PhD/PsyD sitting on two job offers

[psychrat]

What is the longest you would commute to work? I am trying to decide between two jobs. One is closer to where I live and offers a lot of flexibility (choice of four 8-hour works days or five 6-hour work days, the ability to set own hours each day—which is attractive since my partner and I are trying to start a family). However, it does not have a fancy name attached to it. The other has a prestigious name attached to it, but would take me about two hours each way to get to work! Moving is a possibility (although my partner and I would be sad to since we love our area and would very much like to settle down here. It would also make my partner’s commute well over an hour, which seems unfair). Both jobs are in my area of focus, although the one that is further is a lot more focused.

I moved for my MA program, my PhD program, internship, and post-doc. At this point in my life, I would like to stay in one place for a while, so part of me is leaning towards the less prestigious job with the hope that a more ideal position will open closer to home at some point in the future. However, another part of me feels sad to decline such a prestigious name and experience.

Thoughts?

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[boomshakalaka]

Ha I went through this same exact situation. My options were the following:

Option 1: Prestigious institution and an absolutely ideal position with competitive pay, resources, and research opportunities. While the commute was minimal, we would again be in a new locale and away from family for the foreseeable future. My partner would still have to secure employment, though.

Option 2: Offer at a relatively well-known institution in my home state. The position was not completely ideal but the work was still very related and the pay was even better. 4 day work weeks. Partner had job offer already. HOWEVER, my commute would be about 1.5 hours and COL would be extremely high.

We ultimately chose option number 2 and if I'm being completely honest, I still get a bit bummed out when I think about turning down the "prestigious" opportunity. The drive can be pretty brutal, but the pay and shortened work weeks has made it easier to swallow. If my current commute was ~ two hours, I think my partner and I would have risked taking the more prestigious opportunity where my commute would have been minimal. My current commute has ultimately led to my partner searching for positions that would make commuting times more manageable. A two-hour commute each way is not sustainable. My tolerance for traffic is pretty high, but I'd be lying if I said my patience hasn't worn thin.

So, I don't think a two hour commute would be worth it. You would be spending another 20 hours per week in your vehicle. That is ~half a work week. Getting home, quickly eating, and maybe watching an hour of TV before you head to bed gets old after a while. Also consider that your partner would have to shoulder the majority of at-home responsibilities since you simply just aren't home to take care of day-to-day tasks.

 

[futureapppsy2]

What is the longest you would commute to work? I am trying to decide between two jobs. One is closer to where I live and offers a lot of flexibility (choice of four 8-hour works days or five 6-hour work days, the ability to set own hours each day—which is attractive since my partner and I are trying to start a family). However, it does not have a fancy name attached to it. The other has a prestigious name attached to it, but would take me about two hours each way to get to work! Moving is a possibility (although my partner and I would be sad to since we love our area and would very much like to settle down here. It would also make my partner’s commute well over an hour, which seems unfair). Both jobs are in my area of focus, although the one that is further is a lot more focused.

I moved for my MA program, my PhD program, internship, and post-doc. At this point in my life, I would like to stay in one place for a while, so part of me is leaning towards the less prestigious job with the hope that a more ideal position will open closer to home at some point in the future. However, another part of me feels sad to decline such a prestigious name and experience.

Thoughts?

IMO, go for the shorter commute--a four hour commute will really eat into your quality of life, in my experience. Congrats!

 

[mishpug]

IMO, go for the shorter commute--a four hour commute will really eat into your quality of life, in my experience. Congrats!

I agree that commuting 2 hours each way will have a significant impact on your quality of life and will also impact your desire to start a family. I am sure it is hard to turn down a position that is such a good fit at a prestigious institution, but in my opinion unless you move the commute would ultimately prove to be an overwhelmingly negative factor.

 

[AcronymAllergy]

Agreed--a two-hour commute in and of itself would be enough for me to turn down just about any job, especially if I were wanting to start a family. If you don't think you'll move, I would go with the closer alternative, which sounds like it has multiple other attractive aspects as well.

Edit: Unless, depending on area of interest and career goals, there's just an irresistible and irreplaceable experience at the more prestigious site.

 

[PsychCaRIH]

I took a job pre-doctoral program working at an amazing agency with awesome pay and cache associated with working there... commute was about 2 hours each way, 2.5-3 if there was an accident or something. It was an awesome job and I kept it for 7 years, but the commute wore me down. I sometimes felt like I lived in my car and my partner at the time complained that they never saw me. Post doc I just took is an hour commute and that is my max.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Unless you are a climber and prestige (may) matter....go with comfort. Prestige is almost never worth it in the end.

