questions about social life and being single

[solar3000]

Ok, probably someone else has already posted a similar situation.
I am playing with the idea of going to med school in the future. but, I am a bit worried about a few things. A few weeks ago I talked to an advisor about my goals. I told her I want to go to grad school and study neurobiology or something related. She suggested I should consider Med school. I laughed and told her my grades were not that great, she said my grades were not bad. I was encouraged and now I am considering it. I have even registered for the new semester and I will be taking pre-med classes.

There are many worries I have though. I am 32, male, no kids and single. I was told it would take me 2 years to finish premed +1 year of waiting. plus 4 yrs or med school and..you know the rest.

By the time I graduate med school alone, I will be 39 yrs old! I worry about this, for example, will I have a social life? will I be able to live a normal life and not miss out on other things? Will I be able to find a significant other while in med school and getting married?..

Those are my main worries, being able to find someone and marriage. Am I over thinking all this? thinking about these things makes me feel a bit depressed and worried.

I'd love to hear what you guys have to say.

thanks!

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[LadyWolverine]

There is time to meet people and date while in medical school. Some students tend to overdramatize how much of their life is swept up in studies, and some students actually do need to spend more time studying than others. However, the majority make time for dating, and I have plenty of classmates who have forged meaningful, established relationships during medical school.
That said, there will be times when you will be less available (exam weeks, during certain time-consuming rotations, while studying for Step 1), and you will also be geographically and financially limited for several years. Don't underestimate the effect that all 3 of these limitations can have on your social, romantic, and ultimately married life. If you and your (potential) spouse discuss these issues early on, get on the same page, and make necessary accomodations, it is likely to save you some heartache in the long run.

 

[PB2464]

I'm turning 31 this month and will be applying next May. I'm also newly single with no kids. My goal is actually to stay that way until med school starts to make things less complicated. Don't let the "what if's" stop you from med school if that's really what you want. Everything should just fall into place...at least that's what I'm hoping.

 

[dragonfly99]

If you're not married it's not that much of an issue. I think it's harder on married folks...have to always take the spouse into consideration.
You're a guy so what are you worried about? You have plenty of time for marriage and kids.

My bigger concern is that you don't let some advisor or someone else twist your arm into doing medical school if neurobiology is what you want. Just think hard about what you want out of life, where you want to be in 5-10 years, and don't let someone else decide your life's path for you.

 

[solar3000]

There is time to meet people and date while in medical school. Some students tend to overdramatize how much of their life is swept up in studies, and some students actually do need to spend more time studying than others. However, the majority make time for dating, and I have plenty of classmates who have forged meaningful, established relationships during medical school.
That said, there will be times when you will be less available (exam weeks, during certain time-consuming rotations, while studying for Step 1), and you will also be geographically and financially limited for several years. Don't underestimate the effect that all 3 of these limitations can have on your social, romantic, and ultimately married life. If you and your (potential) spouse discuss these issues early on, get on the same page, and make necessary accomodations, it is likely to save you some heartache in the long run.

well at least from your own personal experience it doesn't sound that bad and also how you say that the majority make time for dating, etc. sounds pretty much like undergrad years lol.

 

[solar3000]

I'm turning 31 this month and will be applying next May. I'm also newly single with no kids. My goal is actually to stay that way until med school starts to make things less complicated. Don't let the "what if's" stop you from med school if that's really what you want. Everything should just fall into place...at least that's what I'm hoping.

so have you finished your premed requirements? yeah, the "what if's" is something i want to STOP doing.

 

[solar3000]

If you're not married it's not that much of an issue. I think it's harder on married folks...have to always take the spouse into consideration.
You're a guy so what are you worried about? You have plenty of time for marriage and kids.

My bigger concern is that you don't let some advisor or someone else twist your arm into doing medical school if neurobiology is what you want. Just think hard about what you want out of life, where you want to be in 5-10 years, and don't let someone else decide your life's path for you.

