someone willing to help with my AMCAS personal statement?

[Eraserhead]

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Hey, so I've got like two drafts of my personal statement so far and feedback that has varied from "its great" and "just send it now" to "this is a premed resume, there's nothing personal about you in it" and I frankly don't know where to go with it from here.

Is it wrong to center the essay around the experiences that have made me want to be a doctor (clinical and research, and experience with a friend's mental illness) versus explicitly discussing why I'm a good, caring, compassionate person? Its hard for me to do both, because even though the essay is about me, there's no room for inserting the obvious comments like "talking with this patient in the exam room really increased my ability to emphathize and care about people". It just seems like anyone can say those things, so I only discussed the things that make me different which are mainly my experiences and why I chose to put myself in them. Anyway, I'd like a person or two to tell me what they think, so if you are willing to read it please PM me.

Thanks.

 

[Cydney Foote]

It's not wrong to talk about why you want to be a doctor, but do realize that this (especially when you're writing about your exposure to a medical problem) is a very, very common theme for applicants. But that doesn't mean it can't be done very, very well.

One of the most important things you can do with this essay is to recognize the difference between telling and showing. You're absolutely right in saying that anybody can write "talking with patients increased my ability to empathize with them, blah blah blah." It's much better to write about, for instance, how talking with Billy, a young epileptic patient, about your mutual love of baseball helped you understand the everyday challenges and limitations he faced.

What you're trying to do is show the admissions committee that you were there, get them involved in your story, and let them know who you really are. That's why I always recommend writing a "human interest" story. So many people write about why they want to be a doctor, but these mundane essays came come alive when they're infused with your own personality.

You might find it helpful to read some of the sample essays on our website. These are real essays, all from successful med school applicants, that take this human interest approach.

Best of luck!!

 

[tBw]

Originally posted by DoctorKevin
"talking with this patient in the exam room really increased my ability to emphathize and care about people".

One thing that will make more of a connection with the reader is rather than 'telling' them you are caring and compassionate you should 'show' them.

ie instead of the above I would write something more like

'when I entered the room I saw a patient, but as we talked, I began to see a human being, not so different from myself. Sometimes, as I held their hand and listened to their stories it was hard not to become too involved' etc. Obviously stick to what you actually did as it will reflect better who you actually are - but a story is always better than a presentation.

 

[DarkChild]

i was going to write... and they took all my words 🙁 🙁