Spouse Also a Resident/Doc/Med-Student/Pre-Med?

[boaz]

Is this a negative factor in marriage quality?

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[smq123]

Is this a negative factor in marriage quality?

Moving to Spouses and Partners forum.

 

[xanthines]

I think the occupation of the spouse highly depends on the actual person. There are many physicians (even surgeons) in healthy fulfilling marriages. There are many who are not. Likewise, why would be married to a physician be any worse than being married to a lawyer?

I think if both people in the relationship are realistic about time management and expectations, things go a lot better. Individual people have differing levels of tolerance for what they perceive as "crap."

Feel free to expound.

-X

 

[boaz]

I think the occupation of the spouse highly depends on the actual person. There are many physicians (even surgeons) in healthy fulfilling marriages. There are many who are not. Likewise, why would be married to a physician be any worse than being married to a lawyer?

I think if both people in the relationship are realistic about time management and expectations, things go a lot better. Individual people have differing levels of tolerance for what they perceive as "crap."

Feel free to expound.

-X

Yes, that is the common issue when both spouses have a very demanding career, whether it be in medicine, law, management, etc.

I am specifically concerned about the case where both spouses are somewhere along the path of medical education, especially when they are not at the same stage. For example: wife is in the 3rd year of an md/phd program and the husband is only applying to med schools. Or if the husband is currently in second year of residency and the wife is applying for residencies for next year. It can't be assumed that they will end up at the same institution. It's these kinds of practical issues that I'm concerned can be intractable.

Another issue is more subtle: if both husband and wife are pursuing the same general career path, does this have any effect on the marriage dynamics? For example, if husband meets wife, let's say, when they're both in the 1st year of med school. After a few years it turns out that the wife is getting a gold-plated derm residency at a top research institution, while hubby is struggling to get a decent primary care gig, or vice versa. Would this have any effect on the marriage?

I'm still single, so basically my ultimate question is whether I should be avoiding girls who are pre-meds or med students.

 

[DrJosephKim]

If you plan to have a family, it can be challenging to balance work/school/study and family. I'm married to a physician and we've had our share of struggles. Fortunately, our career paths and schedules have worked out well.

 

[dotdash]

I think the largest challenge to two-intense-career families is having kids. You will need help. Big help. Like parents-moving-in-with-you help. Like full-time nanny help. Medical spouses pick up a lot of slack, even if they also work full-time. Two residents married and with kids? Yikes! When would you see each other? I suppose it would be the same with one resident and one big-law-firm associate or wall-st-bond-trader, but still - trouble.

 

[JAWSCIENCE]

The question of avoiding who to date is a serious one - your medical school class will be small and everybody will know. So dating within the class is tough. It has worked out for some but they were all very serious about the relationship and spent a lot of time as friends before jumping into a dating scenario. Dating people from different years actually works out well since if it ends badly you are not as likely to see this person often.

 

[boaz]

If you plan to have a family, it can be challenging to balance work/school/study and family. I'm married to a physician and we've had our share of struggles. Fortunately, our career paths and schedules have worked out well.

Glad to hear that!

I think the largest challenge to two-intense-career families is having kids. You will need help. Big help. Like parents-moving-in-with-you help. Like full-time nanny help. Medical spouses pick up a lot of slack, even if they also work full-time. Two residents married and with kids? Yikes! When would you see each other? I suppose it would be the same with one resident and one big-law-firm associate or wall-st-bond-trader, but still - trouble.

Yea, kids is the biggest challenge. And while a full-time nanny is basically a given in such a situation it's not like it's a cure-all: the kids will grow up hardly knowing their parents.

Also, one should hope that they are residents at the same hospital; that way they can meet often, notwithstanding the unromantic setting. Otherwise it's basically like a long-distance/weekend relationship...

The question of avoiding who to date is a serious one - your medical school class will be small and everybody will know. So dating within the class is tough. It has worked out for some but they were all very serious about the relationship and spent a lot of time as friends before jumping into a dating scenario. Dating people from different years actually works out well since if it ends badly you are not as likely to see this person often.

This should be my biggest concern...