Questions for DESI GIRLS

[Survivior]

Hello,

I am kind of embarrassed of asking this question, but it’s been bugging me. I don’t know who to talk to about this. So, here it goes. I wanted to know how you guys are planning out your life. As we all know when we turn 20+, our parents start to look around to get us engaged or married, but that’s not my problem. My mom is on my side. She is not rushing anything. She wants me to do what I want, which is to get into dent school first. After that if I find someone then think about it. But most of my friends are already married and that makes me think. Is it really that important to be married now or be engaged? By the way, I am 23. When is the right time for all this? I don’t want to be too old to get married either. Are you guys planning on finding someone special before you go to dent school or after? I don’t want to get married now, its too early. I haven’t even finished my bachelors. What do you guys think?

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[uoftgrad]

Hello,

I am kind of embarrassed of asking this question, but it’s been bugging me. I don’t know who to talk to about this. So, here it goes. I wanted to know how you guys are planning out your life. As we all know when we turn 20+, our parents start to look around to get us engaged or married, but that’s not my problem. My mom is on my side. She is not rushing anything. She wants me to do what I want, which is to get into dent school first. After that if I find someone then think about it. But most of my friends are already married and that makes me think. Is it really that important to be married now or be engaged? By the way, I am 23. When is the right time for all this? I don’t want to be too old to get married either. Are you guys planning on finding someone special before you go to dent school or after? I don’t want to get married now, its too early. I haven’t even finished my bachelors. What do you guys think?

Don't worry! Im in the same boat...im 23 and a desi girl...I finished my Bachelors last June and will be attending Dental school this fall ie-2007. I haven't really found that special someone and probably will get arranged. But anyway to answer ur question, most desi guys tend to get married around 28-29 and want girls who are around our age. So if you wait TOO long you might not get the best picks....Ur still young (like me!), but dont' let that stop you from looking. If someone really good comes along, then don't wait, as long as the in-laws etc are ok with you studying after marriage. But thats just my 2 cents! Good luck

 

[fancymylotus]

Hello,

I am kind of embarrassed of asking this question, but it’s been bugging me. I don’t know who to talk to about this. So, here it goes. I wanted to know how you guys are planning out your life. As we all know when we turn 20+, our parents start to look around to get us engaged or married, but that’s not my problem. My mom is on my side. She is not rushing anything. She wants me to do what I want, which is to get into dent school first. After that if I find someone then think about it. But most of my friends are already married and that makes me think. Is it really that important to be married now or be engaged? By the way, I am 23. When is the right time for all this? I don’t want to be too old to get married either. Are you guys planning on finding someone special before you go to dent school or after? I don’t want to get married now, its too early. I haven’t even finished my bachelors. What do you guys think?

The right time is when you're ready, unfortunately, most parents and aunties dont seem to understand this. I'm a year younger than you and am getting the "whaaaaaat you arent married/engaged/on your way to having your second child" thing from everyone-quite annoying. In reality, I'll probably end up getting married second or third year of d-school,because its far enough away that I'm not heavily freaking out (yet) and close enough to placate my parents.

 

[OceanBlue]

wow! lucky me. I'm a guy, I don't have to worry about this. By the way, what's a desi girl and a desi guy?

 

[KHANSAHAAB]

The best advice you'll get anywhere:


Get married, have kids, be a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter (to you're inlawas) and life will be heaven on earth.

Seriously.


Good luck

 

[KHANSAHAAB]

wow! lucky me. I'm a guy, I don't have to worry about this. By the way, what's a desi girl and a desi guy?

Desi = of Indian background

 

[Chakshu]

just to clarify it further, not Aboriginals lol.

