sounds like a great proposal and it will definitely work......



......if we lived in a perfect world

 

[phllystyl]

Originally posted by Desdemona
This website is really great! It's been supportive and helpful for many people. Thanks to all the people who have offered advice, information, congratulations, or sympathy! But at the same time, the more threads I read, the more sarcastic, unpleasant, and rude they are getting. Threads about people negatively stereotyping non-trad and traditional students, people criticizing other people's lower scores and telling them they should not be doctors, people getting upset when people with higher scores ask for advice, people accusing others of being arrogant, etc. The truth is that you can't see someone's facial expression or hear their tone of voice when you read these posts, so they are easily misinterpreted. And people write quickly, often when they are feeling particularly happy or frustrated. No matter how careful you are about what you write, someone will focus on a tiny phrase of your post and attack you for it. I think we should all remember that this is a really stressful time for everyone, whether or not you've been accepted. Most of us do not know exactly what will happen next year, whether we will be in medical school at all, and if so, where at, and as the season goes on, people have more reasons to worry if they haven't gotten any good news. I propose that everyone be a little bit more kind. We should all try to be less conceited and more sensitive to others, but we should also all try to not overreact or be super-sensitive to what other people write. We are going to need to be compassionate and empathetic to our patients if we are going to be doctors, so we should be compassionate and empathetic to our peers. We are all in this together, and we could all benefit from some positive support and encouragement.

got an incense? I think it would smell good with this post!

*singing campfire hymns*
phlly

 

[14931]

oh i forgot to addd, welcome to SDN!

feel better? 😉

 

[TeinVI]

i didn't read that long post cuz i'm lazy like that, but ok

my sdn welcome

😎

 

[shamthis]

kumbaya my lorrrd
kumbaya
kumbaya my lorrrrd
kumbaya
someone's sinning my lord
kumbaya
someone's sinning my lord
kumbayaa

you make a good point but most of what we say is all in jest. i was hgiving a few people a hard time- and right then and there it seems funny-- but if you read it after a while, it seems plain mean. i take solace in the inherent insincerity and low value of electronic forums, and so should you. mine the good stuff you want out of it, and ignore the rest.

sham

 

[Zoobaby]

If you lie to someone to avoid hurting their feelings, you are doing them a great disservice (not to mention making yourself a liar.)

What we really all need is thicker skin.

 

[indianboy]

This website is really great! It's been supportive and helpful for many people. Thanks to all the people who have offered advice, information, congratulations, or sympathy! But at the same time, the more threads I read, the more sarcastic, unpleasant, and rude they are getting. Threads about people negatively stereotyping non-trad and traditional students, people criticizing other people's lower scores and telling them they should not be doctors, people getting upset when people with higher scores ask for advice, people accusing others of being arrogant, etc. The truth is that you can't see someone's facial expression or hear their tone of voice when you read these posts, so they are easily misinterpreted. And people write quickly, often when they are feeling particularly happy or frustrated. No matter how careful you are about what you write, someone will focus on a tiny phrase of your post and attack you for it. I think we should all remember that this is a really stressful time for everyone, whether or not you've been accepted. Most of us do not know exactly what will happen next year, whether we will be in medical school at all, and if so, where at, and as the season goes on, people have more reasons to worry if they haven't gotten any good news. I propose that everyone be a little bit more kind. We should all try to be less conceited and more sensitive to others, but we should also all try to not overreact or be super-sensitive to what other people write. We are going to need to be compassionate and empathetic to our patients if we are going to be doctors, so we should be compassionate and empathetic to our peers. We are all in this together, and we could all benefit from some positive support and encouragement.

This is a Great Idea. Its what I've been trying to demonstrate all along.

Hope that Helps.

P 'Trying to Do my Part' ShankOut

 

[Blitzkrieg]

Originally posted by indianboy
This is a Great Idea. Its what I've been trying to demonstrate all along.

Hope that Helps.

P 'Trying to Do my Part' ShankOut

liar

http://studentdoctor.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=47841&perpage=20&pagenumber=2


pwn3d

 

[agent]

This has been said before.

I think a lot of the regulars get real sick of the people who just come by and post the "2.89 gpa 23 mcat what are my chances" OR the "whoo-hoo I just got in and you didnt" threads..

