The "college experience" thought messing with my head and now my grades.....

[SN12357]

Join a club, stop assuming women are all the same, and knuckle down on your studies. There are plenty of women who are open to casual sex-style relationships in medical school and beyond. Practice at finding decent humans to bone instead of frittering your time away chasing ephemeral stereotypes.

Agree strongly but I would add in addition to finding decent humans to also work on being one, because right now the OP just sounds like a sad stereotype himself. And at the moment clearly doesn't have the insight or stones to change that.

And again: college really, really shouldn't be the highlight of your life. Talk about the mark of a life without achievement (personal or professional).

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[IncognitoGuy]

Yes you were. My past college (private university) did not have a big Greek Scene at all and I had the time of my life there. So many good looking girls too who were not in sororities and cared more about how you looked, how you presented yourself, and how fun you were to be around rather than what fraternity you were in.

The whole frustrating thing about it all that has been bugging me is when I hear all the time about "College is it!" or "it never gets better than college!" or "these will be the best years of your life" and guess what, I am one depressed dude.

I wish I had taken out loans to be at my previous university but instead I went the cheaper route and ended up at my current school where I am just so depressed. Sucks being the new kid in college.

If you think up to ~age 22 is the best of your life, you've got a loooooooooong and depressing road ahead of you.

 

[masaraksh]

Agree strongly but I would add in addition to finding decent humans to also work on being one, because right now the OP just sounds like a sad stereotype himself. And at the moment clearly doesn't have the insight or stones to change that.

And again: college really, really shouldn't be the highlight of your life. Talk about the mark of a life without achievement (personal or professional).

I would find being able to 'keg stand' thing and drink and entire keg upside down a personal achievement.

 

[ClrkKnt]

If you think up to ~age 22 is the best of your life, you've got a loooooooooong and depressing road ahead of you.

I don't think, I have been told REPEATEDLY that it is.

 

[IncognitoGuy]

I don't think, I have been told REPEATEDLY that it is.

Do you think it is? Or are you just hanging out with the wrong people?

Which brings up another point.. take everything with a grain of salt.

 

[BlueLabel]

not really

most girls in college prefer to be with guys they are familiar with

the sorority girls at my college (and most of the hot girls are in sororities) usually only get with guys they are familiar with, sometimes it is athletes or guys they have tons of classes with but most of the times it is frat guys.

How do you know what they want, didn't you just say you don't know how to get with them?

True. Ever since I went from a private college to a state university, my life in the romance department has gone down the toilet. At my previous university I didn't party much but people said I had the looks (6"2 and muscular) and social skills to attract girls (those people who said that were my friends). Now at my college with such a huge greek culture, I do understand the first part and I have done plenty of the second party (gone out and party) but a lot of these girls are status obsessed with who is in what frat or playing what sport.

I may have the looks and lack the shyness but I don't have the social proof needed in college.

Ya brah no social proof, them's the breaks of being a GDI. Just kidding, what is "social proof"? Is that a bar? Sounds like a bar. You should go there and meet some girls.

Out yourself to confirm your wild claims of sex appeal, there are plenty of ladies in this thread who I'm sure would be happy to evaluate. Who knows, you might even snag yourself one of our distinguished SDN babes!

 

[BlueLabel]

.

 

[SunsFun]

My prediction:

In 10 years OP starts a thread in Spouses and Partners about how EVERYONE was telling him how being a doctors will help him get the girls and he is still missing out. He will most likely blame it on all the girls being attracted to the doctors with more prestigious specialties.

 

[DrCharlemagne]

My prediction:

In 10 years OP starts a thread in Spouses and Partners about how EVERYONE was telling him how being a doctors will help him get the girls and he is still missing out. He will most likely blame it on all the girls being attracted to the doctors with more prestigious specialties.

We have a ruralsurg in the making!

 

[DrCharlemagne]

I don't think, I have been told REPEATEDLY that it is.

I heard that line about high school, about college, about post-college, etc. Why not focus on balancing fun with work so you can have a great life for all 80+ years of it? Who cares what insight an intoxicated, 20 year old frat bro has about life?

