Stay at home moms represent.

[kwooder]

Any stay at home moms want to share how you do it?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[DrMom]

Well, I'm not one now, but I was for 6 years.

I know there are some others out there. Especially spouses of med students.

 

[BlackPuma]

Originally posted by kwooder
Any stay at home moms want to share how you do it?

well when the misses and I got married, I told my missy, that I don't wanna hear about all the women's movement, and this right, and woman's right that...

I sat her tooshie down, like a good wife she was, and I tells her...listen, hon, you either be a good honey, or you don't be a good honey...can't have the cake and eat it too..

so I tells her, I be expectin her to be a good wife, to clean the house occasionally, make the delicious food, make her hair look pretty, when I gets home at night...of course, the misses for a few years didn't take this quite too well...

but I sat her down, and we talked with the local pastor, who is also a marriage counselor, of course us being catholic, the pastor is never married, but he sure gives darn good advice..

well he tells my wife, that if she wants to be a good woman..she better pleases my needs, and boy do I have lots of needs, and that it is her duty to raise my kids morally in this immoral world...

wells, she didn't take this too well, but now, we've got two kids and a third coming down our way, and yes she gets tired of being home all day, but our kids are growing up so well, and conditioned...they gets the loving and caring that they need...

so at the beginning my advice is..yes it's hard to stay home all day...but the misses, she is so loving and caring, like a good wife, that with her sacrifices and my needs, are kids are being raised up in a "good family" with darn good values, even the local pastor, talked about my misses this Sunday, and how other woman in the community should aspire to be like her...

of course, this was going well, but then the past couple of years, our neighborhood was a good white affluent community...but then these neighbors were moving in, and they were..how should I say, black, latino, and even a lesbian couple...oh gosh, and they were me neighbors now? so me and the misses kind of got worried, and we realized this is not how we want to raise our youngins...so we sold our house, and moved to a smaller apartment...but at least, everyone in our community, is white now, and they have good southern values...none of the minority and gay crap being shoved down our throat...

so to answer your question...if my misses could do it...then any woman can

 

[Henna]

Originally posted by wiboy
Hey, even though you can hide behind the anonymity of webposts in a forum like this, I don't think people appreciate hearing your views slamming racial groups and gay people. General derogatory statements about whole groups of people are inherently flawed because 1) they represent an emotionally charged statement of only some of what you've witnessed or often misguided preconceived notions, 2) there is never a 100% chance that all people fit into your categorization.

The rest of your post was pretty small-minded as well, buddy. WTF are you doing in a professional forum like this?

He was being sarcastic, wiboy.

 

[commymommy]

Well, I think watcha's little post there was rude...whether it was a joke or not...it basically is saying that any woman who is a sahm is some sort of ***** or something...and the whole racial crap, etc...what the hell was that about???

In any case, I am a sahm. I have been off and on for 9 1/2 years. I have had times where I have gone back to school part-time, but for the most part I have been at home. I did finish my masters and had to go full-time for 6 months.

When I first became pregnant many, many years ago I turned down an acceptance to med school thinking that my time would come later. In other words, I already had the beginnings of a good education. I later took courses from time to time when my children were little...but I only took evening and online courses and often didn't do well...I actually pulled my gpa down substantially at first when I tried to go back to school while I had children.

Why? I don't believe it is possible to do it all and do it all well...at least not for me. My idea of being a 'good' mom for my family is being there as much as possible. I don't buy the whole quality vs. quantity thing because a lot of times out of the blue we will find some real quality moments in our quantity time (In other words, you can't schedule or force quality time, it just has to happen)...and my kids know that I am there for them. So even if they are watching sponge Bob and I am reading "dude what happened to my country" if they need me they know that I am there.

In addition, going to school or working full-time in a job that requires thinking and substantial responsibility is very draining. I finished my MS in molecular biology while my children were still young, and at the end of the day what I found was that I was still thinking about why my project didn't work out for that day, how I could squeeze in another gel the next day before picking up my littlest from preschool, when I could study for my neuropharm test, etc, etc...the time that I was with them I was preoccupied with me and with my life....and that affected my ability to be there for them. There are women that could likely more easily separate out between work/family...but I have trouble doing that...I was actually known during grad school for running back to the lab at 11pm to try something once the kids and my husband were in bed.....I couldn't let go.

