Should I bring this up to ADCOMs? (interviews, essays, etc.)

[TheRustyNail]

To make a (very) long story semi-short, every college student's worst nightmare came true for me freshman year. For myself and a girl I was having casual sex with (actually the first girl I ever had sex with), condoms and birth control were not enough. It was the second time she had got pregnant. The first time, the guy rushed her to the abortion clinic. I stayed with her and supported her for the worst several weeks of my life, often skipping nights out with my friends to hold her in her down room while she cried. The minute her parents found out they sent her a wedding ring. We considered all options, and since her family had a history of miscarriages, the strong likelihood of birthing an unhealthy baby made things even more complicated. Amidst all this Hell, I pledged a fraternity and maintained a 3.9 that semester. As the decision to adopt or abort drew near, she miscarried.

This part of my past is not something that I'm proud of. The only people that actually know about it are my parents and one of my brothers. However, when questions like "What was the most difficult time of your life, and how did you overcome it" surface in essays and interviews, it's hard to think of anything else. It was by far the most difficult time of my life, but also the time that I feel really shaped the person I am today. I became a man that semester, and learned more about myself than any other time in my life.

Obviously, my question is what would ADCOMS think of this "life experience"? I feel like it could either really help me or really hurt me. I am a strong applicant (3.7 GPA, 35 MCAT) but am applying to top schools, and feel that the way I handled things is desirable for a MD candidate (I have always though of human life as sacred). I have been hesitant to talk about it thus far, even to my advisors, out of respect for the girl (I go to a small school). Also, would it be morally acceptable to use something like this as leverage to gain acceptance? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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[ShenanigansMD]

I don't see a problem with this, but it might be a touchy subject with religious schools. I would save it for secondaries and leave it out of the personal statement, unless this is part of the reason of why you want to be a physician.

 

[Americlap]

holy ****...I can't say much else. I wouldnt talk about it if it were me. i just don't like talking about REALLY personal stuff like that. don't listen to me though. its just an opinion.

 

[TipToad]

I think if you can pull it off with class, go for it. Otherwise, it would be really awkward.

 

[brandonh4]

I think you'd have a harder time convincing the adcom you got her pregnant even with a condom and birth control. Super sperm?

 

[startswithb]

I think you'd have a harder time convincing the adcom you got her pregnant even with a condom and birth control. Super sperm?

My guess would be that she wasn't taking her BCP properly, and he wasn't using condoms every time.

 

[brandonh4]

My guess would be that she wasn't taking her BCP properly, and he wasn't using condoms every time.

They did some studies on condoms, you know.

[YOUTUBE]pjvQFtlNQ-M[/YOUTUBE]

 

[calvnandhobbs68]

I think you'd have a harder time convincing the adcom you got her pregnant even with a condom and birth control. Super sperm?

Seriously freeze that juice up and sell it.

 

[MaenadsDance]

When you keep in mind the perfect vs actual use statistics for both condoms and birth control, it becomes a lot more understandable how people become pregnant. I think I've read that some 50% of pregnancies are unintended.

All that said, I really would avoid this topic. You may think it reflects well on you that you view life as "sacred" - but some 50 percent of the population, self included, are pro-choice/in favor of legal abortion. So writing about your views on abortion seems like a very tricky thing to do well. I'm not saying it CAN'T be done well, or that talking about grappling with one's principles (life begins at conception etc) in the face of what's convenient (an abortion, not having a child while in college) isn't a worthy thing to discuss. But this is a deeeeply sensitive topic, and you never know who on the adcomm is going to be offended by your opinions. I'd say the same about someone wanting to talk about how their passion for women's health has made them want to become a doctor so they can open an abortion clinic - seriously, keep that to yourself.

Just my two cents.

 

[thlaxer]

Seriously freeze that juice up and sell it.

lol

Maybe the condom wasn't put on correctly or something.

If this happened to me, I personally wouldn't mention it with the details you included. You may have become "a man that semester, and learned more about myself than any other time in my life," but saying you knocked up some girl during casual sex just doesn't reflect well on you imo.

You could perhaps (depending on how morally flexible you are) frame it as a friend had an unplanned pregnancy and you supported her blah blah blah while still balancing all of your other activities. You can then talk about your time management, all those complicated emotions you saw, what you learned, etc.

 

[xXIDaShizIXx]

This might come off as super awkward OP. Especially at religious schools, seeing as how conservative they are. I probably wouldn't mention it.

