Significant other vs where the best opportunity is

[WRT101]

Hi,
I am a MS3 in the early process of thinking about and planning for applying to residency programs. My significant other and I have been together for five years and we have been in school in different cities for half of it. Both of us have talked about how amazing it would be to live in the same place after I graduate. However,because of how things worked out with our education plans, the only way we can be together during my residency is if I go to where he is attending graduate school. I am currently at a top tier medical school with some really great potential opportunities beyond where my sig o is. I feel really torn because I cannot wait for when we do get to be on the same place but I also want to seek the best opportunity for my career. Has anyone been in those shoes? If so, how did you decide and what did you learn from the process?

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[edmadison]

If you even have to ask this question, it tells you a lot about your relationship.

-Ed

 

[AdmiralChz]

Some people do initially separate while the other person in the relationship finishes school. Trust me I know that's not ideal but maybe you could head to a program in an area where he could find a job afterwards?

 

[Dr.Acula1]

I was in this same position. Top 5 med school and better names for residency farther out, but I chose location. In the end you would be surprised how many places without big names have great fellowship match lists. It all depends whats more important to you. You can get great training at many places that arent necessarily top 10. I decided that the person I will marry is more important to me than prestige and I am also confident I will be trained well. Others dont feel this way but to each their own. I see myself having an academic future and it is more difficult without a big name but certainly not impossible. The doors are still open and I am more than okay with that. I can't say that it did not sting my pride a bit, but I knew long distance would not work for my relationship. If it can for you then go for it!

 

[mvenus929]

I've had several people in med school couples match and make different decisions. One gave up strong rsidency programs to go where her fiancé was at, one gave up his specialty to go to where his girlfriend matched, and several just tried to get close while not compromising their careers. This is really a personal decision and only you and your SO will be able to figure it out.

 

[Perrotfish]

Hi,
I am a MS3 in the early process of thinking about and planning for applying to residency programs. My significant other and I have been together for five years and we have been in school in different cities for half of it. Both of us have talked about how amazing it would be to live in the same place after I graduate. However,because of how things worked out with our education plans, the only way we can be together during my residency is if I go to where he is attending graduate school. I am currently at a top tier medical school with some really great potential opportunities beyond where my sig o is. I feel really torn because I cannot wait for when we do get to be on the same place but I also want to seek the best opportunity for my career. Has anyone been in those shoes? If so, how did you decide and what did you learn from the process?

Questions:

1) Has he proposed?

2) What residency are you going for?

3) Do you want a fellowship?

4) Do you want to move into academic medicine?

5) Is he in graduate school for something that's going to be portable, or is he in one of those fields that 'professor or bust'?

 

[Daveizzy]

I would watch Family Man with Nick Cage.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Boyfriend? ---> Maximize career potential without regard for location

Husband/Fiancé with set wedding date and planning underway ---> consider options near him but ONLY if there's no real opportunity for him to transfer and you accept that your career is less important than his. Sometimes that's what you have to do when you're married and there are children involved. It does not sound like this is your situation.

You need to have a grown-up conversation where The person with the least to lose is the one making the sacrifices.


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[QofQuimica]

Agree with WS. You guys have been dating for five years. Is he someone you want to spend your life with, or is he Mr. Right Now? If it's the latter, then do what's best for you and don't worry about his location. If it's the former, then you and he need to make some decisions regarding how to prioritize each of your careers and your relationship.

 

[IMPD]

Hi,
I am a MS3 in the early process of thinking about and planning for applying to residency programs. My significant other and I have been together for five years and we have been in school in different cities for half of it. Both of us have talked about how amazing it would be to live in the same place after I graduate. However,because of how things worked out with our education plans, the only way we can be together during my residency is if I go to where he is attending graduate school. I am currently at a top tier medical school with some really great potential opportunities beyond where my sig o is. I feel really torn because I cannot wait for when we do get to be on the same place but I also want to seek the best opportunity for my career. Has anyone been in those shoes? If so, how did you decide and what did you learn from the process?

The reason that relationships that matter DO matter is because we are willing sacrifice for them. We sacrifice our desire to be with others, we sacrifice our daily preferences in a 1000 smaller ways. Sacrifice for the Other is why marriage (and things like marriage) are praised and honored. It's frequently not pleasant or easy. I would guess that your feelings of being torn are because you (or your partner) are still ambivalent about the relationship, not the potential work impact. Good luck resolving that! Ambivalence is not a bad place to be, it is just painful. That pain is designed to motivate us to resolve it.

 

[doc05]

As others have said, it really depends upon personal factors that only YOU can answer.

What is your specialty choice?

And don't fool yourself into thinking that all residency programs are equivalent - there are a TON of bad programs, and training in a bad program will really hurt your career.