I am now working very, very, very part-time. I taught last academic year and wasn't gone more than 4 hours a week...my husband watched my youngest while I was gone...I don't think that counts as me 'working'. This year due to my pregnancy and having the baby I have been working to coordinate the TAs for this class and setup the lab.....Again...set my own hours, very part-time thing requiring little on-campus time. As you can imagine, my paycheck is commensurate with my on-campus time...but it does give me a little spending money of my own. I use it to pay my children's tuition to Saturday german school.

I also am using this time to work on new skills. I have become fairly computer literate and can do quite a bit with the web. As a result, I designed a course website for the U that I am at part-time...see...a new opportunity born out of being at home. I also have been homeschooling my children in german. This has taken substantial energy and time...I have made my own worksheets, projects and a special calendar for them to learn the months, numbers, days, colors, weather, etc with. It was an involved project for me. I also am slowly working at my post-graduate certification in Marine Sciences through a University in Florida.

So...as you can see...though I am a lowly stay-at-home mom, I find time to nourish my own intellectual interests.

But most importantly, I am taking the time to be there for my children while they are young and whether you think this to be really 50's, I am supporting my husband who is the breadwinner. I problem solve with him, cook the kind of food that he likes (german) and work hard to keep him happy too. As a result, I have children that are well-adjusted and happy, a good solid marriage after 10 years ( a rarity today) and I am a fairly happy person. When I was trying to have it all and all at once, I wasn't.


Just some things for you to think about...and now the baby has spit up all over the keyboard so I'm going to get off and clean it up.

kris

 

[commymommy]

As to the original OP...how do sahm's do it? There is a great book out there that I would recommend:

"And What do you do": When women choose to stay home by Loretta Kaufman and Mary Quigley.

Honestly, I think a lot of women expect way too much today. It is possible to 'have it all'.....just not all at one time.

kris

 

[BlackPuma]

Originally posted by wiboy
Hey, even though you can hide behind the anonymity of webposts in a forum like this, I don't think people appreciate hearing your views slamming racial groups and gay people. General derogatory statements about whole groups of people are inherently flawed because 1) they represent an emotionally charged statement of only some of what you've witnessed or often misguided preconceived notions, 2) there is never a 100% chance that all people fit into your categorization.

The rest of your post was pretty small-minded as well, buddy. WTF are you doing in a professional forum like this?

wow, I can't believe you bought all that crap!

about the misses looking pretty and preparing me food?

anyway, back to Kris, I love stay at home mom's their the best



I was just making a redneck joke about gays and minorities being a bad influence on my kids

 

[Awara No. 1]

Originally posted by WatchaMaCallit
wow, I can't believe you bought all that crap!

about the misses looking pretty and preparing me food?

anyway, back to Kris, I love stay at home mom's their the best



I was just making a redneck joke about gays and minorities being a bad influence on my kids

So you think that people become gay as the life goes. I don't think and think that it matters because gay people are people and your kids may become gay no matter what you would do so watch out for that or don't ahve kids to eliminate all the possibilities. I hate all this gay/lesbian crap that F*kers talk about. Here is an exampl,
there is a family living in the neighborhood i used to live and they are very religious and entire family is aginst this gay thing and the couple is always in front in the issues of hating gays and guess what their son told them about 5 years ago that he is gay and he doesn't care what his family thought and if they don't like he can say goodbye and never see them again. So guess what if your son/daughter turns out to be gay, r u still gonna hate them?? Guess what no you will love them and be nice to them and help them. Don't even say that you will leave them. OK so be nice to those people to and you are this health profession where human being is human being nomatter who he is. Gay or not???
I just don't like those comments about gays so stop being narrowminded and be professional.

 

[BlackPuma]

Originally posted by sanjudoctor
So you think that people become gay as the life goes. I don't think and think that it matters because gay people are people and your kids may become gay no matter what you would do so watch out for that or don't ahve kids to eliminate all the possibilities. I hate all this gay/lesbian crap that F*kers talk about. Here is an exampl,
there is a family living in the neighborhood i used to live and they are very religious and entire family is aginst this gay thing and the couple is always in front in the issues of hating gays and guess what their son told them about 5 years ago that he is gay and he doesn't care what his family thought and if they don't like he can say goodbye and never see them again. So guess what if your son/daughter turns out to be gay, r u still gonna hate them?? Guess what no you will love them and be nice to them and help them. Don't even say that you will leave them. OK so be nice to those people to and you are this health profession where human being is human being nomatter who he is. Gay or not???
I just don't like those comments about gays so stop being narrowminded and be professional.

