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regretting my decision

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by zonk, Jun 14, 2008.

  1. zonk


    Jun 14, 2008
    Lately I've been totally regretting my decision on which school to attend. My dilemma is that I have been dating this girl for almost 6 months now and we both got into the same school (a top 10 school). However, another top 10 school offered me an amazing scholarship. I tried to get a similar offer from the school that we both got into, but didn't end up getting much, so when May 15th rolled around, I chose the scholarship. But now I am totally regretting my decision because it means that we'll be on the opposite sides of the country next year. I know people will say take the money and not the girl, but I've dated many girls before and I've never felt this strongly about someone (and I think she feels similarly). Distance relationships are invariably hard and, to me, she is worth much more than the money from the scholarship because she is an amazing, amazing person. I know I should have put more thought into this decision, but I had no idea that I would end up regretting my decision this much.

    Is it unheard of for me to call the school I turned down and ask if there was any way to get my spot back or am I just being delusional/crazy/selfish for thinking this and wanting my spot when there are others that are waiting for a spot in that school? I know its really late (about a month past May 15), but is it worth a shot or will I just get laughed at for the ridiculousness of this request?

    Sorry for being vague...
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  3. chessknt87

    chessknt87 Physician 10+ Year Member

    Oct 10, 2007
    You will most likely not be successful in such a request. I would rate your chances higher if the other school liked you enough to give you a scholarship, but since they didnt....

    You shouldnt regret going to an excellent school with a scholarship as many people would kill for that. My advice--just call it quits with her and live with your decision. Trying to maintain a relationship for 4 years in medical school over a long distance that has only been founded on 6 months is invariably destined for failure.
  4. Livingapparatus

    Livingapparatus 7+ Year Member

    Sep 29, 2007
    you made the right decision...

    6 months just is not enough to justify thousands of dollars. Good luck.
  5. chessknt87

    chessknt87 Physician 10+ Year Member

    Oct 10, 2007
    You cant objectively come to that conclusion though. If you told all of the single/divorced people out there that for 100k they could have a spouse that would love them for who they were and be completely trustworthy for the rest of their lives, most of them would probably take it (especially if it came in loan installment form). True love>>>>>$ 6 months is hard to justify calling it that, but only the OP can tell.
  6. spilledmilk

    spilledmilk <3 5+ Year Member

    Dec 11, 2007
    los angeles, california
    i think i disagree actually.

    money is just money -

    it doesn't buy happiness.

    either way though it's likely that life will still be great - and you're off to a great start.
  7. RySerr21

    RySerr21 i aint kinda hot Im sauna 7+ Year Member

    Dec 22, 2007
    irony in your user name and topic of thread?
  8. Livingapparatus

    Livingapparatus 7+ Year Member

    Sep 29, 2007
    absolutely but 6 months is love bird phase.

    It is a very variabled situation but from what I read he made the correct decision.
  9. phospho

    phospho SDN Lifetime Donor Lifetime Donor Classifieds Approved 10+ Year Member

    Jun 4, 2006
    Columbus, OH
    I agree.

    OP, I do see where you're coming from. However, I think you made the right decision. I do not doubt that your feelings towards her (and hers to you) are genuine. Do not break up with her. True love is hard to find. Long distance relantionships are hard, BUT, if you two are able to stay with each other through medical school, that alone should indicate to you that you two really are meant to be.

    I wish you the very best of luck:luck:
  10. 194342

    194342 Physician 7+ Year Member

    Mar 17, 2008
    There is no such thing as "true love". You think most people who get divorced don't think they are in true love when they get married? To imply such a thing suggests a person can feel as deeply in love every instant of a relationship as they did when they first met. Eventually the new love feeling fades. A relationship requires work, no matter who you are in love with.

    You made the right choice. Don't pick your medical school based on a 6-month relationship.
  11. pianola

    pianola MS2 7+ Year Member

    May 23, 2008
    Long distance is hard but

    (1) how far away will you be from each other?
    (2) can you make plans to be together over the breaks?
  12. zonk


    Jun 14, 2008

    1) We'll be across the country (east coast vs west coast)
    2) Yeah we can, but it just will get hard to find time when we are both off and it will be expensive.

    I've been in many relationships before, ranging from 2 weeks to 3 years. Like I said, I've never felt this strongly toward someone. I know it's only been 6 months, but this one just feels different.

    The more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion that it is just money and most people go into debt coming out of medical school and are able to pay it off... I just don't know if my request is unfounded or if I called the school up they would be understanding (i.e. has this happened to other people before).
  13. LUCPM

    LUCPM 10+ Year Member

    Jan 27, 2007
    Relationship is like a buying a used car. There is no warranty.

    I dated a girl all fours years in college, we ended up going to different schools and our relationship virtually ended a few weeks after that.

    At any rate, I think you made a very wise decision.

    Good luck:luck:
  14. MsKrispyKreme

    MsKrispyKreme The "Hot" sign is on... 7+ Year Member

    Jun 11, 2008
    You made the right decision. If she truly is the "one", then you will end up together eventually.
  15. pianola

    pianola MS2 7+ Year Member

    May 23, 2008
    Oh wow, that IS quite far I guess you could call the medical school but I'd have to agree with the other posters that the medical school your girlfriend has chosen may not be sympathetic...You could always give it a shot by calling anonymously and saying "I was accepted earlier in the cycle but, due to circumstances beyond my control, was unable to accept the offer of admission..." I really doubt this will work, though...

