Right or wrong ?

[md_student2b]

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It's been a long time since I regularly posted (note my user name)... please don't hold that against me because I need some advice for a close friend of mine.

My friend, B, is dealing with some "issues". Last year we were post-bacs, applied to medical school and she got accepted before me, so we lost touch. I talked to B recently, and discovered that she deferred her acceptance to a Cali school that will remain anonymous for a year and now she's getting flak over that "issue" of hers from the med school's administration. See, her mom lost her job last summer and then had a mental breakdown, B told her counselor at our post-bac about it, and her couselor took it upon himself to notify her medical school (without her permission). The school immediately offered her a hardship deferrement to get her affairs in order, and she took it. Every month or two, she's been talking to the dean of students and providing an update of her status. Here's the tricky part, she's an only child and has no family to help her out with her mother's detiorating condition. I cannot imagine the stress she is under, but she called me because she was hysterical when her dean said that she could not possibly help her mom if she attended medical school (due to the curriculum...etc.), and proceeded to explain that the school doubts her trustworthiness since she wasn't immediately forthcoming about her mom's situation the previous summer, ending the discussion that unless my friend could somehow make arrangements for her mother's care without any futher personal involvement during the school year, her deferrment would be rescinded.

I was flabbergasted by this, I though that B somehow misunderstood what the dean was telling her, but after she calmed down, she told me what exactly he was saying, it was clear that he was incensced that she didn't disclose to them a situation that they considered detrimental to her performance and ability to contribute to their medical school. B's a proud woman who has previously dealt with similar situations, resolving them without the need of external help and didn't see her mom's illness as any kind of undue burden that she could not deal with in addition to attending medical school. But, as I told her, the medical school chooses its applicants, not the other way around. Its her medical school that reserves the right to assign value to any particular applicant, the right to tell you if it thinks you'd be too burdened to handle the classes and other rigors, more or less the right to decide if your life experience (past and present) would help or hinder you and the entire entering class.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt in the wrong. I don't think her medical school is treating her fairly, it's making a judgement about someone they've had limited contact with and since she never matirculated, can't accurately judge her abilities in light of her personal crisis. I know my friend B is very strong, very dedicated and extremely talented, if not she wouldn't have been accepted in the first place. I don't think its right for an institution to send the message that to attend medical school, one must "give up" all other pesonal responsibilities in exchange for a complete commitment to a program.

Now I have to apologize to my friend for being less than supportive. I'm wondering what others think of this peculiar situation.

 

[Street Philosopher]

Tough situation. I don't understand why the school doesn't just allow her to attend school AND take care of her mother. Why not at least give her the benefit of the doubt, and then raise the issue if she does poorly? Other than that, I have no experience in something like this, and I can't possibly judge one way or the other, nor give any useful advice. I wish her the best though.

 

[Moskeeto]

man, no way around it, thats just a total bummer. Hopefully things work out. i can't imagine them rescinding because of that. life is tough like that and I'm glad i don't have to make that decision because it would be damn near impossible. good luck to your friend.

 

[Nefertari]

Don't know @ the other UC's, but UCSF has something called the "Student Well-being Program" that is separate from the academic administration to offer support and counseling to students going through any kind of stress, esp. something like your friend's situation.

Sorry to hear that she has had a hard time communicating w/ this particular school. The reality though is that being a caregiver for her mom would definitely compromise the amount of time and energy she has to devote to med school. Depending on her mother's condition, it might be appropriate for her to be in some kind of treatment program.

Your friend's family might qualify for some kind of state or federal aid that could go toward finding a caregiver. You pointed out that your friend has a lot of pride and doesn't want to accept outside help, but she probably needs to learn to do that in order to get thru the tough times and to survive med school.

 

[CG-RN-MD2B]

She should apply to other schools. Then, when she gets accepted to other schools, and rejected by the one you're speaking of, she should sue the bejesus out of the school for discrimination and retire!!!

 

[cg1]

This is all bs. That counselor had no right to talk in the first and mention personal issues. However, now that the cat is out of the bag, all your friend has to do is say that she is not needed at home anymore and can attend medical school with no problem.

If your friend has to help out with her mom during the school year, then that's NOT the school's business and she doesn't have to tell them.

Of course, EVERY student is required to pass their classes and your friend should be no exception. So if she can handle her personal life and academic life (as we all must do), then no problem.

Either way, the school's stance shouldn't be a problem if she tells them what they want to hear.