 

[OceanBlue]

Don't worry! Im in the same boat...im 23 and a desi girl...I finished my Bachelors last June and will be attending Dental school this fall ie-2007. I haven't really found that special someone and probably will get arranged. But anyway to answer ur question, most desi guys tend to get married around 28-29 and want girls who are around our age. So if you wait TOO long you might not get the best picks....Ur still young (like me!), but dont' let that stop you from looking. If someone really good comes along, then don't wait, as long as the in-laws etc are ok with you studying after marriage. But thats just my 2 cents! Good luck

wow! you guys are still doing that? Even over here in the US? btw, i'm asian.

 

[Survivior]

KHANSAHAAB, you can't be serious. And this question was not meant for you to answer.
And by DESI, I didn't mean only Indians, I meant Pakistanies too. I thought desi meant Pakistanies and Indians.

 

[nazeeuh]

My parents are starting to look for someone for me, too. I'm 21, and I definitely don't want to get married for a couple of years, but I guess it makes sense to start now because it takes a few years for the guy and girl to get to know each other and stuff. All I know is that I don't want to get married until i'm at least half way done with dental school. Your age shouldn't matter. The most important thing is that you're ready

 

[KHANSAHAAB]

KHANSAHAAB, you can't be serious. And this question was not meant for you to answer.
And by DESI, I didn't mean only Indians, I meant Pakistanies too. I thought desi meant Pakistanies and Indians.

I'm not falling into that trap again; and there is no 'e' in Pakistanis.

And yep; I am serious.

Also; I see what you're saying: I'm not a desi (alhumdullilah) and I'm not a girl.

Good luck

 

[nazeeuh]

Do you think I should shaadi now too khansahaab?

 

[KHANSAHAAB]

Do you think I should shaadi now too khansahaab?

Judging by your picture, I think you'd make an excellent housewife and a wonderful mother. You've been educated in the west so I don't think you'd play family politics like some of the eastern-raised girls do (mashAllah). But I'd like to see you and your types (the pretty ones ) get married and build a family.

(Not sure if I answered your question but these are just my thoughts based on your pic).

Khan

 

[nazeeuh]

Judging by your picture, I think you'd make an excellent housewife and a wonderful mother. You've been educated in the west so I don't think you'd play family politics like some of the eastern-raised girls do (mashAllah). But I'd like to see you and your types (the pretty ones ) get married and build a family.

(Not sure if I answered your question but these are just my thoughts based on your pic).

Khan

hmmm. but i think 23/24 is a good age for a girl to get married. i dont know.

yea i just wanted to know your opinion. thanks

 

[KHANSAHAAB]

hmmm. but i think 23/24 is a good age for a girl to get married. i dont know.

yea i was just wanted to know your opinion. thanks

Yea, I'd probably agree. The O.P. is 23 thats why i advised her to get married. You still have a few years.

I'm off to bed.

Allah hafiz.

 

[nazeeuh]

Yea, I'd probably agree. The O.P. is 23 thats why i advised her to get married. You still have a few years.

I'm off to bed.

Allah hafiz.

Allah hafiz.

 

[Eid]

Survivor, what an expressive thread! I remember back in high school when everyone was deciding on becoming a doctor or pharmacist or what have you, and now half my friends are married (all 20 btw). I am happy for them because they really seem to love married life and have no problems going to school at the same time. But I also know they feel like they've grown up too fast, and of course they all plan to stop school after their bachelor's. There was a time when i was getting sucked into the whole shadi wormhole too (I don't know how or why a very unusual dynamic existed where all my desi friends were getting engaged/married at 18/19 even though they all grew up here).. and there was a lot of drama involved with mom/aunts/aunties.. it's a periodic phase and i notice i tend to run to the shadi'ing notion when i don't feel confident about dental school working out *still don't know about 2007 status, usc maybe?* .. so in the end i have to keep asking myself and reminding myself that ...

life is Long..and dental school looks sexy right now

 

[Fuji]

Judging by your picture, I think you'd make an excellent housewife and a wonderful mother.

Wow. Since when does being pretty have any bearing on whether you'd be an excellent housewife or mother?

Ever heard this song, by Jimmy Soul?

