Relationships & off to med school

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by encee, Jun 30, 2002.

  1. encee

    encee Member

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    How are people dealing with relationships with significant others as they go off to medical school?
     
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  3. Pearl

    Pearl Junior Member

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    My ex and i decided to break up.I'm moving to North Carolina and he works in Colorado.I figure hey, new school, new town, maybe i'll find me a new man!!!!
     
  4. mamie

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    Unfortunately, i have found that cheating has helped me deal with separation. While my girlfriend is still my main entree, my mistress is like a nice (spicy and bold)turtle soup that is not to filling but tastes great.
     
  5. jaeida8

    jaeida8 Senior Member

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    My relationship is already long distance since he's in the Marine Corps in Virginia and I'm in Texas. I'll be going to a Texas school and the distance will still be pretty big but we're staying together. Med school will probably make the relationship harder to maintain but honestly, it wasn't even an issue whether or not we would stay together. My philosophy is, don't even bother with a long distance relationship unless you're sure this is the person you want to marry.
     
  6. dknykid1980

    dknykid1980 Senior Member

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    yah...

    the reason i decided to break off my relationship was because I figured it wouldnt work out if I were to go to another state or even another country for med school. Honestly, i dont think long distance relationships work. I dont even want to have a temptation, i think it would just be plain wrong (especially if your gf is the one you think ur gonna marry).

    That said, I still have feelings for my ex. Sometimes I think we can keep it going. You know when you know you have someone, you can give 100% to your studies. But then again guys all have needs =)

    I wish there was a clear cut answer to this Q !
     
  7. Doctora Foxy

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    <img border="0" alt="[Pity]" title="" src="graemlins/pity.gif" /> I wish I knew....
     
  8. pocwana

    pocwana MD/MBA candidate c/o 2008

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    breaking up. we decided this a while ago. we're still young. if it was meant to be, we'll get back together later.
     
  9. superdood68

    superdood68 Senior Member

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    yipes...

    i hooked up with my girl in february, but i graduated in may. we're currently holding onto a long distance relationship because i'm going back to my home state for school. we both saw this coming, but we don't think distance will be a problem. hehe, she was kinda worried that i might find someone else, but that's not gonna be a problem. i think we'll stay strong.
     
  10. superdood68

    superdood68 Senior Member

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    btw, i hope i'm not the only one here who has decided to stay with the person they're dating =/
     
  11. souljah1

    souljah1 Attending

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    My girlfriend and I will be doing the long distance thing from September to mid-June. She has another year of graduate work in NYC and I leaving NYC in August for SF. There is no way that she and I will break up. The long haul is inevitable and we both feel too lucky. We don't really worry about what the distance will do and we plan to alternate visits every other month. We've talked about it a lot and the only thing we are concerned about is each other's safety in this post-9/11 era. Other than that, we are solid.

    I think breaking up with someone to devote 100% of yourself to studies isn't a really good thing to do, imho. Love and affection are great aspects of life that help to minimize stress and remind you that life is more than a career. That is what I'll miss most about my girl this upcoming year - the inability to just come home (we live together now) and lounge on the couch with her and chill.

    Anyway, you can chalk one up for the yes column.
     
  12. vixen

    vixen I like members

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    adding on to souljah, chalk another one up for yes (staying together of course!) :D
     
  13. geneman

    geneman The Transgenic Hobo

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    Hey baby face, aren't you kinda young for a relationship? <img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" />

    </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by dknykid1980:
    <strong>yah...

    the reason i decided to break off my relationship was because I figured it wouldnt work out if I were to go to another state or even another country for med school. Honestly, i dont think long distance relationships work. I dont even want to have a temptation, i think it would just be plain wrong (especially if your gf is the one you think ur gonna marry).

    That said, I still have feelings for my ex. Sometimes I think we can keep it going. You know when you know you have someone, you can give 100% to your studies. But then again guys all have needs =)

    I wish there was a clear cut answer to this Q !</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">
     
  14. encee

    encee Member

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    Yeah, my boyfriend and I (of 5 and a half years) have decided to take a break. I am off to school in Boston, and he will be starting business school in Virginia. I really feel like we are doing this for the long term preservation of our relationship. Long distance relationships suck, especially when each person is busy and stressed, and moments of just chillin together are few and far between. Plus it is an indefinite long distance relationship as we don't know when we will be living in the same city again.

    But he is my best friend and while I am so happy to be going to school, I am so sad that our relationship won't be the same. I know I love him and I cannot imagine finding someone that I would be more compatible with, but I fear that if we try to stay together and we fight a lot that we will probably tear apart the relationship like that and kill any chance to get back together later.

