Random Feeling of Jealousy Towards Trad Student

[HinduHammer]

So, for anyone who follows my postings here.. you will know I'm about 30, 1.77 sGPA when decided to pursue medicine, now my total GPA is still like a 2.77. I'm applying to schools now.

I got the email for whose on various shifts for the crisis line I volunteer on. It is a domestic violence agency 24-hour crisis line. I chose this extracurricular because DV has touched my life.

Anyway, I see that there is a guy on the shift whose name I recognize from my undergrad days. For some reason I get extremely irritated "Dude, this guy is totally just volunteering here because he's applying to med school next year. I know, I just know it."

So, instead of realizing that we have nothing to do with each other, that his applying doesn't take away anything from me, that he probably wouldn't give two ****s if he realized we met when I was a super-senior and he was a freshman. Nope, instead of thinking about that, I totally googled him obsessively for like 5 minutes.

What did I find? You guessed it: 3.8 GPA at a biomedical engineering program at a top 20 school; research associate with pubs; former physiology TA; 1 year out of undergrad; taller and slimmer than me; was more involved in campus community and more "popular" in shared indian organizations. I ****ing HATE this guy.

Lol, it took me a few minutes to calm down and just realize that I had different struggles in my life that I have overcome and have a different path to follow and again he couldn't give a rat's ass about me, why should I pay him any mind. Sure, he's probably only volunteering at the DV agency to rack up some volunteer hours, but I am just being cynical in assuming that is the only reason he's volunteering there.

In any case, I got really jealous, really quick. And I wondered...anyone else have this feeling? I am pretty much over it now, but curious to hear thoughts on this matter. Here's hoping I get in somewhere this cycle and don't have to worry about competing with this dude. Happy Weekend everyone =)

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[crazy87]

I have gotten intense feelings of jealousy when reading about a super amazing student who got accepted into med school from my alma mater (no idea who this guy was, but he was younger than me) and realized I NEEDED to follow my dream and become a doc so that I won't be bitter and resentful later down the road. I also sometimes meet lil bit older people who say that they wish they would have followed their dream and become a doc but didn't for whatever reason. Not that these people were miserable or anything, but I don't want to be like that. Those feelings of envy were a peek into what I could feel like later down the road. Just use them positively if possible.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

I wish I was young and had done it all right the first time... I didn't... I still make mistakes, but so do they, and they are making mistakes I've already moved past...

 

[aprimenumber]

Not to be picky, but wouldn't that dude you speak of also be considered a non-traditional applicant since he already graduated? Traditional applicant generally refers to seniors in college.

 

[EMDO2018]

Not to be picky, but wouldn't that dude you speak of also be considered a non-traditional applicant since he already graduated? Traditional applicant generally refers to seniors in college.

I would say 22-24 is traditional. I'm 26, and even though I'm not that old, I still feel like I'm at least 1 rung above my 22 year old classmates as far as maturity goes.


For the OPs question , I can't say I'm jealous of traditional students, I honestly sorta pity them. 22-26 is a time of HUGE personal growth and maturation, and I couldn't imagine dealing with the rigors of med school while being 22. Of course they will be getting an attending pay check at 29-33, but have they really had time to enjoy their youth and learn about the world outside of the rigors of pre med and med school?

 

[jl lin]

Sorry. I don't mean to sound all righteous, really. I guess I more expect this perspective from something I'd read on the trad-pre-med forum.

I feel the perspective is unhealthy. Wish the person well. You are moving past this momentary resentment. That's good. I think you are probably more upset with yourself than envious or resentful of this other person. Maybe you are projecting your anger for your own situation on to him. Find the joy in you, and let go of why you didn't do better in school sooner.
It's not about him. It's about you. Forgive yourself and be free.

Not trying for pop psych. Just another person's POV and insight. ☺️

 

[HinduHammer]

Not to be picky, but wouldn't that dude you speak of also be considered a non-traditional applicant since he already graduated? Traditional applicant generally refers to seniors in college.

I personally consider trad people those who know they are going to med school in undergrad, whether or not they take a gap year or two. I consider non-trads people who change careers or come to med from a non-traditional background. IMO, working as a physiology TA and research at a med school at your ugrad institution post-graduation doesn't make you non-trad. That's my opinion though.