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
Go for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

 

[xdianaax]

Well i'm not Desi, but I am egyptian...and it's pretty much the same thing...you hit 20 and it's like your clocks ticking...lol

 

[OceanBlue]

Well i'm not Desi, but I am egyptian...and it's pretty much the same thing...you hit 20 and it's like your clocks ticking...lol

I would say it's the same for all women! However, it's really ticking after 25 and if you're 29+ you're kindda desperate. One thing you can do is say, "Fudge society, I'm just living my life".

 

[KHANSAHAAB]

Wow. Since when does being pretty have any bearing on whether you'd be an excellent housewife or mother?

Ever heard this song, by Jimmy Soul?

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
Go for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Good point; but i just think nazia is different. I find her face to be very homely and somone who would really excel in domestic life. I could be wrong as I don't know her outside of SDN but its just a feeling I have that she'll be a good mother and wife.

 

[dentwannabe]

Judging by your picture, I think you'd make an excellent housewife and a wonderful mother. You've been educated in the west so I don't think you'd play family politics like some of the eastern-raised girls do (mashAllah). But I'd like to see you and your types (the pretty ones ) get married and build a family.

(Not sure if I answered your question but these are just my thoughts based on your pic).

Khan

salam Khan Sahab, lol, wow i didnt know it was so easy to find out about a girl JUST from her picture, j/k, hey man, when it comes time for me, i'll send you my girls' pics and you tell me what type of housewife and mother she'll be based on your telepathic powers.

Yeaaaa, this thread has been officially hijacked by all desis

but to the OP: I don't know if your Paksitan or Indian, but from a guy's perspective I'd be looking to get it done around second half of d-school, closer to the end. I have a sister so I know why you're worried. She's in her 2nd year of grad school and she is not too worried. It'll happen -- just be patient. But you should definitely start considering people now. Some desis put the limit at the age of 25-27 for a girl.. but hey, its up to you.

 

[rupkaur]

I m agree w/ others; it is upto u when u feel like u r ready to marry..I m 24 now n going to dental school in Aug as a single n wanna wait until i finish D2 and my parents r fine w/ it..
gdluck for ur decision...

 

[KHANSAHAAB]

salam Khan Sahab, lol, wow i didnt know it was so easy to find out about a girl JUST from her picture, j/k, hey man, when it comes time for me, i'll send you my girls' pics and you tell me what type of housewife and mother she'll be based on your telepathic powers.

Wasalaam, bhai sahaab.

I know it sounds *****ic to judge someone by a single picture but my comments were based on seeing so many Pakistani ladies and what type of life they lead. Nazia just fits the type of person who would be a good mother and wife. I could be a 110% wrong here but my initial thoughts just led me to post those comments.

To the OP: When a girl gets beyond 24-25, she is termed as "left overs" as guys perceive that all the good ones are taken early. 23 is an ideal age for tying the knot; get married, have lots of kids, and enjoy your family.

Khan

 

[nazeeuh]

lol homely face

 

[bruinpredent]

this is an interesting topic, especially since you see this sort of situation in a lot of more traditional/conservative cultures. i'm not desi, but i've seen this sort of thing in my family a lot and if i was a girl i'd probably be pressured to marry sooner rather than later as well.

a lot of people made good points about getting married in the last 2 years of dental school, and i think something we need to take in mind is that 1) a lot of people who enter dental school are already married, and that 2) a lot of people want to settle down when they hit their mid 20s...whatever immaturity and feelings of "i dont want to get married," eventually fade away.

don't stress people, it'll all work itself out

 

[Survivior]

Hey Eid, nice way of thinking unlike someone here. Anyways, I just wanted to see what other people think. I think being engaged is much better than getting married for now. And my main goal in finding someone special is to not get a guy who thinks like Khan. I rather stay single than marry someone with that kind of thinking.

 

[Survivior]

dentwannabe,

I agree with you; it will happen someday. I am not in any hurry either. I am going to fullfill my dreams first. And, I am half egyptian and pakistani.

