Quotes of Gold

[katinatree]

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I'm not in a doctoral program as of yet, but I have already completed 24 credits of graduate level courses. I have a habit of writing down "Quotes of Gold" - things my professors say that are just to poignant or hilarious to be forgotten. Heard anything that you know will stick for years to come? Share

Here are mine. Also, I enjoy my statistics classes if you can't tell:

"Torture data! It needs to be tortured!"
- stats course

"There was one time when a new patient came in - a young woman who was very upset because she was hallucinating that there were rats crawling all over her. Nothing that we said to her calmed her... until another patient came over and said, "Would it help if I told you I was a cat?"
- psychopathology course

"Teachers live for people to ask them questions."

"There's a group out there who like to read statistics texts. I've heard that they like to get root canals without Novicane, too."
- stats course

"People are not people. They are individuals."
- stats

"Reasonable people will disagree with each other."
- stats

"A lot of you are here in graduate school because you are diagnostically obsessive compulsive. You are all excellent at following rules. My students panic when I tell them that I will not be giving them rules."
- stats

 

[StudentBsMs11]

One of my favorite psych professor quotes:

"It's great to have an open mind, but not SO open that your brains fall out."

 

[PrisonPsych]

These are all from the same professor. He's kind of infamous.

It smelled like someone pooped in there and then closed the door.""We're not putting 5 pounds of **** in a 2 pound bag."
"They got the clap from one of their roommates and now they are so ashamed."
"They haven't been ridden that hard yet...(pause)...not in that way."
"It smelt like someone put trash in a microwave."
"Don't come a knockin'. The office is a rockin'."
"If they have a baby arm, call me."
"It's a little like Where's Waldo....Where's Crazy" (when talking about doing the psychological assessment report)
"You have a baby arm growing out of your head?! And you're not even going to mention it?!"
"I'm gonna be a shrewd bitch up in here."
"And valley girls are really comforting...(sarcastic)."
"This kid got hoed out."
"Any other juicy nuggets?"
"Front door. Back door. Nobody's happy."
"I wrote a nasty note in elementary and the teacher took it and read that **** out loud!"
"What's so funny? Did one of you fart?"
"I'm tooooootally drunk today."
"Don't go driving around in your van, scooping up kids to give IQ tests to."
"If I pass out up here, no mouth to mouth please."
"If you shake that baby hard enough, you hear those marbles."
"This is a hot ass mess."
"Eats his ass."
"You's a little slow."
"Chasing your poo-eating dogs is good exercise."
"I make movies in my van ALL the time."
"There are no stupid questions, only stupid people."
"That's some ninja **** right there."
"I don't care how many dice you can pull out of a rabbit's ass."
"Take a break. Go get your crack cocaine."
"I'm usually drunk when I do these calculations so do them with me so you can correct my errors."...a few minutes later..."I could have been totally passed out at this point in the calculation."
"It's hot as crotch in here."
"We failed to reject the hoe." (i.e. null hypothesis)
"This is like a baby arm growing out of your head. It serves no purpose."
"This person has a 36. This person's bat **** crazy and has a 61." (talking about scores on psychological assessments)"You're either enthusiastic or drunk. I like it either way. No judgment."

 

[LaserPrinter]

"We failed to reject the hoe." (i.e. null hypothesis)

Whoever this man is, please shake his hand for me.

 

[LaserPrinter]

"The scariest dream I ever had - and this is a true story. I can't make this up. I was walking in a graveyard and suddenly I started sinking into the ground. I kept struggling and struggling, but I kept sinking into this grave. I was almost completely underground and I looked up at the headstone. You know what it said? Do ya? I'll tell ya. It said "Sigmund Freud"... and then I woke up. I didn't just wake up; I woke up screaming and sweating and flailing around. Talk about your psychoanalysis!"

-Intro to Clinical Psych professor

 

[masscrash]

"Part of me understands why you would think that, the other part wants to laugh in your face."
"Actually Obi Wans light saber was Blue."
"Anatomists from way back when were a bunch of horny perverts. Case in point, Mammilary bodies cause they look like boobs, Fornix because it looks like its fornicating, Utricle cause it looks like a uterus, Sacculus because it looks like a sac."
These courtesy of my Neuro Anatomy Prof's Lecture

 

[Existenz]

• “People are mystified by this odyssey that refuses to quit calling itself Charlie Sheen.”
• “Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules. Oops!”
• “I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”
• “I’m so tired of pretending my life isn’t perfect and bitching and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’.”
• “Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.”
• “It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”
• “They lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say “I CAN’T PROCESS IT,” well, no, you never will, just stop trying. Sit back and enjoy the show.”
• “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”
• “Check it, Alex, I embarrassed (Two and a Half Men creator, Chuck Lorre) in front of his children and the world by healing at a rate that his unevolved mind can’t process.”
• “I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”
• “Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh bye.”
• “I’m not fair game. I’m not a soft target. It’s over. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”
• “There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper.”
• “I don’t live in the middle anymore. That’s where you get slaughtered. That’s where you get embarrassed. From the prom queen.”
• “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
• “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a *****.”
• “I dare anyone to debate me on things.”
• “I have a disease? Bull****. I cured it with my brain.”
• “If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”

Charlie Sheen..nuff said

 

[LaserPrinter]

Neuro psych professor, on how to memorize the cranial nerves in order using an acronym:

"Oh, Oh, Oh... To Touch And Feel A Girl's Vagina: So Hot."

Olfactory
Optic
Oculomotor
Trochlear
Trigeminal
Abducens
Facial
Audio-vestibular
Glossopharyngeal
Vagus
Spinal Accessory
Hypoglossal

and then, same professor on how to memorize types of cranial nerves, in order. S = sensory, M = motor, B = both:

Some Say Marry Money But My Brother Says Big Brains Matter Most.