I feel overall most people are sincere and offer a GREAT DEAL of help. Whether you care to listen to them and accept it is your issue. And btw it helps if you identify and ignore the trolls asap.

 

[Mutterkuchen]

I have a few comments regarding this. First of all I think that everyone should be reasonable respectful of everyone else, even if they disagree.

However, I agree with Zoobaby, sometimes some frank advice is exactly what is needed, and to do otherwise is a disservice. If someone posts "22 MCAT and 2.9 GPA, should I apply" and is legimite, the answer should not be "You can do anything that you want. Go ahead and good luck." This person needs frank advice, such as "your not getting in with those scores. If you want to go to medical school, you are going to have to fix something."

I actually like the woohoo I got in threads from the regulars. Many of us follow others on these threads and we want to know how things are going. What annoys me are the people that are 1st time posters who post Woohoo threads. Even if they have lurked here for a couple of months, what did they contribute? Why should I contribute a congratulations to someone who has not contributed to these threads other than to brag?

All in all, frank discussions are great and it is great to disagree, as long as you are not too disagreeable.

 

[Blitzkrieg]

Originally posted by JBJ
I have a few comments regarding this. First of all I think that everyone should be reasonable respectful of everyone else, even if they disagree.

However, I agree with Zoobaby, sometimes some frank advice is exactly what is needed, and to do otherwise is a disservice. If someone posts "22 MCAT and 2.9 GPA, should I apply" and is legimite, the answer should not be "You can do anything that you want. Go ahead and good luck." This person needs frank advice, such as "your not getting in with those scores. If you want to go to medical school, you are going to have to fix something."

I actually like the woohoo I go in threads from the regulars. Many of us follow others on these threads and we want to know how things are going. What annoys me are the people that are 1st time posters who post Woohoo threads. Even if they have lurked here for a couple of months, what did they contribute? Why should I contribute a congratulations to someone who has not contributed to these threads other than to brag?

All in all, frank discussions are great and it is great to disagree, as long as you are not too disagreeable.

Good, except I think that having "degrees of disagreeability" sounds dumb. Either one agrees or disagrees. =D I say we don't censor anyone, unless they are pornographic or cursing their heads off.

 

[lola]

what really saddens me is that some of the most arrogant/asswipeish posters are getting interviews at and getting accepted to top schools 🙁 oh well... such is life i guess. i know we can be completely anonymous on this site, but anyone who would come on here and make loads of rude posts just as a joke is probably not that nice of person.

honesty is great, but there is no need to be harsh or rude.

 

[agent]

I like the woo-hoo's from the regs, just not from the newbs. I don't think its fair that a person has like 2 posts and makes a thread like that.

 

[samenewme]

Actually, Desdemona has a point. There's a difference between telling someone the cold hard truth (something like, "You need a lot more post-bacc grades to make up for your record and you should consider Carribbean schools", or even, "You have an attitude that comes across in your posts, and it may keep you out of med school") and telling people they're idiots and/or jerks and you hope they never become doctors. I've seen both on this site from time to time.

At the same time, that's the nature of message boards. People get excited and act like pooty-heads from time to time. I used to volunteer on a hysterectomy support site and we occasionally had to move, edit, or delete threads because people would get carried away. So a thick skin is useful.

I don't feel particular resentment when someone I don't know posts an "I got in!" message. I don't get all excited and run by to wish them well, but I don't get upset about the two seconds of my life gone forever because I read that thread title. I've wasted a lot more time in my life watching television, so what's the big deal? I'm glad SOMEONE got in SOMEWHERE.

 

[Desdemona]

I think the number of posts or what month you registered is beside the point, but then I'm obviously biased. I, for one, only found this site recently. At the same time, I have not posted threads for when I received acceptance letters, either. Maybe it's just salt in a wound for people who have read this site for a long time if a new person posts that they are accepted. But of all the things to get annoyed about, that's one that you have little control over. It just doesn't seem worth it to be upset over that.