    Hmmm...it is really tough. :confused:
     
  15. amp

    amp Member

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    I'm happy to see how people are handling this whole love-mess thing. I'm in a big mess myself right now and I've been agonizing over what to do about it. I'm in a relationship that's way past the we-can-just-get-back-together-later stage, we've been together going on two years now and living together for one. I'm not big on the whole institution of marriage, but it's a relationship i can see lasting for the long haul. I always promised myself that I wouldn't let myself be one of those people that let love, family, and friends fall by the wayside so I can pursue school, then a residency, then a career, etc. Well, it's been a looong year full of stress, but to make the saga short, I'll just say that we tried to get into schools in the same cities in just about every metropolitan area in the US (he's law, me med). We were shot down in every freakin single one. And we both have good scores and resumes, well into the middle range for accepted applicants. But that's the way it goes I guess. So now my only option is in North Carolina; his is in L.A. Only mine is an MD/PhD program, and I can't think of any relationship that would last 7 years across the continent. People have told him to just move with me, but his whole career is here, plus his chance to go to law school. What the hell is he supposed to do there? And should I give up my dream too? Should I just throw caution to the wind and reapply? I'm very very confused these days, but it's good to see that people are making it work from long distances away from each other. If anybody has any advice I'll gladly hear it.
     
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  17. encee

    encee Member

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    amp:
    I really feel for you. I would like to hear advice as well.
     
  18. Mutterkuchen

    Mutterkuchen Senior Member

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    amp, having been in your situation, I feel for you. Unfortunately, I think that the only option, other than breaking up, is for one of you to make the sacrifice. There is no way a long distance relationship can work for a very long time (multiple years).

    Neither my gf nor I were willing to make a sacrifice for the other. we lived in different cities, but thought we could stay together anyway. Impossible. I have moved on and married another (6 years later). Sometimes I do have regrets. I did really love her, but even if I would have made the sacrifice for her. But if both of you are unwilling to comprimise now, you won't be willing to comprimise later. I know that if I would have moved to Baltimore with her, she would have dictated the next move too. Our marriage would have failed eventually.

    So better to get it overwith now. Easier said than done, though. Breaking up with the ones that you love sucks.
     
  19. amp

    amp Member

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    yeah... i was afraid of that. i'm not naive enough to believe that it will work long-distance. i'm very much an in-the-moment person, and i'm young. but i'm also not sure that it's worth it to leave right now. medical school is my dream, it always has been, but maybe it's worth it to try again. if i don't, i may regret it forever. oh well, thanks for the advice.
     
  20. laviddee

    laviddee Senior Member

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    well isn't this kind of a 'good' problem to have? i think that to truly know the status of your relationship, it has to be tested in some ways. I think you should just see what happens- and either you'll miss him more and realize how much you want to be with him, or you'll realize that you can live without him. In the end, it'll all work out.

    My only question for AMP is this- i know you said you weren't one to sacrifice love&family for your career, but did you have to get into an md/phd program?? I'm just thinking, if you got into an md/phd program, you probably could have easily gotten into an Md school??? I also agree that realationships are all about making compromises, but if you don't make compromises- then it shows how much you value the relationship. So only you can decide how important this relationship is to you verses your need for an md/phd. I hope it works out for you-- if you think this is a love that lasts a lifetime... then that's what matters. but also if it is that kind of love, then distance should be no threat- in fact it should make your commitment for each other even stronger.

    But let's say you do your 7 years there. that's tough- but law school is only 3 years. So after that, maybe he can move out there... ! my fingers crossed for you though!

    hey I HAVE A QUESTION- let's say he pulls a JERRY MCGUIRE and asks you--- "IF I ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME, WOULD YOU STAY?"

    WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
     
  21. Scooby Doo

    Scooby Doo IEatShavedPussyCats

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    </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Moleculo:
    <strong>also staying with my gf (unless she has decided otherwise) even thought we'll be on different coasts</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">She said I would do perfectly as a "replacement"...I'll keep ya updated on everything me and her do...k? :)
     
  22. amp

    amp Member

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    jerry maguire, eh? well, it's a romantic idea. like i said, i'm not a big believer in marriage, but i think that i could be perfectly happy just living in L.A, finding a job, doing some volunteer work or research, working on my art, and learning guitar. at least for a few years. then i'd want to try again for med school. can't put myself on the backburner forever, although sacrifices certainly do come with the territory, you're right about that.
    as for the md/phd thing, it's something that i tried for because i've done a lot of research and i love doing it, and a graduate course of study is something i think i would want to accomplish anyway, but it's not a requirement for me. practicing medicine is the most important goal for me. i applied md and md/phd at every single school. it was weird because i got quite a few md/phd interviews (which also counts toward interviewing for the md program in most cases) but didn't have a lot of success with either program. there is no guarantee that interviewing md/phd will land you an md slot. i found quite the opposite. but i can't complain, i did get into an md/phd program, which is something i never thought would actually happen.
    i am on the waitlist at ucla for the md program though, which i would prefer. not just because it solves the whole girl-boy conundrum, but because ucla is my dream school. anyway, thanks for the advice everyone.
     
  23. souljah1

    souljah1 Attending

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    </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by amp:
    <strong>jerry maguire, eh? well, it's a romantic idea. like i said, i'm not a big believer in marriage, but i think that i could be perfectly happy just living in L.A, finding a job, doing some volunteer work or research, working on my art, and learning guitar. at least for a few years. then i'd want to try again for med school. can't put myself on the backburner forever, although sacrifices certainly do come with the territory, you're right about that.
    as for the md/phd thing, it's something that i tried for because i've done a lot of research and i love doing it, and a graduate course of study is something i think i would want to accomplish anyway, but it's not a requirement for me. practicing medicine is the most important goal for me. i applied md and md/phd at every single school. it was weird because i got quite a few md/phd interviews (which also counts toward interviewing for the md program in most cases) but didn't have a lot of success with either program. there is no guarantee that interviewing md/phd will land you an md slot. i found quite the opposite. but i can't complain, i did get into an md/phd program, which is something i never thought would actually happen.
    i am on the waitlist at ucla for the md program though, which i would prefer. not just because it solves the whole girl-boy conundrum, but because ucla is my dream school. anyway, thanks for the advice everyone.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">amp, if you are waitlisted at ucla and your boyfriend is attending law school in la, it really wouldn't hurt to write a letter to ucla at this point and explain your predicament. you may want to call your boyfriend your fiance for the sake of this letter, but if you really want to stay near him, this might be a good idea to atleast try out. you can always get a phd later, or you could apply for the md/phd route at ucla once you have been accepted into the md program. best of luck.
     
  24. jaeida8

    jaeida8 Senior Member

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    I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 and a half years at this point and I'm really happy. I think whether or not you want to be in a ld relationship for a long time depends on the type of person you are. Personally, I find it comforting to know that I'm with this person who I love very deeply regardless of whether or not I am able to see him very often at all. It helps me focus on school and keep my stress in perspective. I think we'll talk less when I'm in medical school, but we'll find ways to work things out. Our relationship will continue to be long distance for another 2 and a half years if we stay together. I think it's worth it because I can't imagine being with anyone else, and this is the person I want to marry. I know that eventually we'll be married, living in the same house, and be with each other all the time. And I know because of the situation right now I'll appreciate it so much more.
     
  25. souljah1

    souljah1 Attending

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    </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by jaeida8:
    <strong>I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 and a half years at this point and I'm really happy. I think whether or not you want to be in a ld relationship for a long time depends on the type of person you are. Personally, I find it comforting to know that I'm with this person who I love very deeply regardless of whether or not I am able to see him very often at all. It helps me focus on school and keep my stress in perspective. I think we'll talk less when I'm in medical school, but we'll find ways to work things out. Our relationship will continue to be long distance for another 2 and a half years if we stay together. I think it's worth it because I can't imagine being with anyone else, and this is the person I want to marry. I know that eventually we'll be married, living in the same house, and be with each other all the time. And I know because of the situation right now I'll appreciate it so much more.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">very well said! i agree, strength very often does bud from struggle. having to spend some time apart will hopefully allow us all to cherish the time that we do have together.
     
  26. ncmd

    ncmd Member

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    amp-
    what NC school would you be attending if you decided to pursue the md/phd thing this fall?
     
  27. amp

    amp Member

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    hey souljah,
    thanks for the advice. before, i was reluctant to mention the relationship because i thought if they wouldn't let me in based on my merits, then they wouldn't let me in no matter what's going on with me personally. now i think that that was a stupid move. i sent them a letter recently touching (somewhat) on the subject, but who knows if anyone has actually read it. i can't even get a response to my phone calls or emails. if i don't hear anything in the next couple of weeks, the program i'm going to is at UNC, which is an awesome school too. nothing against UNC or anything. the people there are very cool.
     