 

[HinduHammer]

I would say 22-24 is traditional. I'm 26, and even though I'm not that old, I still feel like I'm at least 1 rung above my 22 year old classmates as far as maturity goes.


For the OPs question , I can't say I'm jealous of traditional students, I honestly sorta pity them. 22-26 is a time of HUGE personal growth and maturation, and I couldn't imagine dealing with the rigors of med school while being 22. Of course they will be getting an attending pay check at 29-33, but have they really had time to enjoy their youth and learn about the world outside of the rigors of pre med and med school?

Generally, I'm not jealous of people or trad students. This just happened to hit close to home. This volunteering gig was "mine," you know? My first thought was "this kid is only doing this to rack up volunteer hours. I highly doubt he has had any sort of exposure to DV in his life but wants it to look good on med school apps." -- then I remembered just resentments and stuff I had from my undergrad days. I guess it was more jealousy/resentment of what he represented (successful at a much younger age, higher grades, better physical appearaance, etc.) that I was jealous/resentful at.

Also, I personally never bought the whole "we get to enjoy our lives more" thing. I worked for congressman, nonprofits, and businesses in enterprise sales in my early/mid 20s... it was fun to go out to bars and travel for work and stuff, but I think I would have had more "fun" studying medicine and in residency. Hindsight is always 20/20...

 

[HinduHammer]

Sorry. I don't mean to sound all righteous, really. I guess I more expect this perspective from something I'd read on the trad-pre-med forum.

I feel the perspective is unhealthy. Wish the person well. You are moving past this momentary resentment. That's good. I think you are probably more upset with yourself than envious or resentful of this other person. Maybe you are projecting your anger for your own situation on to him. Find the joy in you, and let go of why you didn't do better in school sooner.
It's not about him. It's about you. Forgive yourself and be free.

Not trying for pop psych. Just another person's POV and insight. ☺️

?? ?? Sorry to disappoint you for not being as mature as you think I should be to post in the non-trad forum...?

My feelings are valid despite not meeting your standards, and I know for sure that other non-trads feel this way about their younger sometimes more successful counterparts. Kudos to you for being so much more mature and above it all than the rest of us, and, yes, you do sound incredibly righteous and condescending.

I do agree, however, that most of my envy was grounded in resentment from my past self.

 

[Mad Jack]

Not to be picky, but wouldn't that dude you speak of also be considered a non-traditional applicant since he already graduated? Traditional applicant generally refers to seniors in college.

Gap years don't make you nontraditional

 

[Law2Doc]

You can't be jealous of other people's lives in your 20s -- that's silly. For all you know he could have divorces, financial ruin and personal family tragedies on the horizon, and be the guy you are feeling sorry for at 30. You live your own life the best you can and let other live theirs. If they make it to 100 with only positive things to look back on, more power to them but even the most successful person in the world will have regrets.

 

[jl lin]

I do agree, however, that most of my envy was grounded in resentment from my past self.

Well, there you go then. Chill. You are human. I'm saying you are moving forward and that's a good thing. So keep going in that direction.

Law is so right. You don't know everything that has happened in this person's life, and you don't know what he may face in the future. That's one reason why you can't get stuck in someone else's life.

Shoot.. I'm saying it's tough enough for each of us to deal with our own

See you are angy, but forgive yourself and keep moving forward. Each of us in only a second away from death. Not to be a downer but it's true.

I hope you work past the anger and start to feel good about you and your life.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

You can be jealous of anyone, but it's not helpful! I am now 38, if you were to think I haven't had moments of regret looking back and wishing I was doing this at 22 you'd be crazy. The difference is, as I said, I know that it was better for me to do the things I did and learn from them. There are some seriously nasty students in the classes I've met who are young and full of themselves... I would have been that way at 22 as well, now I know better... I'll never forget one chick who is ~14-15 years younger than me coming up to me and saying 'sometimes in life we have to do XYZ'... I wanted to smack her... That is one of the times I realized I would have been just like her had I gone to school at that age

 

[HinduHammer]

Well, there you go then. Chill. You are human. I'm saying you are moving forward and that's a good thing. So keep going in that direction.

