Should I stay or should I go?!

[neolith77]

Hello all,

This is my first post and I have a burning question. I would like your opinions regarding my current conundrum. I am posting this in the residency forum because I assume you guys/girls have the most experience so far, and probably have a good bead on the future of American medicine. Let me explain...

I worked as an exercise physiologist at the Cleveland Clinic for 4 years. During that time I developed a definite interest in medicine. Upon my first application I did not get in anywhere. Side note: I had very ****ty undergrad grades due to alot of partying, but during my M.S. program I was in the top of my class both years and got the coveted internship at the Clinic. Anyway, upon applying the second time (after retaking the MCAT and a bunch of basic science) I actually got into my first choice (via alternate list). Now, in the interim I got married and (thinking that med. school was a no go) got a job in the cardiac rhythm device industry as a rep, with the top company, and the pay is phenomenal. We bought a house.

To make a long story short, I found out about my acceptance after the job/house/wife transpired. My wife, being very supportive (God bless her) and I have decided to sell the house and go. The house has not sold yet, but most likely will. However, this time has caused me to think about my decision. My dad is a ped. card. and is very pessimistic about the future of medicine and the available compensation that someone with big loans (will be me) will receive for all of the effort. So pessimistic as to tell me to stay put, and that if I do this it will be a huge mistake.

Therefore, opinions please

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[dpmd]

If you want to be a doctor I would say go for it. If you have an interest in medicine and will be happy in an associated field, then don't. Screw what anyone else says, the decision is yours. Only you know if you will be unhappy unless you are a physician, or if you will resent all the effort that getting through medical school and residency will take. You may not get rich as a physician, does that matter to you? There is no right or wrong answer. Will you regret the loss of good income for the years of training required? You may always wonder if you should have gone for it. Will you regret not being able to see patients in clinic or the OR, prescribe medication, perform procedures, etc? My instinct is to say that if you aren't really sure you want to be a doctor for whatever reasons, medical school may be the wrong choice. Plenty of people (many of them physicians) that I should go into other fields, that the pay sucks, that the demands of running an office are drainig, etc. I never had second thoughts, and throughout med school the thing that sustained me was knowing I was working towards a lifelong goal. If you are having second thoughts, what will sustain you as you are studying all the minutiae, spending time away from your spouse, and accumulating a large debt?

 

[neolith77]

If you want to be a doctor I would say go for it. If you have an interest in medicine and will be happy in an associated field, then don't. Screw what anyone else says, the decision is yours. Only you know if you will be unhappy unless you are a physician, or if you will resent all the effort that getting through medical school and residency will take. You may not get rich as a physician, does that matter to you? There is no right or wrong answer. Will you regret the loss of good income for the years of training required? You may always wonder if you should have gone for it. Will you regret not being able to see patients in clinic or the OR, prescribe medication, perform procedures, etc? My instinct is to say that if you aren't really sure you want to be a doctor for whatever reasons, medical school may be the wrong choice. Plenty of people (many of them physicians) that I should go into other fields, that the pay sucks, that the demands of running an office are drainig, etc. I never had second thoughts, and throughout med school the thing that sustained me was knowing I was working towards a lifelong goal. If you are having second thoughts, what will sustain you as you are studying all the minutiae, spending time away from your spouse, and accumulating a large debt?

Everything you just said is what has been going through my head since that fateful day in August. I DO want to do this, without a doubt. It wouldn't be a sacrifice for me, I have loved every minute that I was dealing with patients, charting, thinking, reporting to ordering physicians, getting other opinions on complicated met. stress results, etc...But, I'm no spring chicken, I pushing 30. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish, putting my future family at a disadvantage. Anyway, thanks for the response. If you have anything else to say, feel free to let me have it. Seriously, thanks.

P.S.

The house is on the market, and we're going to do this. Just normal to have second thoughts about any life decision, isn't it?

 

[dpmd]

Definitely normal. I like that when I challenged you (and I didn't really mean to do that, I swear), you said you do want to do it but you are worried that its not fair to your family (and you sound a little worried about handling it). That makes me think going for it is a GOOD thing. Your wife sounds like the right kind of person to help you through this (your dad, not so much but he may come around). You aren't too old, and you aren't going to end up destitute (barring unforseen complications). You are being selfish, but not in a bad way. Just in the way that everyone working towards a goal is. Those who aren't a little selfish end up settling for less, and potentially regretting it (although I guess not all regret it). Good luck.