 

[PreDentHopeful]

I'm originally from the Philippines but I'm married to a desi (only for a year)... just to comment... I wouldn't worry about marriage too much especially if your mom is on your side. Do what you have to do (d-school) and you'll eventually meet someone who you would just want to marry (either in school or out) You don't want to rush something this important...

 

[Eidi]

Great insight Eid... girls like you really are one in a million.

I think it's really impressive for women to learn how to balance their desires to stick to tradition and to progress thier career ambitions in such a day and age. You rock

 

[Lidopaine82]

Wow, arranged marriages? Is that still done in this day and age? Also, the way you guys talk about it, you make it sound like you just go to the spouse store and pick up the type you want. I don't think anyone should get married until their mid to late 20s

 

[rals]

lido, yes arranged marriages are still prominent in some cultures, especially for south asians. if you look at stats, they actually have pretty successful marriages. I'm european in heritage, but I have a few close indian friends, and I've heard good things about this. it takes some of the pressure off in a way too. your family will tend to do a decent job picking someone you are likely to fall in love with if yo haven't found someone on your own. I'm just getting a little nervous cause I'm 23, and I'm getting married. you guys are making me feel old. I still feel ok tho cause I can easily pass for a 19 yo, so maybe I'll start celebrating my 23rd birthday for a few years in a row. it's all good...

 

[Mysteree]

I hate to say it, but what a chauvanistic remark!

The best advice you'll get anywhere:


Get married, have kids, be a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter (to you're inlawas) and life will be heaven on earth.

Seriously.


Good luck

 

[Toothfairy86]

hey KHANSAHAAB, if you're saying based on naz's "homely face" she should be a housewife, did you mean she should stay at home with 6 kids and not pursue dentistry?? i mean, i could be wrong but that's what you made it sound like. to that i say, come out of your cave.

 

[Toothfairy86]

and to the OP, i would say, dont worry about marriage, you're still young and you might meet some one in dschool. just focus on school and becoming a dentist, after all, you should be able to support yourself since nothing in life is guaranteed.

 

[lovechild404]

Do what you have to do (d-school) and you'll eventually meet someone who you would just want to marry (either in school or out)

i've heard the chances of finding someone while in dental school are actually quite low. pretty much, if you go into dschool single, you come out single.

 

[muz]

i dont know about u guys...but im def. married

im married to dental school!
btw she=mirchy and masala!

 

[Survivior]

i dont know about u guys...but im def. married

im married to dental school!
btw she=mirchy and masala!

Hey Muz,

I was thinking the same!! I was about to write the other day that the day I get into dent school, I would considered myself married.

Sorry, but I don’t understand what you mean by “she=mirchy and masala”?

 

[Survivior]

and to the OP, i would say, dont worry about marriage, you're still young and you might meet some one in dschool. just focus on school and becoming a dentist, after all, you should be able to support yourself since nothing in life is guaranteed.

You are so right! You guys motivate me!!

 

[Mysteree]

You are so right! You guys motivate me!!

To the OP, you are young, but whether or not you aren't you can't "plan" when you will, or won't get married. Those things, are not as much under your control as say, your professional career. At least at the end of 4 yrs, you know that you'll be dentist, and doing something that you like. You should be focusing on that, and not when you are getting married. Unless you plan to say yes to whom ever your parents choose, then perhaps you can plan, if you want to get married now or later. If you're serious re: marriage advice, then get married when you're ready, and when you find the right guy. The rest is trivial. Good luck, in d school!

 

[lemoncurry]

I'm neither a girl nor a desi, but i do understand some things about family, culture and tradition. To the OP, it sounds like you are conflicted between what your family and culture are demanding of you versus what you want to do. It also seems like you want to have both. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to be a hausfrau, or that you should defy all and pursue your career even though it might have an ill effect on marriage plans. This is a question that is a very personal one for you since it does involve such sacred things as family and culture and tradition. You want to be your own person, but not alienate your roots. The obvious solution to me would be to marry first (arranged or otherwise) and then do school. Many of us out there are already married and/or have children and are pursuing dentistry, so it isn't impossible.