FYI, I'm gay, and I'm not married...

if you can't laugh at yourself, then who can you laugh at

 

[DSM]

Originally posted by WatchaMaCallit
wow, I can't believe you bought all that crap!

about the misses looking pretty and preparing me food?

anyway, back to Kris, I love stay at home mom's their the best



I was just making a redneck joke about gays and minorities being a bad influence on my kids

I saw that Watcha! Careful with the redneck jokes or someone might say that you are ...........................prejudiced!!

edit: shame on you for stirring up all of these newbies!!! If they only knew!!

 

[BlackPuma]

Originally posted by deepsouthmedic
I saw that Watcha! Careful with the redneck jokes or someone might say that you are ...........................prejudiced!!

edit: shame on you for stirring up all of these newbies!!! If they only knew!!

yes isn't it funny, I put gays down, and people's blood pressure goes up, and now deepsouthmedic, you realize that I'm an equal opportunity basher

I bash all groups including myself..

Wiboy:

I just have a question about your wife cleaning your house and cooking you delicious food? Do you clean the house as often and do you cook delicious food for your wife also?

Kris:

My intention of creating the "rude" redneck joke, was not to stab stay at home moms, they are the best, and they are far from *****ic. My point was the hypocrisy of the average straight male expecting his wife to stay home, cook and clean the house. Ther is a big difference when the wife decides to "olunatarily" stay home and clean and cook...as opposed to the man "expecting it from his wife"

and FYI, even women who voluntariy do these things, do them men reciprocate? that was my jab at, the hypocrisy of it...why don't mean clean the house as often as well, and cook "deliious dinners" for their wife. Shame on you Kris, you should know me better than that if anything it was a jab at the guys

 

[k's mom]

Sorry you had to suffer through that, kwooder.
Back to your original question. What, exactly, do you want to know? Do you mean how do "we" handle the kids? How do we survive financially? emotionally? professionally?

I can only respond as a semi-SAHM of a medical student, a life that MUST be much different than that of a SAHM (or SAHD) whose spouse actually brings home a paycheck!

 

[kwooder]

Thanks for an on-topic reply. I want to know how you survive financially and what kind of lifestyle you live. My baby is due in April and I will start med school in August. We would like to make it work where the wife doesn't have to work.

So do you work part-time or something? We figured up that childcare is just as expensive as a part-time salary for us.

 

[k's mom]

Well, let me preface my remarks by saying that I am not an advocate or champion of the "cause" of SAHM-hood. I never planned to be a SAHM, and up until a year and a half ago, I never knew anyone who stayed at home with their children. However, it has been a fun experience and it is working out best for my family and myself. (By the way, we have a 3 year old and a 10 month old. 10% of my husband's class has kids, and 9 babies have been born to medical/graduate student spouses I know in the past 12 months.....you are not alone!) Just please remember that EVERYTHING I say on this subject has to do with what has worked for us/me. There is no such thing as "the right thing" or "the easy thing" to do when it comes to this decision.