Law is so right. You don't know everything that has happened in this person's life, and you don't know what he may face in the future. That's one reason why you can't get stuck in someone else's life.

Shoot.. I'm saying it's tough enough for each of us to deal with our own

See you are angy, but forgive yourself and keep moving forward. Each of us in only a second away from death. Not to be a downer but it's true.

I hope you work past the anger and start to feel good about you and your life.

Actually I'm not angry, I'm amazed at how you continue to condescend. As I said in my OP, I have had different struggles in my life and am following a different path - so let bigons be bigons. I said that in my OP. I thank you for your...kind/inspirational? words... and I agree that one should forgive themselves. (That is why I even felt comfortable making the OP b/c I had this terrible feeling, worked through it, and was amused that it happened in the first place - and was pretty sure others could identify.) Anyway, I just feel that you are being very condescending, and that annoys me. When you tell someone you "hope they start to feel good about you and your life," you are absolutely implying that you have something they don't and that you are speaking from a position of superiority -- that is arrogant, condescending, and patronizing all in one. However, just from reading your posts in this thread, it is unclear that you have the qualities which you are advocating.

So, I thank you for your kind words and ask that you explore my sentiment here; because people won't take your kind thoughts seriously when you are clearly (or at least appear to be so) patronizing and condescending.

 

[Zelda840]

I don't feel jealous of traditional students because I wouldn't give up the experiences I had during my twenties for anything. I do sometimes get jealous of those who don't have to concern themselves with the financial difficulty of this process, though. Rationally I know that everyone's path is different and I'm better served by focusing on my own goals, but I can't help but be envious of people who have plenty of time to volunteer because they don't have to work or those who have unlimited travel funds, etc.

 

[HinduHammer]

You can be jealous of anyone, but it's not helpful! I am now 38, if you were to think I haven't had moments of regret looking back and wishing I was doing this at 22 you'd be crazy. The difference is, as I said, I know that it was better for me to do the things I did and learn from them. There are some seriously nasty students in the classes I've met who are young and full of themselves... I would have been that way at 22 as well, now I know better... I'll never forget one chick who is ~14-15 years younger than me coming up to me and saying 'sometimes in life we have to do XYZ'... I wanted to smack her... That is one of the times I realized I would have been just like her had I gone to school at that age

 

[jl lin]

Actually I'm not angry, I'm amazed at how you continue to condescend. As I said in my OP, I have had different struggles in my life and am following a different path - so let bigons be bigons. I said that in my OP. I thank you for your...kind/inspirational? words... and I agree that one should forgive themselves. (That is why I even felt comfortable making the OP b/c I had this terrible feeling, worked through it, and was amused that it happened in the first place - and was pretty sure others could identify.) Anyway, I just feel that you are being very condescending, and that annoys me. When you tell someone you "hope they start to feel good about you and your life," you are absolutely implying that you have something they don't and that you are speaking from a position of superiority -- that is arrogant, condescending, and patronizing all in one. However, just from reading your posts in this thread, I seriously doubt you do have that thing which you are preaching about.

So, I thank you for your kind words and ask that you explore my sentiment here; because people won't take your kind thoughts seriously when you are so clearly (or at least appear to be so) patronizing and condescending.

Wow. I feel like your insecurity seems to run deep, and it indeed indicates anger--b/c resentfulness and even depression can have a lot to do with insecurity and anger.

So you want to post what you posted in your OP, and you want everyone to respond by saying what exactly? "Hey. That's a great attitude. We all feel like that. That other person is probably just a db anyway? Really? This is how you want non-trads to reply, when most non-trads are often in a much different place in their lives and have been through years of deep crap? Really? Come on Hindu. That's silly.

Now you are resenting me b/c I am OK with others and just refuse to have the toxicity of envy or jealousy or the like in my life. So I should have turned a blind eye to your unhealthy position and not tried to influence you in a healthier and more positive way? Alrighty.

If you want to see as that as condescension, that is your choice. You have chosen to take it like that. You have chosen to take it in the spirit with which it was NOT intended. I have absolutely not control over that. Only you do. Your choice how you see things.