 

[sirus_virus]

I am in the same position as you are, basically sitting on acceptances but no idea if this is the right path. The uncertainty/instability in medicine these days is almost overwhelming for younger people trying to get into medicine. While you can predict accurately how much debt you will be in, there is no way of predicting if you can comfortably pay back that money at the end. I have a passion for medicine, but I am not willing to practice medicine at all cost. I guess I will do some good old fashion "soul searching" before I dive in. It will also help if some of these medschools offer me more money.

Side note: Are you a rep or a sales rep? I ask this because a couple of the sales rep jobs I have had have been rollercoasters too. Does not mean yours is, but it just caught my eyes.

 

[neolith77]

DPMD:

Appreciation for the honesty. What is your specialty? I've considered gen. surg. (after an ing. hern. rep. on me), opthal., and emerg. med. I know the first two are very competitive. My dad is truly a geologist who was told in the 60's that geologists had no furhter use due to nuclear power (lol). Now he spends his off time scouring the hills for specimens for his cabinet, it's like golf for him.

Sirus_Virus:

Good luck with the soul searching. I am a technical rep. I do everything except sell (don't know if I want to do that part). It is work (I have to take call) but I do like the troubleshooting aspect, figuring out "the problem". Most of the time (99%) problems are due to improper programming. However, medicine is what I have been working toward, and I may always wonder (as DPMD said). Do you have a family? Because I think that introduces many, many more variables into the life of the non-traditional student (bent-arrow, as one of my recommenders phrased it) . I'm right there with you.

Thanks for the advice and replies...more quickly than I had expected. Be good.

 

[doc901333]

I am 34 yo MS4 who graduates in May. The decision you guys are facing is a tough one. I gave up a career as a computer programmer for one of the larger banks in the country and sold my house to attend med school. Since med school has started my wife and I have had a set of twins and started a business ( a pharmacy). I promise you that if you want it bad enough you can do it.
Now for the other side of the coin. I don't think I would do this again if I could go back. I am totally enjoying my clinicals and will have a fulfilling career after residency, but the toll it has taken on my marriage and family has been more than I anticipated. We have survived, however there are scars. They have come from both sides. It is very difficult to devote the necessary time to your spouse and med school. Even the most loving, understanding, supportive wife will feel neglected when you have to spend most of your waking hours devoted to something else.
With all that being said, it can be done. The fact that you are even contemplating the big picture shows your maturity. A great deal of my torment is self inflicted, but life happens...often in many ways you can't predict. Weigh out the pros and cons and determine which decision is the right one for you.
Good Luck and congratulations on your acceptance to med school.

 

[neolith77]

Well,

I guess the question is (in this sub-set of med. students, bent arrows) "comfort and mediocrity" or "fulfillment and RISK". I am willing to go for the latter. However, please keep the responses coming. I am really thankful for the opinions ventured thus far. I expected a much more callous response. And, perhaps, just for a larf, if you respond, let me know what is your chosen path in medicine/surgery. If not, that's fine too. All responses are most welcome.

 

[sirus_virus]

DPMD:

Appreciation for the honesty. What is your specialty? I've considered gen. surg. (after an ing. hern. rep. on me), opthal., and emerg. med. I know the first two are very competitive. My dad is truly a geologist who was told in the 60's that geologists had no furhter use due to nuclear power (lol). Now he spends his off time scouring the hills for specimens for his cabinet, it's like golf for him.

Sirus_Virus:

Good luck with the soul searching. I am a technical rep. I do everything except sell (don't know if I want to do that part). It is work (I have to take call) but I do like the troubleshooting aspect, figuring out "the problem". Most of the time (99%) problems are due to improper programming. However, medicine is what I have been working toward, and I may always wonder (as DPMD said). Do you have a family? Because I think that introduces many, many more variables into the life of the non-traditional student (bent-arrow, as one of my recommenders phrased it) . I'm right there with you.

Thanks for the advice and replies...more quickly than I had expected. Be good.

Not anymore. After two divorces(and I am just about to hit 26) I dumped that notion. We did not have any kids either, even though I wish I did. My conclusion about marriage is this: no matter what your situation is, if you marry the right person, you will always make it. I don't care how much extra time and money you have, if you marry the wrong person, you will crash and burn. IMO, you need to make sure your spouse understands what you are getting into. You will be surprised how much of a difference that makes.

 

[blanche]

Yes, most definitely.

My situation wasn't quite yours, but I feel like I can relate. I put in alot of work after I graduated college to get into medical school, and had plenty of time to back out. Still, it wasn't until that last spring, when the deposit was in that I started thinking "oh **** what am I doing??" As a matter of fact, I remember being convinced that I was making the biggest mistake of my life and what if I could only back out and save face...forget the whole matter alltogether.

