Suddenly medical school seems completely irrelevant

[Ciardeme]

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What a difference one event, one moment in your life can make. A friend of mine was brutally killed this past Thursday. I am sure many of you saw it on the news. A crazed elderly man killed his granddaughter and 3 neighbors. There are absolutely no words to describe how devastating this is. Has anyone been through this? I am not coping.

 

[EC]

Hi Ciardeme,

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this...it's absolutely terrible. You're right. In light of all this trauma and a loss of a close friend, medical school is irrelevant. I hope you can cope through these next few weeks.

Best wishes,
EC

 

[EpiII]

I have not had to go through a situation like what you are currently enduring. Just take one day at a time and let yourself go through the grieving process. It is incredibly shocking and certainly does put the rest of life into perspective.

 

[imtiaz]

im sorry to hear that. i hope that things get better for you. it just goes to show that life is short and all the hoops we jump through somehow all of a sudden become meaningless at a time like this. take care.

 

[k's mom]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know this may sound completely cliche, but things do get better with time. Now is not the time to make any decisions.... and I'm sure it's not just medicine that seems irrelevent...just "give it time" and TALK TO SOMEONE (no, computer posting boards are not sufficient).
A year and a half ago one of my students...a sweet, kind, 16 year old honor student, was shot to death on her front steps as she came home from (no joke) bible study. He mother could do nothing but hold her as she bled to death. So far, no arrests. No clues. I taught at a very small school, so it was obviously devastating to our community. HOwever, as I look at the incident from the perspective of 17 months, it has had a profoundly positive effect on my life, as well as the lives of many of my former students. I no longer take anything for granted. Specifically, my family always knows how much I love them, and I feel more confident than ever that teaching is what I was meant to do with my life...believe me, I almost quit a thousand times in those few days after Becky's murder. Use this incident to reevaluate your life, and what you want to accomplish. If medicine was so important to you before this incident, I feel that it will be just as important, if not more, once you have made it through this rocky time.

Best Luck.

 

[MorningLight2100]

I send you and those around you my deepest condolences, Ciardeme. I cannot even begin to imagine what you're experiencing at the moment. Please turn to those whom you love, and find comfort in each other. . . .

 

[KyGrlDr2B]

I am deeply sorry for what happened. The above posters are right. A situation such as this puts everything into perspective. Suddenly, you realize what is important and what is not, who you want to be around and do not, and what you should not spend time worrying about. In time, you will see clearer. I hope you handle things well (as can be expected, anyway) and definitely seek someone to talk to.

 

[Mystique]

Ciardeme,

I'm sorry to hear the news. I can't even fathom what you must be going through...especially with life ending in a tragic unpredictable manner like that. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms, but if you need someone other than your friends and family to talk to, we're here for you.

 

[oldman]

I can understand your feeling. I am an emt and I was at the big 10 conference track meet. I wasn't able to save the pole vaulter who died. I have been crying like crazy.

 

[KDocGirl]

Ciardeme,
I know how it feels to lose someone you love, especially so young. My deepest condolences go out to you. I found strength in remembering their spirit and time in this world. It does give you perspective on not getting caught up in material things and careers. We need to remember to never take life and the people in it for granted.

 

[vixen]

I'm sorry for your loss ciardeme...I've recently lost someone too and you should try and talk to someone...time will help...my thoughts are with you.

 

[SMW]

No, I have not been through anything like this, Ciardeme, although I have lost loved ones. I can imagine that you are not "coping." This is not a situation for coping. I can well imagine how irrelevant medical school seems. Let yourself grieve. I am so sorry about your loss. I will be thinking about you as I go about my interviews in the next week. I'm sure that you will come out of this with a renewed determination to serve.

 

[katiep]

I'm very very sorry.

 

[otter]

•••quote:•••Originally posted by oldman:
•I can understand your feeling. I am an emt and I was at the big 10 conference track meet. I wasn't able to save the pole vaulter who died. I have been crying like crazy.•••••That pole vaulter from Penn State ... I read about him on a news site yesterday. That must have been a horrible thing to witness, let alone absolutely devastating to the victim himself. After I read that article, I was picturing the poor guy falling back the other way and, at the same time, I was trying to shelve that image in horror.

They need to make pole vaulting safer. There should be a thick padding ready off to the side at the bottom where the pole vaulters take off from. Then, as the vaulter reaches the apex in his/her jump, there should be a couple of people there to push the padding forward to cover the area where the pole vaulter took off from.