MY BIGGEST SUGGESTION: CALL THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE OF THE SCHOOL(S) YOU MAY ATTEND, AND ASK IF THERE IS A MARRIED STUDENT WITH CHILDREN WHO WOULD BE INTERESTED IN TALKING TO YOU. GET THESE CONNECTIONS, AND HAVE YOUR WIFE TALK TO THE SPOUSE AS WELL. FIND OUT HOW "FAMILY FRIENDLY" THE SCHOOL, CAMPUS IS BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY OF MY COMMENTS TO HEART, BECAUSE I HAVE HEARD OF VASTLY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES THAN MINE.
Okay, on to business:
This is what has worked for us:
1. Living on campus, in the "family" section (three-bedroom apartments) While this is not offered, or not family-friendly, at all schools, it is perfect for us. We did it to save on heating, commuting and phone service costs, but it has been a real blessing. I am surrounded by other SAHM's, (although this term is a little tongue-in-cheek because we ALL work for income in some way or another), I have gotten to know medical students and spouses in all stages of training, and you can't beat the commute since neither one of us has to drive to get to work.
Originally, I really wanted to buy a house, but I'm so thankful that we didn't. For one thing, because we are in student housing, we don't really have to pay our rent on time if funds are tight (this is our school's policy, so don't assume anything about yours!) MOre importantly, being a SAHM can be very isolating, and the medical spouses I know who are in houses have a lot more hurdles to jump through if they need a babysitter, want to have a playgroup, or need adult interaction. I have a mental list of at least eight women in this complex who can be counted on to trade childcare or use as an emergency babysitter.
2. WORKING!!! As I said earlier, all of the "SAHM" women I know work for income. HOwever, I recommend it for more than the income. I work a few different jobs, but I am able to trade childcare with my friends, or have my husband home while I am at work (F.Y.I. Full-time Childcare for two children would cost us more than $1,200.00 a month) My time at work is, paradoxically, time for me!!!! It is the only time I get to surf the web (ahem...did I mention I am at work right now?), for eight hours I have no diapers to change, fights to break up or snacks to make, and I have real adult conversations. As an added bonus, this is quality, one-on-one (or, actually, one-on-two) time that my husband has with the kids. Last year (MS1) when I was not working much, my husband was so stressed because when he was with us, he felt like he should be studying, and when he was at school, he felt like he should be with us. Now, he knows that at least two nights a week he will be with his children. (finding time together as a couple is an issue for a different thread!) I suggest, ifyou will be living on/near campus, looking into jobs at the hospital. I work in the library, which has a 4-12pm shift, as well as weekend hours. Other spouses work up to full-time at night in a sleep-research lab. Hospitals run 24/7 so there are many opportunities. ALso keep in mind that during your first two years you will have very predictable class hours, and you can pretty much set the time you study around your wife's schedule. The one caveat I will add is for her to look for something that is non-stressful, and that you can leave behind when you go home.

I can ramble for hours on this topic, so let me know if there is anything else you want to know.

 

[Mashiara]

mommd2b, a Superwoman, Supermom:

I want to commend you. <stands in applause>

You are an inspiration!

 

[radspouse]

Originally posted by kwooder
Any stay at home moms want to share how you do it?

I just take one day at a time and have learned to be patient and adaptable. I think a lot of my job is about attitude....

 

[Andrew_Doan]

Thank God for my wife!

Without her, there's no way my kids would be as happy as they are now during my training and career.

Kudos to all the spouses!

 

[Elsie]

I'm a stay at home mom of 3 and my husband's starting med school in the fall...I'm trying to get everything I can in order now (money, the house situation) so I can entirely focus on the kids and their getting used to our new situation. We're also moving to a bigger house soon and that'll be a whole different transition before med school even starts.

 

[mommax3]

I am a SAHM to three boys aged 8, 5, and 2. My husband and have been married for 13.5 years, and he has finished college at 22, med school at 26, and residency at 30, on a normal schedule without taking any time off. The way we did it is through the military......I am not saying that it is the answer for you, but there is no way we would/could have had kids if he hadn't done that. He took an HPSP scholarship before starting med school......tuition was paid and he got a monthly stipend as well. I taught for the first two years of his med school and then had our first child....from then on, I have primarily stayed at home. I nannied for a family with four kids (both parents were physicians) 4th year of med school, which was a big help financially, and DH took out some student loans for us to live on. He was selected for a military residency, so that paid better than civilian, although we did rack up some credit card debt during those four years, mostly due to car repairs and travel to see family.....we were far from both sides during residency. He is now an attending physician in the military, with a year and a half left to serve. Our two school age kids are in private school, we have two cars that run, a nice house, and our paying our debt off slowly......a pretty nice life but not a luxurious one. When DH leaves the military, his salary will likely double, so we will be able to pay down our debt faster. We have given up things, having our kids when we did, but I don't think we would change the timing. We wanted to be fairly young parents. If he finishes his time in the military without having to deploy, I will breathe a big sigh of relief. If we were doing it all again, we would explore other options than the military......perhaps public health service or agreeing to work in an underserved area after residency in return for tuition being paid during med school.....I think most states have these programs.

It can be done......PM me if you have more specific questions!