Originally posted by md_student2b
It's been a long time since I regularly posted (note my user name)... please don't hold that against me because I need some advice for a close friend of mine.

My friend, B, is dealing with some "issues". Last year we were post-bacs, applied to medical school and she got accepted before me, so we lost touch. I talked to B recently, and discovered that she deferred her acceptance to a Cali school that will remain anonymous for a year and now she's getting flak over that "issue" of hers from the med school's administration. See, her mom lost her job last summer and then had a mental breakdown, B told her counselor at our post-bac about it, and her couselor took it upon himself to notify her medical school (without her permission). The school immediately offered her a hardship deferrement to get her affairs in order, and she took it. Every month or two, she's been talking to the dean of students and providing an update of her status. Here's the tricky part, she's an only child and has no family to help her out with her mother's detiorating condition. I cannot imagine the stress she is under, but she called me because she was hysterical when her dean said that she could not possibly help her mom if she attended medical school (due to the curriculum...etc.), and proceeded to explain that the school doubts her trustworthiness since she wasn't immediately forthcoming about her mom's situation the previous summer, ending the discussion that unless my friend could somehow make arrangements for her mother's care without any futher personal involvement during the school year, her deferrment would be rescinded.

I was flabbergasted by this, I though that B somehow misunderstood what the dean was telling her, but after she calmed down, she told me what exactly he was saying, it was clear that he was incensced that she didn't disclose to them a situation that they considered detrimental to her performance and ability to contribute to their medical school. B's a proud woman who has previously dealt with similar situations, resolving them without the need of external help and didn't see her mom's illness as any kind of undue burden that she could not deal with in addition to attending medical school. But, as I told her, the medical school chooses its applicants, not the other way around. Its her medical school that reserves the right to assign value to any particular applicant, the right to tell you if it thinks you'd be too burdened to handle the classes and other rigors, more or less the right to decide if your life experience (past and present) would help or hinder you and the entire entering class.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt in the wrong. I don't think her medical school is treating her fairly, it's making a judgement about someone they've had limited contact with and since she never matirculated, can't accurately judge her abilities in light of her personal crisis. I know my friend B is very strong, very dedicated and extremely talented, if not she wouldn't have been accepted in the first place. I don't think its right for an institution to send the message that to attend medical school, one must "give up" all other pesonal responsibilities in exchange for a complete commitment to a program.

Now I have to apologize to my friend for being less than supportive. I'm wondering what others think of this peculiar situation.

 

[UCLA2000]

Sounds like something a certain dean at UCLA would do...

 

[deleted9493]

I truthfully do not understand why B would want to go to a school that treats applicants like that (I'm not saying she even does anymore). What this dean has said is that grades are more important than family...a very self-centered point-of-view. There's got to be a line somewhere and I'm pretty sure this dean saw that line...peed on it and kept walking.

 

[heelshmeel]

Originally posted by cg1
This is all bs. That counselor had no right to talk in the first and mention personal issues. However, now that the cat is out of the bag, all your friend has to do is say that she is not needed at home anymore and can attend medical school with no problem.

If your friend has to help out with her mom during the school year, then that's NOT the school's business and she doesn't have to tell them.

Of course, EVERY student is required to pass their classes and your friend should be no exception. So if she can handle her personal life and academic life (as we all must do), then no problem.

Either way, the school's stance shouldn't be a problem if she tells them what they want to hear.

EXACTLY! The counselor had no right to go behind B's back and tell the school that she's in a 'crisis'...

Obviously, though, the school values the counselor's opinion to immediately act on it... so here's one thing you could advise B to do...

since you say that B is a very strong person... i'm hoping she could get the same counselor who screwed it up in the first place to go to the med school and present that aspect of her to the administration...

cg1 is totally right... if the COUNSELOR tells them what they want to hear, then B has got a chance at fixing the problem...

(this thing really sucks 😡 )

 

[Maple]

This is completely unbelieveable! How unsupportive could this Cali school be?!?!?😡 I swear...the more nasty stories I hear about Cali schools..the more turned off I get! I think UCLA2k also posted a situation about someone who was also treated unfairly because of academic problems at a UC..(UCLA?).

