The Importance of Being Honest

[longhorn]

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The Importance of Being Honest with ones self. Here is the deal: I am an entering senior and have had a gf for 1 1/2 years now. She has told me she wants to marry me , but I am unsure. THis situation is complicated for most people, BUT I have to throw medical school in the picture. I kind of want to leave Texas for med school but am unsure. She is a business major and in this economy she doesn't have a huge choice of where to work after shool. I don't like the long distance thing(Lets say i like the physical contact) and she has told me she feels uncomfortable moving her self around the country for a guy who hasn't even proposed. THis is understandable. But what if, say 8 months from now I still can't decide the rest of my life? SO much is going to be set in stone during that time already. Maybe I am being immature , I don't know, prolly so.

My questions is, Anyone out here been in my shoes or going to be? What did you guys do??? I really really like this girl, maybe even love and I would feel horrible losing her. I have also spent my life preparing for medical school and wherever I fit in I am going to go. Thanks for any help.

 

[Diogenes]

Can't say that I've been in that situation, but here's something to ponder:

Don't get engaged unless you are SURE, or as sure as you can be, that you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her. I'm guessing that getting a divorce is something you would like to avoid experiencing. So just be SURE before you propose.

 

[Spiderman [RNA Ladder 2003]]

Man, I am in sumular situation. Basically, we have been going out for about a year but nothing that serious. When I told her that I will be applying mostly to out-of-state schools we became just "friends" after that. She already graduated from college and looking for a job right now. I understand that she does not want to leave the state where she grew up in and where her parents are . ...
Anyway, when we are just friends now, I do not have to go to church with her every Sunday and I was already tired of all that brainwashing. I felt that Chritianity was no different with Islam in that sense.

 

[vixen]

I wouldn't get married for the sake of staying together...engaged is another thing because it depends how long you're engaged....and why don't you try a long distance relationship? at least give it a shot...if you really love her....its working for me so far..we both can focus on our stuff and do our own thing....now I can't imagine seeing him everyday...jk anyways, you could just go w/the flow and see what happens...I wouldn't propose if you're not sure....IMHO, I wouldn't break up w/her if the only reason was being apart....

 

[racergirl]

I can tell you care for your GF, but you're NOT ready to make a life-long commitment to her. That's OK!!! Your GF wants a proposal before she moves across the country for you. That's OK too. Unfortunately, she wants a commitment you can't give her right now. Tell her the truth. You care for her, maybe even love her, and would feel "horrible" losing her, BUT...

I think you show maturity by being honest with yourself about your feelings. Now be honest with your GF. Probably you guys need to break up, but maybe you can visit each other, and see what happens...? You never know...if you can stay friends, maybe you can get together later (but probably not).

 

[vixen]

p.s.

if you do the long distance thing, get a good phone plan, get a pc cam (they're cheap)....and make sure to make some trips to see each other And don't forget the little things like writing to each other every once in awhile

 

[Diogenes]

Originally posted by Spiderman [RNA Ladder 2003]
I was already tired of all that brainwashing. I felt that Chritianity was no different with Islam in that sense.

I'm not going to proselytize here, but don't judge Christianity by one of its sects. There are plenty of variations. Also, you should believe what you want to believe, and not feel obliged to subscibe to every piddly little point.

 

[vixen]

Ok, stop w/the every thread turning into something religious!!!

 

[Diogenes]

Originally posted by vixen
Ok, stop w/the every thread turning into something religious!!!

I'm not the one that does that. I just respond when I see it!

 

[vixen]

I didn't say YOU were silly!

 

[Spiderman [RNA Ladder 2003]]

Originally posted by Diogenes


I'm not going to proselytize here, but don't judge Christianity by one of its sects. There are plenty of variations. Also, you should believe what you want to believe, and not feel obliged to subscibe to every piddly little point.

Ok, I put it in a different way. I felt like being brainwashed at 5 different churches that I attended. I guess I am still Christian but in a different way... in a way like Emily Dickenson (sorry for the spelling if I made a mistake there) just praying in her graden instead of going to see a priest.

