single mom...dad off playing war.. what do I do?

[CrystalLamae]

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So heres the deal.. i haven't posted here in a LONG time. Since the last time.. I got divorced.. moved back home to washington, and now am taking care of my 4 yr old and 2 yr old by myself while their father is deployed to Iraq. I am feeling a little down on the whole med school process. My gpa stinks, my mom died, my father died, i was stupid my freshmen year, I moved 3 times, and have attended 4 undergraduate schools due to all the times I have moved. But I want to go to med school so bad. But now I have to work full time, try to figure out school at nights.. (I need to find a babysitter since daycares are closed.. and dont know where to start looking for that..) I just feel like med schools are going to laugh at me.. when I do get around to applying.. lol..
what do I do??? I haven't even started taking teh hardcore classes.. like organ chem, and physics...
people around me are saying im crazy for talking about trying to go to med school with 2 kids.. and being a single mom.. but i want to do this. their father comes back next august.. and god only knows I won't be done by then hahaha.. so he will be aroudn to help a little.. and his mom is a god send.. and would take and does take the kids any time i need a break. only downfall.. i live in washington state.. she lives in florida.. lol.
ugh.. some help please!!!!!
will adcoms understand all the moving.. and the past bad grades. I have since had a HUGE uptrend... will that matter lol..

 

[MsEvolution]

Crystal,

It sounds like you've made up your mind and that's the first step! Once you do, nothing ANYONE says to discourage you should matter. Just plow on through.

I had very similar circumstances and I'm in my first year of med school. It took me a while to get here because of ALL of the obstacles I had to surpass, but the important thing is that I'm here. And I'm doing very well. And I LOVE my life.

I had a wildly successful application process and I chose the school that was perfect for me and my family.

Before I even got to the application process I overcame:

• divorce--TWICE
• raised three children on my own
• premed load and accompanying volunteer work
• part time work while I was in school
• cared for mother before she died of diabetic complications and cancer
• did that while working full time and raising same three kids

I also had 4 different colleges to list. Divorce came about the first time because I was married to a traditional latino man who didn't believe academic ambition was part and parcel of proper wifely conduct. I wasn't allowed to learn to drive. I wasn't allowed to go to school. I sneaked off here and there to try to attend courses at night while he was on the swing shift... both times he discovered me and I got into huge trouble. Second divorce... was extremely difficult. I loved him... infinitely. But although he cheered me on through the first 2-3 years of college, once I got closer to my goal, he pulled back. Said he couldn't follow me into this elite world of doctors. I tried to reason with him... he said he was threatened by my ambition and the prospect that I would end up making more $$ than him. He gave me a choice... the marriage or school. I divorced him.

Oh and by the way, I was also a teen mom... twice. Never finished high school. Had to do a high school proficiency test.

I was poor. Beyond belief. There was a time in my life I actually had to live in homeless shelters with my kids for about 4 or 5 months. I was working and pregnant--ill almost every day with worry. My ex couldn't find a job.

Let me tell ya... if I was able to dig myself out of all of that and get to med school, you can too! Even when the current circumstances don't allow you to APPLY to med school, you can always do *something* to pave the way for that day. I had to take an 8 year hiatus after graduating from college, just to get my family back on financial footing. While I cared for my mom, I knew there was just no way with everything on my plate that I could apply to med school... but I could do something else... I started buying rental properties. After my mom's passing, those rental properties allowed me to apply to a number of schools that was only limited by my choice (not by financial reasons). It paid for my interview trips, my secondaries, etc. And it's paying now for our expenses not covered by school loans designed for single people, not families.

Don't ask yourself and other people "can I?" Instead ask, "help me focus my energies in the most efficient way possible."

The University of Washington (I graduated from there with a degree in Anthro, and I went to Green River CC before that) will give you a separate grant just to cover your day care and they have a wonderful facility on Sandpoint right next to their family housing there. Get into the UW! You can live in family housing. I know you're thinking you won't make it without work. Call them up and talk to financial aid! You'll be surprised, if you do that math... that if you take a pt job, you can go to school full time and live close to campus on family housing. Call them! 206-543-2100. There will be plenty of opportunities for part time work through the college and I found one that I could do at home (transcribing for an english professor).

Work your way through all of the things you need to do to get here. If your husband was holding you back, thank him for getting out of the way and rev yourself up with all the energy you need to make what YOU want to make out of your life.

If you need any help or have any questions, pm me.

You can do this! Start making the phone calls... do your homework. Figure out how you can do this without having to depend on anyone. I wish you every success!