  28. The DOC

    The DOC Junior Member

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    My friend had the same problem. He is going to Maryland for dental school and his girl is trying to finish her undergrad in LV. He talked to me about it and since she isn't going with him, he decided to break up with her earlier in the summer so he could have a few months to try to get over her. He figured he could do all of his mourning before school began in order to be more focused when it does. I thought it wasn't a bad idea. It's still a crappy situation though.......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />
     
  29. Original

    Original Ogori-Magongo Warrior

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    What a relief! Me and my gf of 2 yrs broke up just in time (reasons unrelated to med school). Am I the devil? Nope. Just pointing out the few perks of an essentially bad thing.
     
  30. LDR's are a difficult situation to handle. IMO, it is very possible to do an LDR over a period of about 1-2 years, or even longer if you are not that far apart like City Ivy and her man. I think asking someone to wait for you more than 2 years is just not reasonable if you are not within driving distance of one another. i think to ask someone else to put up with years and years of infrequent sex and companionship and horrific phone bills (although you can avoid the latter with cell phones these days:)) and people constantly questioning you "when are you two FINALLY going to get married and live in the same town" is just too much to ask of someone. IMO, if the other person has a lot of job flexibility and is finished with school, than they will move with you if they truly love you. If they are not in a good situation to move within a couple of years, it is probably best to split up and move on with your seperate lives. Another thing to keep in mind is that relationships with your college sweetheart can and do fail, like all potential relationships. For example, the liquor store owner in my neighborhood is getting a divorce from his wife of 20 years, who was his college sweetheart. He is devastated and sad because of this and they have 3 children together. He told my mom that they had grown apart after so many years and just didn't get along anymore. Anyway, in short, I think everyone considering an LDR needs to sit down and talk to their sig. other about how long the relationship will be long-distance for, and about where they see the relationship headed. that is my $.02 for the day. good luck.
     
  31. FrankMD

    FrankMD Ophthalmologist Wanna Be

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    My gf and I will be going to schools in opposite coasts. I know it's going to be tough, but like laviddee said, it's a good test for our relationship to see if this will work out in the long run. I am praying that everything will work out for the best no matter what happens.
     
  32. Dr. Kermit

    Dr. Kermit Senior Member

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    My boyfriend, of three and a half years, and I will be staying together this upcoming fall. He already has one year of law school under his belt and we have already gone through a year of a LDR.

    My boyfriend and I were together for 2.5 years before he went off to law school. He was dealing with adjustment and a new surrounding, and I was dealing with living at home, AMCAS, and a terrible job. We broke up for 2 months a week after he went off to school, but when 9/11 happened, we started talking again. Ironically, I started interviewing in Philly, where will be a 2L and NYC, his home. We got back together and our relationship is solid again, but it takes a lot of effort.

    That being said, it is hard, it is difficult, and at times, it sucks and you really ponder why you're going through the hell that you are. But in the end, we realize that working through our schedules, study periods, and problems and having someone with whom wer're in love is worth the phone bills, costs of visits, tears, and heartache.

    We both know that next year we will both be stressed and limited in time for visits. But, we're willing to make the most of it. The best advice is to take one day at a time and appreciate the time you do have for each other. Some days, you'll get to talk for an hour, other days, you'll call just to say good night. We've talked every day since we started dating and we weren't going to sacrifice that because of school. It has worked for us.
     
  33. Badgerbabe

    Badgerbabe Senior Member

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    My BF and I are staying together. I'm very lucky in that he's moving with me, and looking for a job where I will be going to school. We broke up for several months last year, but have decided that it's worth it for us to be together. I am praying that someday I will be in the position to decide to support his career and our relationship in the same way he has with mine.

    To those of you who are struggling in some very difficult situations, my heart really goes out to you. I know how difficult it can be when what seems like that "right" thing hurts so badly.
     
  34. freakazoid

    freakazoid Guy Friend Extraordinaire

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    I took a class called Interpersonal Communication, and my professor, on the last day of class, said if you take anything from my class, remember this--never change your life's dreams and goals for someone else. I believe that compromise is a sign of a healthy relationship, but asking that from or doing that for someone may be going too far.

    That being said, I believe in long-distance relationships. Having never been through the maddening, horrific torture of missing someone across the country, I cannot validate my belief with experience. But I believe in commitment, I believe in trust, I believe that love can last. You hold on with faith (belief in the relationship, not referring to religion), or you hold on to nothing at all. You make sure you made out lucky with this person, and once you're sure, take it and run for all you're worth. If not, step back and try again. But once you believe in something, stick with it . . .
     