I am a guy so what am I worried about? getting old.haha. I figured the older you get the less chances of finding a potential significant other.

You're right about the advisor thing. The reason I never thought of med school was because I figured my grades weren't that great, especially when you hear over and over how you have to be an A student during your undergrad years. Neuro is something that I am interested about and I guess she was suggesting med school because I could also do brain research as a doctor besides seeing patients. I am right now keeping my options open, in any case, the more science courses I take, its going to help me for either neuroscience or med school. I hope. I am just keeping an open mind right now.

 

[EkramVahsedi86]

I'm turning 31 this month and will be applying next May. I'm also newly single with no kids. My goal is actually to stay that way until med school starts to make things less complicated. Don't let the "what if's" stop you from med school if that's really what you want. Everything should just fall into place...at least that's what I'm hoping.

I'm glad to instantly get some relief and comfort here. I'm 24, single with 2 kids, and took 3 years off school and have 1 semester left for my B.A.

It seems like I don't have it as bad as I thought, nor do I have 0% chance of becoming a doctor. Whew! I have lurked these forums for almost a year, and finally registered a nickname.

Look at it the logical way. If you are single now, you are statistically more likely to be married 5 years from now, than someone who is actually married now (given that the divorce rate is high for people who get married in their 20's).

For medschool, definitely go for it. It won't be something you'll retrospectively regret.

 

[QofQuimica]

I am a guy so what am I worried about? getting old.haha. I figured the older you get the less chances of finding a potential significant other.

dragonfly is trying to say that as a guy in your mid-30s, it is socially acceptable for you to date a woman in her mid-20s. The reverse is generally not true, as any single women in their mid-30s who are primarily being courted by middle-aged men can personally attest. Even if a guy in his early twenties wanted to date a woman who is 10+ years older than he is, there is a good chance that *she* would not be interested in him. So basically, the dating odds are much better for you as a single nontrad guy than they would be if you were a single nontrad woman.

 

[Excelsius]

dragonfly is trying to say that as a guy in your mid-30s, it is socially acceptable for you to date a woman in her mid-20s. The reverse is generally not true, as any single women in their mid-30s who are primarily being courted by middle-aged men can personally attest. Even if a guy in his early twenties wanted to date a woman who is 10+ years older than he is, there is a good chance that *she* would not be interested in him. So basically, the dating odds are much better for you as a single nontrad guy than they would be if you were a single nontrad woman.

Well, I wouldn't necessarily agree. Times are changing. And if any woman would not consider a younger guy, then her limitations are self-imposed. That's an unnecessary bias too.

 

[J ROD]

Just pick you up a wife 10-15 yrs younger when you are done with med school and residency. Can anybody say "trophy"?

Then, have kids, etc..

Anyways, that's my plan!

I like being single and I do not think I want to "settle" down into my 40's.

I like my life and do not need the baggage while in school. Granted, I would not mind a nice, young lady to have over every now and then for milk and cookies. I love milk and cookies!!

Follow this strategy and you can save yourself the trouble of dumping your "old" starter wife for an upgrade once you are a MD.

*sits back and waits on the posts from this response*

 

[PunkmedGirl]

Just pick you up a wife 10-15 yrs younger when you are done with med school and residency. Can anybody say "trophy"?

Then, have kids, etc..

Anyways, that's my plan!

I like being single and I do not think I want to "settle" down into my 40's.

I like my life and do not need the baggage while in school. Granted, I would not mind a nice, young lady to have over every now and then for milk and cookies. I love milk and cookies!!

Follow this strategy and you can save yourself the trouble of dumping your "old" starter wife for an upgrade once you are a MD.

*sits back and waits on the posts from this response*

LMAO!!!!!! I WANT ME SOME MILK N COOKIES!! (my best Bernie Mac impression)

OOH you are soo in trouble with that post.

 

[Excelsius]

Just pick you up a wife 10-15 yrs younger when you are done with med school and residency. Can anybody say "trophy"?

