RANT! Some people just don't get it.....

[epsilonprodigy]

I am posting this not so much because I need advice, but because my blood is boiling and it's seriously affecting my concentration, so I'm hoping this will purge my mind a bit....

So I have a wonderful 7 year old boy. Naturally, since it's summer vacation, he wants plenty of time to goof off doing 7-year old boy things with his best friend, who lives two houses down from us. Fine. The little boy is lovely, and his mom and I are good friends. Meanwhile, I'm studying for my upcoming MCAT retake.

Enter: the best friend's 5 year old sister.

Picture a kid that would make Super Nanny crap her pants. Picture a kid whose baseline is high-pitched hysterical screaming, who stomps popsicles into the carpet for entertainment, who has an affinity for climbing furniture and flushing various objects down the toilet, who has taken a @#$%! dump in the community pool not once but twice in the past two weeks. Who follows you around non-stop demanding various complex snacks (at risk of a high-decibal meltdown if you don't comply), tattles on the other kids nonstop about the most inane nothingness imagineable, follows you around with such gusto that she thinks nothing of busting through the door when you're on the throne...... the list goes on.

The boys will be playing outside minding their own business, when she'll randomly lose interest in whatever the other kids are doing and wander into our house. Most of the time I can grab her a glass of water or whatever it is she's after and re-direct her outside, but even this becomes a time sink when it's every half hour. My son is a really well behaved kid, I know I'm probably biased, but he really is a polite and tidy child who is even tempered and very drama-free. I have explained to him that "mommy has a big test" and until it's over, there are going to be times when he won't be able to have kids over.. but honestly, I wouldn't mind it if he had SOME kids over... it's just that the aforementioned ahem...challenging child tends to come with the neighborhood crew, and I don't have the heart to exclude her nor tell her mom that her kid is unmanageble and can't come over when the other kids are over. I've tried hinting and it flat out hasn't worked. To complicate matters, my son sometimes wants to go over to their house, which is fine with me, and as far as I know, fine with the other mom.... but naturally she expects me to comply by occasionally having her kids over, which is really really tough considering the current circumstances and behavior of her daughter.

The unfortunate result is that I often end up having our babysitter watch my son while I go to school and study, even though HE is not the problem.... I can easily study with him at home.

The other day, I was getting ready to drop him off at the sitter when my neighbor approached me and said "aw just let him stay at our house, he's so good and the kids are having fun playing together." I reluctantly complied against my better judgement. Sure enough, later on she asked if I could watch her kids for 2 hours the next morning. She was WAAAAAY late coming back. Normally I wouldn't care, I wouldn't even mind about the little sister that much, but for God's sake, my MCAT is in a matter of weeks! I just feel like the mom flat out doesn't get it and my son ends up paying the price when I end up sending him to the babysitter due to their shenanigans. Our babysitter is wonderful but of course like any kid, my son would rather be at his own house playing with his toys and enjoying his friends.


UGGGGGHHHHHHHHH I'm sorry if I sound like a total misanthropic b*tch, I'm a pediatric nurse for God's sake, I swear I'm not a child hater.... but this... sucks.

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[FrkyBgStok]

be honest. my wife works from home during the day and i work nights. our children are 3, 4, and 6 and the next door neighbor kids are 6 and 8. They ask to come over all the time and we finally said to the parents, "look it isn't that we don't like your kids, i just sleep during the day and my wife can't watch them, so they cannot come over during the day." It isn't that we hate these kids, it is that if something happens to them and we aren't paying attention, it is our fault. be honest with your friend/neighbor/whatever and say, "i cannot devote attention to the children so please understand that i don't feel comfortable with them over here."

 

[FlyLite]

Picture a kid that would make Super Nanny crap her pants. Picture a kid whose baseline is high-pitched hysterical screaming, who stomps popsicles into the carpet for entertainment, who has an affinity for climbing furniture and flushing various objects down the toilet, who has taken a @#$%! dump in the community pool not once but twice in the past two weeks. Who follows you around non-stop demanding various complex snacks (at risk of a high-decibal meltdown if you don't comply), tattles on the other kids nonstop about the most inane nothingness imagineable, follows you around with such gusto that she thinks nothing of busting through the door when you're on the throne...... the list goes on.

My word... you do paint a vivid picture! Could use more clever rants like this to lighten up the day. It's tough enough to worry about your own child, talk less about someone else's high maintenance kid.

 

[curt656]

I agree with Frky. Honesty is the best policy even when it hurts someone's feelings. If you are honest and forthright with someone and they don't like it, then that's their problem and not yours. That being said, you can sugar coat it as best you can but you need to be honest. This test is one of the biggest tests you will take in your life and if she cannot understand that, too bad.

You could even explain that having her son over is okay because he is low key and your son and him play quietly together but that her daughter is very hyper and too much of a distraction right now. She probably won't take it well either way you paint the picture as most people take things personally when they shouldn't. You are in a difficult position, but you have to do what is best for your family. The bottom line is that the future of your entire family is more important than your 7 yr. old's play pal. Good luck!