 

[masscrash]

Neuro psych professor, on how to memorize the cranial nerves in order using an acronym:

"Oh, Oh, Oh... To Touch And Feel A Girl's Vagina: So Hot."

Olfactory
Optic
Oculomotor
Trochlear
Trigeminal
Abducens
Facial
Audio-vestibular
Glossopharyngeal
Vagus
Spinal Accessory
Hypoglossal

and then, same professor on how to memorize types of cranial nerves, in order. S = sensory, M = motor, B = both:

Some Say Marry Money But My Brother Says Big Brains Matter Most.

I got similar one from my anatomy TA's:
Oh Oh Oh To Touch And Feel Virgin Girls Vagina And Hymen
We left out Audio and Spinal.

 

[PsychBoxe]

This is a quote from a former sociology professor of mine, but it is my philosophy of life that I have used in my graduate work. It inspired me so much, I actually have it tattooed on me.

"We do not respond to reality, but our perceptions of reality."

 

[paramour]

I have a notebook full of "quotes" from a professor that a friend and I jotted down during our ethics and multicultural diversity course, with proper citations and all. He made for quite the semester as nary a class would pass without some gem for our entertainment.

We still claim that we should make this one into a t-shirt: "Don't be a court *****!" (Professor, 2008). .

We also enjoyed the ethical dilemma posited before a student, "What would you do if you were to encounter one of your hot professors in a saucy lounge?" :winkwinknudgenudge (He asked this of a married student.)

 

[AcronymAllergy]

Neuro psych professor, on how to memorize the cranial nerves in order using an acronym:

"Oh, Oh, Oh... To Touch And Feel A Girl's Vagina: So Hot."

Olfactory
Optic
Oculomotor
Trochlear
Trigeminal
Abducens
Facial
Audio-vestibular
Glossopharyngeal
Vagus
Spinal Accessory
Hypoglossal

and then, same professor on how to memorize types of cranial nerves, in order. S = sensory, M = motor, B = both:

Some Say Marry Money But My Brother Says Big Brains Matter Most.

Yeah, there are cleaner versions for the cranial nerves in case you're ever on a game show and need to spit them out on live TV (e.g., On Old Olympus's Tower Tops A Fair Virtuous Girl Vends Snowy Hops).

As for the functions, I've only heard the slightly less-appropriate version that refers to a certain part of the female anatomy other than "Brains." This is what happens when you get too many male med students together and ask them to come up with creative mnemonics for rote information.

As for a quotation, I've always enjoyed this one by my professor: "never attribute to malice that which can instead be explained by ignorance," which I believe is a take on a similar quotation by Hanlon maybe...?

 

[erg923]

As for the functions, I've only heard the slightly less-appropriate version that refers to a certain part of the female anatomy other than "Brains." .

I have to agree with that statement more so than the other one that was made...

 

[paramour]

As for the functions, I've only heard the slightly less-appropriate version that refers to a certain part of the female anatomy other than "Brains." This is what happens when you get too many male med students together and ask them to come up with creative mnemonics for rote information.

+1. I thought that I read it incorrectly the first time it was posted; I kept substituting the other word anyway.

 

[tpink]

Neuro psych professor, on how to memorize the cranial nerves in order using an acronym:

"Oh, Oh, Oh... To Touch And Feel A Girl's Vagina: So Hot."

Olfactory
Optic
Oculomotor
Trochlear
Trigeminal
Abducens
Facial
Audio-vestibular
Glossopharyngeal
Vagus
Spinal Accessory
Hypoglossal

and then, same professor on how to memorize types of cranial nerves, in order. S = sensory, M = motor, B = both:

Some Say Marry Money But My Brother Says Big Brains Matter Most.

My prof used the same acronym for the cranial nerves! Gotta love it and definitely won't forget it! lol

 

[mvan1]

On leadership: I wouldn't follow you out of curiousity

 

[nitemagi]

I got similar one from my anatomy TA's:
Oh Oh Oh To Touch And Feel Virgin Girls Vagina And Hymen
We left out Audio and Spinal.

Change 11 and 12 to "Ah Heaven."

Sadly, 7.5 years later it still sticks.

 

[AcronymAllergy]

Change 11 and 12 to "Ah Heaven."

Sadly, 7.5 years later it still sticks.

Ahh, the beauty of mnemonic tricks. Works even better when there's a song attached to it. I can still remember the 50 states in alphabetical order from elementary school because of that, in addition to random Latin declensions conjugations from high school. Good times.

 

[KillerDiller]

Ahh, the beauty of mnemonic tricks. Works even better when there's a song attached to it. I can still remember the 50 states in alphabetical order from elementary school because of that, in addition to random Latin declensions conjugations from high school. Good times.

Was your song about the states to the tune of "Turkey in the Straw" like mine was?

 

[AcronymAllergy]

Was your song about the states to the tune of "Turkey in the Straw" like mine was?

Haha fortunately not, otherwise every time I thought of it I'd probably go a little bit more insane. It was actually (as far as I know) its own song/melody--"Fifty Nifty United States."

 

[LaserPrinter]

Haha fortunately not, otherwise every time I thought of it I'd probably go a little bit more insane. It was actually (as far as I know) its own song/melody--"Fifty Nifty United States."

"...from the 13 original colonies. shout 'em scout 'em tell all about 'em one by one 'til we've given a day to every state *clapclap* in the USA."

It's how I know the states in alphabetical order. Of course, I prefer Animaniacs' geography songs, as the states one includes the capitals and the nations of the world is just epic.