You need to find the balance between being yourself and being true to your roots. Nobody here (including me) can tell you how to do that.

 

[dentalhubby]

Well, I am a desi, and not a dental applicant. I am, however, married to a dental school applicant whom I married when she was an undergrad. She didn't like comp sci, liked bio better, so she switched w/ 1 semester left, and we spent the next 3.5 years working together so she could get into dental school. During her undergrad (the second time around), our son was born. To top things off, as she was a city girl and I live in a rural area, she didn't know how to drive. We took things 1 day at a time, never looking further than the next problem set she had to complete, or the next lab paper that was due. Each day was treated as critically important. And now, whether she gets into dental school or not, we're going to have to continue to treat each day as critically important.

Marriage, children, family, etc. should never be looked at as a deterent or obstacle to your dreams, but rather, as a compliment to them. Is it difficult. Yeah. Would it have been less difficult without our kids. Yeah. But what we have is what Allah(swt) gave us, and we should never be ungrateful for that.

To answer the original question, there are many desi girls who ARE married and in dental school. There are even some, like my wife, with children, and going through it. From reading the posts, there are a great many people on this forum that come from conservative backgrounds where the very definition of relationship involves marriage. If you are a conservative girl with values that demand a certain amount of restraint, and you feel that maintaining that protocol is making you lose focus, then get married. Make sure you marry someone who respects your goals and are willing to make them his goals as well, just as you should be ready to make your goals his. Its never easy, but very possible.

 

[Survivior]

lido, yes arranged marriages are still prominent in some cultures, especially for south asians. if you look at stats, they actually have pretty successful marriages. I'm european in heritage, but I have a few close indian friends, and I've heard good things about this. it takes some of the pressure off in a way too. your family will tend to do a decent job picking someone you are likely to fall in love with if yo haven't found someone on your own. I'm just getting a little nervous cause I'm 23, and I'm getting married. you guys are making me feel old. I still feel ok tho cause I can easily pass for a 19 yo, so maybe I'll start celebrating my 23rd birthday for a few years in a row. it's all good...

Congrats, Rals.

 

[Survivior]

Well, I am a desi, and not a dental applicant. I am, however, married to a dental school applicant whom I married when she was an undergrad. She didn't like comp sci, liked bio better, so she switched w/ 1 semester left, and we spent the next 3.5 years working together so she could get into dental school. During her undergrad (the second time around), our son was born. To top things off, as she was a city girl and I live in a rural area, she didn't know how to drive. We took things 1 day at a time, never looking further than the next problem set she had to complete, or the next lab paper that was due. Each day was treated as critically important. And now, whether she gets into dental school or not, we're going to have to continue to treat each day as critically important.

Marriage, children, family, etc. should never be looked at as a deterent or obstacle to your dreams, but rather, as a compliment to them. Is it difficult. Yeah. Would it have been less difficult without our kids. Yeah. But what we have is what Allah(swt) gave us, and we should never be ungrateful for that.

To answer the original question, there are many desi girls who ARE married and in dental school. There are even some, like my wife, with children, and going through it. From reading the posts, there are a great many people on this forum that come from conservative backgrounds where the very definition of relationship involves marriage. If you are a conservative girl with values that demand a certain amount of restraint, and you feel that maintaining that protocol is making you lose focus, then get married. Make sure you marry someone who respects your goals and are willing to make them his goals as well, just as you should be ready to make your goals his. Its never easy, but very possible.

Well, I am not looking at this as deterrent or obstacle to my dreams. It’s just that these are the things I want to have in my life. I want these to happen on correct time for me so that I don’t miss out on anything. I want to be married and also be able to go to dent school. I am very happy that everything is working out for you and your wife. She is really lucky to have her husband by her side.