 

[solitarius]

True, but the fraternities at my college that are well known and ones actually throwing parties (aka the ones that all the girls flock to) are not too welcoming of upperclassmen. I made friends with a guy who is in a major fraternity and he said they exclusively look for freshman and at worst sophomores because they know those students will have time to dedicate to being in a frat and will be around longer (more semesters) to give money to the fraternity.

And the general theme here is everybody wants something, and everyone (including girls, med school admissions committees, fraternities) has a price.

I think you should drop out and spend all of your time trying to get some action. When you realize you've had enough and are ready to focus on your life, return to school. That would also spare us from seeing you go down in flames senior year academically.

 

[Goro]

Ace every semester from now on to show this was a one-time aberration. Do well on the MCAT as well.


Is there really any fix to this that I can seek?[/quote]

 

[ClrkKnt]

Social Proof = others acknowledging that you are the ****. Other girls saying you are awesome. Other guys saying you are a cool dude. That is social proof.

In college, where everyone is packed into one town and there is a major pecking order, it is everything if you want to have any luck with the ladies, especially at a school where Greek Life is huge.

 

[ClrkKnt]

I heard that line about high school, about college, about post-college, etc. Why not focus on balancing fun with work so you can have a great life for all 80+ years of it? Who cares what insight an intoxicated, 20 year old frat bro has about life?

I heard that line about high school and college.

Post college I hear nothing but horror stories.

Everywhere I turn it is the same bull**** that college is the best years of your life making me feel bad for all those years I studied and cared for my grades. Every ****ing place it is what I hear, college is the best years of your life man, nothing will get easier than it is in college man. And as much as I want to deny it on the surface deep down I feel like I am missing out, like college is some magic wonderland.

 

[DrCharlemagne]

I heard that line about high school and college.

Post college I hear nothing but horror stories.

Everywhere I turn it is the same bullcrap that college is the best years of your life making me feel bad for all those years I studied and cared for my grades. Every ******* place it is what I hear, college is the best years of your life man, nothing will get easier than it is in college man. And as much as I want to deny it on the surface deep down I feel like I am missing out, like college is some magic wonderland.

Start hanging out with people who have a reason to look forward to their futures; it's really hard to see room for improvement when your current educational prospects are circling the drain.

 

[DrCharlemagne]

Social Proof = others acknowledging that you are the ****. Other girls saying you are awesome. Other guys saying you are a cool dude. That is social proof.

In college, where everyone is packed into one town and there is a major pecking order, it is everything if you want to have any luck with the ladies, especially at a school where Greek Life is huge.

And it's a pointless measure outside of university. Seriously, do you want to be a doctor? Do you even enjoy learning? If so, then, why do the proclivities of others have any bearing on yours?

 

[touchpause13]

Saying high school is the best years of your life is pathetic. Ijs

 

[ClrkKnt]

Start hanging out with people who have a reason to look forward to their futures; it's really hard to see room for improvement when your current educational prospects are circling the drain.

Where do I find these people?

And it isn't just the real world, it is the internet.

For me right now, happyness is going to come by making up for lost years. The years I was an academically focused guy and had no time to party or do any of that. But I feel like my clock is ticking for that because it never comes after college and everyone keeps telling me this.

Can I just post a separate thread where I take my life experience out of everything and just ask everyone on here about the "college experience" and whether it is true or hyped up?

 

[solitarius]

You know what's really oxymoronic? Posting your troubles about social proof, partying, and women on a pre-med forum.

99% of the people here are going to give you "grown-up" advice.

That you got a D means you aren't take us seriously, if at all.

 

[SunsFun]

Social Proof = others acknowledging that you are the ****. Other girls saying you are awesome. Other guys saying you are a cool dude. That is social proof.

In college, where everyone is packed into one town and there is a major pecking order, it is everything if you want to have any luck with the ladies, especially at a school where Greek Life is huge.

That sounds like street credit in prison. Maybe you should find the most alpha dude in your school and beat him up just to assert your dominance?

 

[SN12357]

Where do I find these people?

And it isn't just the real world, it is the internet.

For me right now, happyness is going to come by making up for lost years. The years I was an academically focused guy and had no time to party or do any of that. But I feel like my clock is ticking for that because it never comes after college and everyone keeps telling me this.

Can I just post a separate thread where I take my life experience out of everything and just ask everyone on here about the "college experience" and whether it is true or hyped up?