Sally

 

[Elsie]

Thank you, Mommax3!
I grew up an air force brat and the military has always been an option for my husband and I.
Since my husband is Cherokee, we're applying for an indian scholarship with stipend in exchange for four years of work in an underserved area. I can definitely deal with him commuting or having to move for four years in exchange for no med school debt! Our kids are 5, 3, and 1, and we are also happy to be younger parents. It will be an awfully hard adjustment for all of us, but with God's help we'll get through it day by day.

 

[Bugpie]

People ask me all the time - how do you do it? To be honest - I would never be were I am today without God's grace!

Financially, get used to chicken. Chicken is inexpensive. Did you know that you can serve chicken 1006 different ways?

Socially, try to surround yourself a solid and dependable support system - family, friends, etc. Even if you have to move - stay in touch with them (email is cheap) - while you make new friends.

Community, if you move - learn about your community as much as you can - you will find resources and friends in many places! Schools, agencies, churches, clubs, etc.

Emotionally, take things one day at a time - while keeping a eye on how things are going too. MOST OF ALL - COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE!!! Find ways to share things with one another - even when you can't BE with one another (notes, pictures, emails, etc). Treasure each spare moment together - even if it's washing baby clothes or grocery shopping. Remember that each semester is finite - it WILL end!!

Not sure if any of this will be helpful - let me know if you have any additional questions!! Best wishes!

 

[Lady Albert]

Hello!

I’m new to SDN, though my dh has been a member for quite awhile now. He is starting med school this summer/fall. So far we are going to Wake Forest, but we are keeping our fingers crossed for UNC or ECU.

I am very interested in learning how you moms stay home, the real posts are very informative and I want to bump this thread up to get more info and success stories. We have a dd who will just turn 3 when dh starts school. I’ve been blessed to stay home with her so far and would really like to continue to do this.

Any info is GREATLY appreciated. I love hearing about how you guys make it work. One quick question… are you living off loans or do any of you qualify for food stamps and Medicaid? Curious, I’m nervous about what the next 4 years entail!

Thanks!

 

[k's mom]

I guess I have a lot to say, so I will try to keep it short and not ramble...yeah, you can do it, no problem. Most of the families here with SAHM's and SAHD's have some sort of income, but not all of them. As for medicaid/foodstamps, it will depend on where you move. These are the things I've learned over the past three years of my experience/helping others: 1. If you are currently on any sort of public assistance and will be moving states, get a letter of certification from your current state saying that you are no longer eligible/recieving benefits. This will help expedite your case in the new state. 2. Apply for benefits ASAP (although I couldn't do it in good conscience until we were moving..it might even be illegal to apply before you take up residence.) Here in Pennsylvania (and many other states) your application is RETROACTIVE to date of application. For example, I applied on July 3rd (the day I could honestly say I was no longer a resident of our previous state). I had a bitter fight with our new county and was not officially "approved" until October 1st, but all of my medical costs from July 3rd were covered.( Good thing, since I found out I was pregnant with #2 THE DAY WE ARRIVED at hubby's med school ) 3. Most states now have free/low cost health care insurance programs for children, and most medical colleges have health centers where spouses/dependents of students can be seen free/low cost, so you may have options there...although you can't get away without your husband having full coverage. 4. Repeat after me: "I am a resident of the state of _________. I plan to live here until I am old and gray." While filling out an application or being interviewed NEVER, EVER get suckered into saying anything differently. Also, if they try to pull the "You are considered to be a resident inthe same state as your husband," FIGHT IT. This is what happened to me, and I'm glad I didn't cave in. I kept insisting they show me where that is stated in law. Of course they couldn't..what an incredibly sexist, not to mention unconstitutional, load of baloney...and I won. 5. Financial Aid IS NOT INCOME. DO NOT RECORD IT AS SUCH. However, by the time your husband gets his first financial aid check (by the way, this may not happen until classes have ALREADY started and he has purchased his books, so be warned!), you will most likely have already applied. This is where I also had some difficulty, but it was because our county office had a new supervisor who didn't know her job very well. In the last 9 months, none of the families using that office have had problems because the case workers have been retrained. One of my neighbors had a baby last year, and when she was a month old they were both kicked off of medicaid...this friend of mine made less than $250.00/month at her part-time job!!!!!!! (I make 3-4 times that at mine, and we don't even get close to the cut off) Unfortunately, she is an absolute sweetheart and didn't fight it, so it took until last month (and a few thousand dollars in insurance premiums) for her to be reinstated.

