Temper Tantrum

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by Medschooldreamer, Jul 28, 2000.

  1. Medschooldreamer

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    I have a bad temper problem and I havn't yet learned to control it. For instance, I don't like taking any sh-t from anyone. My whole family is aggresive and I think that has something to do with it. If you met me you would never guess that I am like this, partly because I am good at showing a sweet face to the public. My problem has gotten worse ever since I met my boyfriend who is quite possesive of me. He is also a sexist which drives me crazy, otherwise he is perfect. I feel like the incredible hulk coming out of my skin everytime I get aggitated. For instance, today I was studying for my MCAT all day at the library and I decided to check-out some reading material. I didn't have my library card with me so I went to the check-outs and asked if I could use my driver's licence instead. The lady said it would be fine and as soon as I came back with my books another lady took me and said with a bitchy tone "you need to have your library card, make sure to bring your card next time". I turned to her and said " I think my driver's is enough, and it is my business if I want to bring my lib card or not". I think other women pick on my because I am attractive and look smart, this is also why I don't have any close girl-friends. So now my question, if I am not able to deal with my problem, how is this going to affect my career as a doctor? I have heard that senior docs can pick on you and treat you poorly, I am sure I would snap back at them. So should I forget medicine?
    Now another problem, I don't think I am very smart, I mean my grades are alright but I forget things quite fast and sometimes I can't remember names of familiar people. Is this another reason why I shouldn't pursue a career in medicine? What if I forget the name of a vital organ? Please don't send any negative remarks anyone, I already have low self esteem as it is.
     
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  3. Eleusia

    Eleusia Member

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    Medschooldreamer,

    You're right that if you want to be in medicine, you have to learn to control your temper. The woman at the library was correct, you need to bring the card. However, she shouldn't have been nasty for a 1 time lapse. Yes, senior docs will at the very least dump on you and treat you condescendingly, and if you mess up they may yell, whatever. No one likes it or thinks it's right, but it's the way it is for now. More than being afraid of your rxn to them however, how will you react to patients who are uncooperative, especially in a place like a psych ward? Doctors have been hit, kicked, had things thrown at them, and many of these people have no clue what they are doing. It isn't really intentional. You can't blow up. People who are in pain are often also nasty, understandably, and you'll need to keep your patience. I don't know if this will help you, but you might want to try and learn some type of breathing techniques or meditation to calm you down when you get angry and learn some control methods. Also, find something you can take the frustrations of the day out on, like a pillow or punching bag, or write in a journal, whatever happens to work. Also, keep your caffeine intake to a minimum, it will help calm your nerves. You've identified the problem, so you're halfway there. You can learn to control it, but it will take time. Also, start small. The next time the woman at the library is bitchy, smile nice and say you'll be sure to bring the card next time. Then say thank you and tell her to have a good day. (If she's really in a nasty mood, this is also an even more effective revenge than being bitchy back, but it must sound sincere and cheerful. I've used it for nasty customers, and it keeps me happy while sending them away grumbling.) Good Luck.

    Eleusia
     
  4. myrnafir

    myrnafir Member

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    Sometimes, you just have to let it go. Decide if you're going to let that harridan bother you- I would say, most of the time, either let it go and complain to the manager, or just smile and let her know that you don't care what she thinks. And in the end, you did get what you wanted right?

    Another thing, it kind of bothers me that you put a lot into what you look like. I think you should just start thinking about yourself in other terms than what you look like and how smart people think you are. How about the good things you have done? The not-so-good things? They all have a part to play in who we are- and although I am more than deathly ashamed of the not-so-good things I've done, I have been changed for the better by reflecting on all of my experiences. I know it sounds cheesy, but some people meditate, some people have wicked games of raquetball and some people go to church to reflect and release stress. Find what suits you and go with it. Don't let the bastards get you down.
     
  5. tristate

    tristate Senior Member

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    Hi Medschooldreamer,

    you sound exactly like me. Sometimes I react at the wrong time (like today in the movie theater but that's a story for another day). You just need to pick something else to release your frustrations besides people. Talking to yourself in a private room (not in public b/c people will think you're crazy), writing it down, telling a friend, or finding a close friend to confide in.

    As far as memory lapses, I have that same problem sometimes. But I found out that it only occurs during a moment of weakness within myself and not being confident in the answer. Say your answer with confidence even if it might be wrong. People learn from mistakes, and that's what patches weaknesses. Just let confidence shine through. It's not low self-esteeem; think of it as high self-esteem taking a nap. You have it, just let it shine.

    tristate

    ------------------
    And the blessings just keep coming!
     
  6. terryberry

    terryberry Junior Member

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    If you can't control this, it will definetly cause problems. I work in an emergency room, and believe me, people WILL piss you off on a daily basis. I used to be like this. My major problem was road rage. You have to realize that this kind of personality will only cause you a heart attack. There are plenty of ignorant people, and plenty of ungrateful people. And some are just a#$holes. You have to rise above. Don't reply in a way that puts you on their level.

    As for the memory problem, I get that too. I can't remember when it started. I haven't always been like that. I see doctors walking around scratching their heads all the time, saying "what was I doing?", or what was wrong with that patient again." So apparently it isn't too bad of a problem. I think it is more important to understand concepts than to memorize lists of things. You will be OK.
     
  7. Arti

    Arti Member

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    Medschooldreamer:

    Most doctors you meet, especcially residents, will be a bitch x 2. This is a profession where sometimes you have to put in inhuman hours, and if you can't let off some steam it will be hard for you to make it. It is probably the only profession where telling off your coworkers is probably the norm.