 

[smilez428]

hey, just wanted to say I'll be in a similar (although somewhat different) situation come fall 2003. i've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years (november!) We've talked about my whole going to medical school thing, and he is totally behind me 100%. He's taking a year off before grad school, but if I end up going out of state, he'll find a school near me. I hope to stay instate though.

My advice to you- have the nice long talk w/ your gf. I'll be the first to admit that girls are notorious for this marriage stuff. She may just want to hear that you are at least thinking about it. (That's what I wanted to hear anyway.) I don't think you should break up before trying the ld relationship thing. It could work out really well. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but you won't be kicking yourself later with the "what ifs"

Sorry for the long post- but I hope this helps you!

Good Luck!

~smilez

 

[Pickle Salt]

Good advice from Pickle Salt's mom (i think this stuff applies more to the gals than the gents):

"You gotta look at life like this: One day let's say you're married and have two children. Then your husband dies in a car accident suddenly. Are you going to be able to support and raise your kids?"
I know, a bit strange....but really good advice, in my opinion. I've always tried to look at my life ten years from now and figure things out in the present to make my future really comfortable. This way of thinking might not be for everyone, but i think it's worked well for me. My ex-bf and i dated for two years, but when he got into vet school in College Station (my residence as of undergrad but sure as hell not graduate school), i knew things needed to end. I couldn't see myself in the same places he saw himself in the future (geographically and otherwise). He talked alot about marriage and I defenitely wasn't ready for the committment. I almost felt like he wanted to marry me so that iI couldn't move far away, you know? Please, longhorn, take some time with this girl. If you have ANY doubts - and i mean, any - reevaluate the situation. You've got all the time in the world to figure things out and if you two were really meant for each other, I think things will fall into place. Don't rush into anything (including medical school decisions) until you've really thought about life with and withOUT this girl. Oh and even better advice from Pickle Salt's mom:

"Oh hell, don't get married until you can't find anything else to do."

Yeah and this post was way too long. Hope it helps.

 

[dr kevin40]

DON"T DO IT

u shouldn't get married so early...

 

[calbears84]

to me, the importance of being honest is very important.

similar situation happened to me couple years ago. I go to berkeley (CA) and she goes to MIT (MA). one night, she asked me "can you promise that you will stay true to me after I leave?". after 5 minutes of thinking, i said, "i can't promise you that." i knew i was being a jerk by saying that. but seriously, i loved her, and I loved her so much that i did not want to lie to her by making any empty promises

we broke up the next day. it took me over a year to get over her and i haven't seen nor talked to her for over 3 years.

some people think that when you love someone...it's best to tell the one you love "beautiful lies." but for me, i think it is better to hurt the person you love by telling the truth now than to hurt her in the future.

 

[longhorn]

It seems like there are people out there with lots of opinions, which is good. I guess I will worry about this when the time comes. Thanks for you help

 

[dtreese]

The time has come, the walrus said. It's a good thing to have serious talks about the future of your relationship periodically. See if she really wants to know about marriage or is turning the screws. Ask yourself how you feel about marriage and let her know what page you're on. If there's heartbreak ahead, best to get it over with. If there's joy ahead, best not to obscure it with doubt. I wish you the latter, in whatever form.

 

[Bikini Princess]

This thread would be good for the relationships forum, no?

 

[relatively prime]

Originally posted by Spiderman [RNA Ladder 2003]


Ok, I put it in a different way. I felt like being brainwashed at 5 different churches that I attended. I guess I am still Christian but in a different way... in a way like Emily Dickenson (sorry for the spelling if I made a mistake there) just praying in her graden instead of going to see a priest.

We're all so brainwashed by everything else, be it political correctness to global politics... you might as well throw religion into the mix... at least you'll have the comfort of believing in heaven and that there's some point to our lives.


Anyway... to the OP. Just a thought... this is probably the last girl you'll meet that you can be relatively sure she'd love you even if you weren't a doctor. I'm guessing she was with you before you even took the MCAT. That might be something you want to value... but I don't know.