I think this sort of thinking is normal to an extent, I'm graduating this spring and glad I DIDN'T back out. It's not the easiest path in the world, and there's alot of unknowns...but you seem motivated, and that's what really matters.

 

[dpmd]

I am hoping for ortho, but didn't match last year so I applied for both ortho and gsurg this year. I am married, but no kids. My husband followed me to California after we met (he lived in Florida), then moved with me to start medical school even before we got married. He is willing to move with me for residency wherever I get in. If I had married someone who had traditional views on what a wife should be, or would have a problem with me earning more than him later on, it wouldn't have worked. After all we have gone through (including spending half a year apart when we were at the start of our relationship, and spending 14 months apart due to my Army deployment recently) we still love each other and try to show that we appreciate each other. Although I love him, had he asked me not to go to med school I would not have done it even if it would have ended our relationship. I think that letting him know early how much of a priority medicine was for me was only fair, and I am lucky he decided he would support that.

 

[VentdependenT]

Hello all,

This is my first post and I have a burning question. I would like your opinions regarding my current conundrum. I am posting this in the residency forum because I assume you guys/girls have the most experience so far, and probably have a good bead on the future of American medicine. Let me explain...

I worked as an exercise physiologist at the Cleveland Clinic for 4 years. During that time I developed a definite interest in medicine. Upon my first application I did not get in anywhere. Side note: I had very ****ty undergrad grades due to alot of partying, but during my M.S. program I was in the top of my class both years and got the coveted internship at the Clinic. Anyway, upon applying the second time (after retaking the MCAT and a bunch of basic science) I actually got into my first choice (via alternate list). Now, in the interim I got married and (thinking that med. school was a no go) got a job in the cardiac rhythm device industry as a rep, with the top company, and the pay is phenomenal. We bought a house.

To make a long story short, I found out about my acceptance after the job/house/wife transpired. My wife, being very supportive (God bless her) and I have decided to sell the house and go. The house has not sold yet, but most likely will. However, this time has caused me to think about my decision. My dad is a ped. card. and is very pessimistic about the future of medicine and the available compensation that someone with big loans (will be me) will receive for all of the effort. So pessimistic as to tell me to stay put, and that if I do this it will be a huge mistake.

Therefore, opinions please

STAY

 

[Surgeon24]

If I was in your situation, I would (without a doubt) keep your solid job and enjoy life. If you HATE your job, it's a different issue.

Buying a house, getting married, starting a family, and having a life outisde the job is priceless. Don't throw it out for 5-10 years and sacrifice yourself, just to realize in the end that it's not that great to become a doctor.

 

[amyl]

I am 34 yo MS4 who graduates in May. The decision you guys are facing is a tough one. I gave up a career as a computer programmer for one of the larger banks in the country and sold my house to attend med school. Since med school has started my wife and I have had a set of twins and started a business ( a pharmacy). I promise you that if you want it bad enough you can do it.
Now for the other side of the coin. I don't think I would do this again if I could go back. I am totally enjoying my clinicals and will have a fulfilling career after residency, but the toll it has taken on my marriage and family has been more than I anticipated. We have survived, however there are scars. They have come from both sides. It is very difficult to devote the necessary time to your spouse and med school. Even the most loving, understanding, supportive wife will feel neglected when you have to spend most of your waking hours devoted to something else.
With all that being said, it can be done. The fact that you are even contemplating the big picture shows your maturity. A great deal of my torment is self inflicted, but life happens...often in many ways you can't predict. Weigh out the pros and cons and determine which decision is the right one for you.
Good Luck and congratulations on your acceptance to med school.

Medicine is a sacrifice. It has cost me my relationship with my mother, lost friends, fiance is hanging in there but it has been tough. There are days when I think if I knew then what I know now I NEVER would have gone to medical school...but then there are really good days...like today... going on 15 hours on, much more to go but... a great case that I can't wait to find out what is going on with a patient (difficult case that has everyone scratching their heads) and the rest of my patients are awesome, sweet, happy to see me...one of the good days (especially considering I almost threw up this a.m. on pre-rounds because one of my patients was fecally incontinent ALL over their room).
the price is high in many ways, and SOME days it is totally worth it. don't jump in without knowing what you are getting into. compensation is dropping. if you are looking for money, look elsewhere... money is a HORRIBLE reason to be a doctor. look into being a CRNA -- seems like the most money for the least headache to me.