 

[oldman]

i have been thinking about what could have been done to prevent it.

now i am having nightmares about what i saw. i have been dreaming about failing my duties. argh. that was the worst day i've had in a long time. as doctors we will all have similar experiences. it is up to us to have enough strength to continue living even as we are surrounded by death. i will learn from this and be a better doctor. i pray to god for that because his death will not be in vain. all i want to do now is cry.

 

[rockaway]

I am very sorry to hear of your loss, at times life makes no sense at all, I hope you're doing OK

 

[Coalboy]

Nothing like a thread like this to put a human face on the news. I read both stories, and while horrified, I was able to move on, as they didnt directly affect me. All I can say is that I feel for both of you.

Ciardeme, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. What a senseless way to go.

Oldman, it sounds like you should take advantage of whatever CISD resources you have available to you. All Fire/EMS services should have them readily available, and they are there for situations just like this.

 

[oldman]

i went to a CISD yesterday. it was helpful. i think this feeling of wanting to cry is helpful. Everytime I cry now, I feel more of the pain draining out of my soul. I feel ready to charge back into the battle against death. It may be uphill, it may be impossible. As doctors we are the elite soldiers who try to stem the suffering of people.

 

[sundevil1]

Ciardeme,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and families of the victims. Don't worry about coping or trying to make sense out of all this right now. Just think about right now, and like k's mom said, take things one day at a time.

oldman,

All we can ever do is try our best and I know that as future docs, we will have many times when our best just isn't good enough and sometimes that is the way it needs to be. We will all struggle with this in the coming years.

 

[Coalboy]

I've been doing the EMT thing for a while now, and have luckily never been traumatized enough to need CISD. All the same, I've heard stories from people at my station, so I guess it's only a matter of time, really. As you said, it's an unfortunate part of the job. I'm glad to hear you're working to deal with it.

 

[oldman]

Let me tell you, it was the worst thing I will ever see in my life. The director of the unit told me that it will be the worst thing ever cause it's my first. It will get easier. I have to find the right balance between distancing myself yet keep my humanity.

Through the next four years. I will be sufferering through biochemistry, lab work, anatomy, etc. Through it all, I will remember Kevin Dare. Through his death, I will have the strength to do what I need to do. I just want to thank Kevin for his sacrifice. He will never know what he has done for me. I will not fail.

 

[Mary Jane Watson]

Ciardeme and oldman,

I will be thinking about you today.

 

[charleb32]

I understand the pain that you are going through. In my senior year of high school three of my friends died in a six month period. One committed suicide, one died in a car accident, and the other was shot to death by his uncle. I left town as soon as I could and ended up starting college in the summer just to get away. Four years later, I still think of each one of them all of the time, but the pain is not as sharp and I am now able to remember them for their lives rather than for their deaths. You will both be in my prayers, and know that it won't always hurt this bad.

 

[mdhopeful]

ciardeme, i am sorry about your loss. keep your head up and keep the faith. as future doctors, we are all going to have to learn to cope with these realities of life. don't be afraid to talk to someone if you are having problems coping. sometimes after a tragic event people are fine, then down the road they realize they never had proper closure. i hope and pray you will come to peace with it all. good luck.

 

[trout]

I am so sorry to hear about such a horrible event and acknowledging the pain you are suffering...I was an emt for 3 years and worked on an accident where a 16 year old went through the windshield and died, I had babysat for her when I was in high school and it always amazed me how life can just disappear...it took me 6 months and a weekly support group to even talk about it...If I can give any adivce it would be to find someone you feel comfortable to talking to as soon as you feel ready. It really helps sometimes to just talk and scream and cry....

 

[oldman]

This patient was someone I did not know and I am distraut. I cannot imagine actually knowing the patient. I would be crushed.

I'm glad you have survived the healing process.

 

[Ciardeme]

Thank all of you for your kind words of support. Oldman, i did learn of this unfortunate accident the day after my friend died. I am so sorry you and this athlete's parents had to witness such a tragic event.
I am still trying to pull myself from this sinking pit of despair. I can't seem to come to grips with the fact that I will never see my friend again. I am trying to deal with all the things left unsaid. I know it has only been one week, but the pain seems to be getting worse, not better. And please, if you could not reply with the "God's greater plan" speech. I am not buying. This event has convinced me that there is no such thing as "god".
Let this be a lesson to all of you. Tell your friends and family how you feel. You may not get that chance tomorrow or even this evening for that matter. I know it sounds cliche', but believe me when i say i would do just about anything to turn back the hands of time.