Then, have kids, etc..

Anyways, that's my plan!

I like being single and I do not think I want to "settle" down into my 40's.

I like my life and do not need the baggage while in school. Granted, I would not mind a nice, young lady to have over every now and then for milk and cookies. I love milk and cookies!!

Follow this strategy and you can save yourself the trouble of dumping your "old" starter wife for an upgrade once you are a MD.

*sits back and waits on the posts from this response*

That's fine, except that picking a wife 15 years younger than you might mean that you will have to deal with her immaturity while trying to manage a busy professional life. I also don't get how one can be satisfied with a wife who lacks the appreciation or the understanding of sophisticated things in life - be it art, science, etc. Sure, not all women in their 20s are like this, but if you're looking for a "trophy," be prepared to have conversations about food and shoes. Now women in their 30s or older = a different animal.

 

[Excelsius]

LMAO!!!!!! I WANT ME SOME MILK N COOKIES!! (my best Bernie Mac impression)

OOH you are soo in trouble with that post.

I almost thought you had an "in" in the middle of your first sentence

 

[J ROD]

That's fine, except that picking a wife 15 years younger than you might mean that you will have to deal with her immaturity while trying to manage a busy professional life. I also don't get how one can be satisfied with a wife who lacks the appreciation or the understanding of sophisticated things in life - be it art, science, etc. Sure, not all women in their 20s are like this, but if you're looking for a "trophy," be prepared to have conversations about food and shoes. Now women in their 30s or older = a different animal.

40's - 10-15 yrs. = late 20's - early 30's

Best age period! Still pretty but at least has a clue about life. Of course, all this talk is mere generalities. Oh, and "trophies" can have brains too!

I want a "trophy" in looks mainly. But then again, I like shoes and food so who knows? I have enough eggheads around me to talk about medical related stuff with.

And eventually you have to upgrade somewhere down the line when this wife gets too many miles on her. Too bad there are not leasing options. That would make the process alot cheaper and easier than divorce fees and losing half your money.

Hell, why get married? Just get the milk for free and then get a new cow when the milk dries up? I love thinking out loud.

All this talk about food and milk has me hungry....I think I am going to get some food....be back later.....

 

[Excelsius]

...
And eventually you have to upgrade somewhere down the line when this wife gets too many miles on her. Too bad there are not leasing options. That would make the process alot cheaper and easier than divorce fees and losing half your money.

Hell, why get married? Just get the milk for free and then get a new cow when the milk dries up? I love thinking out loud.
....

Hahahahaha. Now you definitely can go get the popcorn. And unless you have prenup, I doubt you'll be able to afford even a single divorce. Even more reason to go for someone smarter. Plus if you happen to form a liasion with a lawyer or a doctor, you don't have to worry about prenup much.

 

[J ROD]

Hahahahaha. Now you definitely can go get the popcorn. And unless you have prenup, I doubt you'll be able to afford even a single divorce. Even more reason to go for someone smarter. Plus if you happen to form a liasion with a lawyer or a doctor, you don't have to worry about prenup much.

Very true.

It is not marriage that I am afraid of. It is the divorce,

How much does she get of my money? Maybe, I can get a Trump prenup, haha!!

Oh, and I will not marry a lawyer because then I "know" she will be getting all my money then. Lawyers are bad...

 

[e p i c]

Who in the hell talks with their wife about art and science.

 

[engPhD09]

I think the OP raises a good point. I'll be 34 or 35 when I finish med school, and probably 40 with residency and fellowship. This is my primary concern as well. Yeah, we could be playboy med students (and good for you if that's your deal), and there are a lot of women out there who are hunting for future docs. But some of us would like to start families sooner rather than later, so maybe we can still walk when our grandchildren come along! Anyway, I'm glad to see this thread out there, good luck to all of you.

