Significant other not taking post-secondary

[roxil250]

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[MiesVanDerMom]

So I'm going to be starting med school this fall and I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. My bf used to really want to go to university, but then decided for one reason or another that his current job is fine and there's no need for uni. He doesn't seem to particularly like his job and it doesn't pay overly well, but it does pay the bills.

Perhaps it shouldn't bother me that he may never get a post-secondary education, but it does. One of the things that attracted me to him was how passionate he was about his future, as I am about mine. Now he seems to be crapping out because the prospect of a 4 year degree seems too daunting. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

my sister was and it ended in divorce he wouldn't even get his driver's license... to you hon

 

[chaldobruin]

So I'm going to be starting med school this fall and I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. My bf used to really want to go to university, but then decided for one reason or another that his current job is fine and there's no need for uni. He doesn't seem to particularly like his job and it doesn't pay overly well, but it does pay the bills.

Perhaps it shouldn't bother me that he may never get a post-secondary education, but it does. One of the things that attracted me to him was how passionate he was about his future, as I am about mine. Now he seems to be crapping out because the prospect of a 4 year degree seems too daunting. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Hmm, tough situation here. Be careful not to judge someone by a degree or by education, as I know it is easy to do so. However, you are pursuing a higher degree, a degree that is one of the most if not THE most competitive to get. Your future is very important to you and education is your passion, otherwise you wouldn't be starting medical school.

I have a hard time envisioning someone with those aspirations being in a relationship with a guy who doesn't at least have a passion for learning and bettering himself. This doesn't necessarily mean a degree, but you know what I mean. If this guy is just all set up on a job that won't take him anywhere, and doesn't have higher dreams, that may be a problem. Then again who I am to judge?

 

[Schaden Freud]

Pick up a copy of "Class" by Paul Fussell for a comic perspective on why this arrangement will never work. You're intelligentsia, he's proletariat. Not gonna happen!

So I'm going to be starting med school this fall and I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. My bf used to really want to go to university, but then decided for one reason or another that his current job is fine and there's no need for uni. He doesn't seem to particularly like his job and it doesn't pay overly well, but it does pay the bills.

Perhaps it shouldn't bother me that he may never get a post-secondary education, but it does. One of the things that attracted me to him was how passionate he was about his future, as I am about mine. Now he seems to be crapping out because the prospect of a 4 year degree seems too daunting. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

 

[BlackBantie]

So I'm going to be starting med school this fall and I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. My bf used to really want to go to university, but then decided for one reason or another that his current job is fine and there's no need for uni. He doesn't seem to particularly like his job and it doesn't pay overly well, but it does pay the bills.

Perhaps it shouldn't bother me that he may never get a post-secondary education, but it does. One of the things that attracted me to him was how passionate he was about his future, as I am about mine. Now he seems to be crapping out because the prospect of a 4 year degree seems too daunting. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Ha yeah, I was. It didn't work out and now that I look back on it, I'm glad. He wouldn't even finish high school and I had to draw the line somewhere. I understood that not everyone is as motivated as I am, but his case was too extreme.

Some people want to be "power couples," others don't care. If you can tolerate his economic and educational position, then go for it. What worries me about your bf is that he's sticking with his current job even though he hates it. That could bite him in the butt later in life and if he decides to switch jobs, unfortunately his options will be extremely limited since he'll be without a degree. As we've all seen, money and job problems can take a toll on relationships.

Best of luck

 

[riceman04]

So I'm going to be starting med school this fall and I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. My bf used to really want to go to university, but then decided for one reason or another that his current job is fine and there's no need for uni. He doesn't seem to particularly like his job and it doesn't pay overly well, but it does pay the bills.

Perhaps it shouldn't bother me that he may never get a post-secondary education, but it does. One of the things that attracted me to him was how passionate he was about his future, as I am about mine. Now he seems to be crapping out because the prospect of a 4 year degree seems too daunting. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

are you from england?

 

[squareDR]

What worries me about your bf is that he's sticking with his current job even though he hates it. Best of luck

What worries me is that at some point in the future he will stay in the relationship without working at it or caring much about it even if he wanted to quit that. That may sound harsh but it is something that I would be concerned about. You want someone who is willing to work hard all through life to be happy, no matter what one is doing. Taking life as it comes is one thing. Laziness is quite another.