 

[styphon]

I have gone through something similar. As a EMT-basic I don't have many duties, but as I held a man's hand as he died from a traumatic injury, it affected me greatly. Even now it makes me sad to think about and it caused me to lose sight of my future. But the pain has lessend after talking to many people (including a psychologist) and now this event strengthens my resolve to go into medicine. I find also talking in person with people who have expierenced similar events helps even more, since it feels like they are identifying with you.

 

[UCLApremed]

im sorry to hear that...sometimes life can be very harsh but we should always try to cope w/ it. you may not believe it if i list what i went through in the past 5 years in college while i was in school but here goes:
1. my sister was diagnosed w/ a mental disorder.
2. my father was hit by a truck and went through a long recover process
3. my oldest brother is missing, even up to now...
4. my beloved dog got ran over and died
5. my beloved pet hamster died of sickness
6. friendship w/ my best friend since 5th grade was over
7. my friend commit suicide and died the same night that i last kid around w/ him.
In light of all of these events, i still try to enjoy life and just think of the happy memories. I hope you will do the same...take care

 

[Ciardeme]

Styphon, i have been talking with my best friend and it has helped. She is the only one knows of the significance of my relationship to him. We tell "remember when" stories...which are usually followed by boughts of laughing and crying. I just can't seem to get passed the way he was murdered. I can't imagine how much he must have suffered. I have been reliving what his final moments must have been like....pure terror.

 

[Valeriya]

Not that I can make you believe it, but to many it is the only truth and and only explanation: we are put on this earth for a reason, and that is ....Love!!! 🙂
We have to go through growing process that sometimes (most of the time) enatails pain and suffering. If we succeed, we die and reincarnate to a higher being, if we fail, we are given more time to learn, but still die at the end and are born again to this earth to start fresh... Does that make any sense to those who lose their loved ones? 🙁 probably not at first, but when we grieve, we should grieve for ouselves left without a friend, not for the one who dies,because they will be better off. Just like others mentioned, the only place to turn in a loss is your friends and family, and their love!

 

[AA]

I'm very sorry for your lost. I'm going through some health problems myself, but I still believe God has a plan for me. I'm not trying to persuade you anything, but just to wish you well and to let you know that God loves you and me, and your friend very much. He will make a way. Take care. 🙂

 

[flyfish]

Keep talking here and to those around you that you trust. I too lost a close freind to a brutal multiple murder. At first I spent lots of time thinking about how she died. This soon began taking away my found memories of her life. I found the cure was sharing the good memories of her life with other friends. I hope to be able to soon share these fond memories with her daughter when she is old enough. Just remember that those who love you are your greatest asset in life. Stay well.

 

[Spidey]

Ciardeme,

I lost a close friend a year ago. She died in a car accident. It was the first time in my life someone I loved died, and it was very hard. Even now a year later it is hard to talk about it without my eyes watering. I think when it happens to a young person, unexpectedly, it is much harder to deal with.

I cried until I was too numb to feel anything anymore. It was all so surreal, like it couldn't be real, like I was walking in some kind of dream. I wish I could think of something to tell you that would make it easier, but I can't. Soo many people told me 'It will get better with time' until hearing that line just made me sick. In truth it got worse with time for a while. But eventually as the days passed it got easier, until now about a year later I am pretty much back to normal. I still remember my friend every night in my prayers.

I wish you well Ciardeme.

 

[I got in]

Hey Ciardeme and Oldman
Please accept my sincerest condolences. I wish you both best of luck and pray that you have the strength to cope with this grave situation.
Take Care.

 

[Ciardeme]

Valeriya, you are kidding right? Do you believe in the tooth fairy too? Easter Bunny? Santa? I am sorry, i guess i have moved into the anger stage. I don't mean to dismiss your believes, i wish i had a few right now to help pull me through this.
Dave, you have hit the nail on the head. I feel like i have been walking through a dream for the past week and a half. Surreal doesn't seem to cover it though. Things seem to be going at the speed of light, yet in slow motion. (sort of like i am watching a movie where i am an observer)
Did you find yourself looking for your friend? I find myself looking at strangers in crowds, people on the street, people in cars, anyone,... hoping this was just a big mistake. I just can't to come to grips that he is gone forever.
And you are right, if i have to hear that i need to move on one more time, i am going to really lose my mind. Did you feel like no one really understood what had happened, like they just brushed it off because "things like this happen everday".
I secretly hope that i am wrong about the "God" thing. i think, maybe i will get a sign that he is okay. You know those stories of being filled with a feeling of calm and serenity? STILL waiting for that feeling.