  35. izz-ay

    izz-ay Member extraordinaire

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    my man and I have been together ffor 2 and a half years, and we've decided to stick it out despite the distance. We are being realistic about things and acknowledging that we are barelly going to see eachother. He's staying in MTL to finish up his engineering degree. The way I figure it is that we both knew that I would be leaving to go to med school, so we went into a deep reltaionship w/ our eyes open...we committed knoiwng in advance that this time would come.
    Also, if we accept the fact that we are each going to tempted and/or attracted to others (we're human afterall) and be open with eachother, then we are keeping eachother as top spot.
    Finally, I would never want to be wondering if things could have worked if I had just given it a chance...esp since this is shaping out to be a REALLY long term deal.

    --Dance
     
  36. Doctor Octopus

    Doctor Octopus Hospitalist

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    My girlfriend of 3 years is not in school and we have decided that we will go to medical school together, wherever I get accepted. She will work and pay bills and I will study...study...study....

    Lots of people have told me that this is a bad idea. Some people have told me its a good idea. Lots of people tell my girlfriend that I will leave her as soon as I become a doctor, or I will have affairs with nurses. Everyone seems to know someone who this happened to. My mom thinks I should wait and marry another doctor, or someone more "on my level." I think that people who love each other should stay together if they can.

    We are moving in together and will live together here for a year since I'm applying for 2003. Since we have never lived together I think this will be a good test to make sure that we won't kill each other. If it works, then I know that we should stay together and that she should come with me. If it doesn't:( , it will hurt.
     
  37. md_student2b

    md_student2b Member

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    I guess in many ways, my GF and I are pretty lucky given that we get to stay in the same state, just a few hundred miles apart...

    This past year however, has changed the nature of our relationship. The AMCAS debacle, MCATs and applying really took a toll. We met as undergrads, both junior transfers. We started dating, even planned to go to Europe together our senior year, but I went alone when she had to work during the summer due to family obligations. I learned that in amny ways, her family was always going to come first. We're both pre-med, bombed the MCAT our first time, and after graduation, returned to our respective homes, visiting each other on the weekends. I did a post-bac in the same city where she lived, but instead of becoming closer, we drifted apart. When I made her aware of this, she took it that we were "fated" to be together and thus she didn't need to put in as much effort as earlier. Kind of convenient, given that the two us geared up for the MCAT once again. She didn't do well, I did and applied and finally accepted. In my eyes, my life is about to begin again. My GF doesn't see it that way and refuses to leave home unless its for medical school. I'm ready to contemplate our life together, and she suffers from tunnel vision, her focus only on medicine. We've talked about this, and she's confident that we're supposed to be together and trusts that I will wait for her, when the sun and moon and stars are all in alignment and the timing right... when fate returns us to each other after pursuing our medical educations. But I don't buy that. I know it seems selfish to think about what I want given that so far, I've gotten it, but I really can't fathom the thought of being essentially alone for so many years. My GF is from a really big family with lots of sibblings, cousins, nephews and nieces. She's never really alone. I'm an only child with a single parent, no other family and effectively self-supportive since 15. I think that has shaped our perspectives... its easier to imagine a really long-term courtship when you're constantly surrounded by supportive and encouraging family and seen your own flesh and blood do the same thing for love... for me I envision a more conventional, romantic affair.

    In the end, I've resigned myself to living my life, without regard for what could or might be between my GF and me. Maybe she's right, in nearly a decade fate might bring us together again... but I doubt it. I didn't ask for a sacrifice, that would defeat its meaning... but she never offered one.
     
  38. souljah1

    souljah1 Attending

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    md

    i think that people who believe in fate often become 'lazy' when it comes to putting effort into shaping their own destiny. i am a strong believer that every person shapes their own destiny. i was in a relationship a while ago where my girlfriend didn't really feel the need to expend effort b/c she strongly felt that we were brought together by fate and that no matter what..we would work it out. the problem with that attitude is that you wind up waiting for things to work themselves out, but i think that it happens a lot faster if you take the matter into your own hands. needless to say, our fate was to not be together (must have been a great surprise to her).

    i feel you on the small family thing. i'm an only child and was raised by a young single mom. i think that those conditions may lead us to seek a ton of fulfillment in a single relationship..b/c that is all we are used to. so, when the other person isn't giving the relationship as much attention as i am i get bothered.

    my advice for you - you have to talk with her about all this. it seems you don't buy that fatalistic view, so you should communicate to her how you feel. put it all on the table. the fact that you have gotten into medical school while she didn't may be adding some strife to the personal life. gotta talk about it all, and if in the end you both come to some sort of mutual understanding..it is all good...whether you are to remain together or not.

    good luck.
     