Oh, one last thing... schools will LOVE you when you get to the application process. I was very worried, just like you that schools would look down at my fragmented academic career. But they knew the obstacle course I went through and they actually admired the determination. So much so that I'm here on scholarship now. What you think is your downfall, you can turn into your strength.

Best, best, best of luck. Please keep us up to date.

 

[dynx]

Why don't you put all that effort into raising your kids?

 

[USArmyDoc]

I doubt he is off playing war. Lets have respect for our soldiers even if they happen to be your ex!

 

[PreMedMommy]

Why don't you put all that effort into raising your kids?

Listen to MsEvolution and ignore this idiot. Dynx, I swear this is the rudest thing i have ever heard anyone say, and I seriously hope you were just kidding and this is simply a misinterpretation b/c of no body language.

 

[Gavanshir]

I do feel sorry for the kids.

 

[CoffeeCat]

Great post MsEvolution, very inspiring!

 

[cfdavid]

I doubt he is off playing war. Lets have respect for our soldiers even if they happen to be your ex!

Ditto.

 

[gravy4thebrain]

Crystal,
Good luck with medical school- thankfully you live in Washington state which will work hard to accomodate you. I think your background will be a valuable contribution to the profession. Don't let the negative posts discourage you- once you complete this process (pre-reqs, applying, interviews, etc) the admission committees will respect how difficult it was for you.

Hey dynx- let me prepare you for your medical school interviews, what was the most difficult decision you have ever made and what will you contribute to medicine? Guess what- your answer won't be as compelling as the OP.

 

[MsEvolution]

Another benefit of being in school vs. working full time in terms of time with your kids. You can realistically arrange your class schedule so you're only gone 3-4 hours a day. That's less than 1/2 the time you're away from your kids when you're working full time.

I know sometimes there is no choice, but if time with the kids would happen to be one of the factors keeping you undecided... realize you'll spend more time with your kids when you're in school, than when you work full time. Even now, in med school, I drive my kids to school every morning (something I couldn't do when I was working since I had to leave before they did)... and I'm out in time to pick them up about 2 times (sometimes 3) a week. The other days I'm usually home by 4 pm.

Good luck and just keep your eyes on the goal. The universe will conspire to help you achieve it.

 

[dynx]

lotta anger in here, im guessing its guilt. Anyway, sure in the first TWO years on medical school MS evolution is right. You can spend a lot of time with your kids. But lets back the clock up to a single mom going to school at night and working all day, where's the quality time there? Hope they like grandma.

As Chris rock says "if a kid call his grandma mama and his mom Pam, he's going to jail"

Now two easy years, relative, with minimal income, saving for future tuition? don't even think about it, instead bury yourself in debt, don't worry about your kids, this is YOUR dream.

Third year = Mommy who? Oh yeah.

Fourth year, relative ease again, BUT! uh oh, match process comes along, kids, pack your ****...time to move, don't worry you'll make new friends remember this is about MOM.

Residency? Hope you match next to grandma so at least they will have some consistancy in thier lives. Else its on thier own if they are old enough, day care or the current rotate through BF.

Forgive me for not being more idealistic....But don't worry it WILL indeed make a great essay or a movie of the month, we all know how realistic those are.

 

[dynx]

Another benefit of being in school vs. working full time in terms of time with your kids. You can realistically arrange your class schedule so you're only gone 3-4 hours a day. That's less than 1/2 the time you're away from your kids when you're working full time.

I know sometimes there is no choice, but if time with the kids would happen to be one of the factors keeping you undecided... realize you'll spend more time with your kids when you're in school, than when you work full time. Even now, in med school, I drive my kids to school every morning (something I couldn't do when I was working since I had to leave before they did)... and I'm out in time to pick them up about 2 times (sometimes 3) a week. The other days I'm usually home by 4 pm.

Third year must still loom on the horrizon.

Good luck and just keep your eyes on the goal. The universe will conspire to help you achieve it.

This seems like sound reasoning for making decisions. Cost-benefit analysis? Na, putting my faith in the universe conspiring. Good luck with that.

 

[Pretty POHA]

Wow, this is a powerful thread-- I'm moved by it in so many ways!
DNYX: You sound very angry, and it appears you're motivated to crushing other people's dreams, perhaps because you fear competition, or maybe because you dislike yourself and despise other people taking responsibility for their lives and situations and trying to create something better for themselves.