No med school has the right to pry on a student's personal life..unless a student initiates such contact via counseling services..etc. I also don't think that any school can draw any conclusions about a studen't academic abilities based on his/her family situation and get rid of them because they "may" not do well!!!!.😡 😡 I thought traits of compassion,caring and selflessness were applauded and sought in pre-meds and doctors-to-be!!! Then why the hell is this person being punished for having all the right personal qualities that supposedly all schools look and screen for!!?!?!?!?😡 😡 😡 😡 How hyporcritical can "they" get??

ok...enough ranting and raving.. op:I don't think the med school can legally rescind your friend's spot. She ought to look into it. Not necessarily do anything right now...but look into it. If anything, the school can get in trouble because they were the ones who offered her the deferment to begin with! I am not a lawyer...but this sounds like discrimination.. that if you have an ailing family member/loved one then you're not welcome to our school!?!? What's next??? students with sick kids are going to be kicked out!?!?!? 😡

I hope things work out for your friend.

 

[md_student2b]

Thanks fellow SDNer's for your support🙂

My friend B accepted my apology today, yet she's still quite frustrated at the rigid stance her school is taking. She feels that's the worst part, being a good daughter is easy since she has always been that, but being told that is incompatiable with a career in medicine is something else. We talked further about the intricacies of her deferrement, and it sounds like she's over a barrel. It was specifically mentioned that should an issue of a certain measure arise, the deferrment could be rescinded. Those measures include anyting of a moral nature, in B's case her failure to notify her school of the circumstances that prompted these actions.

In a way B feels trapped, the way she's been treated she doesn't want to attend this particular school, but her deferrment didn't allow her to apply anywhere else, nor could she have foreseen how bad everything could get. She still wants to be a doctor, maybe even more pressed to do so given the cost of her mom's medical needs. The most her school has to offer is counseling and health coverage for her only through their medical center... which is of little benefit since she lives some 500 miles away.

I'm apt to tell her to lie, to tell them that it's all been handled to their specifications, but the problem with that is her school would expell her should it discover that the issue of her mother was not resolved to their satisfaction. I can not believe anyone could force anyone to make these kinds of choices, yet all I have to offer my friend is just kind words of support and the knowledge that I'm here whenever she needs me.

Getting support from anyone in our post-bac is like pulling teeth without anesthesia... I hate to speak ill of anyone, but these people are the most self-righteous I've ever known. They too support the assertation that by not immediately disclosing the fact my friend might have had her academic abilities "compromised", she in essence lied to her school about her qualifications and thus broke the almighty honor code, thus inviting dismissal. It was their "duty" to inform on her with infomation obtained in confidence, in the sake of fairness (for whom I have no idea). Their advice, do what you're told. Not helpful in the least.

Damn this is f**ked up🙁 .

 

[Naphtali]

I don't think your friend should lie about her situation. If the dean finds out he's been lied to, he'll go balistic, and take it out on her. Nor should she reapply. That would cost thousands of dollars that she probably doesn't have.

Tell your friend to get a lawyer. Now.

As future physicians, a lot of us here on the forums have expressed disdain for lawyers. But they do have their place... this isn't just an ethical issue, it's a legal one.

As I see it:

1. The school was informed about the mother's condition without the permission of your friend.

2. The school willingly offered a defferment. Your friend accepted it.

Did your friend pay a deposit? If the school cashed her check, they're probably obligated to let her attend. Even if she didn't, they still might be obligated. An acceptance is something like a contract. If the mother is not capable of making her own decisions, then the school is effectively demanding power of attorney for the mother.

There's another very serious issue here. You said: "B told her counselor at our post-bac about it, and her couselor took it upon himself to notify her medical school (without her permission)." This should be a red flag. The counselor HAD NO RIGHT to reveal that information. He/she could well lose their job over it. (And deserves to!) Your friend should DEMAND that legal fees be paid for by the post-bac university and/or the counselor personally. To reveal information obtained in a professional capacity like that is WRONG. I'm not sure who's liable: the post-bac, the counselor, or both. (Word to the wise: when I become a physician, if I *ever* find out about a breach of confidence like that in a colleague, I'll make it my personal mission to destroy them.)

Here's my suggestion of what your friend should do, in order:

1. If it was the dean of students, go over his head. Talk to the dean of the med school. Maybe this can be resolved pleasantly. Hint to him/her that if the situation stands as is, you'll be taking on legal counsel. Make sure to get any agreements in writing.

2. If that fails, get a lawyer. Find out possible legal angles of attack. I suspect the med school could be sued for breach of contract, but I'm not sure of it.

3. Have the lawyer check out the post-bac's liability. A violation of professional confidence may also be grounds for a suit. The winning from this should cover the legal fees (at least... IMO, there should also be punitive damages).

