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Should you give up friends from high school?

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by RUc10, Jun 14, 2008.

  1. RUc10

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    Anybody have to give up the people they hung out with in high school? Everytime I do end up hanging around them they always question/make fun of how much time I spend working or with school. They are the typical college kids who spend 95% of their time getting drunk and trying to find the next girl to get with on campus. I don't have a problem with that at all, especially since that's how I was freshman year, but for me to do well in school I have to be focused solely on that. I saw what happened when I "enjoyed" college my freshman year and now I'm stuck playing catch up with my g.p.a.

    So is it worth it to even associate with these kids that obviously aren't headed in the same direction as I am? I meet kids in classes now that are pretty cool, some pre-med students, and I don't have to feel awkward about dedicating most of my time to school and work because they do the same. I feel pretty gay saying it but I rather associate with people who find themselves studying over the weekend than people who make it a priority to be drunk Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and sometimes Sunday.
     
  2. RySerr21

    RySerr21 i aint kinda hot Im sauna
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    IMO you've got it all wrong. I have friends that study as much as I do, some that dont, some that drink every other day AND are still pre med (kind of amazing), etc. etc. i enjoy interacting with the different types of people. you dont need to study 24/7 and hate college to make it to med school. i'd try being more open to having friends outside your pre med bubble.
     
  3. RUc10

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    Do you think those friends that drink every other day are going to actually make it or are they going to be the ones that are waitlisted and don't get in? Plus, I really don't have time anymore. I work a lot because I don't want to have to take out loans and I have to pay for pretty much everything I do.

    And another thing is... It didn't start until this year but for some reason when I get drunk now I get a weird hangover for almost a week after that night. I can't think of anything in my diet that may have caused it to happen but it's pretty annoying because now after I drink I can't focus or see straight for the next 5 days after.
     
  4. Begaster

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    Who the hell cares if they make it?

    The only question you need to be asking is whether or not you have a fun time hanging out with them. If you do, keep hanging out with them. If you don't, then tell them to piss off.

    Mind you, I think you're being hugely judgmental, but that's your prerogative.
     
  5. RySerr21

    RySerr21 i aint kinda hot Im sauna
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    i'm not trying to say you have to be an alcoholic. i drink very rarely but i still have fun hangin out with my friends that do (i play rugby, so i have quite a few).

    as far as the people that drink and do drugs...you can't judge their chance of getting in to med school based ont he fact that they like to party. you think no one in med school drinks? you know nothing else about these people so its unfair to assume they are the ones being waitlisted/rejected. one of my rugby friends is a friken party-holic. when i found out he wanted to go to med school, my jaw dropped. but apparently he has **** together, so you never know. more power to him.
     
  6. RUc10

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    I'm not sure, but it seems like you would want to surround yourself with people that will increase your chance of attaining something, not harm it.

    I fully understand the partying and being focused thing. It's just that I can't. One of the friends I was referring to is a Poli Sci major at Penn. He does the same things all week... Drink and Party, study when you can, and he's also on their football team as well. Yet he still has a 3.2 g.p.a. Maybe it's my time management, maybe I'm just not smart enough to pull that off, but I know if I tried to do all those things that he does, especially at an ivy, I'd be flunking out.

    Maybe a better question would be how do you manage school/friends that have different interests without one affecting the other.
     
  7. nikeshp

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    this varies from person to person, so you cant just say that he does drugs and drinks every day so hes not going to get in.

    i know a kid who spends most of the day intoxicated (not by alcohol) and drinks almost every night, but this makes him one of the most amazing kids i know. he has a 4.0 double major in biochem and philosophy, just finished his sophomore year but he would have finished college next year if he hadnt majored in philosophy as well. also, he has various leadership positions and volunteer activities and awards. he is obviously an exception, but i still think it shows that you cant judge people if all you know is that they party a lot
     
  8. mednoob

    mednoob I ask noobish questions
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    theres no reason to completely detach urself from ur high school friends even if they do drink and party all the time. after all, they are ur friends. just dont follow their bad habits, but that doesnt mean that u should stop hanging out with them.

    and being premed is stressful, but theres no reason to study ALL the time. theres still plenty of time to do other things, just make sure that u focus when test time comes and for the MCAT.
     
  9. the donkey

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    Yeah dude (or girl, sorry don't know), I kinda know what ya mean. Some of my best friends in the world fit your description. But what they do has no effect on my actions or career aspirations. They gave me **** all the time for spending weekends in the books, but I could give a rats ass...it was what I wanted and had to do. As for that affecting our friendship...absolutely not. Theyve been my buddies for forever,and it would take a lot to change that. Everyone doesn't have the same priorities as you and I. Just appreciate that. There's a butt for every seat. Go out and have fun with them when you feel like it, and don't when you don't. And don't think twice when they give you **** for studying your ass off to become a badass doctor.