 

[solar3000]

I think the OP raises a good point. I'll be 34 or 35 when I finish med school, and probably 40 with residency and fellowship. This is my primary concern as well. Yeah, we could be playboy med students (and good for you if that's your deal), and there are a lot of women out there who are hunting for future docs. But some of us would like to start families sooner rather than later, so maybe we can still walk when our grandchildren come along! Anyway, I'm glad to see this thread out there, good luck to all of you.

so you're a med student currently? or you're still trying to get in? at least once you finish med school you will be making a little bit of money during your residency years, right?

Oh well, people tell me I shouldn't worry about meeting a significant other while in school because "you'll find her in school" or "most girls will want to date you once you tell them you're in med school". I wonder about this, anyone doing med school now, is this true? lol

 

[sindadel]

Well ignoring the sophomoric idiocy about trophy wives and divorce settlements (ok, I can't quite ignore Mr. "Who talks to their wife about art and science?" Uh, who DOESN'T?):

1. Women who want children would be wise to get started on that process before 40. Men are not similarly restricted.

2. There's no easier way to meet someone high quality, who you can actually STAY married to, than by following your passion. Maybe you'll meet her in a coffee shop while you're both studying; maybe she'll be a fellow med student; maybe she'll be a young professor who catches your eye (not of medicine, of course!); maybe she'll be passionately involved in an advocacy group you join; she could be a talented artist whose work you notice...

That said, building a solid marriage and starting a family take dedication and time. I think if I were in your shoes, I would decide which is more important to you in the next 10 years and focus on that. Good luck. I don't regret spending between 20 and 30 on marriage and family in the least.

 

[solar3000]

Well ignoring the sophomoric idiocy about trophy wives and divorce settlements (ok, I can't quite ignore Mr. "Who talks to their wife about art and science?" Uh, who DOESN'T?):

1. Women who want children would be wise to get started on that process before 40. Men are not similarly restricted.

2. There's no easier way to meet someone high quality, who you can actually STAY married to, than by following your passion. Maybe you'll meet her in a coffee shop while you're both studying; maybe she'll be a fellow med student; maybe she'll be a young professor who catches your eye (not of medicine, of course!); maybe she'll be passionately involved in an advocacy group you join; she could be a talented artist whose work you notice...

That said, building a solid marriage and starting a family take dedication and time. I think if I were in your shoes, I would decide which is more important to you in the next 10 years and focus on that. Good luck. I don't regret spending between 20 and 30 on marriage and family in the least.

your post is so nice and positive. It's given me hope lol. seriously, I liked it. Well, what is most important to me is to get a good career and even though it'll take some time to get there, It looks like its going to be worth it and while I work on it, I might meet someone along the way...

 

[NTF]

Finding someone to spend the rest of your life with is difficult even if you have a lot of free time.

Just remember, you only have to get it right once.

 

[MermaidMD]

That said, building a solid marriage and starting a family take dedication and time. I think if I were in your shoes, I would decide which is more important to you in the next 10 years and focus on that. Good luck. I don't regret spending between 20 and 30 on marriage and family in the least.

This was actually one of the major mental hurdles for me in deciding to even pursue medicine as a career. I'd always considered it but wanted to be "committed to family" and thought a career as an MD would limit that commitment. It wasn't until this past summer that I stepped back and realized that I was planning my life around children who don't even "sort of" exist yet! You never know where life will take you and in my experience, planning too much just sets you up for disappointment.

I've been dating a wonderful man for 16 months and all signs point to marriage at some point in the future, but I'm in no rush, and neither is he. We both want children very much, but know that the best parents are happy parents, and to be a happy mother, I will need work outside the home.

I would never bash a full-time mother--raising children is one of the hardest things you can do and I have the utmost respect for those who devote themselves to it very completely. I do believe, though, that there are equally healthy alternatives for parents and kids alike.