And I also want to clarify what I meant. I think it's terrible to lie to someone and tell them they are competitive when they really aren't. That's misleading them. THe people who ask for advice with low scores want the honest truth, otherwise they wouldn't ask for advice. There have been many responses where people nicely suggest ways to improve their credentials, etc. I just think that telling someone that they are too stupid to be a doctor if they got a low MCAT is not the way to go about giving bad news. It can be done tactfully. We ARE going to be doctors and have to give bad news to patients in a sensitive and tactful way. you wouldn't want your doctor to say, "well, you're gonna die in about a month, nothing I can do, so suck it up and stop whining." Future doctors should be able to give unpleasant news in a way that is not rude to the advice-seeker.

 

[agent]

Okay so a mutual respect with compassion and sincerety would do us all good.

I do try to remember that golden rule about treating people how you wish to be treated.

 

[shamthis]

desdemona

i think you've got the wrong idea. but that's okay, because we're all friends. {{{group hug}}} I hope you feel better and your feelings aren't hurt.

😍 😍 😍

 

[TeinVI]

Originally posted by samenewme
I'm glad SOMEONE got in SOMEWHERE.

i would be glad for that person too...if he applied to a school that i didn't applied to. if not, then DAmn you for taking my spot!!! 😀

 

[agent]

Originally posted by TeinVI
i would be glad for that person too...if he applied to a school that i didn't applied to. if not, then DAmn you for taking my spot!!! 😀

rofl! poor you. 🙁

 

[Mutterkuchen]

Originally posted by Desdemona
I think the number of posts or what month you registered is beside the point, but then I'm obviously biased. I, for one, only found this site recently. At the same time, I have not posted threads for when I received acceptance letters, either. Maybe it's just salt in a wound for people who have read this site for a long time if a new person posts that they are accepted.

It's not the fact that that they are new here that bugs me a little. It is the fact that people lurk around here and contribute nothing to the dicussion.

I have received a tremendous amount of information from these forums over the last year, and use it as my primary premed "advisor." I am grateful to everyone who has responded to my stupid questions as well as the ones that are less stupid. In return, I offer my opinions and help when I can to pay the forum back. For example, I try to post on the living in STL threads, since I know a thing or two about the city. This is an area I can contribute.

As far as the people who make comments like "you suck. You should never be a doc." I have seen very little of this on SDN. I just avoid the types of threads that are conducive to that type of response. The "having a nervous breakdown" thread was a recipe for disaster, and I avoided it for these reasons.

 

[kat13]

I am a little afraid to enter this heated discussion, but I do agree a little with Desdemona. I feel that for the most part people on SDN are extremely helpful and I wish that I had found out about it sooner in my journey to become a dcotor. But, I also feel that at times people on here are can be insulting and demeaning, and that often people are trying to one-up others on these threads. WE all want to be doctors, and we are all going through the same things, so in order for us to be a part of a successful and respected profession we should try to be more supportive of each other, and not so competitive and hurtful. Remeber the people on here will be your colleages one day, no matter what your MCAT scores or where you went to school. So, I say good luck to everyone, and I wish you all the best as future doctors.

 

[agent]

Originally posted by JBJ
It's not the fact that that they are new here that bugs me a little. It is the fact that people lurk around here and contribute nothing to the dicussion.

I have received a tremendous amount of information from these forums over the last year, and use it as my primary premed "advisor." I am grateful to everyone who has responded to my stupid questions as well as the ones that are less stupid. In return, I offer my opinions and help when I can to pay the forum back. For example, I try to post on the living in STL threads, since I know a thing or two about the city. This is an area I can contribute.

I totally agree. That's essentially what I was trying to say.

 

[tryingagain]

You guys crack me up. Some of you are so far from reality you obviously are living in a dream world.

Life is harsh. Working in medicine is harsh. The poster who said we all need thicker skin is right on the money. Why not learn how to deal with these kinds of attitudes instead of trying to change them? The fact is these types of "harsh" and "rude" comments are real world.

I, for one, do not think that once I log onto SDN I should be leaving the planet earth and entering into a twilight zone where everyone has to be all cheery and ****. I mean, let's face it, you are going to get your feelings hurt in any type of high stress, high energy convocation - such as medicine. We cannot change it and we need to learn how to accept and deal with it.

So no I will not be less rude. I will not make an extra effort to be more kind to all of you just because it is PC. I will express myself on here the same way that I would express myself to ant of my peers. You guys are not my patients and I don't feel I have to sugar coat anything. I will say what I want how I want. If you don't like it don't read my posts and form a SDN of your own where everyone is a unrealistic bubbly happy person.