4. If the institutions won't cooperate, threaten to go to the media. Make a HUGE stink about it. make sure everyone involved stands to get a lot of bad PR.

5. If all else fails, go to the AAMC and/or AMA. Perhaps someone of authority can step in.

Really, this is not an "Oh, that's so sad" situation. This is a situation that needs action.

I wish your friend the best of luck.

-Naphtali

PS: One caveat: Did your friend ever *lie* on her application? If she did, she's probably out of luck. But if she neglected to mention it, and she wasn't asked about it at an interview, she's in the clear. (And if she was asked about it at an interview, if only counts if they can prove it, which they probably can't.)

 

[Nanon]

It's wrong, but it doesn't surprise me. I'm also the primary care taker for my mother, who's mentally ill and a breast cancer survivor. I've been told many times that, unless I get someone else to care for her, I probably won't get into medical school. I've even been told by professors that I won't even get a letter of recommondation until I get someone else to take care of her. There really is noone else. Even with a home aid, someone has to manage her finances and supervise the home aid.

I've spent years dealing with this issue. But if I were her, I'd go ballistic on the counselor who betrayed my trust. In the end, unless there is some demonstratable harm to the school, they have no reason whatsoever to deny her acceptance.

Nanon

 

[cg1]

heelshmeel has a good idea...get the counselor on her side to intervene on her behalf. That's the least that he could do. She should make him feel guilty about the mess that he got her into if he refuses.

Those measures include anyting of a moral nature, in B's case her failure to notify her school of the circumstances that prompted these actions.

NO !! If she thinks that or let's the school think that, then the school has won. I wish you would mention the school's name because they deserve any backlash that they get because they sound like complete idiots. Regardless, every single student has a life outside of school. They aren't morally obligated to divulge personal information. B can claim that this personal information that they "found out" will not change her performance in school.

I'm apt to tell her to lie, to tell them that it's all been handled to their specifications, but the problem with that is her school would expell her should it discover that the issue of her mother was not resolved to their satisfaction.

She just has to say "it's all taken care of". The rest isn't the school's business. I would agree with naphtali to get a lawyer. In CA, isn't the law that the losing party pays both fees ?? If so, then definitely tell her to get a lawyer. And she will have to consistently and VEHEMENTLY take a stance that her situation never would affect her, nor has she ever thought that it would affect her. However, if the school claims that she made an earlier confession that it would affect her, then she better have a poor memory and not "remember saying anything like that" or ...better yet... she should take a stance that the school "misinderstood her" ...if she wants to win her case.

B told her counselor at our post-bac about it,

This makes me wonder...why did B do this? Does she think that it's impossible to go to medical school and take care of her mom? Specifically, what will B do if she gets in next year to this school? Because this is a legitimate question from the school if B is thinkng that it's impossible to pass her classes.

However, as long as B thinks it's in the realm of possibility, then that should be enough. Because no student is 100% sure that they will get their MD until they've received that piece of paper. 😉 She should, however, be under the impression that it's not impossible...because if she does think that it's totally impossible for her to do the two tasks simultaneously, then I hate to say it, but the school has a point.🙁

 

[md_student2b]

Again I wish to thank you all for your advice, and Naphtali, you're right, this is something that demands action.

My friend B is rather conflicted in how to bring about such actions... as much as she wants to dig in her heels and make a stand (which as long as I've known her, is her normal attitude) she also realizes that she may face hostitlity from students and the administration for the next 4 years. If she hires an attorney to help her deal with the University, there'd be no gurantee that she'd prevail, and should she, no assurance that her next 4 years would not be filled with hostility and retribution for what she wrought. Given the school's rather unprofessional approach to this entire situation, B has little faith that the administration would simply "let go" of the issue even after legal intervention.

Gaining the support of our post-bac counselor to recant his statement or express faith in B is impossible, for he honestly believes he did the right thing. Our post-bac is supported by a rather prestigious Cali med school and that school's Dean of students; to whom the counselor advised and was given permission to proceed. Our counselor firmly believes that the additional burden imposed by B's mother is too much to be dealt with in addition to the rigors of medical school, he made the judegment that B could not possibly do both.

I too was concerned with how B discussed with our counselor her mother's condition way back when. Apparently it simply came up in polite conversation, small talk if you will, during a couseling session. School just ended, and our counselor wanted to know what B was doing during the summer. B explained that she would have liked to work to make some spending money for the upcoming school year, but her mother had recently lost her job and fell into a clinically diagnosed depression. B did not see this as a detriment, she had already formulated her own plans as to how to deal with the situation while away at school. She simply didn't discuss this further with her counselor since she didn't see it as an alarming development.