Wherever you are right now, it seems like it's not at that place where you want to look inside IMHO. You posted. I replied w/ my opinion, perspective, and so forth. If you think that life isn't too short for such poison, hey, drink it down.
But honestly, now I am wondering if yours was a troll post. IDK. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you just don't want to look at what really matters here, and that all that other bull crap is toxic. Sure. Go ahead. Keep that chip on your should and the toxicity in your system. Why it's just good for people. It's not unhealthy at all.

I will post this, and then move on. Do what you will with it. It's pretty wise though:

“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up.”
― John C. Maxwell

The best to you.

 

[Goro]

There will always be people who are greater or lesser than you. Be happy with who you are, and the only person you should be competing against is yourself.

So, for anyone who follows my postings here.. you will know I'm about 30, 1.77 sGPA when decided to pursue medicine, now my total GPA is still like a 2.77. I'm applying to schools now.

I got the email for whose on various shifts for the crisis line I volunteer on. It is a domestic violence agency 24-hour crisis line. I chose this extracurricular because DV has touched my life.

Anyway, I see that there is a guy on the shift whose name I recognize from my undergrad days. For some reason I get extremely irritated "Dude, this guy is totally just volunteering here because he's applying to med school next year. I know, I just know it."

So, instead of realizing that we have nothing to do with each other, that his applying doesn't take away anything from me, that he probably wouldn't give two ****s if he realized we met when I was a super-senior and he was a freshman. Nope, instead of thinking about that, I totally googled him obsessively for like 5 minutes.

What did I find? You guessed it: 3.8 GPA at a biomedical engineering program at a top 20 school; research associate with pubs; former physiology TA; 1 year out of undergrad; taller and slimmer than me; was more involved in campus community and more "popular" in shared indian organizations. I ******* HATE this guy.

Lol, it took me a few minutes to calm down and just realize that I had different struggles in my life that I have overcome and have a different path to follow and again he couldn't give a rat's ass about me, why should I pay him any mind. Sure, he's probably only volunteering at the DV agency to rack up some volunteer hours, but I am just being cynical in assuming that is the only reason he's volunteering there.

In any case, I got really jealous, really quick. And I wondered...anyone else have this feeling? I am pretty much over it now, but curious to hear thoughts on this matter. Here's hoping I get in somewhere this cycle and don't have to worry about competing with this dude. Happy Weekend everyone =)

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

Oh for the record, the girl I was speaking about above, also follows her nasty comments with 'Oh, did I upset you, I'm sorry I was just trying to give you some advice'... she said something similar after basically calling a classmate/friend of mine fat...

 

[HinduHammer]

Wow. I feel like your insecurity seems to run deep, and it indeed indicates anger--b/c resentfulness and even depression can have a lot to do with insecurity and anger.

So you want to post what you posted in your OP, and you want everyone to respond by saying what exactly? "Hey. That's a great attitude. We all feel like that. That other person is probably just a db anyway? Really? This is how you want non-trads to reply, when most non-trads are often in a much different place in their lives and have been through years of deep crap? Really? Come on Hindu. That's silly.

Now you are resenting me b/c I am OK with others and just refuse to have the toxicity of envy or jealousy or the like in my life. So I should have turned a blind eye to your unhealthy position and not tried to influence you in a healthier and more positive way? Alrighty.

If you want to see as that as condescension, that is your choice. You have chosen to take it like that. You have chosen to take it in the spirit with which it was intended. I have absolutely not control over that. Only you do. Your choice how you see things.

Wherever you are right now, it seems like it's not at that place where you want to look inside IMHO. You posted. I replied w/ my opinion, perspective, and so forth. If you think that life isn't too short for such poison, hey, drink it down.
But honestly, now I am wondering if yours was a troll post. IDK. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you just don't want to look at what really matters here, and that all that other bull crap is toxic. Sure. Go ahead. Keep that chip on your should and the toxicity in your system. Why it's just good for people. It's not unhealthy at all.

I will post this, and then move on. Do what you will with it. It's pretty wise though:

“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up.”
― John C. Maxwell

The best to you.

Thanks for the quote. I like it. Fearless self-inventory and radical honesty is the best way to live. I appreciate yours and hope you appreciate mine. All the best to you too

 

[HinduHammer]

There will always be people who are greater or lesser than you. Be happy with who you are, and the only person you should be competing against is yourself.