MsEvolution: You are an inspiration! You're SO encouraging and you give me faith that this world isn't full of only a-holes looking out for themselves and trying to put down anyone that makes them feel threatened! You have truly embraced your odds and succeeded tenfold. Woman, oh, woman, you are awesome! You have offered me a model of conquering fear, obstacles, and discouragement. Thank you for your post! I wish you the best in your future, and know that you WON'T just leave it to luck. Way to create your own existence!!!

CrystalLamae: You have been given everything you need to overcome the things that hold you back. It is up to you to really take control of the situation and do what you know is best! Only YOU can make the best decision for yourself, and it sounds like you're really working towards figuring out what will work best for you and your children! I haven't done too much research on being a single mom and going to school (because I'm not a mom at all), but I know that there are many grants available for single moms. I'm certain that if you search for scholarships and stuff like that, you'll find the financial means to go to school and pay for living expenses. You may consider having a live-in nanny-- you pay for her living expenses (you already need a roof over your head and will already be paying for food, etc.), and in return, she helps you out with the kids. This would be a perfect situation for another motivated student! Where there is a will, there is a way. Stay focused on your goal. You already know that a doctor's salary will better provide for your kids than other, less-educated jobs. Go for it!!

 

[red dot]

dude, you are awesome for having gone through all of that! not a lot of people could handle all that and still wanna go to med school. when you apply, apply disadvantaged. you were definitely at a disadvantage there.

also, start fresh/new NOW. so when you are applying you can say that all of that was in the past, in a nice neat package, and you have it all handled now. you can work all of that into your advantage when you show that you've juggled many adversities and came through -- showing that you'd make an awesome doctor because doctors are always multitasking anyway.

as for daycare: know any high schoolers? in high school i did a good job of watching my teachers'/principal's kids for 20 bucks a night. just make sure they're responsible teenagers who also know cpr. 🙂 your kids won't love you any less and it won't mean that you're not a good mom for having someone else watch them. you're paving a better future for them, as well as yourself

 

[CTSballer11]

I doubt he is off playing war. Lets have respect for our soldiers even if they happen to be your ex!

That is what was I was going to say

 

[USArmyDoc]

I say go for it! You can do it. Start fresh and work hard. It can/will be done. Good Luck!! 😉

 

[USArmyDoc]

On second note, any reason why you made the comment "off playing war?" It is so disrespectful. Sorry, didn't sit right with me.. playing.... 😕 😡

 

[DeterminedMD]

lotta anger in here, im guessing its guilt. Anyway, sure in the first TWO years on medical school MS evolution is right. You can spend a lot of time with your kids. But lets back the clock up to a single mom going to school at night and working all day, where's the quality time there? Hope they like grandma.

As Chris rock says "if a kid call his grandma mama and his mom Pam, he's going to jail"

Now two easy years, relative, with minimal income, saving for future tuition? don't even think about it, instead bury yourself in debt, don't worry about your kids, this is YOUR dream.

Third year = Mommy who? Oh yeah.

Fourth year, relative ease again, BUT! uh oh, match process comes along, kids, pack your ****...time to move, don't worry you'll make new friends remember this is about MOM.

Residency? Hope you match next to grandma so at least they will have some consistancy in thier lives. Else its on thier own if they are old enough, day care or the current rotate through BF.

Forgive me for not being more idealistic....But don't worry it WILL indeed make a great essay or a movie of the month, we all know how realistic those are.

Yes...I agree the process is longand hard and time consuming. But that does NOT mean she cant be there for her kids too. Dynx if you cant be positive or have anything useful to contributethen why say anything? I know of people in medical school who have kids and they are both doing well and seem to be able to spend time with their kids. They treat medical school like a job and study from 9-5 and spend the rest of the time with their kids. Hard work, yes. But I am sure you can find a way to do it.

If you really want to get into medical school...I say go for it. Prove everyone wrong =) I agree with Ms Evolution that adcoms will se your dedication and strong will. Just do whatever it is you really want.

 

[1Path]

I had very similar circumstances and I'm in my first year of med school. It took me a while to get here because of ALL of the obstacles I had to surpass, but the important thing is that I'm here. And I'm doing very well. And I LOVE my life.

You go girl!!!! 👍

 

[indo]

After getting a divorce, why would anyone ever want to try out marriage again?

 

[dynx]

Yes...I agree the process is longand hard and time consuming. But that does NOT mean she cant be there for her kids too. Dynx if you cant be positive or have anything useful to contributethen why say anything? I know of people in medical school who have kids and they are both doing well and seem to be able to spend time with their kids. They treat medical school like a job and study from 9-5 and spend the rest of the time with their kids. Hard work, yes. But I am sure you can find a way to do it.