  39. Gradient Echo

    Gradient Echo Banned
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    Ha! That was my situation except that I married the girl during the application cycle.

    I know what you mean though, it seems like all the doctor shows have the male docs having affairs and flirting with nurses. She always gives me a hard time about that. And if its not the TV or movie stereotypes, its all the relatives and "friends" who come out of the woodwork to tell my wife how hard it will be and remind her on the statistics of doctor divorce and infidelity.
     
  40. Zoobaby

    Zoobaby Monkey Wrench

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    What are the statistics of doctor divorce and infidelity?
     
  41. Dr. MAXY

    Dr. MAXY Senior Member

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    WOW...
     
  42. brickmanli

    brickmanli Senior Member

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    150% (they get divorced more than once)
     
  43. mamie

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    Yeah, I know. It's unfortunate. I honestly don't know what the hell I am going to do.
     
  44. did you guys see the NOVA Survivor MD series on PBS? 4/7 of the doctors profiled were divorced at least once, and 2 of the remaining 3 were women who never married. NOT very encouraging to say the least. The 1 woman who was divorced was not interviewed about her divorce on the show (I assume she requested this), but I noticed with most of the men who were divorced that their marriages fell apart because they never had time for their wives during residency. It seemed that the wives were not prepared for the insanely long work weeks of residency, in part, IMO, because they had not gone through similar programs themselves (like grad school, a tough undergrad major, or any kind of nursing or medical work, for example). That is why I would personally prefer to marry someone who has some degree of personal understanding of what I am doing; for example someone who is in med school (DO or MD) or law school or working on a PhD in a challenging field (almost any field, really). Call me an elitist or snob if you will, but that is my personal preference. I think the main reason my parents' marriage has lasted for nearly 34 years is that they are both highly educated, hard-working, and bright people who worked their @$$es off to get where they were going. My dad came from a poor family of 6 children in a mining town in Montana and received a terrible education in the schools there, but he went to California and eventually got a PhD in Immunology. My mom grew up living in shacks and trailers in North Dakota, Oregon, and California until she was a teenager, and against the wishes of her parents went to college and got two master's degrees (and would have gotten a PhD had my dad not needed support). I think that the explanation that "all you need is love" as the Beatles said just doesn't cut it when it comes to relationships. You do need love, of course, but you also need common life goals and share similar values with your partner. In fact, I think shared interests and goals and values are what bring and keep people together, and helps them fall in love. OK, that is my $.02 for the day; I just don't really think along the super-idealistic lines that I've seen to a degree on this thread.
     
  45. Doctor Octopus

    Doctor Octopus Hospitalist

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    How are things now? I could use some encouragement. Also, do you know if any medschools have any programs/clubs/support groups for spouses/significant others?
     
  46. Resident Alien

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    CWRU has one.
     
  47. poloace

    poloace Senior Member

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    i don't know what i want to say... but, here it goes:

    my girlfriend of 2.5 years (almost all LDR as we went to undergrad in different states) broke up in november. it was hard... we had both tried to be in the same city for grad school work. but, it didn't work out. i was in NYC when we broke up... just a few months after 9/11.... it was traumatizing on me. but, it gave me a chance to live life for a bit... to become closer with people i wouldn't have met otherwise... and most of all, it brought me closer to my family. this last point was really important now that i look back on it as my father passed away in a car accident in the middle of february. it was odd.. my entire time home for winter break, dad and i hung out and talked a lot about girls... he gave me so much insight into life... i'd accompany him to the NICU (he was a neonatologist)- and it was beautiful when we'd see patients that were on their way out of the hospital because they were better. its hard sometimes... but, i guess in the end- i'm really happy that my ex and i broke up, as it gave me one last chance to get to know dad.

    so, i guess what i really want to say is that while many of us focus on our significant others all of the time (i know i did).. sometimes we lose sight of other things in life that mean a lot to us. its also hard to start school with attachments... i mean, you introduce yourself to girls as 'hi, i'm peter- i have a girlfriend back home..' well, not quite- but it gets to that question in about 3 minutes. so, my best advice is to stay together if you're truly in love... but, sometimes letting go temporarily makes the relationship stronger in the end.
    p
     

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