Relationships in Med School

[DZT]

Hey guys,
I'm just wondering what is the general relationship atmosphere in med school. From stereotypes, I heard that med school men try to be players, while the women not already engaged in an LDR, "latch on" to men for support and mental strength. These are not my opinion, but just heresay; anyone share their dating/relationship/promiscuities in med school.
Also, how are medical school women different from your run-of-the-muck undergrad student? I know that each and every person is different, but hey generalities hold some truth, I figure.
The reason I am wondering about this is b/c I am rather pessimistic about the prospects of a love life in med school?

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[Smurfette]

At my school it's not quite like that.

Many people came into med school with LTRs...most of them are still together (at end of 1 yr), though the stress/time constraints on the med student caused a few break-ups.

Guys in the class...a couple 'wannabe players', most have SO's that they've been dating for awhile, and some single guys who I don't think date much at all.

Girls...either have been dating someone long-term or are single--not many seem to date much either(no time). No 'latching on' (which I find rather insulting, BTW--as if they couldn't survive w/o a man )

There are also 3 couples (yep, just three) in the class who started dating at some point during the year...no in-class break-ups yet.

IMO, people in med school are much more LTR-focused than they are into casual dating (again, some of that is b/c there isn't a whole lot of time to go out and play the field). However, every class and school will be different (the year ahead of my class has a HUGE number of engagements/weddings and few singles...)

smurfette

 

[Dr. Kermit]

I'll be a MS-1 this fall. I'm currently in a LD relationship across the state of PA. We've been dating for over three years. It was hard at first, but next year, my boyfriend and I will only be 1.5 hours apart. From my understanding, the above poster is correct that many students, both male and female, are in LTR/LD relationships that ultimately survive.

My friend is currently a MS-1 and she has constantly told me that med students get very catty. It's as if everyone regresses to being in high school with a lot of gossip and inter-med school dating that ultimately fails. She has become so fed up with her class. I introduced her to a friend of my boyfriend's that is at a different graduate program at a different school. Her friends at school actually got mad that she was dating out of the medical field and from a different school!

But those two examples are not representative of the whole pool.

 

[Kazu]

Starts out lots with of ldr then about half break up by winter break and the other half gets engaged. It is like high school because you have less than 230 in a class and you spend all your time with your class. Basically your whole social life revolves around your class. Only the ugly girls hook up and everyone wants to get with the few hot girls. So you don't get any, then when you are a MS2, you try and grab a hot MS1 at freshman orientation. I recommend looking outside school for dating. So go to school somewhere that is conducive to meeting people outside of medicine if you want to date and have fun.

 

[lilycat]

In my opinion, the dating scene at med school is pathetic not so much because of the stereotypes that you mentioned but because the majority of your female AND male classmates are involved in serious relationships. I would say that nearly 70-80% of my classmates were involved in serious relationships when classes started. With the class ahead of us, apparently about 50-60% of the class was involved in serious relationships at the start of med school, and now it's about 40%. Unlike the transition from high school to college, there doesn't seem to be as high of a break-up rate in med school, at least not during the pre-clinical years. Of the people that are single, I get the feeling that most of them are single because they want to be -- or at least that is what they publicly profess. Most of them feel that a serious relationship would be too much of a distraction from focusing on med school and residency, and thus prefer casual/occasional dating or hooking up to serious relationships. This attitude may be slightly more prevalent among the single men than the single women.

Every year there are a few relationships that develop in-class or between classes. However, I think your chances of meeting someone are much better if it is completely outside of the med school environment. Try to find some hobby or activity that would allow you to meet/interact with other people in your age range.

 

[Dr. Nick]

Inter-Doctor (or med student) relationships are a pretty unattractive idea if you ask me. It seems like medicine would just consume your entire life.

 

[Dr. Kermit]

As a side note, doctor-doctor marriages have the highest divorce rate. It's above 65%, where as the national average is 50%.