 

[Ellipsis1104]

wow. that kid needs some social norming. that's gonna be one busy KG teacher next year...

 

[spiderpete]

Damn. I feel your pain. Do what you gotta do. Every rational person in the world has your back.

Gl skinning the 'cat.

 

[Quizlet04]

Put your foot down. Explain that studying for the MCAT is the most important thing in your life right now, second only to your child (and even then). State that watching another child is seriously detracting from your studying, meaning that you could jeopardize the rest of your future. Then, table the discussion. If she doesn't let your child come over anymore, well, she's petty and mean; it might be better in the long run for this pair to be out of your life if the daughter is that poorly socialized. Let it go. Silly drama-mama stuff can wait until after you have your acceptance letter in hand!

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

Put it on the level, if you don't, what happens during med school when you're not studying for one test its 5.... If you're planning to move it is likely you'll encounter the same problem elsewhere, best to learn how to break away from people like this now, or learning to be honest with them... Best of luck... Btw, one of my secondary questions is "do you have problems being honest and compassionate"

 

[TriagePreMed]

I'm going to say this in jerk mode to make a strong point, so please forgive me: How do you expect to be a physician if you can't even handle this simple situation and be direct with that parent? The MCAT is too important for you to let this kid f-it up.

 

[Nasrudin]

I'm going to say this in jerk mode to make a strong point, so please forgive me: How do you expect to be a physician if you can't even handle this simple situation and be direct with that parent? The MCAT is too important for you to let this kid f-it up.

Dish it if you can take it. It's called a rant. Not a oh-please-analyze-my-character-deficiencies-you-passive-aggressive-lil-know-it-alls.

This rant was funny. Because it reveals the truth of the Louis CK school of parenting that readily admits that there a hordes of ****ty lil human beings out there. Bernie Madoff was a kid once. The sneaky lil prick.

Part of the coolness of the nontrad forum is we don't judge each other so readily.

Comply or I will stalk and assasinate every one of your posts. Such as my time permits.

 

[mommy2three]

there have been plenty of times this past year when i have told my children's friends parents that now is just not a good weekend as there are more important things on the plate.
some children are allowed but other friends who i know from past experiences tend to not stick to plans and change things around on me at last minute are excluded from get togethers....i can not handle that amount of stress on top of everything else.
just explain to the mom that you can ahndle her son but that her daughter is simply too much, you could even put in a a way like "i am only letting one child over at a time" or : we are limiting the number of friends they can have" i would just be as honest as you can while still being tactful

i wish you the best of luck with this situation.

 

[Supisak]

Dish it if you can take it. It's called a rant. Not a oh-please-analyze-my-character-deficiencies-you-passive-aggressive-lil-know-it-alls.

This rant was funny. Because it reveals the truth of the Louis CK school of parenting that readily admits that there a hordes of ****ty lil human beings out there. Bernie Madoff was a kid once. The sneaky lil prick.

Part of the coolness of the nontrad forum is we don't judge each other so readily.

Comply or I will stalk and assasinate every one of your posts. Such as my time permits.

+1 except for the stalk part

 

[RNwantDO]

I feel for you, and wish you the best in this. I won't offer any suggestions to the situation as you already know the best answer for yourself. However, I will mention a scenario that would come up in pediatrics. As a Doctor you will be the one that tells Jimmy's parents that little Jimmy has leukemia, and probably won't make it. Now compare and contrast this to your current situation, and use it as an opportunity to expand your skills.

 

[spiderpete]

I feel for you, and wish you the best in this. I won't offer any suggestions to the situation as you already know the best answer for yourself. However, I will mention a scenario that would come up in pediatrics. As a Doctor you will be the one that tells Jimmy's parents that little Jimmy has leukemia, and probably won't make it. Now compare and contrast this to your current situation, and use it as an opportunity to expand your skills.

An aside. Am halfway thru "The Emperor of All Maladies" which tells the history of cancer and among other great lines, the gripping story of 'Jimmy' as the face of leukemia in the 40s-60s. 'jimmy' survived! And lives in upstate Maine.



And point taken...tell hard truths. It is ultimately for the best.

 

[Nasrudin]

Ummm. Life coahes... here's the thing. "You're kid sucks, could you please lock her in the basement, so I don't swallow this hole bottle of narcotics just to tolerate the little f'er." Doesn't go over so well. In fact, most parents, and here's the rub, don't know when they have spawned satan's little helper. And so if you refer to said little demon in any slightly derrogatory way you will be looked at as if you were Hitler in a clown suit.

Making all those daily interactions awkward. Like boning your mother-in-law.

So here's a clue.

If I say rant, stuff a sock in any Dr. Phil-like tendencies. Which reminds me the uncoolness of us. We do pedantic like Snoop does weed.

 

[dmf2682]

Spider I'm about 75% through the book and it is awesome. Keep going.

