serious question about depression and relationships

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mdh4569

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not sure why im posting here, prob because im a non trad (even though im only 25) and thought i would ask the crowd with more experiance then I

brief backround: B.Sc. Biology w/honors
M.Sc. Molecular Biology w/honors
Going to med school when in the future

So i know this may sound nuts and most people may look at this post and laugh, but i tent to have difficulty with things most dont even think twice about.

So i have had issues with relationships in the past, nothing major, but ill be honist I dont think i have ever been in love. I am dating an amazing girl now who is 2 years older but well established in her career. This woman has all the qualities of a good person and as a long term mate.
As dumb as it may sound i have worked myself up into this anxious obsessed depression as to whether or not i love her, and since im not sue if i have ever felt love i wonder if its my history of ocd and depression that is preventing me from loving someone or if even when you have ocd or depression, somewhere inside you can still tell if you love someone

i know how this must sound and i know im the only one who can decide this for myself, but i was wondering if anyone who has experianced depression or whatever were you able to tell if you love someone??????

I keep beating myself up and telling myself because i have experianced depression im never going to feel love for someone in that way, and its so hard because this is a great woman who is in love with me.

my depression and ocd is not major.......but in anyone's experiance would i know if i was in love with her reguardless?????

can people with depression or ocd know if they are in love??

I will admit im only 25 and i have not had much relationship experiance
 

spicedmanna

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With all due respect and caring, I highly suggest that you head over to a therapist. It seems to me that there is a lot of stuff going on for you right now, and in my opinion, a professional would be the best person to help you through whatever it is that you are going through. When you start opening up, you might discover that this is deeper than you think.

What I am about to say represents my own experience and is not to be construed as medical advice. Personally, I think depression pretty much stops, or cuts off, your flow in varying degrees; it's not unusual to feel numb. I think all of our emotions move through the same conduit. If you don't feel well, please get the help that you need. Your relationship with yourself should be your primary concern. Get yourself into a space of sustainable ease and flow first and then expand from there.

Take care. :)
 

kugel

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mdh4569,
In all seriousness, take a breath and relax for just a moment. There is light at the end of the tunnel - and it's not just the oncoming train. :)
Ask yourself...
Q: When you're wondering if your previously diagnosed illnesses are a major factor in your current complaints, whom should you be asking?
A: A practicioner in that field.

Spicedmanna is quite right. You, your lady, and your relationship together deserve the attention and effort to get this right. Put in the time, energy, and money to have someone trained to work with these issues provide you with professional assistance. Please consider seeing someone with distinct training, expertise in OCD - and please don't be afraid to ask. Many therapists, psychologisgts, psychiatrists do not. There is the potential here to do more harm than good, so this is no time for "shade tree mechanics."

If this is OCD, then the recurrent intrusive thought will only be strengthened by engaging in the compusions you typically do in order to try an ward off the thought. You fight the OCD by preventing or delaying the compulsion (exposure and response prevention therapy). I mention this because it is possible that seeking reassurance is one of the compusions. Posting and reading the replies on this thread may be part of a "reassurance compusion." If that is even possible for you, then stop reading now. Either way, please make the call to get an appointment.
 
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