 

[kypdurron5]

So I'm going to be starting med school this fall and I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. My bf used to really want to go to university, but then decided for one reason or another that his current job is fine and there's no need for uni. He doesn't seem to particularly like his job and it doesn't pay overly well, but it does pay the bills.

Perhaps it shouldn't bother me that he may never get a post-secondary education, but it does. One of the things that attracted me to him was how passionate he was about his future, as I am about mine. Now he seems to be crapping out because the prospect of a 4 year degree seems too daunting. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

If ambition and drive are something you value in a significant other, then you should find someone who matches your interests. I am a guy, and I honestly don’t care whether my perfect girl (when I finally meet her) is a waitress at the local burger joint or a Ph.D. However, I know a lot of girls that have very traditional values, and feel that any men they date should be education/career driven, possess strong leadership qualities, and make the most money out of the two incomes. In the end there are all sorts of relationships that do work out despite drastic differences. Not all couples look the same, act the same, and “seem” like perfect matches. I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen skinny people married to overweight people, or short people married to tall people. If the traditional model is that a husband pursues the strongest career option while the wife pursues the family option, why can’t we have the reverse of that? The other thing you may want to ask yourself is whether or not you’ll be ok if he stops working altogether. There will likely be a time in the future when you’re making more than enough money to support your family; if he’s not very driven as far as careers and education go then he would have little incentive to continue working. Is that a possibility you’re ok with? While I don’t want a lazy wife, I would have no problem with my wife being a housewife (lol, I foresee the “soccer mom” model . Then again if she wants to be a successful doctor, lawyer, or businesswoman I’m ok with that as well. The truth is that it’s different for guys and girls though. You sound like someone who wants an ambitious man; there’s nothing wrong with that. If it irritates you now, think about how you’ll feel when you’re making all the money and he literally has no incentive to get up before noon.

Finally, one good thing about this dynamic is that you’re not going to be working during the next four years. In addition, you’ll be accumulating a massive amount of debt. While a significant other can’t “put you through medical school,” his income could still pay household bills until you’re done. I think this dynamic is almost necessary if you’re going to get married while in medical school. One person in school and one person working is the best way to pull resources; you’d be really taxed if you tried to both go to four year institutions at the same time. Don’t push him to do something he doesn’t want to do though. If he’s not the “college kind of guy” then he’s just not; you may wish he was, but instead you have to accept it and then decide what you’re going to do.

 

[Dr. Pepper]

If ambition and drive are something you value in a significant other, then you should find someone who matches your interests. I am a guy, and I honestly don’t care whether my perfect girl (when I finally meet her) is a waitress at the local burger joint or a Ph.D. However, I know a lot of girls that have very traditional values, and feel that any men they date should be education/career driven, possess strong leadership qualities, and make the most money out of the two incomes. In the end there are all sorts of relationships that do work out despite drastic differences. Not all couples look the same, act the same, and “seem” like perfect matches. I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen skinny people married to overweight people, or short people married to tall people. If the traditional model is that a husband pursues the strongest career option while the wife pursues the family option, why can’t we have the reverse of that? The other thing you may want to ask yourself is whether or not you’ll be ok if he stops working altogether. There will likely be a time in the future when you’re making more than enough money to support your family; if he’s not very driven as far as careers and education go then he would have little incentive to continue working. Is that a possibility you’re ok with? While I don’t want a lazy wife, I would have no problem with my wife being a housewife (lol, I foresee the “soccer mom” model . Then again if she wants to be a successful doctor, lawyer, or businesswoman I’m ok with that as well. The truth is that it’s different for guys and girls though. You sound like someone who wants an ambitious man; there’s nothing wrong with that. If it irritates you now, think about how you’ll feel when you’re making all the money and he literally has no incentive to get up before noon.

Finally, one good thing about this dynamic is that you’re not going to be working during the next four years. In addition, you’ll be accumulating a massive amount of debt. While a significant other can’t “put you through medical school,” his income could still pay household bills until you’re done. I think this dynamic is almost necessary if you’re going to get married while in medical school. One person in school and one person working is the best way to pull resources; you’d be really taxed if you tried to both go to four year institutions at the same time. Don’t push him to do something he doesn’t want to do though. If he’s not the “college kind of guy” then he’s just not; you may wish he was, but instead you have to accept it and then decide what you’re going to do.