Sage advice, Goro. I am a lot happier with myself than I ever have been and am proud of my progress. However there are times, clearly, where my old resentments and current insecurities pop up. I half-way agree with your sentiment about competition. I believe competition can be healthy, though loving one self despite the outcome of the competition is paramount.

 

[HinduHammer]

Wow. I feel like your insecurity seems to run deep, and it indeed indicates anger--b/c resentfulness and even depression can have a lot to do with insecurity and anger.

So you want to post what you posted in your OP, and you want everyone to respond by saying what exactly? "Hey. That's a great attitude. We all feel like that. That other person is probably just a db anyway? Really? This is how you want non-trads to reply, when most non-trads are often in a much different place in their lives and have been through years of deep crap? Really? Come on Hindu. That's silly.

Now you are resenting me b/c I am OK with others and just refuse to have the toxicity of envy or jealousy or the like in my life. So I should have turned a blind eye to your unhealthy position and not tried to influence you in a healthier and more positive way? Alrighty.

If you want to see as that as condescension, that is your choice. You have chosen to take it like that. You have chosen to take it in the spirit with which it was intended. I have absolutely not control over that. Only you do. Your choice how you see things.

Wherever you are right now, it seems like it's not at that place where you want to look inside IMHO. You posted. I replied w/ my opinion, perspective, and so forth. If you think that life isn't too short for such poison, hey, drink it down.
But honestly, now I am wondering if yours was a troll post. IDK. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you just don't want to look at what really matters here, and that all that other bull crap is toxic. Sure. Go ahead. Keep that chip on your should and the toxicity in your system. Why it's just good for people. It's not unhealthy at all.

I will post this, and then move on. Do what you will with it. It's pretty wise though:

“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up.”
― John C. Maxwell

The best to you.

You know, over the course of my work out, I realized something. When I wrote my OP I thought I had figured out where my jealousy came from: my past resentments at not having achieved what I thought myself capable of at his age; and also that this kid never had the childhood DV that I had. Kind of like a "you haven't been where I've been, therefore I am superior to you in this matter but still jealous of how much you have that I don't have" attitude. I realized that and moved on, so I thought.

However, I did fail to see (and which you have rightly, it seems, pointed out) my insecurities. I have had struggles and basically had to rebuild my life from scratch 3 years ago. In that time I have been very happy with my progress and worked on my weird excessive self-loving/self-hating duality. At times I forget that I really do have the maturity of a 21 year old. Due to my struggles, I basically stopped maturing at 16 and started again at about 26.

What I'm getting at is that your responses have forced me to take a look at myself and realize that my jealousy came from more than just resentments, but insecurities. I never meant to posit that I didn't have any insecurities - as I believe most everyone does; however, I did not see this episode as such a moment of insecurity. But it was.

I am sure you have likely moved on from this thread but I wanted to write this for my future self and posterity for any other people out there. Frankly you have made several good points, which is all the more admirable since you have never even met me and gleaned all this from a few internet posts. I am sorry if I insulted you, but I did and do find a bit of your writing abrasive. Perhaps that is my issue, but it is what it is. In any case, thank you very much for your posts on this thread, and you have done what SDN is at its best - forced me to reflect and hopefully grow a little. Cheers.

 

[QofQuimica]

You know, it would never have even occurred to me to react the way you did. Nothing you mentioned that he did strikes me as being all that amazing.

You may not like the way jl lin said it, but what she said was dead on. This isn't about the other kid. It's about you. Instead of looking to make yourself feel better by tearing someone else down, think about building yourself up. Not only will you be a better candidate for med school, you'll be a happier person

 

[mavric1298]

I actually get the opposite feeling all the time; it has almost nothing to do with grads etc. It comes down to seeing how young, naive, etc a bunch of the kids are. Half of my classes are full of kids sitting on FB all class, in science course that is mandatory curved at 2.6, and they wonder why they aren't getting good grades. They simply are there because they think/know they should be or because it's the societal normal. Now I'm there because I want to be, and to take as much as I can from every class.