And as for the "trophy wife"? Well, my boyfriend jokes that he's just being supportive so he can have a "sugar mama" in his 40s! What's the only thing hotter than Mrs. Blond-Haired Nice Butt? Mrs. Blond-Haired Nice Butt M.D.

Zing.

 

[dragonfly99]

solar
It's not like undergrad.

It's much harder and less time to socialize, particularly in the 2nd and 3rd years, which tend to be very demanding at most schools. However, there is some time to socialize. If you date someone who doesn't respect that it takes a lot of hard work and commitment, that might break up your relationship or not give it a chance to start. However, you have to ask yourself what you value and then make decisions accordingly. There were quite a few people in my medical school who ended up married to other medical students, probably because you end up spending so much time with your classmates, plus they are smart, plus they understand what you are going through as far as med school and residency goes.

It sounds like you still have a little time to make decisions about your career. You might want to consider doing some shadowing of local doctors (either residents or docs in practice) and then you could ask them what is their perception of how medicine affects their personal lives. With your interest area, you might pick neurologist(s) and/or psychiatrists. Those are both specialties that badly need more dedicated docs. While your residency in those specialties would not be easy by any stretch (particularly neurology) neuro ane psych are definitely not the most stressful ones (i.e. not on the same level of stress and long work hours as a lot of the surgical specialties, and some of the medical ones).

I'm not even going to dignify the "trophy wife" posts at all...I'm just glad there didn't seem to be too many dunderheads who think like that in my medical school and residency programs. A lot of docs do want a smart wife or girlfriend and do pick based on something other than bra size, etc. A word to the wise: many of those typical blond looking women you'd be looking for are wise to your games and may be looking for a guy who doesn't want them as a trophy...

 

[Excelsius]

...
I'm not even going to dignify the "trophy wife" posts at all...I'm just glad there didn't seem to be too many dunderheads who think like that in my medical school and residency programs. A lot of docs do want a smart wife or girlfriend and do pick based on something other than bra size, etc. A word to the wise: many of those typical blond looking women you'd be looking for are wise to your games and may be looking for a guy who doesn't want them as a trophy...

I think J Dub was just being sarcastic. So was the other guy asking who talks to his wife about art, etc. At least I hope.

I agree with you. Of course, there are some med students like L2D who are pretty pessimistic about dating someone from your med class. I even read one med student say "you don't piss where you eat," as if dating a classmate in med school is a very bad idea. Still, given all those threads about couples and marriage within the same class, that must be more common than some suggest.

One advantage that med school has over most other science grad schools is that the crowd is usually attractive. Same is true about law school. I think that's very important to consider as well because attraction isn't just limited to the brains. I have yet to meet a single attractive female in any of my upper division physics or math courses. The ratio seems to be inversely proportional to intelligence.

 

[J ROD]

I am serious to a point. Most of it was just verbal banter.....

Life is not all puppies and rainbows though.

If I get to a certain point in life and I have not found that "one", then I will look for someone I find attractive. Being a hot "trophy" younger lady does not means that they have to be a dump as s. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Marriage is a whole, different question.

I would consider the Trump approach for that situation.

Why be alone if you can not find the love of your life? Just pick someone you like and can get along with. A little bit of mutualist behavior. I want someone younger and attractive and they want the financial security I could provide.

One man's love may not be another man's love. We all have different views on the matter and beliefs. Just because some of you disagree does not mean you are right nor am I. Do not judge unless you want to be judged back. If you do not like it, do not do it. Simple as that. Free will!

And, have a sense of humor, lol!!

 

[J ROD]

Who in the hell talks with their wife about art and science.

I concur. There are better topics.

 

[e p i c]

Well ignoring the sophomoric idiocy about trophy wives and divorce settlements (ok, I can't quite ignore Mr. "Who talks to their wife about art and science?" Uh, who DOESN'T?):

You ever watch Cops?

Game. Set. Match.