 

[WTEngel]

It really doesn't say much about how you make choices in a difficult situation. The time to make a choice was coming close, and then it was taken out of your hands by fate, when your partner miscarried. No choice to be made anymore.

And throwing in the bit about how you were able to rush a fraternity and maintain a 3.9 all while dealing with this indicates that it couldn't have been that big of a weight on your shoulders... and "I became a man" that semester is too cliche, and subjective to the reader. Some readers may think that being a man would have meant actually marrying her, or whatever manly act the reader wants to infer.

I am not trying to be insensitive here, but people have dealt with much worse. This is probably the worst PS idea ever.

 

[drizzt3117]

Uh I can't think of a worse thing to include in your application; unless your goal is auto-rejection.

 

[tiedyeddog]

I would pick something more.... mundane to write about.

 

[alerk323]

I'm confused, what was your solution to this problem? To hold her while she cried and pledge a fraternity?

 

[SpecterGT260]

My guess would be that she wasn't taking her BCP properly, and he wasn't using condoms every time.

or HE was using condoms every time.......

 

[SpecterGT260]

I'm confused, what was your solution to this problem? To hold her while she cried and pledge a fraternity?

sorry, i found this funny as crap.

OP... I wouldnt bring this up. You will be very likely dealing with older docs on interviews who may have more traditional views. Definitely don't bring it up as "casual sex" and I would just avoid your sex life in general. The pregnancy miscarried, so you arent a father and basically came out the end of the situation as you went in (or at least you have an uphill battle trying to argue otherwise). If you had had a child and gained some new perspective on life and could demonstrate responsibility, then sure. But what I am hearing is you (or that football player that lives down the hall in her dorm) knocked her up, and basically just humored her when she was sad while you kept on studying and doing your normal social routine. I don't mean to over simplify your experience, but this is very likely how it will look to an adcom. Kid did something stupid and didn't really incur any penalties

 

[qwerty2012]

LoL. No.

You are a troll why?

Premed students 1. don't have sex 2. enough said.

"RustyNail" you looking at wrong people.

 

[MedPR]

:troll:

 

[SixStringPsych]

I think people are giving you way more **** than you deserve for this OP. You went through something tough, and you should cherish that life experience that you have over all the other pre med nerds that spent 4 years playing Starcraft in the library when they weren't studying (trust me, I've seen it). But I personally wouldn't bring this up just because you never know how someone is going to take it. I might bring it up at a school that I know has no religious affiliation just to see if the interviewer was touched or put off by it, but with my stats I don't have the opportunity to take risks like that. And if you want to go to a top school then maybe you shouldn't either.

 

[TheRustyNail]

When you keep in mind the perfect vs actual use statistics for both condoms and birth control, it becomes a lot more understandable how people become pregnant. I think I've read that some 50% of pregnancies are unintended.

All that said, I really would avoid this topic. You may think it reflects well on you that you view life as "sacred" - but some 50 percent of the population, self included, are pro-choice/in favor of legal abortion. So writing about your views on abortion seems like a very tricky thing to do well. I'm not saying it CAN'T be done well, or that talking about grappling with one's principles (life begins at conception etc) in the face of what's convenient (an abortion, not having a child while in college) isn't a worthy thing to discuss. But this is a deeeeply sensitive topic, and you never know who on the adcomm is going to be offended by your opinions. I'd say the same about someone wanting to talk about how their passion for women's health has made them want to become a doctor so they can open an abortion clinic - seriously, keep that to yourself.

Just my two cents.

I really wasn't planning on disclosing my views on abortion. Since the situation ended before we really had to make a choice, I was hoping to try and avoid that controversial issue. This had nothing to do with wanting to become a doctor. I just feel like how I handled the situation speaks well about my character. It's really been the only difficult time of my life.

It really doesn't say much about how you make choices in a difficult situation. The time to make a choice was coming close, and then it was taken out of your hands by fate, when your partner miscarried. No choice to be made anymore.

And throwing in the bit about how you were able to rush a fraternity and maintain a 3.9 all while dealing with this indicates that it couldn't have been that big of a weight on your shoulders... and "I became a man" that semester is too cliche, and subjective to the reader. Some readers may think that being a man would have meant actually marrying her, or whatever manly act the reader wants to infer.

I am not trying to be insensitive here, but people have dealt with much worse. This is probably the worst PS idea ever.

Not a big weight on my shoulders? I felt like my life was over… Wouldn't you and everybody else in this thread? And honestly besides dealing with death or serious health issues in the family I can't think of anything worse a college student would have to deal with. I've already submitted my PS and didn't mention it. I just thought it could help on secondaries and maybe interviews.