You're going to get the same answers. Multiple people have told you multiple times that college should be fun but not the high point of you life. Are you imagining that we are all bitter college nerds? Hell no. I've been out of college for several years. Life keeps getting better in the ways that count (I'll grant that making sure bills get paid on time is not the exactly fun). But socially, intellectually, professionally--everything has gotten better and better.

Don't know what you're looking for, really. If you want people to sign off on an endless party in college, you aren't going to find that here. You also aren't going to find people very impressed with your juvenile and rather sad focus on getting laid.

If you don't want to be a doctor because it means giving up partying all the time and screwing up your classes, fine. But own that choice, at least.

 

[DrCharlemagne]

Where do I find these people?

And it isn't just the real world, it is the internet.

For me right now, happyness is going to come by making up for lost years. The years I was an academically focused guy and had no time to party or do any of that. But I feel like my clock is ticking for that because it never comes after college and everyone keeps telling me this.

Can I just post a separate thread where I take my life experience out of everything and just ask everyone on here about the "college experience" and whether it is true or hyped up?

You find them at your school, in the libraries, studying. They party when their work is done, not before. The people you talk to are wrong, you've been told this in this forum several times. In my humble opinion, the "college experience" is overhyped. I found time to drink/get laid around the times I was working for school because I love learning. If studying is not your thing/just a chore you may want to consider a different career path.

But sure, chase that ridiculous dragon. It will totally pay off in the long run when you have a middling degree and no career prospects. Then college will have been your best years.

 

[histidine]

But sure, chase that ridiculous dragon. It will totally pay off in the long run when you have a middling degree and no career prospects. Then college will have been your best years.

I was just going to post that! A self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

[BlueLabel]

.

 

[ClrkKnt]

You find them at your school, in the libraries, studying. They party when their work is done, not before. The people you talk to are wrong, you've been told this in this forum several times. In my humble opinion, the "college experience" is overhyped. I found time to drink/get laid around the times I was working for school because I love learning. If studying is not your thing/just a chore you may want to consider a different career path.

But sure, chase that ridiculous dragon. It will totally pay off in the long run when you have a middling degree and no career prospects. Then college will have been your best years.

Could that be why?

So many people who are broadcast and journalism and english majors cannot find a job after college so they somehow get involved with blogging and other things to spread the message that college is everything and the parties and all that will never come after college. That way others who are science and engineering majors and are trying to build a future can throw away their college career and be as miserable as they are after college rather than having a career. Could that be the case?

 

[DrCharlemagne]

Easy there brah... that was me like 3-4 years ago. Don't forget we listen to a lot of Phish and wear newbies and high crown visors

Forgive me brah, but I would not invest much stock in your deep musings when boozed up.

The best piece of advice I can possibly give when it comes to girls is, stop worrying so much about it. The more you try, the more you plan things out and think about it, the more awkward you'll be and the more each failure will sting. Now I'm not saying act like a jerk to girls or anything but just don't make meeting women the purpose of your night. When I go out, I just focus on having a good time with my friends and let whatever happens, happen. Just go with the flow. Trust me, I'm sure the ladies will certify that a fun guy having a great time is a lot more attractive than some nerd stumbling through a lame pick-up line or mapping out his approach route between the bathroom and the bar (or for that matter sulking in the corner because he doesn't have letters). Just my two cents.

This x 1000.

 

[touchpause13]

Easy there brah... that was me like 3-4 years ago. Don't forget we listen to a lot of Phish and wear newbies and high crown visors


Oh okay so basically it's something you will never have as long as you use phrases like "social proof". Got it

Seriously though man it's totally obvious that you're using the fact that you didn't rush as a crutch here. Obviously I think Greek life is a pretty great time but there are plenty of other ways to have fun, meet girls, and enjoy your life in college. I had plenty of buddies in college that weren't Greek but didn't waste their time obsessing about it and they probably had almost as much fun as I did in school. Stop over-thinking this stuff.