    However you should be concerned about how your low sel esteem and rage impacts you and your personal relatonships. One thing you may consider is seeing an unbiased therapist, this would help you resolve some of the issues you may have, since we all have issues.

    As far as medicine goes. Memorization is not that important since in medical school they will repeat information 20 times to hammer it into you. You need to be more of a thinkier not a memorizer. And your "rage" may even be helpfull in letting off some steam during the next 8 years.

    Arti

     
  8. Medschooldreamer

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    Thanks for your responses, I feel much more confident that I can tackle my problem now. I am already much cooler and calmer. I think it has a lot to do with my hormones as well, some days out of the month I can be really irritated and miserable - as many other women can relate.

    It's so good to be able to share my problems with so many intelligent, compassionate and unbiased people like yourselves. I wish the people around me were as understanding as all of you. I am sure you will all be excellent doctors.

    Cheers
     
  9. Dr. FS

    Dr. FS Member

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    If you learn how to maditate, you will be amazed of how torelable you can become. i am a black belt in two different martial art style(karate). when i get out of a fight or an argument i feel as if i won something, because i know that not everybody can keep so cool in a stressful situation.

    i used to work in a hospital and belive me, the people who will pist you off, those people will be the patients. you will have to take s&*% from them in a daly basic, so you should be ready (emotionaly) to deal with them.

    Again, the only solution for your problem(without medication!!) is attending into a martial art or yoga class. if you don't have the time or money. get a meditation book at the librery (don't forget your card....heheheheh, just kidding). and learn by you self. you will see instant results, and it will help you not only in controling your anger, but it will sharp your brain also. in short with meditation, you can program your brain to be as best as it can be, gurrantee!!!!!


    PS.- keep cool [​IMG]

    Dr. FS
     
  10. Paul's Boutique

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    I don't agree with this statement. There are many ways to learn to control excessive agression: counseling is one, meditation another, etc.
     
  11. Dr. FS

    Dr. FS Member

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    Yes, you are right Paul.., it is a fact that there is more than one way to solve anything in life.

    I was trying to say that yoga or meditation was the ONLY thing that helped me to control mine (my anger).

    Thanks for noticing!! [​IMG]

    Dr. FS

     
  12. emidesu

    emidesu Senior Member

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    Medschooldreamer,

    I've been there...I've learned to control it, though. I'm a pre-med like you, so I'm certainly not pretending to diagnose, but have you considered the possibility that you have ADD? Sometimes it looks different in women and your comment about memory makes me wonder...dealing with something like this can make your life a lot easier and help you with your academics. I did karate and loved it, but I wondered sometimes if it just built faster neural connections that intensified my reactions. Reframing things and gaining perspective really helped me. Think about what you have to lose; it's *so* not worth it. I read Theodore Isaac Rubin's *Compassion and Self-Hate*; although the book is somewhat dated, it's great for the perspective thing. Maybe someone was mean to the library lady and you were the first person she saw after that incident. Maybe nobody cuts her any slack in *her* life. Also, I've been thinking of patience as a form of persistence, which it is if misbehavior gets in the way of your goals. I don't know about for you, but in my case the anger was pretty situational; I've worked with very belligerent patients and never had a problem.
     
  13. I can't believe that all the would-be doctors here haven't suggested that you actually go see a doctor!

    Most schools have counseling psychologists that will help you learn to deal with your angry outbursts. You will have to learn to resolve this problem if you expect to function as a respected professional.

    The facts are simple. It sounds like you recognize them already. In any job or field, you will be frequently accosted by a#$holes. Your ability to deal with their varied personalities in tense situations to achieve a positive outcome is essential to your professional success.

    If you can't do this, your temper will get in the way of your performance. YOU WILL BE INEFFECTIVE AS A DOCTOR or in any other professional activity unless you change.

    Go see a school counselor and get started on a path to becoming a more understanding person so that you can help others instead of ripping their heads off.

    Otherwise, consider pathology so that you never come into contact with patients who are having a bad day. And there will be many of them. If they weren't having a bad day, they most likely would not be seeing a doctor!

    Please, get some help. It's easy to do and you will feel so much better about yourself and others.

    Best wishes for a speedy recovery,

    tc

     
  14. emidesu

    emidesu Senior Member

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    Actually, I *was* suggesting a visit to the doctor. I guess I was too subtle. Not necessarily a school counselor, but maybe a psychiatrist since they have more training in terms of recognizing the patterns of problems and neuropsychiatric issues. Biology can mean a lot!
     
  15. Medschooldreamer

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    OK everyone...I think I get the point. Thanks for all your responses.

    Tcutler, I am a junior health care administrator and I am a counselor at a women's clinic where I am in contact with patients on a regular basis. I have never had a problem with anyone and nor do I plan to. Unfortunately, your diagnosis and recommendation that I choose a profession where I am isolated does not apply to me. Just a little advise for you, when you are a physician and someone comes to you upset about a problem, chances are that they are exaggerating the problem and it isn't as bad as it sounds. Don't automatically label or categorize that person, especially when you don't know them well. Also, being a good listener is always important including bringing out someone's positive traits and potentials is most beneficial. I'm sorry but I didn't find your post had any positive impact on me.
    I think part of being a good physician entails being non-judgemental at all times and understanding that patients/people are very different as a result of their cultural/social interactions and their value systems. Sometimes it is hard to be this way if you have never had it tough in your life. You will view yourself as "normal" and others as deviations who should CHANGE to be more "normal".

    Even if I see 100 psyco-therapists I will still not allow anyone to step all over me or deny me my rights. This response is a result of my value systems and will not change. However, learning to get my point across in a more amicable way is necessary as with the librarian situation.

    Cheers.




     

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