 

[oldman]

i guess hang out at the school of nursing? now that males are entering nursing in larger numbers it's feeding ground for all med students!

 

[Thumper]

•••quote:•••Originally posted by Dr. Kermit:
•As a side note, doctor-doctor marriages have the highest divorce rate. It's above 65%, where as the national average is 50%.•••••Dammit, that is depressing. My boyfriend of three years and I are planning on getting married after med school, and while I love him with all my heart, stats like that completely freak me out and give me doubts about whether we'll last through the four years, and better yet, have a happy life to look forward to. Can you elaborate on the stats? Are the 65% group people who meet during and after med school, or before? I know, I'm reaching.......but I can't help it. I'm already soooooo stressed out about being away from him for the first time (we are inseperable, and still haven't killed eachotehr :wink: ) that I get these crazy ideas everytime something new is mentioned. I think I need a long, relaxing bubble-bath to sooth my nerves! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

 

[Katie]

hey don't worry about the statistics; just be greatful for the relationships you have. it could be worse; you could be like me, single and currently sick to death of the majority of my classmates, both those in happy relationships and those who are single. med school is a horrible place to find a bf; every time you meet a good-looking intelligent med student he turns out to be gay or comes with a gf. and i refuse to latch on to just any man in my class because i am picky and will not date just anyone (in contrast to the lovely myths perpetrated about single women in med school). i have gone out with a few dental students since arriving in boston but there was absolutely no chemistry. anyway, maybe i'll have a better outlook on relationships in med school and my class in general once finals are over and i have a chance to go home and not do much of anything for the summer.. pray for me that i pass anatomy so i can escape for 2 months..

 

[shorrin]

I haven't started ms1 yet but this situation is rather familiar to me. I went back undergrad at age 25 to finish my ba. Being ~7 years older than most ug's I made friends with but couldn't picture myself dating them.

It was and is important for me to have a substantial relationship with another human being, but 7 years was too big a difference. My solution was to go to grad student parties and study at busy coffeeshops/bookstores. I can't tell you how many people I have met and gone out with or at least spent a very pleasant evening talking to at my local bookstore.

There are opportunities out there. Be creative and take chances.

 

[oldman]

•••quote:•••Originally posted by shorrin:
•My solution was to go to grad student parties and study at busy coffeeshops/bookstores. I can't tell you how many people I have met and gone out with or at least spent a very pleasant evening talking to at my local bookstore.

There are opportunities out there. Be creative and take chances.•••••so, what did the guys do at the bookstore? did they just sit down with you and start to chat? that sounds really gutsy.

 

[Thumper]

Katie,
Thanks for the support, you really helped ease my nerves. As for your test, I hope you kick ass. Afterwards go out and have a great time, without thinking about guys! I swear, the second you stop looking, Mr. Wonderful shows up to sweep you off your feet. You just can't force these things. They will happen when the time is right. In the meantime, go out and enjoy yourself (for at least 2 months!) and good luck w/ the hotties! :wink:

 

[Dr. Kermit]

Katie-

My friend felt the same way about her class this semester. I introduced her to my boyfriend's roommate and they've been on a date every night for about a week! Go outside your class

-DK

 

[shorrin]

oldman,

The bookstores that I studied at were usually really busy so it was normal to ask to share someones table. Then if the person was friendly and I generally am we'd usually start talking about what the othre person was reading and so on.

I never went to pick up people, but I like to study in bright active atmospheres and always like meeting new people so...there ya go!

 

[Katie]

well thanks for the encouragement everyone.. i think the right guy will show up at some time; but it would be nice if i had some friends like Dr. Kermit who know people outside the med school or the Sligo Pub (this gross, dirty bar in Somerville) to help move things along. right now i am feeling too burnt out to worry about it and just want the semester to end, but that's another topic. good luck to all the incoming MSI's out there!