    Your feelings and those of your girlfriend are best known to you -- if you both really love each other, perhaps one of you could take an extra year (work in research or clinical position nearby) and then reapply for admission. Obviously this isn't an ideal situation career-wise so I would consider the decision carefully.

    If you think she's the one and she agrees, it may be worth it to sacrifice a year. If there's any doubt or uncertainty in your mind, then I think you've probably chosen the right path. Either way, congratulations on your acceptances.
  16. bcat85

    bcat85 10+ Year Member

    Nov 5, 2007
    I have to admit that I somewhat disagree with the "take the money over everything else" sentiment that is often expressed on these boards (I didn't.. I picked SLU over both of my state schools because I liked it), but I would agree with the above posters. 6 months is a huge gamble. Try it though. Maybe you can do long distance. Some can, some can't.
  17. galaxie

    galaxie "visualize success" 2+ Year Member

    May 24, 2008
    Long-distance relationships do suck, but they also work. IMO, they can be a blessing in disguise because they only work when two people feel so strongly about one another that no amount of phsyical distance can distance them. I know that probably doesn't make much sense, but I've been in one for two years. I live in Vancouver and my boyfriend in Miami, and being so far apart has made our relationship incredibly strong.

    You CAN have the best of both worlds, it will take effort on both parts. In the end, you'll both be better people for it.

    I can recommend some great LDR books to you if you'd like, just drop me a PM! Good luck!
  18. meddoc1

    meddoc1 2+ Year Member

    Apr 10, 2007
    I am kind of in the same situation. I am moving to Philadelphia for medical school and my husband is staying in Maryland to tend his business. At least we are closer to one another. But still, it is going to be tough. I am worry and scare, but I keep telling myself that I cannot just keep worrying about something when I don’t even know what is going to happen. Maybe (I say again, is maybe) being away from one another may be a good thing. You always miss the thing that you don’t have more.

    Plus, you say she is seriously about the relationship right? Maybe both of you should have more faith in each other. Also, In med school, you are going to be so busy that you will not have much time for anything else.
  19. Aceofspades

    Aceofspades 10+ Year Member

    Dec 26, 2007
    Trust me, you made the right decision. MOB.
  20. dnagyrase

    dnagyrase 10+ Year Member

    Mar 1, 2007
    OP, I also think you made the right decision. Had you chosen to go the opposite direction, I feel like we would be reading about your regret for not taking a large scholarship to a top 10 school. Congrats on your accomplishments.

    Try things long distance BUT YOU MUST keep your expectations down. Thats what ruins it for so many people right? They fall deeply for someone for the first time (or in a long time), the other party also seems interested in where this can go, and the expectations can fly. I think now is the time to just really enjoy what time you have with her.
  21. chessknt87

    chessknt87 Physician 10+ Year Member

    Oct 10, 2007
    Based on your experience maybe. I've been in a relationship 3 years now and even though it has indeed required some work, it is indeed true love. I dont proclaim to know the cause of every divorce, but I think a lot of people rush into things without truly absolutely knowing the person they are marrying/cant communicate with that person. I still feel the new love feeling with her all the time and so does she.
  22. decafplease

    decafplease Medical Student 5+ Year Member

    Nov 18, 2007
    I think you made the right decision, but it's not going to feel like it for awhile. The best thing you can do now is try to call the other school. The only way to guarantee failure is to never try! I doubt it would hurt to ask. If you do everything you can and you still are "stuck" with the current situation, you at least know that you did your best.

    I'd give you the "there are many fish in the sea" talk, but I'm sure you know it already. Also, unless you think you're ready to settle down and get married in the next few years, is there any real point to having a serious relationship during this demanding period of your life?
  23. galaxie

    galaxie "visualize success" 2+ Year Member

    May 24, 2008
    Well, since there seem to be a few people in the LDR boat in this thread, and I'm sure more will come, I figure I should post these here. These three books have been a huge help in my relationship:

    The first one is a little more light and gives a lot of good ideas on things you can do to feel closer while you're far apart. The second one is more about the psychology behind successful LDRs and how to work through the big issues. The third one is a booklet of activities that you can do to strengthen your relationship.
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2008
  24. OncoCaP

    OncoCaP 2+ Year Member

    Aug 28, 2006
    Houston, Texas
    Video chat and frequent flier miles. You can use some of that money you saved toward plane trips. If it was meant to be, you all will figure it out. Maybe residency. Long distance relationships suck but they can be done. Four years is really nothing; it will be over before you know it. I know several people that have pulled this off over the long run, difficult as it may be. The sky is not falling yet.:luck:
  25. p30doc

    p30doc Ever true and unwavering 10+ Year Member

    Aug 22, 2007
    I was already married and divorced, I think you made the right decision. 6 months is still honeymoon phase by far, nothing to base your life off of. I just want to throw out there, you might be feeling the strong psychological effect now of wanting something you can't have etc, towards your gf, since you KNOW you won't be near her much longer. Often people feel much stronger towards each other when they are being torn apart from each other. In my opinion long distance is horrific, don't worry there are tons of beautiful ladies out there waiting to capture your heart.

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