I'm an office for our premedical honor society, and a lot of the kids that I am an officer mentor for have never paid a real bill, have no concept of the real world, haven't got to travel, don't read the news...and I pity them a bit. Especially if they aren't taking a gap year - if they get in, they will be in school, then starting a practice, and won't get to experience the things I have - traveling, the arts, a real professional job...which I think is sad. It's why I recommend to them all to take gap years. Think of it that way, it should help with any resentment. It's just you projecting your frustrations with your personal struggles onto them.

 

[eablackwell]

I think you've gotten some good advice/responses here.

I entered med school at 28, and between an Olympic/stellar high school career and med school were years of failure, illness/bed rest, family tragedy, and about 6 years of soul-crushing depression due to infertility after an ectopic pregnancy. I was jealous and angry, of course, of those I saw around me who moved on with their lives while I struggled to make ends meet and watched my dreams slip further away. We're human, those feelings crop up when the cards are way down, but they don't help and will only drag you down even more

As hard as it was to dig myself out, that made all the difference.

In the end, it took me leaving all that behind. I got a job teaching with a 4 year plan to med school and kept myself so busy between that, night classes, volunteering, etc that I didn't have time to be jealous/depressed/angry anymore.

Now I'm a 4th yr med student, going into a field I love, pregnant (naturally...shockingly enough) with my 2nd child since starting med school. I've never been happier- ever. And 8 years ago I would never have believed I could/would feel this way.

Do I wish I had gone straight to med school? No, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I wish it had been maybe a tad bit easier from point A to point B, but you never know what small change could make a huge difference the wrong way in the end.

Life is messy. Some people have a messier life than others, and some people are just great at hiding their messy life away from the world. Either way, I know (to some extent) how shocking and appalling it is to feel the way you felt, justified or not. I hope you can get past it, because in the end we hurt no one but ourselves with those feelings.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes (corny, I know)

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well." - Robert Louis Stevenson

 

[puppylatte]

Hey HinduHammer,

I'm glad you are trying to move past this. There will always be people better than you in multiple categories. There will be more people who are worse off since you live in a Western country. I know a guy who is similar to your coworker.

He is a 26 year old Indian guy who was voted top 20 under 20 and met several Prime Ministers (1 from the developed country in which he resided), went on to become the CEO of his own 101+ employee non-profit which he started in high school to fight AIDS, he was valedictorian of his high school class and university class, became a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford, has transitioned into developing some amazing biotech software and is now thinking about going back (yes, he bas been three times) to Africa to fight Ebola. His mentor passed away in the MH17 flight on the way to the AIDS conference that he was at in Melbourne and he was on the news. He just got into an Ivy league med school on a scholarship.

Oh, I forgot to mention that he was sexually abused by his father who is now in prison and his mother is in a mental institution. He doesn't talk to his siblings who also have mental problems, and the only reason he was so driven in high school is because he got to stay late and be around teachers if he took on as many projects as possible (read: avoid going home).

Do I even have to ask if you are jealous now?

 

[HinduHammer]

You know, it would never have even occurred to me to react the way you did. Nothing you mentioned that he did strikes me as being all that amazing.

You may not like the way jl lin said it, but what she said was dead on. This isn't about the other kid. It's about you. Instead of looking to make yourself feel better by tearing someone else down, think about building yourself up. Not only will you be a better candidate for med school, you'll be a happier person

Yeah, like I mentioned above, I think it was more 1. feeling possessive of my volunteer activity that I perceive this other guy has no right to be involved in (which again I see is stupid) and 2. that he was "better" than me when I knew him 5 years ago. It may never have occurred to you to react that way because you'd never felt as bad/insecure/crappy about yourself as I had earlier in my life. It's funny how those things can kind of pop up randomly here and there. Part of the growing process, I guess. In regards to tearing someone down..I'm not sure if you're referring to the kid in the OP or jl lin, but it was never my conscious intention to tear anyone else down (aside from initial emotional feelings towards kid in my OP). On the contrary, I aspire to be the kind of person who builds everyone else up as I myself grow as well.

 

[HinduHammer]

I actually get the opposite feeling all the time; it has almost nothing to do with grads etc. It comes down to seeing how young, naive, etc a bunch of the kids are. Half of my classes are full of kids sitting on FB all class, in science course that is mandatory curved at 2.6, and they wonder why they aren't getting good grades. They simply are there because they think/know they should be or because it's the societal normal. Now I'm there because I want to be, and to take as much as I can from every class.