If you really want to get into medical school...I say go for it. Prove everyone wrong =) I agree with Ms Evolution that adcoms will se your dedication and strong will. Just do whatever it is you really want.

Im presenting the opposite side, if you have issues with it look inward, maybe it's your problem.
I know people in med school with kids too...they're called married people.

 

[Slide]

Even though Dynx is being extremely harsh, he does provide valid points. My thoughts on this are:

It's great that you are extremely devoted to head to med school. However, you need to ask yourself if you really really want to go to med school. I highly doubt you'll have trouble getting into med school, especially if you have a good upward trend. The real problem delves into your life. Med school requires lots of time and sacrifice. There's also another full-time job that requires the same thing, but isn't as glamorous, nor will it get you a high salary; being a good single mom. My mother sacrificed her career prospects in order to make sure my brother and I were raised with the best of care, and even then she had trouble. However, I am thankful for her doing so, because if it weren't for that, I would have never been able to get where I am now.

You already know that getting into med school is tough. However, it doesn't get better when you get into med school. Unfortunately, med school is largely designed towards single childless or married students. Expect to accumulate at least 100k in debt just from med school, and to be forced to sacrifice many nights of sleep just to balance everything. Plus, if you're raising children by yourself, expect to accumulate more debt; the average cost of a child from birth to 18 is 100K, and is rising due to inflation. When residency comes around, there will be times where you will not be with your children for prolonged amounts of time. That means that you may not be there for your children when they need you most. There was a post earlier showing an article that one of the reasons med students become depressed is that they often can't be there immediately for family (imagine how bad it must be for a med student if he, already burdened by debt, learns that his parents have cancer, or is nearing death, yet they can't go immediately to their side because med school says no). Maybe you have different priorities, but for me, if I had children, they would be my #1 priority. They, not my gains or my goals, would come first, because I know that it is my sole responsibility to make sure they can do well in the real world and to see that they do not go through the pains and hardships I did.

So, in short, even though you'll get into med school without a problem, you need to decide whether you are doing it for the right reasons, and whether you truly want to do it. The field of medicine is hard, and can later become unforgiving, so sacrifice of unprecendented measures may arise. There's no doubt your children will be caught up in the crossfire, so you need to measure that into account before you decide to apply to med school.

 

[CrystalLamae]

ok sorry about that comment.. it is a joke between him and I.. and we always use that phrase... and yes i do respect that man more then anything.. even though we are ex's we are great friends.. and he is in the medical field in the army.. hes a PA. I know hes not off "playing" and I have tons of respect for what hes doing.. its just been a phrase that him and I use along with a few of our friends. Sorry if it offended anyone.

On second note, any reason why you made the comment "off playing war?" It is so disrespectful. Sorry, didn't sit right with me.. playing.... 😕 😡

 

[etudiante04]

I cannot believe that some people have the nerve to be so negative!

To the OP and the mother currently in medical school - I am so inspired by your experiences. Continue to follow your dreams. If you are happy with your career path, it will reflect as you interact with your kids. No child wants a mother who is grumpy and resentful all the time, wishing she had followed one goal or another. As you realize your dreams, your kids will develop big dreams too. And they will be grateful.

Its good to know that the adcoms look for those who have overcome obstacles. Such people are mature; they are a great addition to the medical profession. These are people of character.

 

[CrystalLamae]

Okay.. first I respect the fact that Dynx can be so blunt. I respect people who speak their mind wihtout caring what others think. But with that said.. let me decide how I raise my kids. My kids are loved for, they are well taken care of.. and they lack for nothing. I believe that my determination will later be shown to my kids.. and it will just prove to them.. that you can do anything that you put your mind to. I put all my energy into raising my kids.. and I want to give them the world.
Being a Dr. is something I have wnated to do for years... so let me live my dream.
I do know that it isn't going to be easy. There will be long hours.. there will be times I wish I could be with my kids more.. but I do what I have to do..
Thank you everyone for hte kind words.. and inspirations.. and to MsEvolution.. thank you for sharing your story. You have no idea how much that inspires me.. 🙂 That is something that I needed to read.. 🙂
again thank you everyone.. 🙂

 

[Jon Davis]

If you're gung ho about becoming a doc, theres no need to post here. No one here will give you the answers you're looking for. Do what you want to do. (Anecdotes are one thing, answers are another.)