PM me!!!!!!!!!

Stephanie

 

[1Path]

Any stay at home moms want to share how you do it?

No offense, but I'm not sure what the question is here. How do stay at home Moms do what exactly???

Now single Moms that are stay at home Moms has to be the most stressful parenting situation there is!!!! There are the TRUE "Superwomen" IMHO.

 

[k's mom]

No offense, but I'm not sure what the question is here. How do stay at home Moms do what exactly???

Now single Moms that are stay at home Moms has to be the most stressful parenting situation there is!!!! There are the TRUE "Superwomen" IMHO.

Um, the original question was posted by someone who wanted to know how sahm's achieve day-to-day financial and emotional sanity....because she was considering becoming one.

 

[1Path]

Um, the original question was posted by someone who wanted to know how sahm's achieve day-to-day financial and emotional sanity....because she was considering becoming one.

I guess I missed the financial/emotional sanity part, which I still don't see int eh original post. Then the answer is pretty simple.................you work for financal sanity and exercise, take long hot baths, meditate ect. for emotional sanity!

 

[commymommy]

No offense, but I'm not sure what the question is here. How do stay at home Moms do what exactly???

Now single Moms that are stay at home Moms has to be the most stressful parenting situation there is!!!! There are the TRUE "Superwomen" IMHO.

Is there a such thing as a single sahm? I guess you mean welfare moms? I would say that sahm's are superwomen too...gee, so are working moms...mothers in general are superwomen.

 

[radspouse]

I guess I missed the financial/emotional sanity part, which I still don't see int eh original post. Then the answer is pretty simple.................you work for financal sanity and exercise, take long hot baths, meditate ect. for emotional sanity!

Actually the original post simply stated:

Any stay at home moms want to share how you do it?

So, general information was asked of those who define themselves as stay at home moms.

While this original post was very, very general and probably a bit difficult to answer initially due to its generality, the original poster later clarified with the following:

Thanks for an on-topic reply. I want to know how you survive financially and what kind of lifestyle you live.

So, if you were to actually read the thread, you would see that the original poster was seeking information from those who stay at home to raise their children regarding financial arrangements and lifestyle choices.

There didn't appear to be any desire for speculation from those who have never defined themselves as stay at home mothers. Rather, it appears that information gained from experience on the subject at hand (ie staying at home as a mother) was desired.

 

[radspouse]

As an aside, there seems to be a great amount of hostility towards those who choose to be mothers full-time (ie "stay at home" to be the primary caretakers of their children) from what I've seen on this thread and others. It's telling about a person's psychological issues if they are releasing so much venom in reaction to relatively benign questions directed towards those who have made the choice to fall into the "stay at home mother" portion of our society.

 

[LADoc00]

How about a change: The guys WHO make SAHM represent!

I

 

[alison_in_oh]

How about a change: The guys WHO make SAHM represent!

I

The guys who make the moms...you mean their fathers?

Or does this mean that the World Health Organization is making guys into SAHM through some diabolical gender reassignment home imprisonment tactic?

Please expound, I'm fascinated!

 

[1Path]

Is there a such thing as a single sahm? I guess you mean welfare moms? .

Are you serious???? How about the mother of 5 children under 7 who lost her husband on 9/11?? Superwoman in the flesh, I'd say!

 

[1Path]

There didn't appear to be any desire for speculation from those who have never defined themselves as stay at home mothers. Rather, it appears that information gained from experience on the subject at hand (ie staying at home as a mother) was desired.

What IS the definition of a SAHM? A woman who stays at home for a month, 6 months, year, decades???? What about a Mom who has a C-section baby with minor depression then goes back to work after 8 months, decides to work for the next 4 months while the baby goes to childcare, then decides to stay at home again. Is she a stay at home Mom? Or is it once your child has been "tainted" with childcare that you loose your "halo"??

ANY woman who has had or cared for a baby while NOT working outside of the home, has been a SAHM, in my opinion.

 

[1Path]

How about a change: The guys WHO make SAHM represent!

