Residents with slightly older kids - Looking for tips!

[Ceusina]

I'm an MS4, getting ready to start my general surgery residency this June. I also have an almost 5 year old son that'll be 10 when I finish training (unless I decide on a fellowship, which I doubt). He's still pretty young, but certainly past the baby/toddler age and getting ready to start Kindergarten (wow, those years flew). I'm also married to a PGY-3 resident in a different field (he'll be in his last year of training when I'm an intern).

So, for parents to older kids, I have a couple questions:
-How do you explain your long hours to your kids? (Why you come home late or are gone on weekends?)
-What if you're scheduled to work on a major holiday (Birthdays and Christmas comes to mind) - how do you still celebrate if you can't physically be there?
-How do you handle missing your child's activities? I certainly won't be there for every soccer game/swim lesson, etc.

We already have the child care thing mostly figured out with the help of two - yes two - nannies, daycare/Kindergarten and family closeish, approx. 1.5 hrs away (and available on last minute notice). Thankfully, my husband and I have some practice juggling our insane schedules and childcare needs while I was doing clerkships and surgery sub-Is. But, any tips regarding childcare would still be appreciated!

I welcome any advice!

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[SLC]

I have 3, my youngest is close to the age of yours.

1. My kids have become accustomed to the hours, they experienced them when I was in medical school, and they seem to understand that residency is just more of the same. I talk regularly with them about it, and help them anticipate particularly rough blocks when I'll be gone more than usual. But they seem to have adjusted well.
2. I was fortunate for intern year to have somehow gotten nearly all the major holidays off. But if I hadn't, I would have planned to celebrate the holiday on a different day, or we would have delayed the celebration until I got off for the day.
3. Missing activities is the hardest, and it tears me apart when I am unable to make it to something. That is one of the only times I've looked at my oldest and seen real disappointment in his eyes. I'm not sure I have any real valuable advice outside of making sure you make it to everything you possibly can; and communicate with your kid(s) about what things you will have to miss as soon as you know so they have time to process and get used to the idea.

Lastly, and this is hard. Make sure that when you're home, you're really home. That means turning off your phone and pager (if allowable), trying not to bring your work home with you, and making every minute that you have with your family count. I say it's hard because I'm not particularly good at it. But when I have managed to do this I can see a huge difference in the way my family seems to act.

Best of luck!

 

[Ceusina]

I have 3, my youngest is close to the age of yours.

1. My kids have become accustomed to the hours, they experienced them when I was in medical school, and they seem to understand that residency is just more of the same. I talk regularly with them about it, and help them anticipate particularly rough blocks when I'll be gone more than usual. But they seem to have adjusted well.
2. I was fortunate for intern year to have somehow gotten nearly all the major holidays off. But if I hadn't, I would have planned to celebrate the holiday on a different day, or we would have delayed the celebration until I got off for the day.
3. Missing activities is the hardest, and it tears me apart when I am unable to make it to something. That is one of the only times I've looked at my oldest and seen real disappointment in his eyes. I'm not sure I have any real valuable advice outside of making sure you make it to everything you possibly can; and communicate with your kid(s) about what things you will have to miss as soon as you know so they have time to process and get used to the idea.

Lastly, and this is hard. Make sure that when you're home, you're really home. That means turning off your phone and pager (if allowable), trying not to bring your work home with you, and making every minute that you have with your family count. I say it's hard because I'm not particularly good at it. But when I have managed to do this I can see a huge difference in the way my family seems to act.

Best of luck!

Thanks for the advice! I agree - being home and "present" can be tough (I've experienced that, even as a medical student - it's just plain hard to come home after a long day and still have more "work" to do - albiet fun, rewarding work!) I'll make every effort to be as efficient as possible during the day so I have little, if anything, to do once I get home (especially as an intern - I know in later years I'll have home call, which will bring it's own sort of difficulties). Anyways, thanks again.

Any other tips are welcomed!

 

[wholeheartedly]

Just sent @SLC a code for a $10.00 Amazon gift card for this very helpful post on behalf of the SDN team!

 

[dggopal]

Just sent @SLC a code for a $10.00 Amazon gift card for this very helpful post on behalf of the SDN team!

Wow, that's awesome that you did that! Love SDN!

 

[wholeheartedly]

Wow, that's awesome that you did that! Love SDN!

we're trying to reward thoughtful/helpful contributions and increase them over some of the other stuff.