Dream on.

 

[efex101]

Amen to that! Sometimes it is frustrating to read some posts because almost everyone on SDN is super nice and you can do anything type of attitude. But, let's get real, no, you cannot do everything that you want to do sometimes. I want to be an NBA player, but dang I am only 4"11, oh well I guess they need to lower the goal just for me and to hell with everyone else! Hello, the world is tough, and yes if you set your mind to it, you can do *almost* anything, but not everything. I am so tired of this PC BS, nobody wants to say anything in case we hurt their feelings. Sometimes, if you say something that is not rah rah rah you get flamed like crazy on SDN. All kinds of people make the world so we need to learn to live in it with all kinds of opinions, if you do not like what you read, just add the user to your ignore function, duh.

 

[samenewme]

I don't think that honesty and basic politeness are mutually exclusive. I'll repeat my earlier suggestion that it's perfectly permissible to say, "With those stats, I don't think you'll make it," or, "People here have offered you some very good advice and you're not paying any attention. You need to take another look at your attitude because I think it's holding you back." It's honest and informative and not personal. It's a great thing to do, and I applaud those of you who are doing it.

On the other hand, it's tacky, rude, and not any more helpful to say, "You must be some kind of idiot to have that MCAT score," or, "You're just such an A$$hole and your posts prove it over and over."

Just so you'll know, these are not real quotes; I made them up. They are hypothetical examples to illustrate my point.

To say you're going to be rude because that's how you talk is certainly your privilege. But to claim that it's some kind of virtue because it's "honest" doesn't impress me. It just suggests to me that you're not willing to take the time to write thoughtful answers. And if I read a rude post and a polite post with the same content, I tend to give the polite post more credence. The rude posts just tend to take the thread off topic, anyway (no, you were the jerk! No, you were!).

So I'm sticking with Desdemona on this one. It won't kill you to be polite, and you can do it without censoring your opinions (okay, except the ones where you think people are simply <insert epithet here>).

 

[kat13]

I understand, like I'm sure others do to, that the world is tough and sometimes you must realize that you can't do everything that you want to (like become a doctor). For gods sake, we are all applying to medical school, none of us have chosen an easy path in life, we know the meaning of tough. Last year I was not accepted to medical school and I really doubted my ability to be a doctor. But with the support of people who believed in me, I reapplied and was accepted. I guess what I am trying to say is, what is the point of being mean. If it is not meant to be for others than it is not meant to be (although that doesn't mean you shouldn't try), and although it is imparative to be honest about that, to yourself and others, that doesn't necessarily mean that it is an open door to be rude. Just my two cents.
However, I understand everyone is entitled to their opinion, so go ahead and say what you want, you're right "if you don't like it, don't read it."

 

[lola]

🙂 the problem is, the people who are rude on a regular basis will probably never change and don't want to change.

 

[14931]

Originally posted by tryingagain
You guys crack me up. Some of you are so far from reality you obviously are living in a dream world.

Life is harsh. Working in medicine is harsh. The poster who said we all need thicker skin is right on the money. Why not learn how to deal with these kinds of attitudes instead of trying to change them? The fact is these types of "harsh" and "rude" comments are real world.

I, for one, do not think that once I log onto SDN I should be leaving the planet earth and entering into a twilight zone where everyone has to be all cheery and ****. I mean, let's face it, you are going to get your feelings hurt in any type of high stress, high energy convocation - such as medicine. We cannot change it and we need to learn how to accept and deal with it.

So no I will not be less rude. I will not make an extra effort to be more kind to all of you just because it is PC. I will express myself on here the same way that I would express myself to ant of my peers. You guys are not my patients and I don't feel I have to sugar coat anything. I will say what I want how I want. If you don't like it don't read my posts and form a SDN of your own where everyone is a unrealistic bubbly happy person.

Dream on.

exactly!!!

sure desdemona has a point, no arguement about that, but u really think his/her point is going to make a difference?!? if u meet a mean person in real life, what do u do? ignore them, please learn to do the same here.
i would love a forum where there were no mean people too, but lets be realistic, this is earth.