Word!!! How stressful it must be to carry the weight of your family financially on YOUR shoulders! It's one thing to support your children, but to support another able bodied, healthy adult too?? Kuddos to the guys for "bringing home the bacon" for EVERYONE to enjoy!!!!!

PS- I'm NOT being sarcastic here!!!!

 

[commymommy]

Are you serious???? How about the mother of 5 children under 7 who lost her husband on 9/11?? Superwoman in the flesh, I'd say!

I didn't realize that we were talking about the few women with 5 children under 7 who lost their husbands on 9/11. For some reason, I had the understanding that this was a discussion about how sahm's manage to organize and survive financially. It is you, path, who boomed in with:


No offense, but I'm not sure what the question is here. How do stay at home Moms do what exactly???

Now single Moms that are stay at home Moms has to be the most stressful parenting situation there is!!!! There are the TRUE "Superwomen" IMHO.

I don't know why you continue to troll these forums since you aren't the spouse of a medical student/resident but since you are, let me give it to you straight up.

Many women and men sacrifice a lot of themselves to move across the country and support their spouse while they are in medical training. They put their own needs on the backburner to provide the most stable familiy life that they can. There are very few single moms who are also stay at home moms that I know of outside of welfare moms....and I suppose the woman who lost her husband. Of course she is superwoman. Well guess what...there are a lot of 'superwomen' that balance the family's financial budget, help the children with their homework, take their kids to their activities, make the dr and dental appointments, organize the home, cook the meals, quilt the blankets and fall into bed each night wishing they had a few more hours in the day so that they could finish reading that 500 page novel that they had started.

Word!!! How stressful it must be to carry the weight of your family financially on YOUR shoulders! It's one thing to support your children, but to support another able bodied, healthy adult too?? Kuddos to the guys for "bringing home the bacon" for EVERYONE to enjoy!!!!!

PS- I'm NOT being sarcastic here!!!!

Sahm's carry as heavy of a burden of caring for the family as the working parent. Not only that, it is often a choice made by both parents, not just the mom. Your attitude (not surprisingly) is insulting and rude.

Get the hell over yourself.

 

[1Path]

I don't know why you continue to troll these forums since you aren't the spouse of a medical student/resident but since you are, let me give it to you straight up

This thread asked about the experiences of SAHM's which I ONCE WAS TOO for a brief time !!!!!!!! However, I didn't realize that med/resident spouses are the only QUALIFIED SAHM's that could respond here.

Sahm's carry as heavy of a burden of caring for the family as the working parent. Not only that, it is often a choice made by both parents, not just the mom. Your attitude (not surprisingly) is insulting and rude.

Pluueezze! Unless your are caring for 3 children under 5 or a child with special needs, then in NO way does staying at home compare to a man who is solely responsible for supporting his family. You have the COMFORT of KNOWING that the bills will paid, food will be on the table, clothes will be on your back. That's a hellava lot different than what single parents (welfare mothers included) and primary breadwinners deal with.

Get the hell over yourself

Dam lady, did you for get to take your Prozac today???

 

[DrMom]

Please post here only if you're wanting to contribute to the OP's post. Stop the bashing.

 

[commymommy]

Pluueezze! Unless your are caring for 3 children under 5 or a child with special needs, then in NO way does staying at home compare to a man who is solely responsible for supporting his family. You have the COMFORT of KNOWING that the bills will paid, food will be on the table, clothes will be on your back. That's a hellava lot different than what single parents (welfare mothers included) and primary breadwinners deal with.

Dam lady, did you for get to take your Prozac today???

This is a forum for the spouse's of physicians and not phd students who will be applying to med school. Your perspective is best discussed amongst your peers. The specific OP would like to know how it is possible to balance things financially to stay at home for a family that values having one parent stay at home. Not all families do value that....apparently you didn't and that is fine...it does not make you a bad mom, or a worse mom than the OP. However, this is the choice that the OP made and their are challenges related to staying home...both financially, emotionally and related to putting your own career on hold. Since this is something you know nothing about, perhaps you would be better advised to simply not answer.

You have 1 child and you work. You have no idea what challenges these ladies and men go through to keep their own families healthy and strong and your attitude is condescending and demeaning. Please stick to the appropriate forums for you. There are many physicians who are grateful to have their husband or wife staying at home to take care of the house and kids because they value the comfort that their spouse provides THEM. You aren't one of those people...so what? Why don't you let other people make their choices and show them the respect that you would like for the choices that you have made.