 

[chocomorsel]

Medicine is a sacrifice. It has cost me my relationship with my mother, lost friends, fiance is hanging in there but it has been tough. There are days when I think if I knew then what I know now I NEVER would have gone to medical school...but then there are really good days...like today... going on 15 hours on, much more to go but... a great case that I can't wait to find out what is going on with a patient (difficult case that has everyone scratching their heads) and the rest of my patients are awesome, sweet, happy to see me...one of the good days (especially considering I almost threw up this a.m. on pre-rounds because one of my patients was fecally incontinent ALL over their room).
the price is high in many ways, and SOME days it is totally worth it. don't jump in without knowing what you are getting into. compensation is dropping. if you are looking for money, look elsewhere... money is a HORRIBLE reason to be a doctor. look into being a CRNA -- seems like the most money for the least headache to me.

How much are you getting paid? Is it a nice six figure income at a job you like? Do you have time enough to spend with family, friends, and travel? If so, I would stay. I agree with the above post about money. There are definetly easier ways to make money and depending on what field you go into after medicine, you may not have much of a life. That's one of the reasons I'm going into psych, to have a life. But for the compensation I will get in psych, someone else in business or some other field is likely already getting that at my age without lost income and a huge debt, and I wont see that money till mid thirties. Wish I had liked something else besides medicine sometimes, when I think about all the crap I've been thru and what's coming. Anywho, whatever you decide, good luck.

 

[Tired Pigeon]

Sounds like you have a pretty good thing going on right now. Only go if you can't imagine finding fulfillment in any other career.

If you go to med school, there will be many days (and nights) when you feel beat up by the whole process and overwhelmed by how long it's going to take. The sacrifices really start adding up. Lest you think I'm some depressed med student, I actually love med school & am overall having a great time. But there's no denying that the sacrifices are considerable. When I think about everything that I have had to give up to be here (I, too, left a successful career), there is a lot of solace in feeling there's nothing else I'd rather be doing with my life.

 

[fang]

This isn't something I'd tell anyone unless they specifically asked, but since you did, here's my viewpoint:

Make sure your wife is heavily involved in this decision, and that you've talked about when/if you want a family. I'm single, no kids, with just a cat to worry about, and with my schedule I do sometimes worry about my cat. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer for those who choose to pursue medical school with significant outside commitments, so I'm definitely not saying it's wrong in all circumstances. A fair number of my classmates are married and/or have kids, a few are good friends, and I've watched what they go through. The best situation is that the husband or wife and/or kids have enough support and the med student manages time well enough so that it truely works and no one is bitter. The worst is that the med student/resident drags their family through a harrowing experience just for the carrot of the "MD" and personal fulfillment. In that case, I can't help but think they made a selfish decision-- prioritizing their own goals above what's better for the family. Somewhere in the middle are the people (to be fair, just one person I can think of in my class) who go through all the motions of med school doing as little as possible to pass so he/she can be around more for the kids-- that's not really an education imo.

So, if your wife is into this change (and not just agreeing with you to be supportive), great. If not and this will go against your goals as a couple, it's really not worth the pain. From my perspective, you have an excellent life with a good job and family/friends who love you and an optimistic future-- if I were in your shoes, I would be cautious and carefully consider how this decision will affect the balence of your life, not just the professional component.

Another point-- the novelty of medical school, being a doctor, treating patients, etc wears off about half way through the 3rd year. I think since I was going into this a little older -I'm 32- I was never all that idealistic, but whatever idealism I had is definitely gone. I'm a 4th year and am ultimately glad I made this decision, but it has been more stressful and taken a bigger toll on my personal life that I expected.

Good luck and I hope you are happy in whatever you decide.
Fang

 

[JoeSchmoe]

Don't make a decision based on the advice of people that you don't know posting on a forum, because you don't know what personal baggage is lying behind our words. With that being said, please carefully consider how much work and sacrifice you will make to attain this goal. I have said to myself many times in the past few years that I would give it all back to have a regular job and a regular schedule where I could support my family comfortably and be a part of their lives. I think that a lot of people get into med school and are so driven to "get that MD" that they end up putting a lot of other areas of their life on hold. It cost me a relationship with a great girl (see, there is my personal baggage) and now I am graduating with my MD this year and she has moved on with her life and is marrying someone else. I guess my point is, how bad do you want it? And the next question is, do you still think you will want it that bad when you have been up for 30 hours straight as a 3rd or 4th year med student? Also, the hardest realization for me was that life doesn't get easier as an attending. There is more responsibility, more papwerwork, more BS in general. Anyways, just carefully, carefully consider this decision. From the perspective of someone outside of medicine, being an MD seems really cool/exciting.... and it is, many times. But I don't see myself as being something great either. There are a lot of driven people in medicine and a high divorce rate.... many of the types of people medicine attracts are willing to sacrifice other areas of life... you have to decide where you fit.

Sorry to ramble and again, don't take my advice too seriously because you don't know me. Just try to get as many opinions as possible and make an informed decision.