I'm an office for our premedical honor society, and a lot of the kids that I am an officer mentor for have never paid a real bill, have no concept of the real world, haven't got to travel, don't read the news...and I pity them a bit. Especially if they aren't taking a gap year - if they get in, they will be in school, then starting a practice, and won't get to experience the things I have - traveling, the arts, a real professional job...which I think is sad. It's why I recommend to them all to take gap years. Think of it that way, it should help with any resentment. It's just you projecting your frustrations with your personal struggles onto them.

In general, I usually feel that way towards most of my younger pre-med colleagues. I don't know what it was about this kid that got to me. As I've mentioned above, perhaps it was feeling possessive of my volunteer opportunity, perhaps it was that I assume that this kid has no exposure or history with DV so that he doesn't "deserve" to be volunteering there (which is stupid and says weird things about my ego), perhaps it was I knew him 5 years ago when I was in a very poor spot in my life and he was a really successful, attractive kid at my ugrad whilst I had a 2.3 GPA and was gaining weight, perhaps (no, definitely) it was resentment at my former self. All those feelings combined into jealousy of this kid at that time. It was really strange, I know. I totally agree with you - most of these kids nowadays have no conception of the real world, are always on FB or snapchat during tutoring sessions, don't read the news, etc.

I will remember the perspective which you have pointed out, and which I share, that I am lucky for the time I've had off as I have definitely learned and grown a lot.

I think you've gotten some good advice/responses here.

I entered med school at 28, and between an Olympic/stellar high school career and med school were years of failure, illness/bed rest, family tragedy, and about 6 years of soul-crushing depression due to infertility after an ectopic pregnancy. I was jealous and angry, of course, of those I saw around me who moved on with their lives while I struggled to make ends meet and watched my dreams slip further away. We're human, those feelings crop up when the cards are way down, but they don't help and will only drag you down even more

As hard as it was to dig myself out, that made all the difference.

In the end, it took me leaving all that behind. I got a job teaching with a 4 year plan to med school and kept myself so busy between that, night classes, volunteering, etc that I didn't have time to be jealous/depressed/angry anymore.

Now I'm a 4th yr med student, going into a field I love, pregnant (naturally...shockingly enough) with my 2nd child since starting med school. I've never been happier- ever. And 8 years ago I would never have believed I could/would feel this way.

Do I wish I had gone straight to med school? No, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I wish it had been maybe a tad bit easier from point A to point B, but you never know what small change could make a huge difference the wrong way in the end.

Life is messy. Some people have a messier life than others, and some people are just great at hiding their messy life away from the world. Either way, I know (to some extent) how shocking and appalling it is to feel the way you felt, justified or not. I hope you can get past it, because in the end we hurt no one but ourselves with those feelings.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes (corny, I know)

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well." - Robert Louis Stevenson

Your story is really inspiring, thanks for sharing it. Thanks for the quote, I've heard it before, but its so dead-on true!! And you're so right...we hurt no one but ourselves with negative feelings.

Hey HinduHammer,

I'm glad you are trying to move past this. There will always be people better than you in multiple categories. There will be more people who are worse off since you live in a Western country. I know a guy who is similar to your coworker.

He is a 26 year old Indian guy who was voted top 20 under 20 and met several Prime Ministers (1 from the developed country in which he resided), went on to become the CEO of his own 101+ employee non-profit which he started in high school to fight AIDS, he was valedictorian of his high school class and university class, became a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford, has transitioned into developing some amazing biotech software and is now thinking about going back (yes, he bas been three times) to Africa to fight Ebola. His mentor passed away in the MH17 flight on the way to the AIDS conference that he was at in Melbourne and he was on the news. He just got into an Ivy league med school on a scholarship.

Oh, I forgot to mention that he was sexually abused by his father who is now in prison and his mother is in a mental institution. He doesn't talk to his siblings who also have mental problems, and the only reason he was so driven in high school is because he got to stay late and be around teachers if he took on as many projects as possible (read: avoid going home).

Do I even have to ask if you are jealous now?

