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Right time to get married?

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by UTAPlaya10, Mar 11, 2007.

  1. UTAPlaya10

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    Hello, Im a freshman doing pre-med at a university and I am head over heels for a girl that I met a few years ago. I dont want to get married until she is done with her bachelor's but a lot of people have been telling me that I should wait until AFTER medical school or either my marriage will fail or my dream of becoming a doctor will be interrupted by a child. Is there any hope becuause I really dont want to wait until after marriage. She wants to be a dentist and we both want to go to graduate school close together. I want to go to UT Southwestern and she wants to go to the Baylor College of Dentistry which are ten minutes away from each other. Any advice on what we should do?
     
  2. TMP-SMX

    TMP-SMX Senior Member
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    You know there is such thing called contraception. Of course you have no idea where you two will end up no matter how much you dream about the fact that you will go to those two places. There are no guarantees and it's a hard thing to do. Since you say you are a freshman, I would suggest you do a little maturing before you even contemplate marriage.
     
  3. jillibean

    jillibean Senior Member
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    You're a freshman and you met a few years ago (...like when you were 15). I'd just chill out for a while. whats the rush, really?
     
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  4. Kfire326

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    No offense, but college freshman shouldn't be thinking toooooo seriously about marriage, IMO. Just wait.
     
  5. Dr. Dukes

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    They should be thinking about contraception though...
     
  6. Captain Fantastic

    Physician 10+ Year Member

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    I married my high school sweetheart after her first year of medical school. We made it through college, medical school, and residency just fine. We had two kids along the way, too: one her MS4 year, the second during PGY3 (Internal Medicine). She was AOA and is now attending at an academic institution.

    Please don't feel rushed to get married, but neither a marriage or children will destroy your chances at your goals.
     
  7. mehhh

    mehhh ...
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    this "marriage" question seems to be coming up a lot lately (in my circles), but maybe it's because i'm a senior and it seems that when certain change is coming around the corner, everyone wants to get married...

    anyway, you need to prioritize. right now, what is certain is your desire to go to med school. if this is what you want, you need to work for it because that's more a sure thing that anything that involves feelings between two people (i know it sounds robotic, but it's true). as for marriage/love, time will work it out for you. i hate to sound cynical, but a lot can and will change in the 3 years you have before applying, and then things will change again in medical school, and then residency will usher in yet another big change. how can you guarantee that it won't change you and your girlfriend, and you two will grow apart?

    take your time and live your life
     
  8. searun

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    For god's sake, or for GOD'S SAKE, you are an 18 year old freshman who probably is not even shaving....please do not ask for advice on marriage on this forum...and how you and your future wife will coordinate your respective medical careers...ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND. CHECK BACK IN FOUR YEARS AND THEN YOU WILL GET A SERIOUS RESPONSE. YOUR LIFE WILL BE VERY DIFFERENT IN FOUR YEARS. And you probably be trying to figure out how to hustle chicks while getting your MBA.
     
  9. mshheaddoc

    mshheaddoc Howdy
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    I'm going to take another perspective about this. I come from an area where usually people marry later (late 20's is the norm) and moved to an area where college and early 20's is the norm.

    Whenever YOU feel the most comfortable getting married go for it. I know quite a few people who got married in stable relationships during college or during medical school. Many people might not understand the nature of your relationship. While it will be a sacrafice for your relationship to be in medical school as long as she "understands" what she's getting into and is independent on her own you won't run into relationship issues.

    I agree with the other posters on one issue, take your time with marriage. As you already know I'm sure the serious commitment it entails. But there REALLY ISN'T one good time to get married.

    Best of luck :luck: and isn't it great to be in love :love:

    :D
     
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  10. Kfire326

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    LOLOLOLOLOL
     
  11. Law2Doc

    Law2Doc 5K+ Member
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    You are a freshman. The vast vast majority of freshman who start out premed don't even end up premed. People with strong relationships survive med school with the relationship intact, many with weaker relationships don't. Furthermore, you will soon learn that you don't always get into the one med school you want. Most people end up applying to well over a dozen places, and are often surprised as to which ones they get interviews at vs not. So the truth of the matter is you probably won't finish college as a premed, and if you do, you probably won't get into the specific school you are currently targetting. You might, but that's not the odds.
    And the prior posters correctly have indicated that even if you did get married there are a variety of ways you could ensure no children until you are ready. Based on the number of misperceptions in your post, you are probably best off waiting on marriage for a few years. Once you guys see what advanced education options you actually get to choose amongst, you can contemplate your post-college relationship. It it was really meant to be, it can wait a few years.
     