 

[USArmyDoc]

ok sorry about that comment.. it is a joke between him and I.. and we always use that phrase... and yes i do respect that man more then anything.. even though we are ex's we are great friends.. and he is in the medical field in the army.. hes a PA. I know hes not off "playing" and I have tons of respect for what hes doing.. its just been a phrase that him and I use along with a few of our friends. Sorry if it offended anyone.

I apologize myself. Good luck on your endeavors I know you can do it!! 😉

 

[madi]

Hi CrystalLamae,

I have so much respect for you for pursuing this goal. I wanted to share with you a story: just a little story, no guarantee of anything, but perhaps proof that nothing is impossible.

My college roommate's mother moved to San Francisco from Iran during the Revolution in 1979. She fled with the man she had married in Tehran, who disrespected her and treated her horribly. Almost immediately upon arriving in SF she divorced the man and gave birth to the girl who would someday become my roommate. Almost immediately after that she started, resolute, to pursue a PhD. With almost no money, no family, and no experience with American life, she managed to find a way to raise a child and pursue her career. Eventually she remarried, this time to an amazing man, and built a successful practice as a psychologist. My roommate, a successful and intelligent woman with huge dreams of her own, tells me the story of her mother's experience with incredible admiration, the same way I speak of admiration when I talk about my mother, who worked full-time to help support my brother and I as we were growing up.

While our experiences cannot serve as a predictor of anyone else's journey, they give me confidence to say that your determination and your dreams will serve as an inspiration to your children, not a detriment to their growth. Good-luck to you as you endeavor to succeed on this path.

 

[CrystalLamae]

I apologize myself. Good luck on your endeavors I know you can do it!! 😉

thank you.. 🙂 good luck to you to.. 🙂

 

[Flopotomist]

I wish you tons of luck as this course is challenging enough without all the added challenges that you face. I would also like to point out that there are a few alternatives to becoming an MD that might appeal to you in your current situation. Have you considered the NP, or PA route? The schooling is a LOT shorter (cheaper) which would give you more time with your kids, and put you in the job market faster. PLUS - in many fields, the PAs do the same thing for the most part that the MDs do. Just an idea. Good luck!

 

[MsEvolution]

your determination and your dreams will serve as an inspiration to your children, not a detriment to their growth.

Hear, hear. I now have a 20 year old that is holding her own with a 4.0 GPA in her second year of college. My 16 year old is doing great in his Junior year of HS and planning an exchange program to Japan this next year. My 11 year old is a star student at her Junior High. Straight A's and she's a very compassionate and caring person.

When my kids speak of me, the glow with pride. They know that what we've been through, we've done together. Time I spent at work is equivalent or less than the time I spend at school. Time issue aside, they've grown up understanding that you work HARD to realize your dreams. That it's important to be productive, honest and hardworking. They know not to expect anything to be handed to them.

Things can go both ways whether you devote yourself solely to raising your kids or not. I've also seen kids that are lucky enough to have it all... married parents with solid financial backing, a parent dedicated to raising them full time, etc... and the kids expect everything to be done for them and have very little sense autonomy or self-discipline. I know not all of them are this way, but I guess what I'm saying is, you can't generalize. Kids can have a parent who struggles to get ahead and make a living and yes... STILL feel that their parent loves them, STILL do well (amazingly well in the case of my three), STILL glean some value, some meaning from the experiences they have with a parent who shows them what hard work and determination are capable of acheiving.

Good luck, Crystal! Don't hesitate to PM me if you have any questions. I'm from WA, too and I can give you some ideas regarding different resources in the area.

 

[dynx]

Okay.. first I respect the fact that Dynx can be so blunt. I respect people who speak their mind wihtout caring what others think. But with that said.. let me decide how I raise my kids. My kids are loved for, they are well taken care of.. and they lack for nothing. I believe that my determination will later be shown to my kids.. and it will just prove to them.. that you can do anything that you put your mind to. I put all my energy into raising my kids.. and I want to give them the world.
Being a Dr. is something I have wnated to do for years... so let me live my dream.
I do know that it isn't going to be easy. There will be long hours.. there will be times I wish I could be with my kids more.. but I do what I have to do..
Thank you everyone for hte kind words.. and inspirations.. and to MsEvolution.. thank you for sharing your story. You have no idea how much that inspires me.. 🙂 That is something that I needed to read.. 🙂
again thank you everyone.. 🙂

