Student/Doctor relationship

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Normal. Surgical attendings, residents, even anesthesia peeps do this all the time. They are trying to get to know you. And I second this:

bassvp said:
I think these are pretty normal. I could see how the dating question could be considered awkward, but it is really a pretty normal question so that he can tell what your priorities are in life. How close they live to you? I have a few co-workers that I live near and I mention it often as a point of commonality and it's nice to feel close to them even if you would never visit their house.

...Surgeons see a lot of pretty ugly people naked...chances are his eyes need a break.
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Awesome because it's so true. There are a lot of ugly naked people out there.
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I'm assuming this doctor is unattractive, or this wouldn't have become an issue.
 
TallScrubs said:
OP's med school interview in 2014:

(12 minutes into interview)
Interviewer (male): So, besides being the president of twelve pre-med clubs, what do you do in your spare time...for fun?

OP: Are you coming onto me?

Edit to add something useful. OP, I agree with others who say you are looking WAY too into this.
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Okay, I wouldn't have posted this if it was completely normal small talk, I know what small talk is and of course expected to talk about non medical related things to pass the time but what I am talking about in conversation is not just "normal" especially when things sometimes start with "I shouldn't be asking but..." or an invitation to dinner, and Im not the type that thinks every guy I talk to comes on to me... Im in a sorority so you can put the puzzle pieces together.
 
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I agree with many of the other people on this thread, that this is acceptable and normal.

But if it is still bothering you then you must first confront him directly and simply say something like I'm not comfortable talking about that etc..... Then afterwards if he continues to do so or if things get worse (asking you out, saying something blatantly sexual like nice but etc....) you should find another doc to shadow or go to a higher up authority. He probably doesn't mean any of this, and doesn't know it's making you uncomfortable. I definitely would not go to a higher up without talking to the doc first.

this is how it works where ever you work, with things relating to harassment. Go to the source first, then to a higher up.
 
LAW0792 said:
Okay, I wouldn't have posted this if it was completely normal small talk, I know what small talk is and of course expected to talk about non medical related things to pass the time but what I am talking about in conversation is not just "normal" especially when things sometimes start with "I shouldn't be asking but..." or an invitation to dinner, and Im not the type that thinks every guy I talk to comes on to me... Im in a sorority so you can put the puzzle pieces together.
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What advice can we provide you with?
 
LAW0792 said:
Okay, I wouldn't have posted this if it was completely normal small talk, I know what small talk is and of course expected to talk about non medical related things to pass the time but what I am talking about in conversation is not just "normal" especially when things sometimes start with "I shouldn't be asking but..." or an invitation to dinner, and Im not the type that thinks every guy I talk to comes on to me... Im in a sorority so you can put the puzzle pieces together.
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Okay, if he's starting sentences with "I shouldn't be asking this" and asking you to dinner, he is definitely hitting on you. I think that probably a lot of the people who have given you advice saying, "Whatever this is totally normal" are men and don't understand that many women get uncomfortable when they are hit on or asked incessantly about their social life in a professional setting. He is TWICE your age and acting in a mentor capacity. It is not acceptable for him to treat you differently because you're female.
 
TheMightySmiter said:
Okay, if he's starting sentences with "I shouldn't be asking this" and asking you to dinner, he is definitely hitting on you. I think that probably a lot of the people who have given you advice saying, "Whatever this is totally normal" are men and don't understand that many women get uncomfortable when they are hit on or asked incessantly about their social life in a professional setting. He is TWICE your age and acting in a mentor capacity. It is not acceptable for him to treat you differently because you're female.
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Thank you you're the only one who seems to get what I am saying !
 
LAW0792 said:
I wasn't asking for advice mauberley...
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What I'm driving at is, what are you seeking from us to provide you with a reasonable conclusion to your original post?
 
LAW0792 said:
Okay, I wouldn't have posted this if it was completely normal small talk, I know what small talk is and of course expected to talk about non medical related things to pass the time but what I am talking about in conversation is not just "normal" especially when things sometimes start with "I shouldn't be asking but..." or an invitation to dinner, and Im not the type that thinks every guy I talk to comes on to me... Im in a sorority so you can put the puzzle pieces together.
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Okay, newbie, here's the problem; your first post. Go read that post carefully and explain why you didn't include what you JUST said in that? What you're saying now and what you said before are two completely different things...
 
LAW0792 said:
Okay, I wouldn't have posted this if it was completely normal small talk, I know what small talk is and of course expected to talk about non medical related things to pass the time but what I am talking about in conversation is not just "normal" especially when things sometimes start with "I shouldn't be asking but..." or an invitation to dinner, and Im not the type that thinks every guy I talk to comes on to me... Im in a sorority so you can put the puzzle pieces together.
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If it's the kind of stuff that makes you feel weird and you typically can put up with guys hitting on you and stuff without a problem, you should probably just find someone else to work with.