Since you obviously don't know the challenges a sahp supporting a medical student or resident faces, let me educate you. These moms and dads make sure that the children are well taken care of (something I'm certain you would want if you were choosing a daycare facility for your child...) They often engage in many enrichment activities with their kids just like you would find in a preschool program. One of the reasons that many of them don't send the children to preschool is because they can't afford it. Many of them were professionals (attorneys, teachers, accountants etc) who were forced to move after the match results came out or the med school acceptance came in the mail. They had little say over where they ended up and were unable to find a good job that would pay for them to work. Others stay at home because they want to have those first few years as a sahp.

Besides caring for the children, many sahp's make sure the house is clean, the laundry is done, they manage the finances, make all home maintenance phone calls (and often the repairs), and are the ones to mow the lawn, go to all parent-teacher meetings etc.

Some of them use the time to also try and improve their own job prospects by going back to school part-time...others help with finances by starting home businesses that they run in addition to everything else.

A sahm or sahd isn't simply sitting on the sofa eating bon bons waiting for the paycheck.

The spouse helps quiz the md student, and provides emotional support during tough call months when their spouse is feeling unable to go on. I, for example, put together care packages for my spouse when he was in the ICU, planned relaxing family activities for us when he was home and made sure that he got time alone to read and regenerate. I listened when he was angry or feeling like he didn't want to do it anymore and encouraged him and celebrated with him when he was successful. As a matter of fact, when he was in the lab and had a horrid call schedule it was me that got up in the middle of the night and went and counted the mice in his experiment that had died at certain times and put them in the freezer for him for his research. He tells me regularly that he wouldn't have made it without me....and I think that's true. So.....if he wouldn't have made it then I guess there would be no great salary for us to use to support our children.

I work as hard as he does.

Apparently, you don't value the contributions of parents who choose to stay home ....so please refrain from responding to these types of posts in a forum that is meant to support these spouses.

 

[commymommy]

Please post here only if you're wanting to contribute to the OP's post. Stop the bashing.

I think that it needs to be made clear that these are forums meant to SUPPORT the spouses of med students and residents and not to discuss whether or not this role is valuable.

Maybe the sdn needs to open up a separate forum for med students and residents to talk about their own relationship issues.

I apologize to the original OP and I will now excuse myself from these forums. I have been a less frequent visitor here because of the misc. non-physician spouse discussions but I think I need to simply leave for awhile. It does nothing to help me and I end up feeling more frustrated.

 

[1Path]

Any stay at home moms want to share how you do it?

When I stayed at home, I took a corespondence course and did volunteer work. Many universities offer them and I think it's a great way to "keep the mind" active. Financially it worked just fine for my family although admittedly we ate out far less often.

I also think tutoring is a great way to make some extra cash when needed.

 

[DrMom]

Please refrain from making personal attacks. I'd hate to have to close a thread that could be useful to others simply because some people can't post without making insults.

 

[MJArt]

DH graduated from med school a semester early. We have 4 children. While he was in med school I worked FT and went to grad school FT. We had our 4th a few months ago. I stayed at home until he graduated. Now I am back to work and he is at home FT. The other day he turned to me and said "I would take the busiest day at the hospital over staying at home. This is sooo hard! How did you do it?"

Well, I think he understands how hard it is. I will be staying at home FT once we move for residency. I don't make plans - because they always fall through. Well, actually, I have a list of things that need to get done and a list of would like to do. I would do a minimum of x-number from each list. That way I would always get to my want to do list (even if it is a walk around the block).

Advice 1: Get out of the house daily (even a walk around the block). Okay, when we had 12+ inches of snow, it meant shoveling....
Advice 2: Do something for yourself daily
Advice 3: Find a support system (share a play date or get together for lunch with another resident/med school spouse)
Advice 4: A day at a time (it is amazing how quickly the last 4 years of med scchool have passed)
Advice 5: Big picture (med school is only 4 years out of the 50+ years we plan to be together, etc)
Advice 6: Study together. I would sit on the sofa and quiz him on Derm and Hematopoesis. It is amazing how much I learned and how much he appreciated that time together.

I suppose I could go on and on, but I try to do these things to keep my life sane.

Good luck!