Very good post....ahh, and I was in the mood for writing a thorough response. (My fingers were locked and loaded).

Best of luck to the OP,
-Dr. P.

 

[roxil250]

Appreciate the responses. Nope, not from England haha. I agree with you all - someone cannot be judged based on the amount of institutional education they have, since education comes in so many forms. But the person I'm with must have an ambition to learn throughout their life. Right now, I'm not sure if he has that.

Perhaps what puzzles me is that he works incredibly hard at his job. He doesn't hate the job itself, but the long hours he has to put in make it somewhat unpleasant. And this job isn't exactly a stepping stone to something amazing. He really is quite smart, and works hard at anything he decides to do... when he actually decides to do it. It seems like such a natural progression to me to go to post-secondary (I have a lot of difficulty understanding why he wouldn't). But maybe it's not in the cards for him, and I know I can't force that. *sigh*

 

[defrunner]

Appreciate the responses. Nope, not from England haha. I agree with you all - someone cannot be judged based on the amount of institutional education they have, since education comes in so many forms. But the person I'm with must have an ambition to learn throughout their life. Right now, I'm not sure if he has that.

Perhaps what puzzles me is that he works incredibly hard at his job. He doesn't hate the job itself, but the long hours he has to put in make it somewhat unpleasant. And this job isn't exactly a stepping stone to something amazing. He really is quite smart, and works hard at anything he decides to do... when he actually decides to do it. It seems like such a natural progression to me to go to post-secondary (I have a lot of difficulty understanding why he wouldn't). But maybe it's not in the cards for him, and I know I can't force that. *sigh*

Not to be a downer, but my experiences and from what various friends have told me throughout my life lead me to believe that this won't end well for you. Many women who are career-driven like you seem to be, that want a guy who has some kind of similar ambitions, will often get very frustrated at the perceived lack of progress and effort on the guy's part (especially if he wouldn't have done it without her prodding, so to speak). Women often make the mistake of thinking that they can change a guy, and what they see to be his faults, when they get in a relationship with him. Most of the time, it fails or if the guy is currently doing it to make her happy, it's only because he's doing it just to get laid. Either way, if it's not in his nature to do so, it will manifest itself sooner or later.

Whatever happens with you two, it sure sounds like this will become a major point that could make or break your relationship. It's already started and the more serious you two get, the more serious this problem will get as well. Many people say that opposites attract, and that's not really true. It's true that superficially, opposites attract especially for short-term things, but the main thing that keeps couples together is if they have similar interests at heart. If a man is content to be the breadwinner and the woman is content to be the soccer mom, then they won't really have problems. However, if the guy is the breadwinner and does not really want to have his girlfriend/wife be as successful as he is, let alone more successful, then it can cause problems. Conversely, a woman may be ambitious and educated and if she wants her boyfriend/husband to be at least as similarly motivated, she will have problems with him if he isn't doing that, especially if he is content to be a freeloader or work in a dead-end, predictable job for the rest of his life.

My point is, the best relationships come when two people fit naturally together. This doesn't sound like it right now and can be a major source of friction down the road if nothing is said or done about it. Just an objective point of view.

 

[kypdurron5]

Not to be a downer, but my experiences and from what various friends have told me throughout my life lead me to believe that this won't end well for you. Many women who are career-driven like you seem to be, that want a guy who has some kind of similar ambitions, will often get very frustrated at the perceived lack of progress and effort on the guy's part (especially if he wouldn't have done it without her prodding, so to speak). Women often make the mistake of thinking that they can change a guy, and what they see to be his faults, when they get in a relationship with him. Most of the time, it fails or if the guy is currently doing it to make her happy, it's only because he's doing it just to get laid. Either way, if it's not in his nature to do so, it will manifest itself sooner or later.

Whatever happens with you two, it sure sounds like this will become a major point that could make or break your relationship. It's already started and the more serious you two get, the more serious this problem will get as well. Many people say that opposites attract, and that's not really true. It's true that superficially, opposites attract especially for short-term things, but the main thing that keeps couples together is if they have similar interests at heart. If a man is content to be the breadwinner and the woman is content to be the soccer mom, then they won't really have problems. However, if the guy is the breadwinner and does not really want to have his girlfriend/wife be as successful as he is, let alone more successful, then it can cause problems. Conversely, a woman may be ambitious and educated and if she wants her boyfriend/husband to be at least as similarly motivated, she will have problems with him if he isn't doing that, especially if he is content to be a freeloader or work in a dead-end, predictable job for the rest of his life.