It doesn't sound like there's much benefit to working with this guy for you that another doctor couldn't provide. Yeah guys do this stuff sometimes, but many of us are dogs and use that excuse as a reason to always take stuff to far under the guise of typical guy stuff. Hopefully you're sure about which category this guy falls into.

And...pics or it didn't happen.
 
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I was disappointed by the title...I was expecting something a lot raunchier!

Like that thread where that chick asked if it was OK if she had sex ("but not REAALLY sex, guys") with her prof for a grade.
 
Venom5 said:
I was disappointed by the title...I was expecting something a lot raunchier!

Like that thread where that chick asked if it was OK if she had sex ("but not REAALLY sex, guys") with her prof for a grade.
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Sorry to have disappointed you
 
"And...pics or it didn't happen." ?
 
Edit: read later post of op, made more sense. triage fail.
 
TallScrubs said:
OP's med school interview in 2014:

(12 minutes into interview)
Interviewer (male): So, besides being the president of twelve pre-med clubs, what do you do in your spare time...for fun?

OP: Are you coming onto me?

Edit to add something useful. OP, I agree with others who say you are looking WAY too into this.
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Are you seriously equaling that to OP's situation? She obviously has a reason to be concerned or she wouldn't have made the thread, assuming this is not a troll thread.

The same questions can show completely different intentions depending on the way they were delivered. I can use the question "are you seeing anyone?" to show genuine care about a friend's status or as a sleazy pick-up toward a girl I met at a party. For your example above, the interviewer could totally put the question in a suggestive manner. Would the OP be reading too much into things then?

Venom5 said:
Speaking of pics...is that you in your avatar?
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Are you going to say "no wonder why" next?
 
Venom5 said:
IM more tactful than that. JK...I have just never seen someone use their real pic as their avatar
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I didn't notice the picture when the thread was started. I am starting to suspect we have all been trolled, hard.
 
FattySlug said:
I didn't notice the picture when the thread was started. I am starting to suspect we have all been trolled, hard.
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Me neither...she added it later haha

maybe she's a he and has that pic to troll us?
 
Caesar said:
This sounds like normal small talk to me. It is natural to get to a more personal level with someone you shadow. Hell, the doc I shadow has been grilling me about not having a GF for years now. I also know all about her kids, her husband, her plans for holidays, and she comments on my dress. Sounds like the doc is being human. You get to keep humanity when you get the letters after your name.

If he isn't saying things overtly sexual then I don't really see the problem.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" - okay.
"Do you have a boyfriend? Want to fool around?" - not okay.

"what are you doing for the weekend?" - okay
"What are you doing for the weekend? Want to make a baby?" - not okay.

You get the drift.
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Agreed.

Donald Juan said:
I think it sounds normal. Maybe the problem is that the OP is 18 and has never had a 35 year old talk to her like a normal person and just make small talk.
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I think this is important. OP, I'm not trying to bash you at all; when I was 18 it this might have seemed weird to me too. I imagine you're just out of high school and haven't interacted with many adults in a professional sort of setting. But it sounds like the guy was just chatting with you like he would with any of his other colleagues. Heck, I shadowed a physician for a day last week, and about an hour after meeting him he had me helping pick out an anniversary present for his wife! (He decided on a new frittata pan, to those who were wondering. :))
 
Venom5 said:
Me neither...she added it later haha

maybe she's a he and has that pic to troll us?
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wtf? ok well yes that is my picture for my avatar sam one I use for my TSM instead of some lame cartoon picture... I did add it recently and this isn't a bogus thread I just wanted some input about the situation and how others would interpret it since the only other experience I have had shadowing have been some of my dads colleagues so obviously the experience would not have been the same. Some of the peoples responses have been so ridiculous.
 
TallScrubs said:
OP's med school interview in 2014:

(12 minutes into interview)
Interviewer (male): So, besides being the president of twelve pre-med clubs, what do you do in your spare time...for fun?

OP: Are you coming onto me?

Edit to add something useful. OP, I agree with others who say you are looking WAY too into this.
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LOL!

doc-What'd you think of the heat losing to the mavericks?
op- Hey, I dont go to fourth base on the first date!
 
Inb4 getcaughtbythedoctorcuzhehasanaccounttoo :eek:

"Hey LAW0792, I wasn't hitting on you.." lol

OP, If you don't feel comfy talk to the adviser that is in charge of that program your in and request a change or look for another doc. /thread
 
AsianPersuasion said:
Inb4 getcaughtbythedoctorcuzhehasanaccounttoo :eek:

"Hey LAW0792, I wasn't hitting on you.." lol

OP, If you don't feel comfy talk to the adviser that is in charge of that program your in and request a change or look for another doc. /thread
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I have to admit that would be hilarious.
 