  12. imable24

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    Just taking a guess, but I don't think he or his girlfriend believe in premarital sex. And that could be the reason he wants to get married sooner than later. :) So because of that, contraception before marriage probably isn't an option. I say get married when you're ready. And use contraception until you're ready to have a child.

    If there are cultural or religious reasons that prevent you from using contraception during marriage, then I say take cold showers. There are people who have children in medical school and some who have children in college. But you both need to be supportive of each other and it wouldn't hurt to have parental or family involvement.
     
  13. Law2Doc

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    In that case, I'd say that's precisely the kind of mariage that will not withstand the stresses of med school. You need to have a much stronger relationship than just rushing to the altar to get some. In a few years, when your relationship has matured, if you guys still feel as strongly about each other, then you will be on better footing to contemplate marriage.
    But the OP isn't much of a "playa'" if your interpretation is the right one. :)
     
  14. Critical Mass

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    My advice to the OP: have sex. Then tell me about it over in the lounge.

    In the meanwhile, I'll be glad to hear recent tales from mshheaddoc. :D
     
  15. dutchman

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    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
  16. PEN15

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    Just breathe. Plus there's no guarantee that you guys are going to end up where you want 4 years from now.
     
  17. Stolenspatulas

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    If this is your first love, calm down. wait until you've had at least a few. then you'll realize what the world's really made of.
     
  18. neom3x11

    neom3x11 Free your MinD
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    #18 neom3x11, Mar 11, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2012
  19. Anjlprincezz

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    If you are serious about your girlfriend, truly feel that this is a forever type of deal, and really honestly want to get married, then you don't need SDNers to tell you to go for it. You can be married in med school, you can even have kids. This just makes it more difficult, and unless you work really REALLY hard, you might encounter some trouble in your marriage, your academic career, or both.

    On the other side, i don't feel that there is much difference between a committed relationship and marriage. So you also have the option of keeping up your relationship during undergrad and med school without the titles of husband and wife.

    I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years, and have even scheduled a wedding date, 4.5 years away, so that i can finish med school before getting married, especially because i will be living in a different state for the next four years. Also, I'm young, and I'm in no rush, because i know that my bf and i will share the same loving relationship, with or without a ring.

    In the end, you have to do whatever you feel is right and best for you. But being married doesn't automatically mean you'll fail out of med school. You CAN have it all, it just means you might have to work a little harder. :)

    Good Luck.
     
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  20. TMP-SMX

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    Don't put your children through you and your wife in medical school. I don't care about how hard it will be for you to be in medical school, but you aren't the focal point and you are the one that makes the decisions. I personally think not wanting to use contraception in a loving relationship is idiotic. If you both ending up going to medical school, the child is going to have to deal with childcare/nannies for a long time anyway. Don't make it worse. Again, there's a large chance you won't end up as a pre-med anyway let alone that you will both end up in the same area for medical school.
     
  21. braluk

    braluk SDN Surgerynator
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    Playa also means beach in spanish if that means anything :laugh:
     
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  22. OregonMed

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    UTAPlaya10,

    My husband and I got married this last summer, between the junior and senior year of undergrad. This worked great for us but it's not for everyone. When we were your age the best advice we got was that we would have to do very well in school and on the MCAT/DAT to be able to match at a school (especially hard because, like you, we were trying to match at a dental school and a medical school, which don't have a lot of communication between them). You will end up having to apply more broadly to get a match. We ended up both matching, and it worked out great, but I'm glad we knew that it would be a different process.
     
  23. OP
    OP
    UTAPlaya10

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    And Id just like to say that Im not planning on marrying now but after I get my bachelor's or a few years into medical school. I was wondering if I should wait until after medical to get married or if I should just got for it when Im done with my bachelor's
     
  24. gary5

    gary5 Senior Member
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    Getting married near the end or after med school is good. Don't get married during undergrad. Try to look at her more realistically, because many a demon can hide behind a pretty face.
     