Thanks for the reply, it is an interesting scenario. Obviously I'm not jealous of the poor guy in your post. But I don't think I'd be jealous of him even without the family history and sexual abuse...I admire people who make their own way in the world and have "by-their-own-bootstraps" success stories. I think the thing with the kid from my OP was just that it hit a little too close to home -- my same college, same undergrad clubs, (where he was more highly esteemed in both), and now "encroaching" on my volunteer gig. It was a momentary feeling that really only lasted 5 minutes or so, but the forced introspection that writing this thread has forced me to undertake has been invaluable. But anyway, thanks for sharing the story. We would all do well to remember how the coin has two sides for everyone.

 

[EMDO2018]

It doesn't get any better in med school, for some reason the non trads are nice, laid back, and the trads are hyper anal little gunners, who thinks the world revolves around them and they are better than everybody else


Then I think, well its because they are 22, I was a little know it all jerk at 22 too. Then you get a little older and realize you know nothing.

 

[QofQuimica]

Yeah, like I mentioned above, I think it was more 1. feeling possessive of my volunteer activity that I perceive this other guy has no right to be involved in (which again I see is stupid) and 2. that he was "better" than me when I knew him 5 years ago. It may never have occurred to you to react that way because you'd never felt as bad/insecure/crappy about yourself as I had earlier in my life. It's funny how those things can kind of pop up randomly here and there. Part of the growing process, I guess. In regards to tearing someone down..I'm not sure if you're referring to the kid in the OP or jl lin, but it was never my conscious intention to tear anyone else down (aside from initial emotional feelings towards kid in my OP). On the contrary, I aspire to be the kind of person who builds everyone else up as I myself grow as well.

I meant the kid, actually. Jl lin can totally take care of herself.

You know, one of the biggest gifts a volunteering gig like "yours" can give you is some perspective on how small and limited so many other people's lives are. How many of the DV clients you interact with there have any realistic chance of ever being able to go to college, let alone medical school? To plenty of them, what you've already accomplished is an impossible dream. Anyone who thinks they have to go abroad to find real human suffering is sadly mistaken. I can tell you as someone who cares for a mostly medically underserved patient population that there is no way in h*** I'd ever want to switch lives with the vast majority of the people I interact with here.

 

[HinduHammer]

I meant the kid, actually. Jl lin can totally take care of herself.

You know, one of the biggest gifts a volunteering gig like "yours" can give you is some perspective on how small and limited so many other people's lives are. How many of the DV clients you interact with there have any realistic chance of ever being able to go to college, let alone medical school? To plenty of them, what you've already accomplished is an impossible dream. Anyone who thinks they have to go abroad to find real human suffering is sadly mistaken. I can tell you as someone who cares for a mostly medically underserved patient population that there is no way in h*** I'd ever want to switch lives with the vast majority of the people I interact with here.

You are absolutely correct, Q. Many of the clients of this agency have not had a post-high school (or possibly high school) education. The vast majority are urban-based who live in communities where the men often go to prison, come back, go back to prison. There are a few (relatively) lucky few who have their own means and have come to the conclusion they need to leave and want help to do so -- these are the people that keep me going. What I find most tragic is the scenarios where young women have children who are involved in that whole DV world. Even if kids don't directly see physical abuse, it is very scarring and traumatic. DV is like one of the worst societal problems I've seen since it is so complicated and involves family ties, "love," money, legal relationships, children, housing, power/domination, sex, etc. The times I have escorted women to court when they file orders of protection and their abusers are also in the court room have been very rewarding for me, as they are just about the only times where I've felt as if I was actually making a difference.

Thanks for the reminder on perspective. I am definitely grateful for all that I have accomplished so far.

 

[Drogo]

OP, it's nice to have seen you grow a bit in your own thread. This has been a very humbling year for me to say the least and I can truly share your encountered issues.

If you're able to get any psychotherapy without breaking your wallet, go for it. A great therapist can work wonders to just help declutter your conscience. Anyways I hope you find resolve and keep moving forward.

Best,

Drogo

 

[ridethecliche]

@Goro beat me to it, but there's always someone smarter than you. At this point, you need to concentrate on your own betterment if you want to get your foot in the door. Getting jealous of other people that had some stuff figured out before you won't help with anything. You have no idea what else they're dealing with in their life.