Contrary to what people on here think Im not trying to crush your dreams. If what Im saying strikes you as total lunacy then I suspect it should roll off your back, the ravings of some jack-ass that doesn't know what he's talking about. But seriously were you looking for such sage words as:
-"the universe will conspire to support you"
and
-"you go girl"?
WTF is that? The fact is that medical school, despite what some first-year tells you, requires TIME. during third year and residency you WILL NOT BE SEEING YOUR KID EVERY DAY! You will not dirve them to school when you're on your internal medicine rotation and you have to be there 6 days a week at 5am to pre-round on your patients.
When you match you WILL be changing locations and your kids will be changing schools.
I can't tell you how to raise your kids, but I wouldnt do that to mine. But you should at least think about those things. I don't want you to hit third year thinking you're gonna skate through school kissing your kids good morning and good night and realize it was all BS but nobody had the balls to tell you. Make the decisions for yourself but make it with all the info possible.

 

[cfdavid]

Contrary to what people on here think Im not trying to crush your dreams. If what Im saying strikes you as total lunacy then I suspect it should roll off your back, the ravings of some jack-ass that doesn't know what he's talking about. But seriously were you looking for such sage words as:
-"the universe will conspire to support you"
and
-"you go girl"?
WTF is that? The fact is that medical school, despite what some first-year tells you, requires TIME. during third year and residency you WILL NOT BE SEEING YOUR KID EVERY DAY! You will not dirve them to school when you're on your internal medicine rotation and you have to be there 6 days a week at 5am to pre-round on your patients.
When you match you WILL be changing locations and your kids will be changing schools.
I can't tell you how to raise your kids, but I wouldnt do that to mine. But you should at least think about those things. I don't want you to hit third year thinking you're gonna skate through school kissing your kids good morning and good night and realize it was all BS but nobody had the balls to tell you. Make the decisions for yourself but make it with all the info possible.

The jokes on you. You're not alone though. There are many "black and whiters" out there.

 

[dynx]

The jokes on you. You're not alone though. There are many "black and whiters" out there.

yeah, we're the ones killing the curve...we love you "non-trads" though, leftward skew and all.

 

[Rendar5]

SMP sounds like it makes you a non-trad too.

 

[1Path]

SMP sounds like it makes you a non-trad too.

Or an unqualified trad! 😉

 

[Obedeli]

So heres the deal.. i haven't posted here in a LONG time. Since the last time.. I got divorced.. moved back home to washington, and now am taking care of my 4 yr old and 2 yr old by myself while their father is deployed to Iraq. I am feeling a little down on the whole med school process. My gpa stinks, my mom died, my father died, i was stupid my freshmen year, I moved 3 times, and have attended 4 undergraduate schools due to all the times I have moved. But I want to go to med school so bad. But now I have to work full time, try to figure out school at nights.. (I need to find a babysitter since daycares are closed.. and dont know where to start looking for that..) I just feel like med schools are going to laugh at me.. when I do get around to applying.. lol..
what do I do??? I haven't even started taking teh hardcore classes.. like organ chem, and physics...
people around me are saying im crazy for talking about trying to go to med school with 2 kids.. and being a single mom.. but i want to do this. their father comes back next august.. and god only knows I won't be done by then hahaha.. so he will be aroudn to help a little.. and his mom is a god send.. and would take and does take the kids any time i need a break. only downfall.. i live in washington state.. she lives in florida.. lol.
ugh.. some help please!!!!!
will adcoms understand all the moving.. and the past bad grades. I have since had a HUGE uptrend... will that matter lol..

Going through my intern year currently, I have a new perspective on this career. Most specialties truly suck and require massive amounts of time away from your family and carry an infinite amount of personal liability. I remembered being in your shoes (all the pre-allos) and thinking "I just want to get in” but after you get in, you realize quickly, the fight has just started. You are now in competition with your classmates for choice specialties. If you squeak into medical school, you may end up squeaking into some low competitive fields like family medicine or pathology. FOR ME, to go through medical school and end up in family medicine, not by choice but because of my grades, would be a horrible academic fate. All the surgical specialties require greater than 100 hour per week schedules (yes they ignore the 80 hour rule) and I have friends who fall to sleep in their dinner while eating with their families. This does not change a whole lot out of residency either. You have a practice to run and malpractice/overhead/salary to pay for. The primary care specialties all carry tough residencies and plenty of call, even after residency. Also, even when you are home enjoying your family, there are patients at the hospital that carry your name and your beeper number. If something happens, you are responsible.
The only specialties to me, which can be conducive for a family are: radiology (mine), anesthesiology (tough residency), ER, dermatology, radiation oncology. Keep in mind, derm and rad onc are insanely competitive and any "problem" semesters can end up ruling these specialties out. For me, thank GOD there was radiology; otherwise medical school would have been a huge mistake for me. I don't know, I may be a bit jaded but it is important to know that medicine is not the only career in the world and it certainly is not anywhere near as a glamorous as TV makes it out to be.