 

[singasongofjoy]

2 hour commute?? I wouldn’t have considered applying in the first place. 20 hours a week in a car.... nope. I’d either move- if it were really that awesome- or leave it. We all have to make some sacrifices along the way and prestige is an easy thing to sacrifice. Prestige alone does not contribute to happiness, IMO.

 

[Doctor Eliza]

Commuting four hours per day seems incompatible with starting a family. Would you quit the job once the family has started?

 

[WisNeuro]

I won't commute more than half an hour. 2 hours would be a living hell.

 

[Justanothergrad]

Perhaps I'm missing it- you have a job offer doing what you like in an area you like that fits your family's needs - that seems like a lot to give up for prestige. The alternative is leaving where you are, which you don't want to do, or commuting 2 hours (a non option Imho).

 

[ClinicalABA]

I did a 2 hour commute for 3 months. Worked four 10-hour days (M-T-R-F), and stayed over with friends about 45 min from work on Mon and Thurs nights. Even knowing it was only short term, it was was pretty awful. I never got a feeling that I actually lived anywhere. I had a 2- and 4-year-pld at home, and it was rough. I’d advise against it. It basically cuts your salary by 25-30%, as your working that much more and not being paid for it.

It actually was the result of my taking a “less prestigious” job in an area I wanted to live, my house selling quickly, a my giving my agency several months notice to not leave them in a lurch. Sacrificing a job I enjoyed to live in a better (and cheaper) area for my family was one of the best decisions I ever made.

 

[psychrat]

Perhaps I'm missing it- you have a job offer doing what you like in an area you like that fits your family's needs - that seems like a lot to give up for prestige. The alternative is leaving where you are, which you don't want to do, or commuting 2 hours (a non option Imho).

The job that is further away is actually more in line with my future goals, but the closer one is still generally in my area of focus and would likely be a decent job for an early career psychologist like myself and help me get to where I see myself in the future. I think I will take the closer one.

 

[calimich]

Congrats on the multiple job offers! I had a 3-hr round trip commute for almost 2 years (intern & postdoc). I used public transportation almost every day, and postdoc had a 4-10hr/day option, so it was slightly more bearable than driving 5 days/week. However, it most definitely was draining and quality time with my partner took a hit.

We figured it was worth it because it was an outstanding training site, temporary, and even though the commute was terrible, we were back in our home region rather than 1/2 way across the country.

 

[singasongofjoy]

Congrats on the multiple job offers! I had a 3-hr round trip commute for almost 2 years (intern & postdoc). I used public transportation almost every day, and postdoc had a 4-10hr/day option, so it was slightly more bearable than driving 5 days/week. However, it most definitely was draining and quality time with my partner took a hit.

We figured it was worth it because it was an outstanding training site, temporary, and even though the commute was terrible, we were back in our home region rather than 1/2 way across the country.

Most things are a lot easier to bear if you know they are temporary. Awesome that there was a 4/10 option! I'd like that a lot

 

[DynamicDidactic]

4-hour round trip daily is a killer.

I have a kid and a 2-hour round trip commute 4-days a week, I would not recommend more. But it really depends on some details of your life and future plans. My partner and I split pick up days from daycare, which ends at 5pm. Which means with an hour commute, and leaving a few minutes earlier in case of traffic, my workday ends at 3:45 two days out of the week. Once I am home with the kid, there is no work getting done. Plus, I only teach 8 month out of the year, so I have much more flexibility in summer and winter breaks. However, if you have more resources (e.g., family caretakers, aftercare) that help with the needs of family life you can pull of a longer commute if you think its more beneficial to your career.

We are considering a move that would increase my commute to 3-hours round trip to improve our quality of life. However, we would definitely need to find daycare that lasts longer or maybe aftercare, which would likely be an added monetary cost.

 

[enduroevo]

IMHO, from experience, anything over a 1 hour commute tends to have large negative effects on my self-care and happiness, in one way or another. I'd go with the less commute if possible--you'll thank yourself later. Especially if starting a family is a priority to you.

 

[PsyDr]

Ive had times that I commuted more than that. Problems I found:

1) I didn’t want to go anywhere after work because I loathed the car/plane. The ladies really don’t like a guy who makes them drive and they get suspicious of a guy that takes Uber’s everywhere.

2) you have to be very careful with the car you select. Most cars have a life expectancy and there’s a term for it. At 120 miles/day, you’re looking at like 4-5 years before your car dies and around 3 until you have at least one big repair bill (thanks @Therapist4Chnge). Then you need to figure out the mpgs and cost per mile to own . Otherwise you can be very upside down on a car. Sounds stupid, but you can’t deduct mileage so it’s around a $10k/yr expense.

3) after listening to ever audiobook, podcast, kindle book that has text to speech, etc; you get very bored.

4) there’s some pressure on social stuff. You can’t call people everyday because it’s unfair to them. You also can’t text back which can be misunderstood.