My point is, the best relationships come when two people fit naturally together. This doesn't sound like it right now and can be a major source of friction down the road if nothing is said or done about it. Just an objective point of view.

As a follow-up to this let me just say that you know whether this will work or not. The very fact that you've brought this issue to the forums means you're not ignoring it, that's very important; don't ever just brush it off as something "little that you'll work out."

What I failed to mention is that I was in a somewhat similar relationship for 2 years in high school. I wanted to finish college and go on to medical school; my girlfriend just wanted to get married NOW, start having children, and wanted me to do something like computer technology so I could start working. It got to the point where I was ready to do that for her, but I'm so glad we ended up breaking up instead. It was by far the most emotionally difficult experience of my life, but in the end I'm much better off for it. I knew all along that we just weren't a great match and that we were constantly pushing to make it work; as time went on we just became closer and it became that much more difficult to face a breakup. Presently, she got her wish with another guy, and I'm working towards mine. Just whatever you do don't ignore important issues like this. As difficult as it may be to face a breakup, it sounds like there must be someone better out there for you. In fact, my phone number is....lol, j/k >). The other problem I foresee is that your success may leave him feeling inadequate. While that may be a source of inspiration for him to do more with his life, it will likely just be a source of discontent he'll feel in the relationship. I can’t tell you whether it will end well or not, but as of this point all I can say is there must be a better match for you. If you were talking about how he combs his hair, that’s one thing. But what we’re talking about here is someone’s innate ambition and drive to succeed. There’s no changing that, and I think it’s one of the core parts of compatibility. Lol, I sound like the guy from Eharmony…but that’s not a bad idea; ask yourself whether it would have matched you two after both having taken lengthy personality tests including question one the personality you're looking for in someone else.

 

[doctoresse]

So I'm going to be starting med school this fall and I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. My bf used to really want to go to university, but then decided for one reason or another that his current job is fine and there's no need for uni. He doesn't seem to particularly like his job and it doesn't pay overly well, but it does pay the bills.

Perhaps it shouldn't bother me that he may never get a post-secondary education, but it does. One of the things that attracted me to him was how passionate he was about his future, as I am about mine. Now he seems to be crapping out because the prospect of a 4 year degree seems too daunting. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I understand your concern because it was mine couple of years ago. I always thought I wanted a guy with a post secondary education because we would be a more balanced couple and could relate...until I met my hubby. He never went to college but is as driven as I am in his own way. He started with a job he hated too, saved a lot of money and invested in real-estate, his real passion. Now he's doing good but always wants more and works hard at it.

That made me understand that what I really wanted was a very ambitious guy, not a guy who went to college ( I guess my only way of measuring ambition at the time). I'm happy I didn't just rule him out b/c of that, we're happily married now, we can relate to each other, have fun and have interesting conversations. I'm starting med school this fall and he's very supportive of that. He'll be supporting me financially (as he has been since we're together) and every other way during school. Once I'm done, he can concentrate in real-estate only while I'm the breadwinner .
I think you should pinpoint what really bothers you: if that's the lack of education, you can make it without it. But it seems to be his lack of passion, then that's different. Some people have it and some don't, you have to decide if you can stay with someone who doesn't.

 

[musiclink213]

It's not impossible for people with 2 diff. education levels to work out. My dad barely graduated high school, but my mom has a masters degree. They'll be celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary in September. And I wouldn't say my dad was particularly driven. He had his own store for about 20 years, but never raised his prices and so by then he had to close because he wasn't making enough to even pay the rent for the store, let alone our rent.

Although I guess you can say having your own store is ambitious, but the truth is, he couldn't stand working with his dad anymore. Since the only thing he knew was shoe repair, and make belts and bags, he had to open his own place because there aren't too many of them out looking for someone else, they're usually family places. So he rented a small place to get away from my grandpa.