Oh and one more thing. Some of the male residents I know don't see their kids for weeks at time because they get up so early and are home SOOOO freaking late.

Remember, medical school is just the first step. The larger and perhaps most difficult step is figuring out what you want to do and will your grades IN MEDICAL school allow it.

Also, I saw that others already mentioned something about "playing war." Having been in the service and currenly with one family member over there, she is my 22 year old cousin, I can assure you it is real war. Having rounds fly over your head and seeing your comrads lose limbs is not playing. People are dying and are in a constant threat of losing their life everyday. I realize you were trying to be insensitive which is really incomprehensible. Sheesh, don't let your focus on your life's ambitions cause you to forget others.

 

[1Path]

The only specialties to me, which can be conducive for a family are: radiology (mine), anesthesiology (tough residency), ER, dermatology, radiation oncology. .

Don't forget pathology!

Also, I saw that others already mentioned something about "playing war." Having been in the service and currenly with one family member over there, she is my 22 year old cousin, I can assure you it is real war.

With all due respect as the daughter of a vietnam vet, the wife of a former Naval Officer, and as a person who would LOVE for the Navy to ignore my asthma and let me in, I think many of you are taking the OP's words a bit too personal. Yes, there are better ways she could have worded her topic, but I'm sure there's a good reason she didn't, which probably doesn't have anything to do with "disrespecting" our troops.

I think a can of "lighten up" could do us all a lot of good. 👍

 

[Doctor Bagel]

Don't forget pathology!



With all due respect as the daughter of a vietnam vet, the wife of a former Naval Officer, and as a person who would LOVE for the Navy to ignore my asthma and let me in, I think many of you are taking the OP's words a bit too personal. Yes, there are better ways she could have worded her topic, but I'm sure there's a good reason she didn't, which probably doesn't have anything to do with "disrespecting" our troops.

I think a can of "lighten up" could do us all a lot of good. 👍

ditto. the op explained why she used "off playing war" and that she didn't mean it to be disrespectful -- i'm guessing obedeli missed that explanation.

also, obedeli seems more focused on prestige than anything because he/she states that having to go into fp or path because of grades would be horrible, but then states that his/her concern is mainly out of wanting a family friendly practice. for both, it's ridiculous. we all know that path is family-friendly (obedeli i guess doesn't want to admit that because he/she wants to use the term family friendly when he/she is really concerned about prestige). fp is more family friendly than surgery and can be done in a very family friendly way. for example, i have a friend who has a 2-year-old who just finished her fp residency. she got a job at a clinic working pretty close to 40 hours a week with very limited call and no hospital work. sure, she's making less money (but still making good money compared to everybody else in the world). you don't have to be a radiologist to see your kids.

 

[1Path]

also, obedeli seems more focused on prestige than anything because he/she states that having to go into fp or path because of grades would be horrible, but then states that his/her concern is mainly out of wanting a family friendly practice. for both, it's ridiculous. we all know that path is family-friendly (obedeli i guess doesn't want to admit that because he/she wants to use the term family friendly when he/she is really concerned about prestige).

Now, I wasn't going to "go there" but since you mentioned it...............This is PRECISELY the reason DO is so appealing to me. Not that DO's aren't interested in prestige, but as a group they certainly seem much more interested is helping people than the "prestige" of being a physician.

You know a prestigious greedy physician has to be hell to deal with on a daily basis!

About being an FP, I spend a TON of time on mommd and FP doesn't seem as "family freindly" as it appears according to the docs/residents there. Unless you're talking about an FP at a health clinic or for the feds, this field seems wrought with headaches.

 

[Obedeli]

ditto. the op explained why she used "off playing war" and that she didn't mean it to be disrespectful -- i'm guessing obedeli missed that explanation.

You are right, I did miss it.

As for the prestige thing... um, not quite. There is not much prestige in radiology anyway. My point is that FP would be torture: colds, fibromyalgia, and HTN patients all day. Heck, ONE fibromyalgia patient per day is enough to do me in.
I did forget pathology on my list. For some, this is a great field.