I'm confused, what was your solution to this problem? To hold her while she cried and pledge a fraternity?

Not funny.

sorry, i found this funny as crap.

OP... I wouldnt bring this up. You will be very likely dealing with older docs on interviews who may have more traditional views. Definitely don't bring it up as "casual sex" and I would just avoid your sex life in general. The pregnancy miscarried, so you arent a father and basically came out the end of the situation as you went in (or at least you have an uphill battle trying to argue otherwise). If you had had a child and gained some new perspective on life and could demonstrate responsibility, then sure. But what I am hearing is you (or that football player that lives down the hall in her dorm) knocked her up, and basically just humored her when she was sad while you kept on studying and doing your normal social routine. I don't mean to over simplify your experience, but this is very likely how it will look to an adcom. Kid did something stupid and didn't really incur any penalties

Thanks for the opinion.

LoL. No.

You are a troll why?

Premed students 1. don't have sex 2. enough said.

"RustyNail" you looking at wrong people.

Not a troll. Just needed an anonymous way to get views about this.

I think people are giving you way more **** than you deserve for this OP. You went through something tough, and you should cherish that life experience that you have over all the other pre med nerds that spent 4 years playing Starcraft in the library when they weren't studying (trust me, I've seen it). But I personally wouldn't bring this up just because you never know how someone is going to take it. I might bring it up at a school that I know has no religious affiliation just to see if the interviewer was touched or put off by it, but with my stats I don't have the opportunity to take risks like that. And if you want to go to a top school then maybe you shouldn't either.

Thank you. Maybe I'll try it at a school I don't really care about and see how it goes… Or maybe I need to take a risk with some top schools and go all in?

 

[calvnandhobbs68]

Not a big weight on my shoulders? I felt like my life was over… Wouldn't you and everybody else in this thread? And honestly besides dealing with death or serious health issues in the family I can't think of anything worse a college student would have to deal with. I've already submitted my PS and didn't mention it. I just thought it could help on secondaries and maybe interviews.

Not funny.

Takin yourself too seriously here. You should throw this on some secondaries so some adcoms can laugh at you. Here's a few gems from your post:

I stayed with her and supported her for the worst several weeks of my life, often skipping nights out with my friends to hold her in her down room while she cried.

Oh wow bro you had to miss out on nights out with friends??!! You're right, that sacrifice must have killed you.

Amidst all this Hell, I pledged a fraternity and maintained a 3.9 that semester.

Soo instead of preparing for actual responsibility you rushed a frat...which was going to help you how again? So you and the bros could drink your sorrows away while your baby momma stayed back at the crib? Seriously, if anyone looking at your app put the timeline together they'd probably go WTF.

What it sounds like is that life went on as usual while you both stayed around feeling sorry for yourselves. You didn't "become a man". You got someone pregnant, went "oh **** that wasn't supposed to happen", freaked out for a couple weeks and then breathed a sigh of relief when she miscarried and you weren't forced to make an actual decision. You can't think of anything worse other applicants might go through? Really? Try harder.

 

[alerk323]

Not a big weight on my shoulders? I felt like my life was over… Wouldn't you and everybody else in this thread? And honestly besides dealing with death or serious health issues in the family I can't think of anything worse a college student would have to deal with. I've already submitted my PS and didn't mention it. I just thought it could help on secondaries and maybe interviews.

OP, the problem people are pointing out is that you didn't actually do anything that shows that much character. What would have been a bad way to handle it? Ignoring the girl? The most you can say is that you maintained a high level of performance in other aspects of your life while enduring the consequences of a mistake you made. This is not insignificant by any means, but it doesn't say much about your character, and potentially even paints a negative image of someone irresponsible enough to get a girl pregnant (not saying you're particularly irresponsible, but just that the story could easily be taken that way). If anything, it could make a good essay for secondary questions asking "how do you deal with stress/what was a challenging problem in your life and how did you get through it".

 

[TheRustyNail]

fair enough. I guess I got a consensus. thanks to those who responded respectfully

 

[Yonko Shanks]

I have a problem believing she got pregnant if you were using birth control+ condoms.

You sure she wasn't doing her own little extracurriculars while you were out volunteering

 

[MaenadsDance]

Once again, actual use =/= perfect use. Let's look at some statistics.