 

[brownman]

Katie,

Your problem is appreciable. There wasn't one bar in harvard square that was worth it, and please..dating other Harvard students is like dating into a test tube. Lot to say, but little room to have fun. Most of my dates and relationships in med school came outside of my med school class. Which, in all reality, is really a shame. There were many beautiful girls in my class, and honestly, they were extremely bright, which is a huge bonus. I am big fan of intelligent, attractive women (in that order), and that was in supply in med school. The problem is that the women (or men depending on your situation) seem to be dating people far less accomplished then they are. And instead of bothering to figure what was in their psyche that would possess them to behave this way, I conceeded that love indeed is blind, and they are happy for their own inherent reasons. That unfortunately did not change the fact that there was no one for me to really date in my class. The auxilliary medical staff however, was a different story. Nurses, PA's, physical therapists, etc. Though this works for guys...it doesn't work for women. The sexist attitudes of the world predicate that women date up, while men date down or sideways. Men are to egotistical to date a women more successful then they are. Wierd, but true. So men in med school end up with prohibitively idiotic women, and women in med school come with relationships prepackaged or struggle to find someone quality. My personal advice is: don't give up, and don't focus on it. Give all quality men a chance, and see where the chips fall. Look at relationships and love as being individual entities on their own, outside of medicine itself, and it will suit you well. And forget all bars in the greater Harvard square area...they suck.
I would help you out, but I'm headed to Penn for my residency, and I'm in California with family till res starts. Good luck, and focus on school. The rest will fall as it does.

 

[Cdc28p]

•••quote:•••Originally posted by brownman:
•and please..dating other Harvard students is like dating into a test tube.•••••

 

[Katie]

lol.. if you think you've met some strange people in the Harvard bars I could tell you all kinds of stories about the doofuses i've met in bars here. i particularly like the guys who start grinding against you on the dance floor without so much of an introduction or any kind of conversation; yes, got to love those. my situation is a lot of my own making, because instead of staying with my bf in maryland who was not very intelligent and didn't make me happy i chose to come to med school as a single woman. i know exactly what i want in a man and although it sounds snobby the vast majority of men in my class don't seem to be what i want at all. there was one guy i clicked with and still like who turned out to have a girlfriend still in college at some dopey undergrad institution in rural Minnesota. of course, single women are not allowed to vent or complain about such things without being labelled as psycho bitches, while men like Ed on the TV show ED who have desperately unrequited crushes are seen as cute and devoted. sucks, doesn't it? oh well, just a little pre-exam venting, i should get back to work..

 

[BoonDoc]

DON'T DATE OTHER MED STUDENTS!!!!

Take it from me. I am finishing up my first year. I dated another MS1 for the first two quarters and it didn't work out. She was looking for someone to take care of her.
The major drama started when we began spring quarter. Remember that we still have most classes together. Not much room for space.
I agree with other posters..... Date outside of your classmates.

 

[Katie]

hmm.. there are 4 couples in my class that hooked up this semester and they all seem quite happy; no breakups yet. i think it depends on who is available to you in your class and what the class atmosphere is (i.e. i think that must relationships wouldn't do too well in a gossipy environment but it is not that way at my school). i'm not particularly interested in anyone in my class anyway so it doesn't really matter, but i say to each his own. not all unattached women in med school are looking for someone to take care of us, you know. i have actually had a few options to date which i turned down this semester.

 

[cmz]

As far as the whole dating scene in med school is concerned... it seems that a few more couples have "hooked up" and even more are keeping things rather low key and just dating. Our class is officially dubbed Alpo Inc. by a few outside peers that have seen our horrendous composite. I've noticed that there are a few prospects in my class that are actively looking for dates. So yes, dating in med school is possible, but most people seem to shy away from the idea of intra-class dating. Why? Maybe things can get too emotional if something goes wrong down the line. My advice is to get out on the weekends and explore. No one can study EVERYDAY... and yes, you *should* have time to go out when you're in medical school.