 

[EdLongshanks]

Dish it if you can take it. It's called a rant. Not a oh-please-analyze-my-character-deficiencies-you-passive-aggressive-lil-know-it-alls.

This rant was funny. Because it reveals the truth of the Louis CK school of parenting that readily admits that there a hordes of ****ty lil human beings out there. Bernie Madoff was a kid once. The sneaky lil prick.

Part of the coolness of the nontrad forum is we don't judge each other so readily.

Comply or I will stalk and assasinate every one of your posts. Such as my time permits.

Suggestions for the moderators. We need a "like" button

 

[wholeheartedly]

I'm going to say this in jerk mode to make a strong point, so please forgive me: How do you expect to be a physician if you can't even handle this simple situation and be direct with that parent? The MCAT is too important for you to let this kid f-it up.

I disagree with this thought as well. On the surface it makes sense, but it's a bit more complicated than that in reality.

I'm am not anywhere near the most assertive person in my personal life, but in my professional life I've got no problem being firm, professional, and assertive advocating for what's in the best interest of my patients. None. I've gotten positive evaluations on this at work. I think the high stakes in medicine can bring out those qualities in people who might not show them otherwise in another setting. I've seen that this isn't all that uncommon in the people around me either. Granted some people never develop it. The OP will have time to develop that skill during training if it isn't already lurking somewhere in there.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

You could be totally Dr. Faker, I mean Dr. Phil, and video this spawn-of-satan when she's over if that ever happens again and show it to the mother... not saying that it will go over well... just saying it's an option, or you can post it on you-tube and let the mom see it as a viral FB video... also not saying that would be popular...

In reality, "honesty trimmed with kindness" is a good motto... "Hey Sarah, I would be able to take Lexi normally, but I'm studying for the MCAT, and I really can't watch any kids that are as young as she is right now. Once I'm done with the test, it won't be a big deal, but for now, Sam can only have Jesse over. I hope you understand".... (names have been created, any bearing on truth or fiction is purely coincidental)

 

[TriagePreMed]

I disagree with this thought as well. On the surface it makes sense, but it's a bit more complicated than that in reality.

I'm am not anywhere near the most assertive person in my personal life, but in my professional life I've got no problem being firm, professional, and assertive advocating for what's in the best interest of my patients. None. I've gotten positive evaluations on this at work. I think the high stakes in medicine can bring out those qualities in people who might not show them otherwise in another setting. I've seen that this isn't all that uncommon in the people around me either. Granted some people never develop it. The OP will have time to develop that skill during training if it isn't already lurking somewhere in there.

I have no rebuttal. I find it uncommon for people to be that different, but I acknowledge it's absolutely possible, so good point.

 

[montessori2md]

I'm not 100% clear on whether the annoying kid has a sibling who your son likes. If I were still a teenager, I'd suggest tying her to a tree for the mosquitos to handle her. Since I'm not, I suggest scaring the be-jesus out of her the next time she meanders into the house instead of accomodating her with a cold beverage. If she runs and tells mommy, I'd lay odds that either mommy will be SO offended she won't let her play anymore or that mommy won't believe her because she doesn't trust her pool-pooping prodigy anymore than you do. Scare her with the mean mom voice and say, "You can't be here, I'm working." She doesn't listen? Physically take her by the hand and escort her to your door. This becomes a game? Walk her to her mom, explain your house rules to mom. "I'm studying. You can't visit me right now. You may use my back yard to play with the other kids."
I find it hard to speak up to the neighbors, but neither would I pay a sitter for my neighbor's uninvited kid. Save the dollars for tuition.

 

[spiderpete]

Spider I'm about 75% through the book and it is awesome. Keep going.

Finished last night. Wow! Great read! Should be on the booklist for all pre meds. Its great strength, to me, is the deep,rich context it provides for our profession. Highly recommended.

 

[StephanieZ]

You're time constraints are obviously different from this other moms. Either she is a stay at home mom, or she works, but either way, her "at home" time cannot be nearly as busy as yours. The way I look at it is this: Her offering to watch your some sometimes is very nice and diminishes your workload. You reciprocating by watching her son evens the score. You watching her daughter adds more to your workload than you would have had in the first place, and under no circumstances is it okay for her to make your life more difficult. If she can't understand that and thinks you are just being a grouch, or unreasonable, oh well. Slowly but surely, this process hardens you, until worrying about what other people think of you seems like a joke.

 

[LupaCupcake]

ahhh...little hellions.
Every neighborhood has one! I like getting them in my place without their mother, they turn into behaved angels before you know it! No no no I do not frighten them or start punishing them, but I do have this "nurturing dominance" or something like that haha. I am an in home daycare provider, it is just what I do for now. I am good with munchkins.

Be honest and tell her I have MCATS shortly, these can make or break my application to medical school and I just cannot tend to other children or have so many distractions right now. For all you know she never went after her dreams and she wants to be around you because she witnesses you going after them. Maybe she looks up to you for it. Maybe she just has no clue. You can be soft while still maintaining some authority.