I'll step in with an analogy: this reminds me of when white folks don't want to take any responsibility for racism in this country because they're the good, enlightened, liberal ones who "escaped" any seeds implanted from our society from birth. I played that game for a few years before I realized I was part of the problem in my both colorblindness and blindness to the messages of society throughout my entire life saying that white people were better than any other race in this country (and I became aware that I did in fact internalize some of those messages and couldn't say that I never had/have automatic thoughts that are racist). I still continue to challenge occasional racist automatic thoughts, and I'm a highly-educated professional who was in a strong multicultural program.
I'm not saying that all men are bad in the slightest. We all have opinions, and this doesn't have to be a "men vs. women" dynamic or vice versa at all. However, women victimized by men have a right to be angry because men as a group tend to perpetrate at a much higher rate plus they have more power in society, so you might see how critical or defensive responses from men (who inherently have more power) to someone who experienced trauma from men may seem dismissive.
To assert that you are and were never part of the problem despite being raised to see yourself in a privileged and powerful position over every woman (as we are raised to believe in this culture that men have more inherent value) would seem unrealistic. I'd like to know if any men in here have really sat and thought about all of the interactions they've had and self-reflected on their privilege and power. Have they come face-to-face with their own complicity in maintaining the power dynamic (past or present)? Do they see how subtle cues they might show/exhibit might intimidate women or be subtle attempts to exert more power/influence? Do they notice any differences in how they choose to interact with women than with men and their intentions in this? Are they aware of how just being male may have given them a leg up in graduate school applications, interviews, jobs, and accolades throughout their lives? Self-reflection is key. We know that among medical doctors, more male doctors are likely to refer to female colleagues by their first name and not their titles, which is an example of how well-meaning men are complicit in denigrating women, but that's just one example of many. To assert that you already know all of this and aren't/haven't been complicit in maintaining the power dynamic as is and never have in your life despite the barrage of messages from society that men are more deserving of power, accolades, etc. would seem unrealistic.
As far as guilt, back to the race example, I do feel guilty at times, and I think that's okay. I still have it WAY easier than ethnic/racial minorities in this country by far. A little guilt is a small price to pay for greater self-awareness and commitment to change, and being a better ally to ethnic/racial minorities. I would say the same for men who don't want to be "lumped in" with harassing/assaulting men: continuous self-reflection and calling it out when you see it goes a long way in any of these scenarios. And yes, harassment can go both ways, for sure, but that argument is often used as a deflection to keep from self-reflecting on one's own power/behaviors when, as I said, the vast majority of harassment and assault comes from the group in power (i.e. race: "but X ethnic group also commits crime against police so it goes both ways so lets talk about that instead...").
Just food for thought, folks. This is more of a reflection/request than a discussion point.