 

[erg923]

I'm really surprised by some of this. Is this a case of people working in the city and preferring rural living areas past the typical burbs? People working in big cities (like the 5 boroughs) and wanting to live outside the city? Or...just driving far for the job they want?

The cost (mentally, domestically, and monetarily) of such commutes mentioned here is kind of boggling to me. I can understand a good hour commute or so if it was a super flexible schedule and maybe 4 days/week or something. But, for a typical 8-5 5 days per week???

 

[boomshakalaka]

I'm really surprised by some of this. Is this a case of people working in the city and preferring rural living areas past the typical burbs? People working in big cities (like the 5 boroughs) and wanting to live outside the city? Or...just driving far for the job they want?

The cost (mentally, domestically, and monetarily) of such commutes mentioned here is kind of boggling to me. I can understand a good hour commute or so if it was a super flexible schedule and maybe 4 days/week or something. But, for a typical 8-5 5 days per week???

I'm mostly a victim of living in a large metropolitan area, driving in lots of traffic, and not owning a helicopter. 4 day work weeks and very generous pay makes up for it most of the time. Buying a cheap commuter hybrid cuts down on gas costs and Balvenie 21 helps drown my commuter woes.

 

[singasongofjoy]

I'm really surprised by some of this. Is this a case of people working in the city and preferring rural living areas past the typical burbs? People working in big cities (like the 5 boroughs) and wanting to live outside the city? Or...just driving far for the job they want?

The cost (mentally, domestically, and monetarily) of such commutes mentioned here is kind of boggling to me. I can understand a good hour commute or so if it was a super flexible schedule and maybe 4 days/week or something. But, for a typical 8-5 5 days per week???

I just started a new job - same organization as postdoc, different office across town- first job out of postdoc. I underestimated the commute for sure- during non-rush hour, takes 25 minutes. Rush hour, 45-60 minutes. It's getting to me. Going to inquire with the director about shifting my hours to 730-430ish even though I hate getting up early- but I hate sitting in traffic when I could be doing something fun even more.

 

[singasongofjoy]

I just started a new job - same organization as postdoc, different office across town- first job out of postdoc. I underestimated the commute for sure, although I would hae taken the job regardless at this point rather than finish out postdoc and have to stress with being on the job market right now given other current life circumstances. But during non-rush hour, takes 25 minutes. Rush hour, 45-60 minutes. It's getting to me. Going to inquire with the director about shifting my hours to 730-430ish even though I hate getting up early- but I hate sitting in traffic when I could be doing something fun even more.

 

[AcronymAllergy]

I just started a new job - same organization as postdoc, different office across town- first job out of postdoc. I underestimated the commute for sure- during non-rush hour, takes 25 minutes. Rush hour, 45-60 minutes. It's getting to me. Going to inquire with the director about shifting my hours to 730-430ish even though I hate getting up early- but I hate sitting in traffic when I could be doing something fun even more.

Trying to avoid traffic is pretty much the sole reason I requested my work day start at 0730, since I already wake up early anyway. Helps in the morning, but I usually end up staying late, so I still often hit rush hour in the evenings. But you raise a good point--traffic, even on shorter commutes, can make work travel so much more miserable.

 

[psychrat]

I'm mostly a victim of living in a large metropolitan area, driving in lots of traffic, and not owning a helicopter. 4 day work weeks and very generous pay makes up for it most of the time. Buying a cheap commuter hybrid cuts down on gas costs and Balvenie 21 helps drown my commuter woes.

Ditto. I live in outside of the city and take the train/subway into the city. I am not licensed yet in the state where I reside yet, so most of my options involve a commute at this time.

 

[cara susanna]

I also turned down a more prestigious job in favor of one in a location that I preferred. I do have regrets sometimes, but there are a lot of factors that make me overall happy with my choice. I also try to remind myself that maybe I would have hated the prestigious job. I once took a job in a location I didn't want because it was "my dream job." The job ended up not being what I thought, and I was absolutely miserable. At least if you pick by location, you'll be happy about where you're living.

 

[psychrat]

I also turned down a more prestigious job in favor of one in a location that I preferred. I do have regrets sometimes, but there are a lot of factors that make me overall happy with my choice. I also try to remind myself that maybe I would have hated the prestigious job. I once took a job in a location I didn't want because it was "my dream job." The job ended up not being what I thought, and I was absolutely miserable. At least if you pick by location, you'll be happy about where you're living.

Thanks, it is good to know that I am not alone in this decision. I think I am beginning to realize that my career should be part of my life and not all of it. It just seems strange to me after basing where I live on training. This is my first job after postdoc so making choices about where to live for more than a training year seems important, as I am sick of moving.