 

[e p i c]

Maybe you'll meet her in a coffee shop while you're both studying; maybe she'll be a fellow med student; maybe she'll be a young professor who catches your eye (not of medicine, of course!); maybe she'll be passionately involved in an advocacy group you join; she could be a talented artist whose work you notice...

Jesus Christ. A talented artist whose work you notice? What TV show do you live in?

You'll likely meet your future wife in the produce aisle, probably as a result of dropping a zucchini on her foot.

 

[wepio]

Jesus Christ. A talented artist whose work you notice? What TV show do you live in?

You'll likely meet your future wife in the produce aisle, probably as a result of dropping a zucchini on her foot.

 

[wepio]

40's - 10-15 yrs. = late 20's - early 30's

Best age period! Still pretty but at least has a clue about life. Of course, all this talk is mere generalities. Oh, and "trophies" can have brains too!

I want a "trophy" in looks mainly. But then again, I like shoes and food so who knows? I have enough eggheads around me to talk about medical related stuff with.

And eventually you have to upgrade somewhere down the line when this wife gets too many miles on her. Too bad there are not leasing options. That would make the process alot cheaper and easier than divorce fees and losing half your money.

Hell, why get married? Just get the milk for free and then get a new cow when the milk dries up? I love thinking out loud.

All this talk about food and milk has me hungry....I think I am going to get some food....be back later.....

I think I'd go to jail just doing the math to figure out how old my first ex-wife is right now if I followed this formula when I turn 40.

 

[solar3000]

So yeah, I know you can get into any meaningless relationships just for the....milk and cookies, but I am looking for something more than that.
I didn't expect to have a lot of people reply to this thread. it's good..

 

[J ROD]

So yeah, I know you can get into any meaningless relationships just for the....milk and cookies, but I am looking for something more than that.
I didn't expect to have a lot of people reply to this thread. it's good..

Something more is overrated.

Time for some milk and cookies!!!!

 

[J ROD]

I think I'd go to jail just doing the math to figure out how old my first ex-wife is right now if I followed this formula when I turn 40.

As long as she is 18, it's all gravy or whip cream or whatever floats your boat.!!

 

[Law2Doc]

dragonfly is trying to say that as a guy in your mid-30s, it is socially acceptable for you to date a woman in her mid-20s. The reverse is generally not true, as any single women in their mid-30s who are primarily being courted by middle-aged men can personally attest. Even if a guy in his early twenties wanted to date a woman who is 10+ years older than he is, there is a good chance that *she* would not be interested in him. So basically, the dating odds are much better for you as a single nontrad guy than they would be if you were a single nontrad woman.

Well, I think it's probably going to be harder on the OP than some of the folks on this thread suggest. I'd be real careful trying to date mid 20s classmates if you are more than 10 years older. The last thing you want is the rep of being that creepy old guy -- med school classes are too small and gossip flows too freely. And if you are mid 30s+ and trying to date women your own age outside of the school, you will hit with the fact that many women of that age are looking to settle down, may have biological clock issues, and won't be interested in someone who is still a student and anticipating following that with a long residency/fellowship before actually getting a "real" job. Not to mention that the OP, in this example will actually be over 42 before he finishes even the shortest residency -- the real end point in this example, not med school graduation.

So yeah, it's going to be hard. You have to decide that it's something you really want to do and that it will be amongst the priorities in your life. You will have time to squeeze in some dating, but certainly not as much as other graduate paths. And you will be a "harder sell" as a guy if you are an eternal student. You won't have a ton of time, you won't have a ton of money, and you will be frequently having to cancel things when you can't get out of the hospital as early as you hoped.

 

[solar3000]

Well, I think it's probably going to be harder on the OP than some of the folks on this thread suggest. I'd be real careful trying to date mid 20s classmates if you are more than 10 years older. The last thing you want is the rep of being that creepy old guy -- med school classes are too small and gossip flows too freely. And if you are mid 30s+ and trying to date women your own age outside of the school, you will hit with the fact that many women of that age are looking to settle down, may have biological clock issues, and won't be interested in someone who is still a student and anticipating following that with a long residency/fellowship before actually getting a "real" job. Not to mention that the OP, in this example will actually be over 42 before he finishes even the shortest residency -- the real end point in this example, not med school graduation.