    I apologize to the mods and everyone else on the forum for my awful language, but i'm a little "under the weather" after chasing tuna and being eluded once again. :hardy:
     
    #9 the donkey, Jun 14, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2008
  10. RUc10

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    It's not even that I study all the time, it's that most of my free time is spent working. A lot of the other kids just take out loans because after they're done with their 4 years they'll be done so they aren't putting in hours like I am. But for me, intending to be in med school upon graduation, I can't just take out a loan for all my expenses now like it's no problem. So I work a decent amount and then when I'm not working I'm studying or sometimes relaxing.

    And you mentioned MCATs.. that's another reason I'm worried about it now. I'll be taking them next summer and during this academic year I'll be taking orgo, physics, and possibly Calc II in the fall. I really don't want any distractions, but it's difficult when you have people in your ear trying to get you to do other things.


    Haha thanks man I appreciate it. I don't want to completely detach myself but it seems like they think that me prioritizing work/school over hanging out is my way of saying they aren't my boys anymore.
     
  11. Somethingmore

    Somethingmore Inexperienced Sophomore
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    It would be nice if everyone was heading in the same direction as you, but unfortunately only a small percentage of the population become professinals like doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc. And I know how it feels to associate with people who aren't as a focused as you, and yes, it can potentially cause your grades to plummet. But I've realized that doctors have to talk to people with all different intellectual levels, values, and motives, and it's crucial to get along with everyone you can in order to be a successful doctor. So try and keep these HS friends you have... it'll be beneficial in the long run as long as YOU can keep your focus. Besides, I can imagine your HS friends looking down on you if they were to suddenly discover you've lost focus, because they probably regard you as being the 'smart one' and they respect you for that.
     
  12. LostLost

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    I don't get it OP.... if you feel like you are being singled out in a negative way and you don't enjoy the company of these friends... then don't hang out with them. But if you like hanging out with them, hang out with them simple as that.

    I don't think hanging out with studious pre-med will necessarily improve your chance. I mean you have study buddies, get drunk buddies, do nothing but chill buddies, coffee buddies, etc.

    A mix of friends is always good but if you don't enjoy the company of someone you just spend less time with them. It doesn't have to be this or that. You can still be friends but you just spend less time with them. I think it is a little radical to just say I am gonna cut them off.

    I have friends from high school who are now very different people. But we are still good buddies but we don't hang out all the time because we are kind of different. But they are still my friends. If they need something, i will help them out. They do likewise for me.

    In fact, I say have friends who aren't premed ... good to be exposed and socialize with different people.
     
  13. the donkey

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    I don't want to completely detach myself but it seems like they think that me prioritizing work/school over hanging out is my way of saying they aren't my boys anymore.[/QUOTE]

    Know what you mean. I just try to make an effort and hang whenever i can, that's all i can really do...feel bad, though, when i just feel like chillin after a hard stretch of gettin my ass kicked in school...
     
  14. MilkmanAl

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    This logic makes absolutely zero sense to me. If anything, you're the one who should be taking out loans, not them. They'll most likely be the ones making average salaries and doing an average amount of work in college. You're burdened with a pre-med workload (which really isn't that bad but is still far harder than your average poli sci course of study) and another 4 years of education that'll cost you a buttload of cash. I'm not advocating taking out loans for every single one of your expenses, but if you come out of undergrad with 20k in debt, what difference is that going to make against the 150k+ you'll incur during med school? I'd much rather have the time to relax and get my schoolwork out of the way than whittle down my undergrad tuiton at a $10/hr job (or even 20/hr).

    By the way, your friends probably just teasing you right now, but if you decide to withdraw, their comments will become more serious in a hurry. I know a few people who deliberately disconnected when they went to college, and now they're pariahs. You may have to make some sacrifices to get into med school, but I can't see why your personal life is even coming anywhere near the list of things that might get axed.
     
  15. lesubversif

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    I know almost exactly what you're talking about...same thing has been happening to me. I've ended up "cutting ties" with most of them because they are not really fun to be around any more, just because our interests have begun to differentiate...they are excited about drinking every weekend, I don't think it's that fun.

    But luckily I have plently of people who I do have fun with from my college, who live somewhat close to me...so it worked out well.