B's plans for her mom while she's away at school haven't changed since last summer, she's relying on the help of friends, charities and the church to maintain her mom in their home. But she also plans to come home on the weekends and over holidays to offer physical and moral support, to give other caregivers a break. This seems to be an issue of contention since her school has told her in the past that she could not possibly care for her mother and face the rigors of school if her mother moved with her. Yet even now the school is not satisfied with her plan, since they offered the deferrment so that she would be "refreshed and capable of dedicating herself fully to the program". Apparently weekends and holidays don't belong to their students.

What this damn school wants is unclear, B is so frustrated by their statement that she must "find a solution to this issue that does not require her direct involvement while attending UC blah blah, so that she may commit herself to her fellow students and the UC Blah Blah community". They say this is in her best interest, but also say they do not want to interfere/influence any of the decision making surrounding such a "personal" issue.

At no point has my friend lied, misrepresented herself or ever shown any doubt or provided any reason to doubt her ability to succeed in medicine. In my opinion, she's suffering from the judgements made of her by other people who have no first-hand knowledge of the situation and worse yet, no genuine concern for her well-being, though are acting out of what they feel is principle and authority granted them by their respective positions in the UC community. This is why I don't dare disclose which schools are involved, since if it was dicovered that I've been soliciting for advice on such an open forum, God only knows that I too could be sanctioned for violations of the almighty moral code.

 

[cg1]

After hearing that B actually has a plan that would not take her away from school (except on weekends and on holidays...which is her own time and not the school's), then B should tell the school that "everything is taken care of" and that she "won't have to miss one class". It's really too bad that she already divulged to them that she had previously wanted to go home on weekends and holidays.

The less said, the better, but it sounds like she is young and didn't realize this and gave up too much info. 🙁

Regardless, she should just stick to her guns now and tell them that she doesn't have to miss 1 day of class. If they bring up what she told them about weekends and holidays, then she could either:

1. evade the question

or

2. tell them that she doesn't *think* that she'll be going home any more than any other student. (Who's to say that every student won't be going home to their parents' house on the weekend??) If the school asks if anything has changed to allow her to make such a statement, she could say that she talked to the volunteer caregivers and that they aren't *expecting* her on weekends (which won't be a lie if she talks to them about this). OK, option #2 is totally "Clintonesque" in parsing words, but at least she's not under Oath.


The truth of the matter is that B didn't do anything morally wrong in having to spill her guts in the first place. If she had hurt someone in the past and they were grilling her, so be it, but she didn't do anything! B doesn't owe them an explanation about her personal weekend or holiday time. The school doesn't deserve an answer. It's really none of their business.

Please tell your friend to not give up. Tell her that she *deserves* to go to medical school and should not have to waste more time and money in getting another spot elsewhere. Applying elsewhere will cost her time, money, and an extra year. Why should she have to throw all of that away? That school gave her a spot and they have no right to take it away based on the "possibility" that she will do poorly. That's BS. By that logic, a school could take away any student's acceptance because it's not out of the realm of possibility that anyone could do poorly in school.

The more I hear about Cali schools, the more I think they have major 'tude! 😡

If she hires an attorney to help her deal with the University, there'd be no gurantee that she'd prevail, and should she, no assurance that her next 4 years would not be filled with hostility and retribution for what she wrought.

Yes and no. There's actually a law about "retribution" after winning the right to gain employment through a lawsuit. I don't know if it's the law in CA, though. And I don't know if it applies to gaining a seat in a school, but B could talk to a lawyer at no cost and find out. If there is a law, then it should be easy to prove retribution on the school's part if they single her out and give her different criteria than the other students.

However, you're absolutely right. A lawsuit would be a big pain in the butt. So it should only be used as a last resort. If they totally reject her, then she has nothing to lose because she can sue for MONEY, not for a seat and then she won't have to pay anything out of her pocket regardless of what CA law is because she could get a lawyer that takes a cut of the settlement.

 

[INeedAdvice]

So what's the update?

Originally posted by md_student2b
It's been a long time since I regularly posted (note my user name)... please don't hold that against me because I need some advice for a close friend of mine.

