OMM lab, to me, was always reminiscent of a pleasant stroll through a carnival while perusing the monstrosities that, in this case, were our own bare bodies. Fortunately, you may rest assured that persons suffering from genetic anomalies in the form of possessing "rock hard bodies" are, by far, in the minority. By and large, most medical students are tragic victims of the Freshman 50 or, worse, they have been paid numerous visits by the Back Hair Fairy. For sure, you will see more ?Kegs? than ?Six Packs.?
Even I was not immune from participation in the sideshow known as "OMM Lab." There I was, bare backed in OMM lab proudly exhibiting my anomalous gift, Spina Bifida. Why yes, it is quite a site to behold. You see, my entire spinal cord protrudes six inches from my back and is covered only by a thin, highly vascularized but otherwise pathetic membrane. This affliction makes manipulation quite inconvenient, I assure you, and also makes attracting mates almost unfeasible. For certain I would have been emotionally distraught had it not been for the close, personal support of my classmates, Bob "Webbed Feet" Anderson and Jimmy "Three Cheeks" Nelson. Without them, life in OMM lab would have been almost impossible, as it was for people like Peter "Accessory Nipples" McGee. Only Ralph ?The Muslim? O?Toole (a red-haired, freckly-faced lad) was exempt from public derision, as he had the foresight to convert to Islam before school began and submit all necessary paperwork exempting him, for religious reasons, from bearing excess skin. Ralph, my friends, was the smart one. And he lives today without the emotional scar that my friends and I bear.
So, I suggest you all begin to prepare yourselves mentally for this event. Some may even wish to seek out counselors in advance in order to deal with the certain emotional trauma that most experience. Fortunately, most counseling will be reimbursed by insurance, thanks in part to the American Psychological Association who has expanded the definition of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to include participation in OMM laboratories.
I wish you all well and encourage each of you to enjoy your final remaining months of mental health.
(For the humor impaired, I do not truly suffer from Spina Bifida. I assure you that my neural tube fused properly during my fetal development. Thank you in advance for your sympathy and concern, however.)