The best piece of advice I can possibly give when it comes to girls is, stop worrying so much about it. The more you try, the more you plan things out and think about it, the more awkward you'll be and the more each failure will sting. Now I'm not saying act like a jerk to girls or anything but just don't make meeting women the purpose of your night. When I go out, I just focus on having a good time with my friends and let whatever happens, happen. Just go with the flow. Trust me, I'm sure the ladies will certify that a fun guy having a great time is a lot more attractive than some nerd stumbling through a lame pick-up line or mapping out his approach route between the bathroom and the bar (or for that matter sulking in the corner because he doesn't have letters). Just my two cents.

I have a feeling we would have been friends in college lol

 

[DrCharlemagne]

Could that be why?

So many people who are broadcast and journalism and english majors cannot find a job after college so they somehow get involved with blogging and other things to spread the message that college is everything and the parties and all that will never come after college. That way others who are science and engineering majors and are trying to build a future can throw away their college career and be as miserable as they are after college rather than having a career. Could that be the case?

Possibly, though the malice you seem to be implying on the part of the journalism-bloggers seems misplaced. That, or again, you're reading the wrong blogs/affiliating with the wrong people.

 

[cs24]

I heard that line about high school and college.

Post college I hear nothing but horror stories.

Everywhere I turn it is the same bullcrap that college is the best years of your life making me feel bad for all those years I studied and cared for my grades. Every ******* place it is what I hear, college is the best years of your life man, nothing will get easier than it is in college man. And as much as I want to deny it on the surface deep down I feel like I am missing out, like college is some magic wonderland.

Look around you. Is college some magic wonderland? If you were one of those frat guys getting laid every weekend with "super hot" sorority girls, would that make you feel happy and fulfilled? If this is truly your main focus in life, you sound more like an upperclassman in high school than an upperclassman in college.

It sounds like you never really grew up when you went to college. Do you think for yourself and have your own set of values that you follow or do you just believe whatever other people tell you about how your life should be? If you want to be a physician, you may actually have to study more and do more extracurricular activities than a frat boy with a Communication major who is going to work at Kinko's after college. Is this sacrifice to become a doctor worth losing out on a little bit of what you think the college experience should be (frequent partying and casual sex?) Only you can make that decision for yourself, not me and certainly not your frat friends.

Finally you keep acting like external factors are preventing you from getting girls. Based on many of your responses to this thread, I am guessing the problem is with you, not the school transfer or the Greek life. Make yourself somebody a girl would want to be with instead of whining about not getting laid on an internet forum.

Finally here's a post college story for comparison. I am out of college and like medical school at least as much, if not more, than I liked college. No horror story here. I am sure many other medical students agree.

 

[ClrkKnt]

Seriously though man it's totally obvious that you're using the fact that you didn't rush as a crutch here. Obviously I think Greek life is a pretty great time but there are plenty of other ways to have fun, meet girls, and enjoy your life in college. I had plenty of buddies in college that weren't Greek but didn't waste their time obsessing about it and they probably had almost as much fun as I did in school. Stop over-thinking this stuff.

The best piece of advice I can possibly give when it comes to girls is, stop worrying so much about it. The more you try, the more you plan things out and think about it, the more awkward you'll be and the more each failure will sting. Now I'm not saying act like a jerk to girls or anything but just don't make meeting women the purpose of your night. When I go out, I just focus on having a good time with my friends and let whatever happens, happen. Just go with the flow. Trust me, I'm sure the ladies will certify that a fun guy having a great time is a lot more attractive than some nerd stumbling through a lame pick-up line or mapping out his approach route between the bathroom and the bar (or for that matter sulking in the corner because he doesn't have letters). Just my two cents.

Who says I use pickup lines? I was just so used to having somewhat of a good social life and good dating life at my previous university without having to go out to bars that I never had to worry about it. Then transferring I get thrown into a university where Greek Life is huge and most of the hot girls I run across are in sororities and as a result I am where I am now. To some extent I have tried to go out and have fun. I have made some friends and got called to house parties but I find majority of them to be hype. The ones I have been called to are loaded with sorority girls that won't even talk to you if you aren't in a given fraternity.

TBH I really miss the private university I used to go to and since money came up short I had to switch to a public university.

Here I am an upperclassman out of place. So many of these kids met each other their freshman year and got the partying out of their system them but I am still missing that.