 

[roxil250]

Now that I think about it I definitely want someone with the ambition, not necessarily the education. When I say I don't understand why he doesn't just do post-secondary, it's true, I don't. But that doesn't mean he has to do what I would do. I didn't begin dating him to try to change him. When we started dating, he was very interested in a particular field and then lost that interest about 6 months in, and never really found anything to replace it. I guess I'm hoping this is a blip, and that he'll find something he absolutely loves. And he's not OLD.. he's 24. Just because I know what I want to do with my life at this point, doesn't necessarily mean he has to.

I know I can't wait forever though. I feel like I've grown in a lot of ways over the past couple years and accomplished some great things, namely getting into med school. But he has stayed much the same. This is a difficult situation to approach. I'd love to be able to ask him "do you see yourself becoming really interested in something soon?" Bah, confusing.

 

[squareDR]

"do you see yourself becoming really interested in something soon?" Bah, confusing.

You probably already know the answer to this. You know him better than most people and most likely have a sense of what it is he wants out of life. So, what do you think the answer is?

 

[defrunner]

Oh, by the way, while all of this is good advice, it really shouldn't be a substitute for what you know in your heart. Don't let us tell you what to do. All we are doing is putting down in writing what you may or may not already know, based on an outsider's objective view of what we know of your situation.

You obviously need to talk to him about this immediately, because you wouldn't have started this thread and have kept responding if it didn't bother you. I didn't mean to imply in my original post that his lack of education was the bad thing; my mom (a PhD) remarried to a truck driver and she's never been happier. It does sound like he has a lack of ambition and is incompatible at heart with you; however, it is not fair to him that you are discussing all of this on a public forum (albeit anonymously) behind his back. I mean, as a guy myself, I wouldn't want a girlfriend talking about me behind my back, asking advice from friends, let alone strangers. I'd like to think that she can always come to me if there's a problem.

If you know in your heart that it may not work out in the end because this is too much of an issue to overcome, then it is best for both of you to make a clean break now before you get any deeper into this relationship. Otherwise, it'll be a few more wasted years and will lead to even more hurt, resentment and anger at the end.

 

[roxil250]

Oh, by the way, while all of this is good advice, it really shouldn't be a substitute for what you know in your heart. Don't let us tell you what to do. All we are doing is putting down in writing what you may or may not already know, based on an outsider's objective view of what we know of your situation.

You obviously need to talk to him about this immediately, because you wouldn't have started this thread and have kept responding if it didn't bother you. I didn't mean to imply in my original post that his lack of education was the bad thing; my mom (a PhD) remarried to a truck driver and she's never been happier. It does sound like he has a lack of ambition and is incompatible at heart with you; however, it is not fair to him that you are discussing all of this on a public forum (albeit anonymously) behind his back. I mean, as a guy myself, I wouldn't want a girlfriend talking about me behind my back, asking advice from friends, let alone strangers. I'd like to think that she can always come to me if there's a problem.

If you know in your heart that it may not work out in the end because this is too much of an issue to overcome, then it is best for both of you to make a clean break now before you get any deeper into this relationship. Otherwise, it'll be a few more wasted years and will lead to even more hurt, resentment and anger at the end.

I am absolutely not taking anything on this forum as advice on what I should do (nor am I asking for advice). I'm only interested in anyone else that has been in this situation, and how they felt about it. Of course I fully intend to speak with my boyfriend about this, but it's always interesting to listen to another's story.. especially, in this case, if that person is considering a similar career path.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

 

[jackieMD2007]

Hey hun,
Listen to your gut feeling, whatever it is. If you are feeling apprensive about this relationship and if it isn't exactly what you think you need right now, listen to that. Your intuition is better than you think--and it will help you make good decisions. Start using it now.

J

 

[TMP-SMX]

After two days of seeing the title of this thread I finally understood it.

And to you... Good luck! It's hard losing someone you love, but if you confront him with your desires and plans then it's better to get it out in the open before it causes more problems later. (You don't want a bad break up in med school)

 

[hanjoko]

If you know in your heart that it may not work out in the end because this is too much of an issue to overcome, then it is best for both of you to make a clean break now before you get any deeper into this relationship. Otherwise, it'll be a few more wasted years and will lead to even more hurt, resentment and anger at the end.

hm...I don't know if what I am going to say is related to the original situation, but here is a question for you.