The combined hormonal birth control pill has an annual failure rate of 8%. IE, 8% of women on the pill will become pregnant every year. Keep in mind that perfect use requires taking the birth control pill at the same time every day for a whole year - that's what gets you your 99% success rate.

Condoms have an annual failure rate of 15%. 15% of all couples using condoms will have the woman pregnant by the end of the year.

Even when doubling up on forms of birth control, you can see that the failure rates are high enough that it is far from unlikely for a couple to wind up with an unplanned pregnancy. Always remember, 50% of pregnancies are unplanned.

 

[olecranon4]

Once again, actual use =/= perfect use. Let's look at some statistics.

The combined hormonal birth control pill has an annual failure rate of 8%. IE, 8% of women on the pill will become pregnant every year. Keep in mind that perfect use requires taking the birth control pill at the same time every day for a whole year - that's what gets you your 99% success rate.

Condoms have an annual failure rate of 15%. 15% of all couples using condoms will have the woman pregnant by the end of the year.

Even when doubling up on forms of birth control, you can see that the failure rates are high enough that it is far from unlikely for a couple to wind up with an unplanned pregnancy. Always remember, 50% of pregnancies are unplanned.

Abstinence works 100% of the time. I'm not endorsing that, but when you engage in irresponsible behavior (which is what you just pointed out), you can't call yourself a man just because you face the consequences of your actions. Not to mention, will ADCOMS look favorably upon you confessing your irresponsible behavior? Doubt it.

 

[pasiley]

To the people harping on the guy, give the guy a break. What's done is done and he definitely learned his lesson. No need to insult him.

OP. Adcoms do not want to hear about your problems.

Maybe I'm just cynical about this process but the point is to come off as perfect as possible. Stop and ask yourself, does this make me look perfect? Not good. Not Human, but Perfect. If not, don't use it. It could be used against you.

 

[SpecterGT260]

To the people harping on the guy, give the guy a break. What's done is done and he definitely learned his lesson. No need to insult him.

OP. Adcoms do not want to hear about your problems.

Maybe I'm just cynical about this process but the point is to come off as perfect as possible. Stop and ask yourself, does this make me look perfect? Not good. Not Human, but Perfect. If not, don't use it. It could be used against you.

I am only skimming...b ut I don't think anyone is insulting him. The point being made is that this situation doesnt demonstrate the things he would like it to, and attempting to spin it as such will make it all the more obvious to people reading the story.

 

[angldrps]

I would advise you to avoid this topic. No matter how you try to discuss it, you run the risk of being a "controversial" candidate. Think about it. You have only talked about this matter with few people in your life so do you really think its a good idea to bring this up to complete strangers who are very likely to have conservative views on a lot of issues (premarital sex, abortion, using protection , etc)
Regarding answering the "What was the most difficult time of your life, and how did you overcome it", I have always been told that its not what experience you decide to talk about, but what you learned from it that adcoms really care about.
Also, Kudos to you for sticking by your pregnant girl instead of running away from your responsibilities.

 

[TheRustyNail]

I have a problem believing she got pregnant if you were using birth control+ condoms.

You sure she wasn't doing her own little extracurriculars while you were out volunteering

i doubt she was taking her pills faithfully. be wary to trust a girl if she says she's "on birth control"

 

[MiracleforMD]

i doubt she was taking her pills faithfully. be wary to trust a girl if she says she's "on birth control"

Dude thanks! This is advice I have NEVER seen before! Changed my life!

 

[Ashley1989]

Was this a baby you wanted? Was the loss of the baby devastating to you? What have you learned from this situation?

I wouldn't talk about this if I were you, it doesn't show moral fiber and blah blah blah which is admirable beyond what is expected. You responded to the consequences of your decisions and fate stepped in so you didn't have to have a shotgun wedding or 18 years of child support. I'm sorry for what you went through and don't mean to be insensitive but the fact that you didn't send her out to the wolves and accepted the consequences isn't something people will generally look at and say "wow, what a deep, moving story about perseverance and overcoming obstacles." yes, you did the right thing but no it's not something unique you should bring up IN MY OPINION.

Good luck OP

 

[NYCNative]

lol

If this happened to me, I personally wouldn't mention it with the details you included. You may have become "a man that semester, and learned more about myself than any other time in my life," but saying you knocked up some girl during casual sex just doesn't reflect well on you imo.

Uh I can't think of a worse thing to include in your application; unless your goal is auto-rejection.

+1

 

[masaraksh]

Maybe she miscarried BECAUSE you were rushing a frat and getting a 3.9