My friend, B, is dealing with some "issues". Last year we were post-bacs, applied to medical school and she got accepted before me, so we lost touch. I talked to B recently, and discovered that she deferred her acceptance to a Cali school that will remain anonymous for a year and now she's getting flak over that "issue" of hers from the med school's administration. See, her mom lost her job last summer and then had a mental breakdown, B told her counselor at our post-bac about it, and her couselor took it upon himself to notify her medical school (without her permission). The school immediately offered her a hardship deferrement to get her affairs in order, and she took it. Every month or two, she's been talking to the dean of students and providing an update of her status. Here's the tricky part, she's an only child and has no family to help her out with her mother's detiorating condition. I cannot imagine the stress she is under, but she called me because she was hysterical when her dean said that she could not possibly help her mom if she attended medical school (due to the curriculum...etc.), and proceeded to explain that the school doubts her trustworthiness since she wasn't immediately forthcoming about her mom's situation the previous summer, ending the discussion that unless my friend could somehow make arrangements for her mother's care without any futher personal involvement during the school year, her deferrment would be rescinded.

I was flabbergasted by this, I though that B somehow misunderstood what the dean was telling her, but after she calmed down, she told me what exactly he was saying, it was clear that he was incensced that she didn't disclose to them a situation that they considered detrimental to her performance and ability to contribute to their medical school. B's a proud woman who has previously dealt with similar situations, resolving them without the need of external help and didn't see her mom's illness as any kind of undue burden that she could not deal with in addition to attending medical school. But, as I told her, the medical school chooses its applicants, not the other way around. Its her medical school that reserves the right to assign value to any particular applicant, the right to tell you if it thinks you'd be too burdened to handle the classes and other rigors, more or less the right to decide if your life experience (past and present) would help or hinder you and the entire entering class.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt in the wrong. I don't think her medical school is treating her fairly, it's making a judgement about someone they've had limited contact with and since she never matirculated, can't accurately judge her abilities in light of her personal crisis. I know my friend B is very strong, very dedicated and extremely talented, if not she wouldn't have been accepted in the first place. I don't think its right for an institution to send the message that to attend medical school, one must "give up" all other pesonal responsibilities in exchange for a complete commitment to a program.

Now I have to apologize to my friend for being less than supportive. I'm wondering what others think of this peculiar situation.

 

[canadagirl]

Before going to a lawyer I would definitely investigate what student advocacy programs the university itself has - at my school, at least, you could go to the office of student affairs, or a similar office, and get someone to advocate for you. They DEFINITELY aren't allowed to do it, and there should be an internal process of checks and balances for making sure they don't get away with it. Before you spend tons of cash on a lawyer, check out what your free options are!!

 

[pathdr2b]

I was in this same situation a few years back while in graduate school. My advisor told me plain and simple that there was no way I could take care of my Dad that had recently had a stroke and go to graduate school. You know what? She was right. I was also a new mom and wife and it just got to be too much. However, I didnt follow my advisor advice and my Dad went on to recuperate well enough to support himself, albiet on disability, by himself and with help from my Step Mom (who by the way was of little help immediately after the stroke).

Fast forward 3 years later and I have now been admitted to medical school. Now my Dad has cancer so I decided to delay a year with the hope that he'd improve. But I Never told anyone at the medical school the exact reason I wanted to delay. I told them it was for family reasons which they believed because by now I'm on my way to divorce court. The cancer doesn't improve(becomes terminal) and because I wanted to spend as much quality time with him as possible, I gave up my seat in medical school. I've NEVER had a single regret about this decision.

Today my Dad is gone and I'll be applying to medical school this year. It was better for me to delay medical school for family reasons knowing that I may never get admitted again than to lose time with my Dad. Medical school will always be there but you can't go back in time once it's gone!

Unfortunately, the OP's friend may have to make a similar choice as I did. To try to take care of her Mom by herself and attend medical school I think is a bit too much for any one person to handle but I wish her the best in whatever she decides.

 

[md_student2b]

So what's the update?

Thanks for the comments, I've shared them with B and she too is grateful. B consulted with an attorney last week, and the advice was to do nothing unless the school formally rescinds their deferred offer of admissions. She was told that should they keep pestering her about the "issue" concerning her mother, to respond honestly; that's she's taking care of it and if they require details or assurances, refer them to her attorney. I think this is the best way of dealing with her situation since nothing, aside from her deferrment itself, has been put in writing. This does little to alleviate B's fear that she won't be allowed to matriculate. but at least she knows she has legal recourse.

I wish there were other options B could take without resorting to using the law, but her options are rather limited since she hasn't offically enrolled.

For the time being, all she can do is wait.