    Just ask/answer these questions: Do you have fun with them or no? Or,a re they legimately having a negative impact on your life?
     
  16. RUc10

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    Odd, many people give the opposite advice when it comes to taking out loans. Many people, especially those advising pre-med students seem to take the stance that you should try to accumulate as little debt as possible as an undergrad. I was actually considering taking out a loan to stay on campus so that I could talk to people more and actually ease the burden of commuting to have more time for school as well but student loan rates are ridiculous right now so all I can think about is "will I regret taking it easy a few years back?"

    Ehh. I understand you guys. I still feel like I'm not going to have time to balance everything, we'll see how it goes.
     
  17. nikeshp

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    lets try an make this simple. i will basically reiterate what someone has already said.

    if you enjoy hanging out with them, do it.
    if you feel they only make fun of you and you dont enjoy being around them, then dont.
    if you enjoy hanging out with them but it bothers you that they make fun of your studying, it happens man, friends joke around with each other.

    no one is stopping you from hanging out with your premed buddies from class as well as your high school friends.

    is there something i am missing? is it really more complicated than this?
     
  18. dienekes88

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    I think you got it.

    OP, don't surround yourself with pre-meds. It's bad for your health.
     
  19. DenaliView

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    It can be really difficult when your friends choose the path of partying and that is not where you want to be. It may really cut down on your frustration to spend less time with the heavy partiers and more time with people that have similar interests as you. It will also allow you to not need to explain why obtaining a hang over every weekend is not the best idea...(as if that really does need an explanation.....)

    I would caution you though not to only hang out with other pre-meds. Find friends with other similar interests as you such as music, sports, and the outdoors, whatever it might be and try to do more things with them also. Other pre-meds are great and can often relate but you need a variety of people in your life to help you stay balanced. And whatever you do, DO NOT forget about your friends for months at a time because you are busy studying. It is fine to take a week or two out prior to big tests and finals but if you go semesters at a time and not hang out, your friends will get new friends and you will find yourself very lonely.... and the pressures of getting really good scores can make this easier than you think.

     
  20. Begaster

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    How would they harm your chances? I'm not following. You don't have to take their advice or hang out with them when it's inconvenient for you.
     
  21. adamMD

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    If you're friends smoke pot and drink and drive every weekend I'd suggest finding new friends. My friends in college certainly drank every weekend which was actually a positive thing. It was nice to know I had something fun to do after studying all week. Of course there were weekends I did nothing but study immunology or physiology but that just comes with the job. Real friends should understand and respect that.
     
  22. bcat85

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    OP, I kind of understand where you are coming from. Actually, almost none of my friends from HS even went to college. However, I still hang out with them, and we still have a great time together, though not as often. My friends from HS drink a lot and party a lot, but I kind of think of it as a way to get away from the pre-med atmosphere that sits on my chest during the school year. Try to find a balance OP.
     
  23. rowerlauren

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    Why is it that your "high school" friends are the only ones you are talking about. In college you can be friends with people that go out 4 nights a week and the people that have never taken a drink in their life. I am friends with both of these types of people. In most of my classes I am around a lot of people that never go out, but the thing is that I do go out. When I go out a lot of my friends would be considered the partying people, they are just different types of friends. Do I necessarily like one group more than another, no... but I spend different types of time with each group. You can judge me for going out every weekend and getting drunk, but as long as it doesn't interfere with my respect for myself, my athletics and/or my academics I have no problem with it.

    If you don't enjoy hanging out with people that go out a lot, then don't. That's the simple answer, but don't judge those people who can manage to go out and still do well in school.
     
  24. QofQuimica

    QofQuimica Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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    OP, people frequently grow apart as they get older and develop new interests. It sounds like maybe this is happening with you and your high school friends, and you are finding that you have more in common with the new people you're meeting in college. That's a normal thing to have happen, but there's no reason to look at this as an either/or proposition. It's good to have lots of different friends, and you don't have to choose one set of friends over the other. You can hang out with your fun-loving high school friends when you have more time (i.e., over breaks or not right before a big exam!), and hang out with your more serious friends when you are in the middle of an intense time in school. :)
     
  25. RUc10

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    I'm thinking the same in a sense. I'm trying to do what I see now as important but they're still stuck on the type of stuff we did in high school. I think the big thing that's causing me to think about it is that I realize I'm different now but at the same time I wish I was in the same boat as them and didn't have to worry about working or getting As in every class.
     