How do you know that it MAY not work out in the end because it is too much of an issue to overcome? How does anyone know for sure that something will not work out? If you don't try and give all you have, how do you know 100% that this will not work out? I guess I understand that you might waste time if you stay on the current track, but at the same time, it MIGHT work out in the end, too.

I guess what I want to say is...you cannot just be afraid of what might happen in the future. I think it is fairly selfish for someone (not to you personally but from some of my personal experiences) to end the relationship "permaturely" just because there is some sort of obstacle that they need to deal with now. I think that as long as you are in a relationship, you need to try your best and see where it leads. If it ends badly, fine. At least you try your best to make it work. If it does not work out in the end, fine. At least you know for sure not to make the same mistake, if any. If he or she ends up hating you, fine. At least you are not the one who gives up until there is absolutely no way to keep the relationship alive.

What I have found irritating is when people say, "oh...we are breaking up now so that we won't hurt each other in the end when things turn sour." Shouldn't you keep trying until there is absolutely nothing you can do? AND, you have already hurt the other person when you are not even willing to try your best...just because you are afraid of what might happen in the future.

Sorry if this is totally irrelevent to what the current situation OP is in...

 

[TMP-SMX]

hm...I don't know if what I am going to say is related to the original situation, but here is a question for you.

How do you know that it MAY not work out in the end because it is too much of an issue to overcome? How does anyone know for sure that something will not work out? If you don't try and give all you have, how do you know 100% that this will not work out? I guess I understand that you might waste time if you stay on the current track, but at the same time, it MIGHT work out in the end, too.

I guess what I want to say is...you cannot just be afraid of what might happen in the future. I think it is fairly selfish for someone (not to you personally but from some of my personal experiences) to end the relationship "permaturely" just because there is some sort of obstacle that they need to deal with now. I think that as long as you are in a relationship, you need to try your best and see where it leads. If it ends badly, fine. At least you try your best to make it work. If it does not work out in the end, fine. At least you know for sure not to make the same mistake, if any. If he or she ends up hating you, fine. At least you are not the one who gives up until there is absolutely no way to keep the relationship alive.

What I have found irritating is when people say, "oh...we are breaking up now so that we won't hurt each other in the end when things turn sour." Shouldn't you keep trying until there is absolutely nothing you can do? AND, you have already hurt the other person when you are not even willing to try your best...just because you are afraid of what might happen in the future.

Sorry if this is totally irrelevent to what the current situation OP is in...

I think we all agree that communication is what is needed here.

 

[Haemulon]

I you two are living together, be mindful of any common law marraige laws in your state. It may end in him being entitled to a percentage of your future earnings if you break up after finishing medical school (if he can be seen as supporting you through your education, especially in a common-law marraige situation). If thats the case, be very very careful.

 

[notdeadyet]

the long hours he has to put in make it somewhat unpleasant.

Get ready for medicine.

 

[Callogician]

Once I'm done, he can concentrate in real-estate only while I'm the breadwinner

Wow!

I am very impressed by your powers of self-deception.

(Hint: by marrying someone who is financially strong while you are in school, you are marrying up in socioeconomic class)

 

[jackieMD2007]

Wow!

I am very impressed by your powers of self-deception.

(Hint: by marrying someone who is financially strong while you are in school, you are marrying up in socioeconomic class)

This message is brought to you by Callogician's School of Gold Digging and Approved by JackieMD.

 

[):(]

To the OP: you said education comes in many different forms or something along those lines. This may be true, however that does not mean you will be able to have a conversation with him about the potential of stem cell technology or the faults in our country's infrastructure, at least an educated conversation. He is not stupid, only lacking the education. A good school should raise your level of thinking. You may become annoyed with his ignorance or lack of understanding.

You sound like you're just graduating from high school and entering a university. Is that true? If so, then break up with him now so you are not bummed during school. When you get to university you will want to have fun and a restricting boyfriend may ruin some of it for you.

 

[Rafa]

You sound like you're just graduating from high school and entering a university. Is that true? If so, then break up with him now so you are not bummed during school. When you get to university you will want to have fun and a restricting boyfriend may ruin some of it for you.

Burn! She's entering med school, I believe. Still, I agree with the overall sentiments of this thread. To put it bluntly, if you resent him now, which your posts suggest you do, it's either going to get worse or better in the future. Things rarely get better by ignoring them. The way I see it, you've got three choices: dump him, talk to him, or learn to live with him. He has his own mind, and you have yours. You shouldn't expect him to conform to your idea of an ideal mate anymore than he should expect you to drop out of med school and join a traveling circus with him. It may not be easy, but eventually you're either going to have to move on, or learn to deal. Your choice, and good luck.