I tend to speculate a lot and I hear about ALL these guys having the time of their lives in college and here I am wondering why is that guy not me. Why can I not be the guy at the parties who is the life of the party and doing well with girls in college, a place people make out to be some kind of a paradise.

I just feel that deep urge and desire to make up for lost time in my teens and a part of me has thought about dropping out of college but my parents won't have any of it, they have a huge role in my life and they are paying for it.

One part of me feels like a piece of **** for messing up this semester but another part of me says that I will NEVER get this kind of an opportunity again in the real world no matter where I go or what I do, even if I end up being a millionaire rockstar I won't get to live the life of a frat guy in a well respected fraternity on campus.

 

[ClrkKnt]

I think it depends on what makes us happy then. You guys are happy to have made it to med school and found some success post-college. My story is a little bit different. I have the grades but right now what will make me happy is living the American Pie experience and just living the kind of life a wild frat boy lives in college.

If it was in some ways possible to live that life post college, it would relieve so much of my stress and worry but so far it doesn't seem like it is. Everyone seems to focus on long term relationships and things like drinking, partying, and one night stands are much less frequent and very hard to run into.

And most of them (fraternity guys) do not end up broke, they end up finding a job, somehow and someway. Mostly due to family connections.

 

[BlueLabel]

.

 

[Reckoner]

Who says I use pickup lines? I was just so used to having somewhat of a good social life and good dating life at my previous university without having to go out to bars that I never had to worry about it. Then transferring I get thrown into a university where Greek Life is huge and most of the hot girls I run across are in sororities and as a result I am where I am now. To some extent I have tried to go out and have fun. I have made some friends and got called to house parties but I find majority of them to be hype. The ones I have been called to are loaded with sorority girls that won't even talk to you if you aren't in a given fraternity.

TBH I really miss the private university I used to go to and since money came up short I had to switch to a public university.

Here I am an upperclassman out of place. So many of these kids met each other their freshman year and got the partying out of their system them but I am still missing that.

I tend to speculate a lot and I hear about ALL these guys having the time of their lives in college and here I am wondering why is that guy not me. Why can I not be the guy at the parties who is the life of the party and doing well with girls in college, a place people make out to be some kind of a paradise.

I just feel that deep urge and desire to make up for lost time in my teens and a part of me has thought about dropping out of college but my parents won't have any of it, they have a huge role in my life and they are paying for it.

One part of me feels like a piece of **** for messing up this semester but another part of me says that I will NEVER get this kind of an opportunity again in the real world no matter where I go or what I do, even if I end up being a millionaire rockstar I won't get to live the life of a frat guy in a well respected fraternity on campus.

For the love of God don't drop out because the party scene isn't to your liking. As others have said, there MUST be other girls at your school who aren't in sororities. Even if you're at a place like TCU half of the girls are going to be non-Greek.

You also seem pretty desperate. I know girls are attracted to a wide range of things, but I've yet to meet one who goes after desperate guys. Relax. As an aside, have you used Tinder? You seem like their target clientele

 

[DrCharlemagne]

I think it depends on what makes us happy then. You guys are happy to have made it to med school and found some success post-college. My story is a little bit different. I have the grades but right now what will make me happy is living the American Pie experience and just living the kind of life a wild frat boy lives in college.

If it was in some ways possible to live that life post college, it would relieve so much of my stress and worry but so far it doesn't seem like it is. Everyone seems to focus on long term relationships and things like drinking, partying, and one night stands are much less frequent and very hard to run into.

And most of them (fraternity guys) do not end up broke, they end up finding a job, somehow and someway. Mostly due to family connections.

You can have fun, attend wild parties and have loads of casual sex after you graduate (I had fun and got laid, I'm not a fan of parties). You won't have another chance to get an education with someone else footing the bill.

 

[ClrkKnt]

Damn skippy, but I wouldn't worry about it. You don't sound like you would have gotten a bid anyway.

at least not in your fraternity, fortunately.

 

[Zelda840]

As someone who struggles to pay for each and every class/fee/etc, your attitude is extremely off-putting and immature. Waaaahhhh.....mommy and daddy pay for my schooling so I have to pretend to care about it even though I only care about finding hot girls to have casual sex with. Grow up. You seriously thought college would be like a girls gone wild video?