So yeah, it's going to be hard. You have to decide that it's something you really want to do and that it will be amongst the priorities in your life. You will have time to squeeze in some dating, but certainly not as much as other graduate paths. And you will be a "harder sell" as a guy if you are an eternal student. You won't have a ton of time, you won't have a ton of money, and you will be frequently having to cancel things when you can't get out of the hospital as early as you hoped.

well I wasn't counting residency since you start getting paid on those haha. So, I wouldn't count residency as part of the "issue" I am dealing with. I mean, a residency it's a job..right?

Also, I understand some females would be turned off by the fact that I'd be ten years or less older than they were, but like someone else was saying, it is socially acceptable for a guy to be older and date someone younger.
what about the fact that I look like I am on my early 20s? lol just trying to keep all this positive.

I also understand it's a long journey, I could also do other things and work on a 9-5 job making little money and with the worry that I'll loose the job. not to mention feeling like my job doesn't really make much of a difference. I am sure this will turn off a few girls out there. So, It's a hard decision..

 

[Law2Doc]

well I wasn't counting residency since you start getting paid on those haha. So, I wouldn't count residency as part of the "issue" I am dealing with. I mean, a residency it's a job..right?

It's a job, sort of. You get paid $40k-45k (some places call this stipend, not salary), work up to 80 hours/week, assuming the program stays in compliance (meaning you make less per hour than the kid at Subway), probably will need to read up on patients and study for boards/specialty exams in your "spare" time, and will always be tired and rarely have days off in many specialties. Not the easiest for a dating situation. More than a few residents have fallen asleep on dates. And non-physicians aren't going to be as understanding of your lack of availability, due to being on overnight call duty every 3rd or 4th night in some programs. So no, I'd not count this as a normal job in terms of social life.

 

[dragonfly99]

I concur w/lawdoc about residency not being like a normal job. The hours are sucky and you will be TIRED and not have a whole lot of spare time.
however, based on other posts the OP is thinking of doing neurology or psych, and those residencies really get better after the first couple years (for neuro) or even the first 6 months or so (for psych). Still, no residency is easy.

I disagree w/the poster above who said that a lot of women won't be interested in the OP because of his not having a lot of money. I actually think that since most women now have jobs and are self-supporting, that wouldn't be such a huge issue. It might be for those women who are just looking to get married, have babies and never have to work again, but I think there are far fewer of these type women around than say 20-30 years ago. As far as dating other medical students, I'd say the ones straight out of college will probably seem young to you, and some won't be that mature, but very likely you won't be the only 30-something med student and almost certainly there will be multiple folks in the 25-30 or so age range. I've always been a proponent of the "date who you want" school of dating and never agreed with the rule to not date classmates and/or coworkers. You just have to make sure you are mature about it (i.e. neither person allowed to be a crybaby and/or gossip if/when you break up). I think the having not enough time for dating is more of an issue than straight up not being able to find someone to date, particularly if you are located @a major university and/or in a good sized city.

 

[engPhD09]

so you're a med student currently? or you're still trying to get in? at least once you finish med school you will be making a little bit of money during your residency years, right?

Oh well, people tell me I shouldn't worry about meeting a significant other while in school because "you'll find her in school" or "most girls will want to date you once you tell them you're in med school". I wonder about this, anyone doing med school now, is this true? lol

Hey solar, didn't see your message until now. My handle means I'm finishing a PhD in engineering next year. I'm not an MD/PhD student, so I'm looking to apply for 2010 or 2011 matriculation (I'll be 29 when I finish the PhD in 09) - between volunteering, taking my last classes, writing a dissertation, etc., we'll see if I can make it for 2010.