 

[jackieMD2007]

Burn! She's entering med school, I believe. Still, I agree with the overall sentiments of this thread. To put it bluntly, if you resent him now, which your posts suggest you do, it's either going to get worse or better in the future. Things rarely get better by ignoring them. The way I see it, you've got three choices: dump him, talk to him, or learn to live with him. He has his own mind, and you have yours. You shouldn't expect him to conform to your idea of an ideal mate anymore than he should expect you to drop out of med school and join a traveling circus with him. It may not be easy, but eventually you're either going to have to move on, or learn to deal. Your choice, and good luck.

You shouldn't have to "learn to live" with someone else. No no no no no. No again. No. The second point about expectations is good though.

 

[Rafa]

You shouldn't have to "learn to live" with someone else. No no no no no. No again. No. The second point about expectations is good though.

That's my point :^) Settling sucks, and isn't practical. But I listed her choices, and those are the basic three. Personally, I'd choose door 1 (dumping him) or door 2 (talking to him). But if she doesn't want to do either, she'll choose door 3 (staying with him, and secretly being angry with him). If she isn't satisfied now, unless she convinces him otherwise (or he changes her definition of an ideal husband), she isn't ever going to be satisfied inside.

 

[roxil250]

Get ready for medicine.

What? I am ready. I don't mind putting in the long hours for something I have a great passion for and want to do for the rest of my life. And not to mention will get paid very well for.
That's entirely different from the context I said that quote in. Putting in long hours in a job that only pays adequately and is not something you really care to pursue is entirely different.

 

[roxil250]

To the OP: you said education comes in many different forms or something along those lines. This may be true, however that does not mean you will be able to have a conversation with him about the potential of stem cell technology or the faults in our country's infrastructure, at least an educated conversation. He is not stupid, only lacking the education. A good school should raise your level of thinking. You may become annoyed with his ignorance or lack of understanding.

You sound like you're just graduating from high school and entering a university. Is that true? If so, then break up with him now so you are not bummed during school. When you get to university you will want to have fun and a restricting boyfriend may ruin some of it for you.

Actually I finished my undergraduate degree 3 years ago. I had a blast.
Dating the right person shouldn't ruin your fun during school. But this is really besides the point.

 

[jackieMD2007]

That's my point :^) Settling sucks, and isn't practical. But I listed her choices, and those are the basic three. Personally, I'd choose door 1 (dumping him) or door 2 (talking to him). But if she doesn't want to do either, she'll choose door 3 (staying with him, and secretly being angry with him). If she isn't satisfied now, unless she convinces him otherwise (or he changes her definition of an ideal husband), she isn't ever going to be satisfied inside.

Well, and you know what? You are right. I know why you gave the three, and you know why you gave the three. Maybe staying with this man and being resentful will be the best thing that happened to her. Some of us have to make bad choices before we understand what a good choice is.

 

[Callogician]

This message is brought to you by Callogician's School of Gold Digging and Approved by JackieMD.

I love how people are still responding as though level of education isn't a big fat red herring. If this guy won the lottery, she would accept his marriage proposal tommorow.

 

[jackieMD2007]

I love how people are still responding as though level of education isn't a big fat red herring. If this guy won the lottery, she would accept his marriage proposal tommorow.

I'm sorry, but I STILL wouldn't marry a rich man with a tiny dick. I'm not saying anything about OP's man in particular, I am just saying we have to get our priorities straight here:

sex>education>money

 

[doctoresse]

Wow!

I am very impressed by your powers of self-deception.

(Hint: by marrying someone who is financially strong while you are in school, you are marrying up in socioeconomic class)

I guess you are not in a relationship. you obviously don't get what I was trying to get at, at least the OP did. And that's all that matters.

 

[notdeadyet]

You shouldn't have to "learn to live" with someone else. No no no no no. No again. No.

I'd actually disagree with that. Learning to live with someone is what marraige or the equivalent is all about. Love's fine at first, but any relationship, if you stay in it long enough, is learning to live with the other person and all of the comprimise and work that comes with it.