 

[dynx]

SMP sounds like it makes you a non-trad too.

-attack the mesanger
-You go girl
-universe...must...conspire....
Say what you must to make yourselves feel better but I stand by my posts. If you would like to disagree with a certain point rather than getting butt sore that im not jumping on the abandon your kids bandwagon feel free. It will give you good practice in critical thinking.

 

[Obedeli]

Now, I wasn't going to "go there" but since you mentioned it...............This is PRECISELY the reason DO is so appealing to me. Not that DO's aren't interested in prestige, but as a group they certainly seem much more interested is helping people than the "prestige" of being a physician.

You know a prestigious greedy physician has to be hell to deal with on a daily basis!

Yes you can pat yourself on the back.

Most of the people who talk about "helping people" have never met a fibromyalgia patient. 🙂

 

[robotsonic]

This is off topic, but I'm pretty sure that the "universe will conspire to support you" comment is a reference to Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist (amazon). It's a nice little fairy tale for adults.

 

[1Path]

Yes you can pat yourself on the back.

Most of the people who talk about "helping people" have never met a fibromyalgia patient. 🙂

Glad to see you added some humor to your post! 👍

BTW, most people who talk about "helping people" have never wiped the a$$ of a terminally ill colon cancer patient either.

 

[Rendar5]

-attack the mesanger
-You go girl
-universe...must...conspire....
Say what you must to make yourselves feel better but I stand by my posts. If you would like to disagree with a certain point rather than getting butt sore that im not jumping on the abandon your kids bandwagon feel free. It will give you good practice in critical thinking.

I'm not attacking the "mesanger" (haha, i just find the spelling funny. i mispell stuff too, so this isn't an "attack"). I'm just remarking that whlie you are off attacking non-trads for being stupid, your profile indicates that you are also a non-trad. Which means you just insulted urself.

 

[Anastasis]

Yes you can pat yourself on the back.

Most of the people who talk about "helping people" have never met a fibromyalgia patient. 🙂

I don't get this - could you explain it?

My mom has fibromyalgia and it hasn't done anything to disuade me from wanting to help people.

 

[njbmd]

Okay.. first I respect the fact that Dynx can be so blunt. I respect people who speak their mind wihtout caring what others think. But with that said.. let me decide how I raise my kids. My kids are loved for, they are well taken care of.. and they lack for nothing. I believe that my determination will later be shown to my kids.. and it will just prove to them.. that you can do anything that you put your mind to. I put all my energy into raising my kids.. and I want to give them the world.
Being a Dr. is something I have wnated to do for years... so let me live my dream.
I do know that it isn't going to be easy. There will be long hours.. there will be times I wish I could be with my kids more.. but I do what I have to do..
Thank you everyone for hte kind words.. and inspirations.. and to MsEvolution.. thank you for sharing your story. You have no idea how much that inspires me.. 🙂 That is something that I needed to read.. 🙂
again thank you everyone.. 🙂

Hi there
Check out the sections down a bit lower for Nontraditionals. Since you have some life(children, divorce) before medical school, you are probably going to identify more with the Non-traditional medical school applicants. They are more along the lines of MsEvolution.

There is an SDN sister site called OPM or National Society for Non-traditional Pre-Med Students where you can find plenty of inspirational stories of folks who have overcome dismal GPAs and gone on to medical school. Check out and join this site. There are plenty of folks in your same situation that can offer fellowship and support.

njbmd 🙂

 

[tigress]

Psychiatry is also apparently very family-friendly. I know a woman who just finished her psychiatry residency and she has 4 or 5 kids.

OP, check out the forums at www.mommd.com . There are some great women there.

Obedeli makes some really good points, but also realize that not everybody has the same experience in med school and residency. I've met people who were stressed and over-worked and wished they could see their families more, and I've met others who are totally chill and haven't had any problems. The woman I mentioned above (with 5 kids) is one of the latter. There is just so much to take into account. Don't take med school lightly, but if it's really the only thing you want to do, you can probably make it work. It is going to be especially difficult as a single mother, though. I'm worried about getting through it married, although since my husband is a med student being married will only help our scheduling to a certain degree.

 

[veenut]

I'm not attacking the "mesanger" (haha, i just find the spelling funny. i mispell stuff too, so this isn't an "attack"). I'm just remarking that whlie you are off attacking non-trads for being stupid, your profile indicates that you are also a non-trad. Which means you just insulted urself.

you misspelled "mispell". that is awesome.