  26. 194342

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    OP, I feel Q has answered this along my same thought. Also, some individuals like to have a large amount of friends with diverse interests while others might have a small amount of friends with interests similar to their own. I personally believe in the "hot poker*" principal but also realize such a principle is only needed for the weak minded. More power to whatever lets you be happy and achieve your dreams. :D

    *Hot poker principle is the idea that you only surround yourself with people who are driven towards like minded goals. If they are hot with passion it can help you as if it helps a poker heat up in hot coals.
     
  27. Gut Shot

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    High school? F high school. Find some other college students to hang with. This is one of the few times in your life when you can forge a significant number of lasting friendships - take advantage of it. Don't bypass a ton of cool, available, like-minded colleagues in favor of either your studies or a bunch of douches from... high school. High school? Really? High school? Jesus Christ, you won't even remember high school in a few years... and that's a good thing.
     
  28. Ella Shepherd

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    I think it's great that you're trying to focus on your studies and taking your future seriously. You don't need to listen to your high school friends. If they don't change for the better, you'll have the last laugh in the end.

    I also think that you would be better off with the people who understand you and with whom you can relate with. You don't necessarily have to totally give up your high school friends. It might be fun to unwind with them once in a while - but you don't have to spend as much time with them as you have before. Besides, if they really are your friends, they would understand and leave you to do what you have to do. You're not doing anything wrong anyway. :)

    Just keep focusing on your studies. Later on, they might realize that they have to do the same thing. It would be nice if you were with them at that time to support them.

    Do what you feel is the best thing to do. Good luck! :luck:
     
  29. Ella Shepherd

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    But the thing is, you're not in high school anymore. You need to be more serious now that you're in college. It's important to because you're preparing for your future. If you don't do the best you can, you'll regret it so much later. Someday, it will be them who'll be wishing they were like you.
     
  30. neurocirujano

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    Most friends are waaaaaaay overrated. Find a few close ones and stick with them.
     
  31. Law2Doc

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    The question is moot. Once you start getting busy with med school, you simply won't have time to spend much time with them. And definitely won't have much time to get drunk. And once they call you 4 or 5 times in a row and you can't go out with them because of various studying, they will stop calling. So yeah, you will drift apart naturally and you won't have to do anything to make it happen. Make med school your priority and hang out with whoever in your free time, which won't be as much time as you had in college. And everything will work itself out naturally. These guys will be off drinking and won't bother you because you never want to hang out anyhow. In a few years, when they have matured, perhaps you can work back into the fold. Happens to all med students. You don't get to stay in college mode forever. And you get off it much quicker on this path.
     
  32. LikeClockWork

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    Some people just grow up faster than others. Some people never grow up. It's no one's fault, so if you find yourself less fulfilled by being in their company, then don't be.

    Just try not to be a jerk about it so the old friends don't think you're a snob (though they may think that no matter what).
     
  33. admitER

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    :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
     
  34. VoiceofReason

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    pretty good posts in this thread. It's really a simple issue, if you feel like you don't really enjoy their company any more like you used to, then you're likely to drift away from them. You should try to be as unjudgmental as possible, and let things work out naturally.

    Also consider: it may not be that you dislike getting crunk all of a sudden, but rather that you just no longer enjoy the company. My excitement about going out with people to a bar really varies depending on who the group is. Bear witness to some of the truest words ever spoken: "It's not where you are but who you're with." Forsooth.
     
  35. MilkmanAl

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    I can't believe how many people are advocating ditching your friends in favor of schoolwork. If these are real friends, you'll stay just as close no matter what you do, as long as you make a minimal effort to keep in touch. I went to school 1000 miles from home, and I still hang out with many of the same people who were around when I was 14. Sure, you won't have the time to do much once med school rolls around, but how much time does a quick catch-up phone call take?

    Also, beware of eviscerating your support structure. I had the misfortune of staying an extra semester in college, and virtually all of my friends from college had graduated and gone elsewhere. Coping with the med school application process by yourself while simultaneously struggling to make new friends is not fun, let me tell you.
     
  36. Law2Doc

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    With a bunch of friends you hardly ever see, could take hours. You won't have this time to spare during a lot of med school. So you don't really have to dumpt your friends, you will drift apart naturally.
     
  37. MilkmanAl

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    It's hours spread over a month or so, though. I'd much rather sacrifice a half hour of studying per day (time for a very in-depth phone call) than lose touch with my friends.
     
  38. Law2Doc

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    You start out trying this. But then you just never get around to it -- too much to do, you miss a call here, forget to make one there. Or you just feel too burnt out to talk now and then. You'll see. Happens to most of us. Your real friends understand and catch up with you over the vacations. The high maintenance ones go by the wayside.
     

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