  25. Critical Mass

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    We're really just interested in the sex here.
     
  26. Green Pirate

    Green Pirate Neurotic Neuro Enthusiast
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    :laugh:

    I think someone needs to see what Kramer has to say about marriage:

    [YOUTUBE]pSWTVXh_Yns[/YOUTUBE]
     
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  27. MSKalltheway

    MSKalltheway I got the magic stick
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    Just so you know, quite a few of my classmates got married the summer before they matriculated, and others will be getting married at the end of my first year. It's great that you feel so strongly about your girl, but as others said, things will likely end up changing by the end of undergrad. I never believed it as a freshman, but its unavoidable. I'm not saying you wont be with this girl, but in terms of medical school (and dental school), unless you are an instate student with a crazy GPA and MCAT, chances are you wont go where you expect to. Even in that case, GPA and MCAT scores may not always help you (ive heard stories of people getting into Hopkins but Maryland not touching them, med school and undergrad). So be open to the idea of waiting a long time, after school is done.
     
  28. mshheaddoc

    mshheaddoc Howdy
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    Marriage is something that you need to do WHEN YOU ARE READY. Not when a bunch of people on a message board say you should.

    As I said, get married when you and your girl want to!!! If that is before med school that's fine. If she's going to be around and you put it off b/c a bunch of people on SDN said so then she might not stick around very long if she expects the commitment ;) MANY people balance marriage and medical school successfully. Those with longer relationships have better chances since they are stronger bonds and usually know the person very well. Medical school is NOT the end all to relationships.

    So remember to just enjoy your relationship and let it mature on your own. If you start thinking about this this now (and worrying about it) it might not help your relationship. As someone mentioned, not everyone who's premed in college stays premed in college. Enjoy college, try to experience new things and I wish you the best of luck.
     
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  29. docbens

    docbens Junior Member
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    Getting married was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I got married between my sophomore and junior years. I had taken a couple years off of school so I was not 20-21 at the time. It was not something I planned for sure, but I met a girl, dated, and we decided that we were ready to make that commitment to each other.

    Personally I think that 18 is too young to get married, but in all reality that is just my opinion. Everyone has to come to that decision personally. Age and marriage is a lot about culture, back in the day when girls got married when they were 15 probably would think 18 crazy because you waited too long.

    To second some of the others, you do change alto through undergraduate education, but that does not mean that you will grow farther apart, it very well could mean that you grow closer together. Have a supportive spouse is one of the greatest things, especially when you are stressed out during school and med school application. Just whatever you do, make sure that you think it through. Contrary to popular American culture, marriage is a big deal and a very serious commitment, not one to be taken lightly.

    Good Luck!
     
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  30. JennyB

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    I would say "go for it" if you two feel ready because you guys will need each other's support during medical/dental school. Since she's planning on going to dental school, at least she'll understand your crazy schedule. I don't see why being a married med student has such a bed reputation. If you love her and can see yourself being with her for the rest of your life, I don't see why med/dental school would ruin it. I could only see being married as helpful. I'm getting married in April, and I look forward to having my fiance's support - emotionally, physically, and financially - while in med school, especially since we will probably be moving away from where my family is. And he's not in medicine at all, so I think it'll be hard for him to adjust to and understand the craziness of becoming a doctor.
     
  31. pretenda

    pretenda ASA Member
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    seriously...live a little PLAYA

    also, in response to a couple of posts...is it wrong to use contraception AFTER youre married?
     
  32. melissainsd

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    I love to hear stuff like that. As a new mom it is nice to know a mother can still do extremely well in medicine.

    Edit: Hmm...I guess he quote feature isn't working. I was referring to Captain Fantastic and his awsome wife.
     
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  33. notdeadyet

    notdeadyet Still in California
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    If you have to ask on a message board whether it's the right time for you to get married, it's probably not.
     
  34. nutster

    nutster Rarrr!
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    :thumbup: Get a prenup.
     
  35. TMP-SMX

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    No. It's called family planning. There's no reason to put undue stress on yourselves and your child. It's been done through breastfeeding and timing for centuries.
     
  36. 3rdMolarRoller

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    wait until you both get accepted to your ideal schools.

    If that happens, do it. I got married during dental school and it did not affect our marriage or school what so ever.
     

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