 

[solitarius]

You can have fun, attend wild parties and have loads of casual sex after you graduate (I had fun and got laid, I'm not a fan of parties). You won't have another chance to get an education with someone else footing the bill.

Why did you have to say that? Now, his post-college expectations are going to be very high.

 

[DrCharlemagne]

Why did you have to say that? Now, his post-college expectations are going to be very high.

Because it's true? Particularly of medical schools? Seriously, those kids are wild...

 

[ClrkKnt]

You can have fun, attend wild parties and have loads of casual sex after you graduate (I had fun and got laid, I'm not a fan of parties). You won't have another chance to get an education with someone else footing the bill.

They are footing a part of the bill, I also have to work hence taking away from some of my college experience. You have been the most helpful to me on this thread and your name is pretty good on here too.

I guess for some god forsaken reason I was not meant to enjoy the college experience as a frat boy would have. It just irritates me to read everywhere that college is the only time for girls and partying, guess that means after the age of 22 or so everyone stays in their office and gets married here in the USA. And it is great to see you be an exception, hopefully people like you start making blog posts rather than some idiots who keep saying college is the last time to enjoy life.

This thread has just been a barrage of insults towards me for my situation and it doesn't seem like I can expect others to understand. For some reason growing up sheltered kinda made me hungry for making up for those lost years. But this is a pre-med forum and not a party and dating forum. I am done with this for now.

Just like I found a way to get a 3.7 GPA (before it went down this semester), I am going to find a way to somehow make my social life better at my new university.

 

[mcloaf]

Social Proof = others acknowledging that you are the ****.

Give up now.

 

[ClrkKnt]

As someone who struggles to pay for each and every class/fee/etc, your attitude is extremely off-putting and immature. Waaaahhhh.....mommy and daddy pay for my schooling so I have to pretend to care about it even though I only care about finding hot girls to have casual sex with. Grow up. You seriously thought college would be like a girls gone wild video?

I actually didn't, but 20+ people in real life and many others online told me it would be sooooooo.....

I miss the days when people would think going to college was about getting an education and not partying and getting laid. I always thought

1. go to college
2. get good grades
3. get that degree
4. get that nice job
5. move to a good location
6. find time to occasionally party and live it up

but apparently I was the one that was wrong

 

[vagitarian001]

You're my boy Blue!

 

[ClrkKnt]

You're my boy Blue!

your name

 

[solitarius]

I miss the days when people would think going to college was about getting an education and not partying and getting laid. I always thought

but apparently I was the one that was wrong

As I told you a long time ago, it just really depends on your school. There is no one universal college experience.

If you go a rigorous school in the Northeast, people will be studying hard and doing career-enhancing activities 24/7.
If you go to my most recent school, everyone is looking to get married and start a family ASAP.
If you go to Arizona State, you party.

Feel lucky you didn't have to go my most recent school.

 

[dechristine]

I feel like you're more unhappy with the fact that you had to move universities than you are about your grades or that it's harder to get with girls. Have you made close friendships after your transfer? I agree with the advice about joining a club or two that you're interested in to get more involved on campus. Also, you don't need to be a frat boy to enjoy college. Some of the guys who seem to have the most fun are those who find a group of friends who are interested in the same hobbies or have the same goals — they may not be the most popular guys in the frat boy/sports star sense but they're a lot of fun to be around and they're happy. A lot of guys I know who are in fraternities and are engineers are stepping away from the "party scene" and focusing more on their studies because they're putting a priority on their classes now. Finally, you say that you don't think anyone on this thread understands you, but I think a lot of people on this thread are giving you advice because they've been there and gotten over it.

 

[BlueLabel]

.

 

[vagitarian001]

your name

I was meant to give you advice lol.

 

[solitarius]

brunch? That's almost as bad as a coffee date. Worse, if you have to pay for it.

 

[BlueLabel]

brunch? That's almost as bad as a coffee date. Worse, if you have to pay for it.

No dummy you don't buy it for them you just talk to them about it. Girls love talking about brunch.

Oh wait I just realized I forgot to put my brunch post in sarcastic font

 

[touchpause13]

brunch? That's almost as bad as a coffee date. Worse, if you have to pay for it.

How dare you talk **** about brunch? Da hell is your problem? I thought all people loved brunch