 

[OncoCaP]

Ok, probably someone else has already posted a similar situation.
I am playing with the idea of going to med school in the future. but, I am a bit worried about a few things. A few weeks ago I talked to an advisor about my goals. I told her I want to go to grad school and study neurobiology or something related. She suggested I should consider Med school. I laughed and told her my grades were not that great, she said my grades were not bad. I was encouraged and now I am considering it. I have even registered for the new semester and I will be taking pre-med classes.

There are many worries I have though. I am 32, male, no kids and single. I was told it would take me 2 years to finish premed +1 year of waiting. plus 4 yrs or med school and..you know the rest.

By the time I graduate med school alone, I will be 39 yrs old! I worry about this, for example, will I have a social life? will I be able to live a normal life and not miss out on other things? Will I be able to find a significant other while in med school and getting married?..

Those are my main worries, being able to find someone and marriage. Am I over thinking all this? thinking about these things makes me feel a bit depressed and worried.

I'd love to hear what you guys have to say.

thanks!

Would you be able to find someone? I'm sure you would. However, medical school will keep you pretty busy with the various training tasks. You will miss out on a "normal" life to a certain extent while you are training to become a physician. It can be done, but medical school does cut into your personal time. I'm married with kids and it's working out pretty well for me right now. However, I have been married for almost 20 years, and that has given me a certain amount of experience in how to navigate the cones of the relationship. Even so, I do notice that there are certainly times when I wish I could attend one of my kid's events, but I have a conflict. Based on what you are writing, I suggest you look at other options besides medical school just so you don't get into this a couple of years and are kicking yourself because you feel like you are missing a "normal" life. There are many good things about medical school, but it really doesn't compare in terms of "family time" with a normal job (there is less family time in medical school).

 

[Noeljan]

dragonfly is trying to say that as a guy in your mid-30s, it is socially acceptable for you to date a woman in her mid-20s. The reverse is generally not true, as any single women in their mid-30s who are primarily being courted by middle-aged men can personally attest. Even if a guy in his early twenties wanted to date a woman who is 10+ years older than he is, there is a good chance that *she* would not be interested in him. So basically, the dating odds are much better for you as a single nontrad guy than they would be if you were a single nontrad woman.

not really true(maybe it used to be thanks to men controlling society). My boyfriend is a good 5 years younger than me, met him at med school. We live together now. I have a girlfriend even older than that who has a serious boyfriend my bf's age. It is more about the person, looks, interests, etc. I used to date older guys, but honestly they are all the same. Also I have found that men like certain looks and smarts in girls (no matter what their age)

 

[flyhi]

i think having a boy toy during med/vet school would be fantastic. mama can make him cookies and milk

 

[Olddodger]

Hi all,

Errr ya...dating is tough in school. I went back for my pre-recs when I was 38, and I was definately the "creepy old guy". Honestly, I wasn't interesting in dating a 20 year old anyway...no really!

Happy Holidays all!

Oldie

 

[Noeljan]

i think having a boy toy during med/vet school would be fantastic. mama can make him cookies and milk

haha you know it Actually my boy toy cooks for me more than I do him I look very young for my age though, and younger guys always ask me out (I have had teenagers ask me out, ewww gross). Older guys hardly ever ask me out though.

Anyways, I think by the time you are in med school everyone kind of forgets about age and hangs out together. Besides age, you are all at the same point in life as far as career goes. I am actually surprised at all the younger guy/older girl couples I have seen in med school. Now that I think about it, there seems to be more "older" girls than guys (like with grad degrees and starting med school later) so maybe we have no choice

 

[Harry Bahgina]

haha you know it Actually my boy toy cooks for me more than I do him I look very young for my age though, and younger guys always ask me out (I have had teenagers ask me out, ewww gross). Older guys hardly ever ask me out though.

That part reminded me of this lady http://www.tabloidcolumn.com/debbie-lafave.html.

Your not her..right? lol j/k