LAW0792 said:
wtf? ok well yes that is my picture for my avatar sam one I use for my TSM instead of some lame cartoon picture... I did add it recently and this isn't a bogus thread I just wanted some input about the situation and how others would interpret it since the only other experience I have had shadowing have been some of my dads colleagues so obviously the experience would not have been the same. Some of the peoples responses have been so ridiculous.
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This is a realllllllllly bad idea. Just saying.
 
1) forget medicine
2) marry rich
3) soccer mom
4) ????
5) PROFIT
 
Relax, he's a doctor. I don't think he's desperate for an 18 year old.
 
I don't think anyone melted.. most everyone was not sympathetic to her 'plight'.. if only I could get a LoR so easily..
 
LAW0792 said:
wtf? ok well yes that is my picture for my avatar sam one I use for my TSM instead of some lame cartoon picture... I did add it recently and this isn't a bogus thread I just wanted some input about the situation and how others would interpret it since the only other experience I have had shadowing have been some of my dads colleagues so obviously the experience would not have been the same. Some of the peoples responses have been so ridiculous.
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BAD idea. Get it off ASAP.
 
Law you know whats a even worse idea is downloading a pic from your facebook, uploading it as your avatar, and not changing the name that facebook assigns to the pic... It makes it easily traceable

81.jpg
 
demh23 said:
Law you know whats a even worse idea is downloading a pic from your facebook, uploading it as your avatar, and not changing the name that facebook assigns to the pic... It makes it easily traceable

81.jpg
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haha ok creep... and the purpose of the picture you posted is???
 
I have been in a similar situation as you and it can get a bit awkward and uncomfortable when the small talk begins and you're wondering if this is crossing some invisible lines even though it really is casual conversation. I don't think OP is some innocent 18 year old with no experience as to how men operate. She's just wondering if this should be taken as the norm or not. Like everyone else said, just ignore it. I think sometimes we think too much into it. Especially when it's dealing with an older man. (it's easier to brush off a younger guy, no offense lol)

You don't want to offend someone by thinking they're into you when they're just trying to be friendly.
 
AM90 said:
I have been in a similar situation as you and it can get a bit awkward and uncomfortable when the small talk begins and you're wondering if this is crossing some invisible lines even though it really is casual conversation. I don't think OP is some innocent 18 year old with no experience as to how men operate. She's just wondering if this should be taken as the norm or not. Like everyone else said, just ignore it. I think sometimes we think too much into it. Especially when it's dealing with an older man. (it's easier to brush off a younger guy, no offense lol)

You don't want to offend someone by thinking they're into you when they're just trying to be friendly.
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Thats all I really wanted to know and just if other girls have been in similar situations and what they thought of it. Im not going to ever mention anything to him or the administration because making waves is the last thing I would want to do besides the fact that he would be a great person for a LOR with his standing. Thank you AM90!
 
LAW0792 said:
Thank you you're the only one who seems to get what I am saying !
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In the future, maybe you should post all of the relevant details in your original post and others might get what your saying from the start rather than trying to piece together everything as you add important facts with each additional post. Seriously, the first post sounds like the guy is making small talk and then a few posts later you say he's prefacing with "I shouldn't be asking this, but" and asking you out to dinner.

C'mon now.
 
NightGod said:
In the future, maybe you should post all of the relevant details in your original post and others might get what your saying from the start rather than trying to piece together everything as you add important facts with each additional post. Seriously, the first post sounds like the guy is making small talk and then a few posts later you say he's prefacing with "I shouldn't be asking this, but" and asking you out to dinner.

C'mon now.
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I agree with you,my mistake, my first time posting a thread...obviously lol.
 
I totally understand what your going through, I've had a similar experience with a younger doctor while I was shadowing, Its not that much to worry about if your not interested in pursuing him, keep it casual and just deal with whatever makes you uncomfortable, and deal with it with a smile! that way you get a good LOR if you want one from him. Trust me being in this situation is not a bad thing, look at it as an advantage, more than likely he's interested in you but perhaps not willing to make a real move if you declined a dinner invitation, just curious as all men can be or like another poster mentioned, his eyes just need a break. Just play it cool and you will probably get more opportunities to participate while you are shadowing because of his interest along with a good LOR.
ew and dont pay attention to the geeds who cant help but showing how much of a GDI they are on here!
 
LAW0792 said:
I agree with you,my mistake, my first time posting a thread...obviously lol.
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Holy ****e-someone on SDN who admits a mistake without making up a snarky excuse or blaming everyone else? This thread should be stickied!!!
 
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